Watchmen was a quality movie bro. But I def agree with you that sucker punch was hot trash.
sorry tical, your movie sucks. Early Batman V Superman Reviews Are Largely Negative
- Thread starter BigDaddyBuk
- Start date
Watchmen was a quality movie bro. But I def agree with you that sucker punch was hot trash.
Every Transformers movie has terrible, terrible reviews (and are actually terrible) and them shits all make tons of money.
I didn't care for MOS much. Didn't like how Superman was portrayed. I hope BvS is a critical and financial success. Even if it's a critical failure, it will make money hand over fist, just off the names alone.
Hope DC can get its cinematic universe off the ground, as I preferred DC to Marvel as a kid. DC just dragged their feet for too long getting their films in order. They honestly should be where Marvel is right now in regards to their movies.
Hope DC can get its cinematic universe off the ground, as I preferred DC to Marvel as a kid. DC just dragged their feet for too long getting their films in order. They honestly should be where Marvel is right now in regards to their movies.
Because they are highly kid driven.,.,.. I don't think this movie is
Tical has 100 tabs of DC forums open right now
It's defcon 1000 right now
It's defcon 1000 right now
@ him not posting in this thread.
remember the last Fantastic Four movie turned a big profit.
Agreed. it's going to make a boat load of cash. This is going to be a big weekend. People are too curious to see what will happen. It's the first time Bruce & Clark has been on screen together (other than a fan made film). That curiosity alone will sell tickets.
DC tried so long to use Superman as the launching point for their universe that it held up everything else. It's crazy how they have the most iconic super hero of them all and it took 19 years to make Superman Returns. Then another 7 for MOS.
He won't dare
That's true
really?
I think you are trolling because the only flick that Nolan has that Snyder gets close to is Dark Knight Returns... everything else shits on Snyder and it ain't close
I'll hold on to these reviews cause the others don't sound like geek pov
atleast until I see it
atleast until I see it
Batman's new costume in the comics.. 
ya'll aint right
The Overstuffed Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice Builds a World, But Is It One We Want?
By David EdelsteinShare14Tweet0Share1Email
Photo: Warner Brothers
With Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, the movie division of DC Entertainment and the parent studio, Warner Bros., have given the fanboys and the Nolanoids what they crave — and lo, it is impressive and, lo, it is godawful.*
Those aren’t mutually exclusive. The imagery is mythic, otherworldly, a further step away from the color-popping panels of illustrator Dave Gibbons (The Killing Joke) and toward the dense doominess of Frank Miller, the man-machine sci-fi fusions of H.R. Giger, and the Biblical hell of William Blake. The movie is no slouch in the content department, either. Director Zack Snyder (working from a screenplay by Chris Terrio and David S. Goyer) has set out to deliver a tortured disquisition on society’s various (imperfect) choices for keeping us safe in the wake of 9/11, here represented as the invasion of “Kryptonians” that killed thousands of Metropolis citizens at the close of Snyder’s Man of Steel(2013). Batman/Bruce Wayne has — like so many previously sane individuals following 9/11 — gone over to the Dick Cheney-esque “dark side,” while Superman/Clark Kent — an anguished alien with Christ-like underpinnings — wrestles with how and when to intervene in mankind’s crises, constantly undermined by a Congress questioning his “unilateral” powers. Wealthy Lex Luthor is the catalyst for catastrophe. So Bats and Supey fight and stuff blows up real good.
It’s a shame that Batman v Superman is also a storytelling disgrace. It has maybe six opening scenes and jumps so incessantly from subplot to subplot that a script doctor would diagnose a peculiarly modern infection: “disjunctivitis.” Said infection is the upshot of a sort of gene-splicing. For a studio to move beyond the “franchise” and “tentpole” stages to the vastly lucrative “universe,” a comic-book movie must at every turn gesture towards sequels and spinoffs, teasing out loose ends, cultivating irresolution. The movie wanders into so many irrelevant byways that it comes to seem abstract. There’s enough going on to keep you watching — and, as I said, to keep fanboys wowed by the scale of the production and pretension. But most people will leave feeling drained and depressed, wondering how a studio can get away with withholding so much.
How is Ben Affleck? Weighty. He’s not your father’s Batman — even the mask now resembles the face of an especially sour gargoyle, and instead of dropping his voice an octave like Christian Bale, he has a mechanism for altering it. If that’s to hide his identity, it seems pointless: The bat-mask covers neither the mole on Affleck’s right cheek nor his distinctive, dimpled chin, so it’s even more beyond belief that the mayor, police chief, and rest of Gotham City wouldn’t know that Bruce Wayne is Batman. But we’re past all that Adam West juvenilia. Everyone seems to take for granted that Batman is Bruce Wayne (and, for that matter, that Clark — with Henry Cavill’s even cleftier chin — is Superman). We’re in the realm of ideas, people — and, near as I can tell, ones somewhat similar to the upcoming Captain America picture, Civil War, which is evidently a battle royale over civil liberties with Captain America as Superman and Iron Man as Batman.
The idea here is that Bruce Wayne witnesses firsthand (in a prologue) the partial destruction of Metropolis and the death of loved ones and blames not General Zod but “that sonovabitch” Superman who “brought the war to us.” A sign in front of Congress calling Superman an “illegal alien” gibes pretty well with Batso’s view. He tells Alfred (Jeremy Irons) that even a one percent chance of another major attack justifies extra-legal tactics — a naked restatement of Cheney and the neocons’ famous “one percent doctrine.” Alfred, by the way, is now the Chloe to Batso’s Jack Bauer, manning the monitors in the Batcave while making withering cracks about Bruce’s drift to the far right. We’re a long way from when the butler actually buttled.
Cavill’s Supey is hardly a bright counterpoint, being the guiltiest savior imaginable: Every saintly tableau in which he rescues innocents is offset by a Southern senator (Holly Hunter) calling for hearings to put some checks and balances on the alien’s power. (Most of Metropolis’s sheeple seem to like Superman, though one woman complains that “he answers to no one, not even to God.”) The parents are no help: Clark’s mom (Diane Lane) tells her suffering son that he has no obligation to the world while the ghost of his dad (Kevin Costner) shows up in a vision to imply that Clark has a duty to fight for those who suffer. Lois Lane (Amy Adams) insists that the Man of Steel “gives people hope,” but wonders whether her sexual relationship with him is a distraction: Must he give up love? There are also cameos by the likes of Charlie Rose, Anderson Cooper, Soledad O’Brien, Nancy Grace, and Neil deGrasse Tyson, who play themselves interviewing fictional characters and/or holding forth on the meaning of superheroes. You can’t accuse Batman v Superman of lacking multiple points of view.
The most bizarre perspective comes from Jesse Eisenberg’s Lex Luthor, who waves his arms and — in manic, Aspergian fashion — can’t seem to meet anyone’s eyes. Eisenberg is ham with a side of ham, a blend of the Joker and his Mark Zuckerberg, but I liked his energy. He makes a choice and goes with it, at one point letting loose with a patented supervillain falsetto giggle. Amassing kryptonite to be used against the Man of Steel, Luthor goads the surprisingly dim Batso into taking on Superman, and then announces the fight like a demented ring announcer — “God versus man ... son of Krypton versus bat of Gotham,” etc.
You would think that Superman should be able to take care of Batman with one mighty punch, but this paramilitary Armored Crusader is so souped-up that he can take being hurled through walls with no apparent ill effects. Then again, bodies in these superhero movies seem to be infinitely regenerative, which means a lot of deafening crashes to no particular end. When a near-indestructible Kryptonian super-ogre arrives, the fighting is even more intense and more inconsequential — apart from the impact on poor Gotham City, which gets its own 9/11. It’s a howler when mother-love factors into the resolution, but hey, that love is the greatest superpower of all, am I right?
Lust is the second greatest. You know from the trailers that Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) shows up, having previously loitered in the margins of the movie. The good advance word on Gadot has centered on her wowza appearance, but she preens more than acts. Her best moments come when she laughs out loud in the middle of fighting. This dour, bombastic movie needed an infusion of joy.
Many scenes in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice work on their own terms, and Snyder has a gift for visual poetry. But he never gets to the heart of that all-important civil liberties question, not because the question is unresolvable but because there can be no true endings in this superhero universe. The problem is that you can’t build a coherent myth out of fragments. You can only hope that the audience will be too jolted — and too turned on by the prospect of more jolts — to care.
By David EdelsteinShare14Tweet0Share1Email
Photo: Warner Brothers
With Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, the movie division of DC Entertainment and the parent studio, Warner Bros., have given the fanboys and the Nolanoids what they crave — and lo, it is impressive and, lo, it is godawful.*
Those aren’t mutually exclusive. The imagery is mythic, otherworldly, a further step away from the color-popping panels of illustrator Dave Gibbons (The Killing Joke) and toward the dense doominess of Frank Miller, the man-machine sci-fi fusions of H.R. Giger, and the Biblical hell of William Blake. The movie is no slouch in the content department, either. Director Zack Snyder (working from a screenplay by Chris Terrio and David S. Goyer) has set out to deliver a tortured disquisition on society’s various (imperfect) choices for keeping us safe in the wake of 9/11, here represented as the invasion of “Kryptonians” that killed thousands of Metropolis citizens at the close of Snyder’s Man of Steel(2013). Batman/Bruce Wayne has — like so many previously sane individuals following 9/11 — gone over to the Dick Cheney-esque “dark side,” while Superman/Clark Kent — an anguished alien with Christ-like underpinnings — wrestles with how and when to intervene in mankind’s crises, constantly undermined by a Congress questioning his “unilateral” powers. Wealthy Lex Luthor is the catalyst for catastrophe. So Bats and Supey fight and stuff blows up real good.
It’s a shame that Batman v Superman is also a storytelling disgrace. It has maybe six opening scenes and jumps so incessantly from subplot to subplot that a script doctor would diagnose a peculiarly modern infection: “disjunctivitis.” Said infection is the upshot of a sort of gene-splicing. For a studio to move beyond the “franchise” and “tentpole” stages to the vastly lucrative “universe,” a comic-book movie must at every turn gesture towards sequels and spinoffs, teasing out loose ends, cultivating irresolution. The movie wanders into so many irrelevant byways that it comes to seem abstract. There’s enough going on to keep you watching — and, as I said, to keep fanboys wowed by the scale of the production and pretension. But most people will leave feeling drained and depressed, wondering how a studio can get away with withholding so much.
How is Ben Affleck? Weighty. He’s not your father’s Batman — even the mask now resembles the face of an especially sour gargoyle, and instead of dropping his voice an octave like Christian Bale, he has a mechanism for altering it. If that’s to hide his identity, it seems pointless: The bat-mask covers neither the mole on Affleck’s right cheek nor his distinctive, dimpled chin, so it’s even more beyond belief that the mayor, police chief, and rest of Gotham City wouldn’t know that Bruce Wayne is Batman. But we’re past all that Adam West juvenilia. Everyone seems to take for granted that Batman is Bruce Wayne (and, for that matter, that Clark — with Henry Cavill’s even cleftier chin — is Superman). We’re in the realm of ideas, people — and, near as I can tell, ones somewhat similar to the upcoming Captain America picture, Civil War, which is evidently a battle royale over civil liberties with Captain America as Superman and Iron Man as Batman.
The idea here is that Bruce Wayne witnesses firsthand (in a prologue) the partial destruction of Metropolis and the death of loved ones and blames not General Zod but “that sonovabitch” Superman who “brought the war to us.” A sign in front of Congress calling Superman an “illegal alien” gibes pretty well with Batso’s view. He tells Alfred (Jeremy Irons) that even a one percent chance of another major attack justifies extra-legal tactics — a naked restatement of Cheney and the neocons’ famous “one percent doctrine.” Alfred, by the way, is now the Chloe to Batso’s Jack Bauer, manning the monitors in the Batcave while making withering cracks about Bruce’s drift to the far right. We’re a long way from when the butler actually buttled.
Cavill’s Supey is hardly a bright counterpoint, being the guiltiest savior imaginable: Every saintly tableau in which he rescues innocents is offset by a Southern senator (Holly Hunter) calling for hearings to put some checks and balances on the alien’s power. (Most of Metropolis’s sheeple seem to like Superman, though one woman complains that “he answers to no one, not even to God.”) The parents are no help: Clark’s mom (Diane Lane) tells her suffering son that he has no obligation to the world while the ghost of his dad (Kevin Costner) shows up in a vision to imply that Clark has a duty to fight for those who suffer. Lois Lane (Amy Adams) insists that the Man of Steel “gives people hope,” but wonders whether her sexual relationship with him is a distraction: Must he give up love? There are also cameos by the likes of Charlie Rose, Anderson Cooper, Soledad O’Brien, Nancy Grace, and Neil deGrasse Tyson, who play themselves interviewing fictional characters and/or holding forth on the meaning of superheroes. You can’t accuse Batman v Superman of lacking multiple points of view.
The most bizarre perspective comes from Jesse Eisenberg’s Lex Luthor, who waves his arms and — in manic, Aspergian fashion — can’t seem to meet anyone’s eyes. Eisenberg is ham with a side of ham, a blend of the Joker and his Mark Zuckerberg, but I liked his energy. He makes a choice and goes with it, at one point letting loose with a patented supervillain falsetto giggle. Amassing kryptonite to be used against the Man of Steel, Luthor goads the surprisingly dim Batso into taking on Superman, and then announces the fight like a demented ring announcer — “God versus man ... son of Krypton versus bat of Gotham,” etc.
You would think that Superman should be able to take care of Batman with one mighty punch, but this paramilitary Armored Crusader is so souped-up that he can take being hurled through walls with no apparent ill effects. Then again, bodies in these superhero movies seem to be infinitely regenerative, which means a lot of deafening crashes to no particular end. When a near-indestructible Kryptonian super-ogre arrives, the fighting is even more intense and more inconsequential — apart from the impact on poor Gotham City, which gets its own 9/11. It’s a howler when mother-love factors into the resolution, but hey, that love is the greatest superpower of all, am I right?
Lust is the second greatest. You know from the trailers that Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) shows up, having previously loitered in the margins of the movie. The good advance word on Gadot has centered on her wowza appearance, but she preens more than acts. Her best moments come when she laughs out loud in the middle of fighting. This dour, bombastic movie needed an infusion of joy.
Many scenes in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice work on their own terms, and Snyder has a gift for visual poetry. But he never gets to the heart of that all-important civil liberties question, not because the question is unresolvable but because there can be no true endings in this superhero universe. The problem is that you can’t build a coherent myth out of fragments. You can only hope that the audience will be too jolted — and too turned on by the prospect of more jolts — to care.
wow - this dude goes in on Snyder...
Batman V Superman Is V Bad
Rob Harvilla
Today 1:17pm
Filed to: BATMAN V. SUPERMAN
206.4K
87734
A fun thing you could do during the two and a half hours you spend watchingBatman v Superman: Dawn of Justice is count the number of times some rando blurts out something like “It’s uninhabited!” or “It’s after five, so downtown’s nearly empty right now!” whilst Batman and/or Superman throw various bad guys (and/or each other) through various walls. No civilians were harmed in the making of this loud, droning, incoherent, and bonkers deadly serious film, in sharp contrast to 2013's Man of Steel, wherein Superman spends the last half hour bonking giant buildings full of innocent people together until they explode. In that respect, as well as two or three others—the word Batman in the title, for example—this movie, despite being very bad, is nonetheless way better than the last one. You could do worse, but only because you already did.
An even less charitable way to put it is that a clearly excited 7- or 8-year-old kid sitting in front of me busted out crying and had to be whisked out of the theater by his father within the first five minutes. Perhaps he was unnerved by the harsh, operatic violence of Bruce Wayne’s parents getting murdered—the mom’s pearls get tangled around the gun, somehow, which allows for some very tight and poignant slow motion—or maybe he was offended by the notion that a 2016 Batman movie felt it necessary to depict Bruce Wayne’s parents getting murdered. Either way, this kid bounced. (As an unsubtle metaphor for the aging target audience for comic-book movies, this is nonetheless way subtler than anything in the film itself.)I felt really terrible for that kid immediately, and was mildly envious of him two hours and 25 minutes later.
Positive Aspects
1. Ben Affleck’s chin. Let it be known that Ben Affleck as Batman is the least-worst thing about this movie, if only due to his fearsome chin, which he juts fearsomely at the sky at various junctures to convey his unhappiness with Superman in re: all those exploded civilians. There’s a bizarre weightlifting/science-doing montage in which we learn that he has turned the Batcave into the world’s grittiest Equinox; he keeps the Gruff Batman Voice bullshit to a minimum. (Also kept to a minimum: Bruce Wayne, the character. Affleck does a lot of brooding in fancy street clothes—one downside to putting two superheroes in your movie title is that it doubles the amount of Superhero Brooding—but otherwise we largely dispense with the absurd fiction that no one can tell that he’s Batman, probably because of the whole chin thing.) Otherwise, he mostly punches people and glowers. The Batmobile’s dope this time. He’s fine. It’s fine. Honestly, he’s the least of your problems.
2. Clark Kent’s editor. One of your much larger problems is Henry Cavill’s Superman, who remains a total drip—a sulky, over-earnest Photoshop filter who makes moony faces at Amy Adams’ Lois Lane and punches people and glowers, basically—so when he’s onscreen, you take your joys where you can. As see Laurence Fishburne, who plays Daily Planet editor Perry White, whose job is to harrumph around the newsroom saying authentic-journalist-type things like, “You’re sports today!” and “I logged into your Dropbox to find copy!” This sort of nonsense nonetheless qualifies as an early highlight; the most suspenseful part of the first half of this movie was when I was trying to open my giant bag of Reese’s Pieces without detection. (No spoilers.) Anyway, Laurence does what he can with the second-dumbest set of lines overall.
3. Holly Hunter in world-historical IDGAF mode. You guessed it. Holly plays Senator Finch (a Democrat from Kentucky, which is the least believable thing in the film), doing the only thing Senators do in superhero movies, and honestly, her dialogue in Raising Arizona was less absurd. “I grew up on a farm—I know how to wrestle a pig,” is one thing she says; “Take a bucket of warm piss and call it Granny’s Peach Tea” is, incredibly, another. (That one gets a callback.) I would describe her demeanor as she says these things as serenely bemused. Likewise Jeremy Irons as Alfred, who mostly just drinks and sighs, which I suppose makes him the audience surrogate, content in the fact that at least he doesn’t have any scenes with Lex Luthor.
Particularly Negative Aspects
1. Lex Luthor. Oof, Lex Luthor is a drag. Jesse Eisenberg preens and over-enunciates and waxes crazily pedantic, like no one told him he’s not in a Sorkin movie anymore; his method of conveying Brilliant Insanity is to make as though he just ingested touring funk band quantities of cocaine. It is discomfiting and unpleasant. Eventually he stops terrorizing poor Holly Hunter and retires to Superman’s spaceship (at least, I think it’s Superman’s spaceship; don’t @ me), where he uses the Krypton Siri to create the invincible supervillain whom Batman and Superman will have to fight after they’re done throwing each other through various walls—which takes forever, for them to be done doing that. It takes forever for them to start doing that, also, due to the general bewildering loopiness of the plot.
2. The plot. Yo, this movie makes no sense. Dream sequences and non sequiturs and red herrings and where-the-hell-are-we-now mini-excursions and false starts out the ass. There’s a suicide bombing and multiple government hearings and a Fight Club and an innocent civilian who gets Lieutenant Dan’d and one of those posh, uncomfortable Batman-movie parties where Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne sass each other until Clark notices live news footage of a little girl stuck in a burning building in Mexico and then flies to Mexico to rescue her, whereupon the people of Mexico (it’s the Day of the Dead, also, which allows for very tight and spooky imagery) embrace him as they would a god.
There’s also a whole thing where Batman visits the set of Mad Max: Fury Roadand fights amid a buncha Moth People. Lois Lane says stuff like, “I’m not a lady, I’m a journalist” and has stuff said to her like, “[In the men’s bathroom] You know, with balls like this, you belong in here.” There’s an Entouragemovie-worthy avalanche of celebrity cameos, from Nancy Grace to Charlie Rose to Neil DeGrasse Tyson. I remembered just now that at one point Superman gets nuked in space. There is Wonder Woman, who is dressed in a “Sexy Wonder Woman” Halloween costume and has very little else to do (at one point we get footage of her using an ATM) and mostly is there to provide certain Reddit subforums with a few notably lascivious Blu-Ray screenshots, in addition to setting up future interminable sequels involving additional superheroes, including Aquaman, who is also, briefly, in this movie.
The dithering and misdirection is such that you honestly wonder if Superman and Batman are ever gonna get around to kicking each other’s asses. Eventually they do, and a great many innocent walls and floors and ceilings and bathroom sinks are harmed as composer Hans Zimmer more or less gives up and just sits on the Inception button, and I’ll say three things: a) Superman, unfortunately, does not punt Batman’s nuts into the roof of his mouth, b) there is a pretty definitive winner to this fight, and c) the emotional contrivance that ends this fight is ridiculous. I think we know who to blame, here.
3. The director. Yes, Zack Snyder, who is determined to “THIS! IS! SPARTA!”every significant historical event in human history, and louse up every beloved comic-book enterprise besides. As with Man of Steel and The Watchmen (no ludicrous sex scenes in this jam, at least), this movie is relentlessly grim and gritty and resolutely No Fun Whatsoever, every line intoned with Desdemonian gravitas, every falling bullet casing memorialized with its own slow-mo funereal aria. (At one point, the Army fires a big-ass cannon, and that shell also falls to the ground in super-slow motion.)
Whereas, in the end, his attempts at operatic solemnity are foiled by the same plague infecting the now far-superior Marvel movies, in that the unquenchable thirst for endless sequels insures that nothing of true consequence is ever allowed to happen here, which I guess explains why eight billion daffy and inconsequential things happen instead. The very serious and solemn occurrence that ends Batman v Superman, whose seriousness and solemnity is harped upon for, like, 20 minutes, is truly incredible, in the sense that it is not remotely credible. Not one person in the theater believed it was real for one second, and that would’ve included the 8-year-old kid who fled in terror immediately, had he not done so, wisely. The spoiler alert re: Batman’s internet-famous “Do you bleed?” line is not the answer to that question; it’s who he’s asking. You do, and you will.
Batman V Superman Is V Bad
Rob Harvilla
Today 1:17pm
Filed to: BATMAN V. SUPERMAN
206.4K
87734
A fun thing you could do during the two and a half hours you spend watchingBatman v Superman: Dawn of Justice is count the number of times some rando blurts out something like “It’s uninhabited!” or “It’s after five, so downtown’s nearly empty right now!” whilst Batman and/or Superman throw various bad guys (and/or each other) through various walls. No civilians were harmed in the making of this loud, droning, incoherent, and bonkers deadly serious film, in sharp contrast to 2013's Man of Steel, wherein Superman spends the last half hour bonking giant buildings full of innocent people together until they explode. In that respect, as well as two or three others—the word Batman in the title, for example—this movie, despite being very bad, is nonetheless way better than the last one. You could do worse, but only because you already did.
An even less charitable way to put it is that a clearly excited 7- or 8-year-old kid sitting in front of me busted out crying and had to be whisked out of the theater by his father within the first five minutes. Perhaps he was unnerved by the harsh, operatic violence of Bruce Wayne’s parents getting murdered—the mom’s pearls get tangled around the gun, somehow, which allows for some very tight and poignant slow motion—or maybe he was offended by the notion that a 2016 Batman movie felt it necessary to depict Bruce Wayne’s parents getting murdered. Either way, this kid bounced. (As an unsubtle metaphor for the aging target audience for comic-book movies, this is nonetheless way subtler than anything in the film itself.)I felt really terrible for that kid immediately, and was mildly envious of him two hours and 25 minutes later.
Positive Aspects
1. Ben Affleck’s chin. Let it be known that Ben Affleck as Batman is the least-worst thing about this movie, if only due to his fearsome chin, which he juts fearsomely at the sky at various junctures to convey his unhappiness with Superman in re: all those exploded civilians. There’s a bizarre weightlifting/science-doing montage in which we learn that he has turned the Batcave into the world’s grittiest Equinox; he keeps the Gruff Batman Voice bullshit to a minimum. (Also kept to a minimum: Bruce Wayne, the character. Affleck does a lot of brooding in fancy street clothes—one downside to putting two superheroes in your movie title is that it doubles the amount of Superhero Brooding—but otherwise we largely dispense with the absurd fiction that no one can tell that he’s Batman, probably because of the whole chin thing.) Otherwise, he mostly punches people and glowers. The Batmobile’s dope this time. He’s fine. It’s fine. Honestly, he’s the least of your problems.
2. Clark Kent’s editor. One of your much larger problems is Henry Cavill’s Superman, who remains a total drip—a sulky, over-earnest Photoshop filter who makes moony faces at Amy Adams’ Lois Lane and punches people and glowers, basically—so when he’s onscreen, you take your joys where you can. As see Laurence Fishburne, who plays Daily Planet editor Perry White, whose job is to harrumph around the newsroom saying authentic-journalist-type things like, “You’re sports today!” and “I logged into your Dropbox to find copy!” This sort of nonsense nonetheless qualifies as an early highlight; the most suspenseful part of the first half of this movie was when I was trying to open my giant bag of Reese’s Pieces without detection. (No spoilers.) Anyway, Laurence does what he can with the second-dumbest set of lines overall.
3. Holly Hunter in world-historical IDGAF mode. You guessed it. Holly plays Senator Finch (a Democrat from Kentucky, which is the least believable thing in the film), doing the only thing Senators do in superhero movies, and honestly, her dialogue in Raising Arizona was less absurd. “I grew up on a farm—I know how to wrestle a pig,” is one thing she says; “Take a bucket of warm piss and call it Granny’s Peach Tea” is, incredibly, another. (That one gets a callback.) I would describe her demeanor as she says these things as serenely bemused. Likewise Jeremy Irons as Alfred, who mostly just drinks and sighs, which I suppose makes him the audience surrogate, content in the fact that at least he doesn’t have any scenes with Lex Luthor.
Particularly Negative Aspects
1. Lex Luthor. Oof, Lex Luthor is a drag. Jesse Eisenberg preens and over-enunciates and waxes crazily pedantic, like no one told him he’s not in a Sorkin movie anymore; his method of conveying Brilliant Insanity is to make as though he just ingested touring funk band quantities of cocaine. It is discomfiting and unpleasant. Eventually he stops terrorizing poor Holly Hunter and retires to Superman’s spaceship (at least, I think it’s Superman’s spaceship; don’t @ me), where he uses the Krypton Siri to create the invincible supervillain whom Batman and Superman will have to fight after they’re done throwing each other through various walls—which takes forever, for them to be done doing that. It takes forever for them to start doing that, also, due to the general bewildering loopiness of the plot.
2. The plot. Yo, this movie makes no sense. Dream sequences and non sequiturs and red herrings and where-the-hell-are-we-now mini-excursions and false starts out the ass. There’s a suicide bombing and multiple government hearings and a Fight Club and an innocent civilian who gets Lieutenant Dan’d and one of those posh, uncomfortable Batman-movie parties where Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne sass each other until Clark notices live news footage of a little girl stuck in a burning building in Mexico and then flies to Mexico to rescue her, whereupon the people of Mexico (it’s the Day of the Dead, also, which allows for very tight and spooky imagery) embrace him as they would a god.
There’s also a whole thing where Batman visits the set of Mad Max: Fury Roadand fights amid a buncha Moth People. Lois Lane says stuff like, “I’m not a lady, I’m a journalist” and has stuff said to her like, “[In the men’s bathroom] You know, with balls like this, you belong in here.” There’s an Entouragemovie-worthy avalanche of celebrity cameos, from Nancy Grace to Charlie Rose to Neil DeGrasse Tyson. I remembered just now that at one point Superman gets nuked in space. There is Wonder Woman, who is dressed in a “Sexy Wonder Woman” Halloween costume and has very little else to do (at one point we get footage of her using an ATM) and mostly is there to provide certain Reddit subforums with a few notably lascivious Blu-Ray screenshots, in addition to setting up future interminable sequels involving additional superheroes, including Aquaman, who is also, briefly, in this movie.
The dithering and misdirection is such that you honestly wonder if Superman and Batman are ever gonna get around to kicking each other’s asses. Eventually they do, and a great many innocent walls and floors and ceilings and bathroom sinks are harmed as composer Hans Zimmer more or less gives up and just sits on the Inception button, and I’ll say three things: a) Superman, unfortunately, does not punt Batman’s nuts into the roof of his mouth, b) there is a pretty definitive winner to this fight, and c) the emotional contrivance that ends this fight is ridiculous. I think we know who to blame, here.
3. The director. Yes, Zack Snyder, who is determined to “THIS! IS! SPARTA!”every significant historical event in human history, and louse up every beloved comic-book enterprise besides. As with Man of Steel and The Watchmen (no ludicrous sex scenes in this jam, at least), this movie is relentlessly grim and gritty and resolutely No Fun Whatsoever, every line intoned with Desdemonian gravitas, every falling bullet casing memorialized with its own slow-mo funereal aria. (At one point, the Army fires a big-ass cannon, and that shell also falls to the ground in super-slow motion.)
Whereas, in the end, his attempts at operatic solemnity are foiled by the same plague infecting the now far-superior Marvel movies, in that the unquenchable thirst for endless sequels insures that nothing of true consequence is ever allowed to happen here, which I guess explains why eight billion daffy and inconsequential things happen instead. The very serious and solemn occurrence that ends Batman v Superman, whose seriousness and solemnity is harped upon for, like, 20 minutes, is truly incredible, in the sense that it is not remotely credible. Not one person in the theater believed it was real for one second, and that would’ve included the 8-year-old kid who fled in terror immediately, had he not done so, wisely. The spoiler alert re: Batman’s internet-famous “Do you bleed?” line is not the answer to that question; it’s who he’s asking. You do, and you will.
This guy sounds like a moron.wow - this dude goes in on Snyder...
Batman V Superman Is V Bad
Rob Harvilla
Today 1:17pm
Filed to: BATMAN V. SUPERMAN
206.4K
87734
A fun thing you could do during the two and a half hours you spend watchingBatman v Superman: Dawn of Justice is count the number of times some rando blurts out something like “It’s uninhabited!” or “It’s after five, so downtown’s nearly empty right now!” whilst Batman and/or Superman throw various bad guys (and/or each other) through various walls. No civilians were harmed in the making of this loud, droning, incoherent, and bonkers deadly serious film, in sharp contrast to 2013's Man of Steel, wherein Superman spends the last half hour bonking giant buildings full of innocent people together until they explode. In that respect, as well as two or three others—the word Batman in the title, for example—this movie, despite being very bad, is nonetheless way better than the last one. You could do worse, but only because you already did.
An even less charitable way to put it is that a clearly excited 7- or 8-year-old kid sitting in front of me busted out crying and had to be whisked out of the theater by his father within the first five minutes. Perhaps he was unnerved by the harsh, operatic violence of Bruce Wayne’s parents getting murdered—the mom’s pearls get tangled around the gun, somehow, which allows for some very tight and poignant slow motion—or maybe he was offended by the notion that a 2016 Batman movie felt it necessary to depict Bruce Wayne’s parents getting murdered. Either way, this kid bounced. (As an unsubtle metaphor for the aging target audience for comic-book movies, this is nonetheless way subtler than anything in the film itself.)I felt really terrible for that kid immediately, and was mildly envious of him two hours and 25 minutes later.
Positive Aspects
1. Ben Affleck’s chin. Let it be known that Ben Affleck as Batman is the least-worst thing about this movie, if only due to his fearsome chin, which he juts fearsomely at the sky at various junctures to convey his unhappiness with Superman in re: all those exploded civilians. There’s a bizarre weightlifting/science-doing montage in which we learn that he has turned the Batcave into the world’s grittiest Equinox; he keeps the Gruff Batman Voice bullshit to a minimum. (Also kept to a minimum: Bruce Wayne, the character. Affleck does a lot of brooding in fancy street clothes—one downside to putting two superheroes in your movie title is that it doubles the amount of Superhero Brooding—but otherwise we largely dispense with the absurd fiction that no one can tell that he’s Batman, probably because of the whole chin thing.) Otherwise, he mostly punches people and glowers. The Batmobile’s dope this time. He’s fine. It’s fine. Honestly, he’s the least of your problems.
2. Clark Kent’s editor. One of your much larger problems is Henry Cavill’s Superman, who remains a total drip—a sulky, over-earnest Photoshop filter who makes moony faces at Amy Adams’ Lois Lane and punches people and glowers, basically—so when he’s onscreen, you take your joys where you can. As see Laurence Fishburne, who plays Daily Planet editor Perry White, whose job is to harrumph around the newsroom saying authentic-journalist-type things like, “You’re sports today!” and “I logged into your Dropbox to find copy!” This sort of nonsense nonetheless qualifies as an early highlight; the most suspenseful part of the first half of this movie was when I was trying to open my giant bag of Reese’s Pieces without detection. (No spoilers.) Anyway, Laurence does what he can with the second-dumbest set of lines overall.
3. Holly Hunter in world-historical IDGAF mode. You guessed it. Holly plays Senator Finch (a Democrat from Kentucky, which is the least believable thing in the film), doing the only thing Senators do in superhero movies, and honestly, her dialogue in Raising Arizona was less absurd. “I grew up on a farm—I know how to wrestle a pig,” is one thing she says; “Take a bucket of warm piss and call it Granny’s Peach Tea” is, incredibly, another. (That one gets a callback.) I would describe her demeanor as she says these things as serenely bemused. Likewise Jeremy Irons as Alfred, who mostly just drinks and sighs, which I suppose makes him the audience surrogate, content in the fact that at least he doesn’t have any scenes with Lex Luthor.
Particularly Negative Aspects
1. Lex Luthor. Oof, Lex Luthor is a drag. Jesse Eisenberg preens and over-enunciates and waxes crazily pedantic, like no one told him he’s not in a Sorkin movie anymore; his method of conveying Brilliant Insanity is to make as though he just ingested touring funk band quantities of cocaine. It is discomfiting and unpleasant. Eventually he stops terrorizing poor Holly Hunter and retires to Superman’s spaceship (at least, I think it’s Superman’s spaceship; don’t @ me), where he uses the Krypton Siri to create the invincible supervillain whom Batman and Superman will have to fight after they’re done throwing each other through various walls—which takes forever, for them to be done doing that. It takes forever for them to start doing that, also, due to the general bewildering loopiness of the plot.
2. The plot. Yo, this movie makes no sense. Dream sequences and non sequiturs and red herrings and where-the-hell-are-we-now mini-excursions and false starts out the ass. There’s a suicide bombing and multiple government hearings and a Fight Club and an innocent civilian who gets Lieutenant Dan’d and one of those posh, uncomfortable Batman-movie parties where Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne sass each other until Clark notices live news footage of a little girl stuck in a burning building in Mexico and then flies to Mexico to rescue her, whereupon the people of Mexico (it’s the Day of the Dead, also, which allows for very tight and spooky imagery) embrace him as they would a god.
There’s also a whole thing where Batman visits the set of Mad Max: Fury Roadand fights amid a buncha Moth People. Lois Lane says stuff like, “I’m not a lady, I’m a journalist” and has stuff said to her like, “[In the men’s bathroom] You know, with balls like this, you belong in here.” There’s an Entouragemovie-worthy avalanche of celebrity cameos, from Nancy Grace to Charlie Rose to Neil DeGrasse Tyson. I remembered just now that at one point Superman gets nuked in space. There is Wonder Woman, who is dressed in a “Sexy Wonder Woman” Halloween costume and has very little else to do (at one point we get footage of her using an ATM) and mostly is there to provide certain Reddit subforums with a few notably lascivious Blu-Ray screenshots, in addition to setting up future interminable sequels involving additional superheroes, including Aquaman, who is also, briefly, in this movie.
The dithering and misdirection is such that you honestly wonder if Superman and Batman are ever gonna get around to kicking each other’s asses. Eventually they do, and a great many innocent walls and floors and ceilings and bathroom sinks are harmed as composer Hans Zimmer more or less gives up and just sits on the Inception button, and I’ll say three things: a) Superman, unfortunately, does not punt Batman’s nuts into the roof of his mouth, b) there is a pretty definitive winner to this fight, and c) the emotional contrivance that ends this fight is ridiculous. I think we know who to blame, here.
3. The director. Yes, Zack Snyder, who is determined to “THIS! IS! SPARTA!”every significant historical event in human history, and louse up every beloved comic-book enterprise besides. As with Man of Steel and The Watchmen (no ludicrous sex scenes in this jam, at least), this movie is relentlessly grim and gritty and resolutely No Fun Whatsoever, every line intoned with Desdemonian gravitas, every falling bullet casing memorialized with its own slow-mo funereal aria. (At one point, the Army fires a big-ass cannon, and that shell also falls to the ground in super-slow motion.)
Whereas, in the end, his attempts at operatic solemnity are foiled by the same plague infecting the now far-superior Marvel movies, in that the unquenchable thirst for endless sequels insures that nothing of true consequence is ever allowed to happen here, which I guess explains why eight billion daffy and inconsequential things happen instead. The very serious and solemn occurrence that ends Batman v Superman, whose seriousness and solemnity is harped upon for, like, 20 minutes, is truly incredible, in the sense that it is not remotely credible. Not one person in the theater believed it was real for one second, and that would’ve included the 8-year-old kid who fled in terror immediately, had he not done so, wisely. The spoiler alert re: Batman’s internet-famous “Do you bleed?” line is not the answer to that question; it’s who he’s asking. You do, and you will.
tical: snyyyyydeeeeeeeeerr i trusteddddddddddd youuuuuuu
I'm skeptical of these overly critical reviews that go hard though.
I'm not just referring to this movie I'm speaking in general sone writer's/reviewers seem to like to hear themselves speak sort of like Stephen A. and Skip Bayless.
The movie, from the previews, did seem over stuffed with content/characters though.
I'm not just referring to this movie I'm speaking in general sone writer's/reviewers seem to like to hear themselves speak sort of like Stephen A. and Skip Bayless.
The movie, from the previews, did seem over stuffed with content/characters though.
I'll bite: human's are slightly masochistic. As much as we love a success story, we equally enjoy a fall from grace story, the higher the stakes the better, and stakes are extremely high for WB / DC with this Superman project.
Also Superman is such a polarizing character, unlike characters like Spiderman or Batman whom are universally beloved. The fact that WB can't seem to make a critically acclaimed and commercially successful movie with the world's most iconic superhero is telling.
I think those who want this movie to fail aren't Marvel fan boys, they just want to see a glorious crash. All those resources spent to make freaking Superman successful, whereas Fox spent a 10th of that and got more from an unknown property like Deadpool.
most of these bloggers trashing it aren't geeks... it almost like a bunch of yuppies from Florida trashing Jungle Fever back in 91
so far I've only seen 2 authentic reviews - they aren't raving about the flick - but not shitting on it either
Last edited:
lol at doomsday being venom in spiderman 3
U can't compare a merc with a mouth to Superman
Like that old dude with the s on his chest is irrelevant
can I wash my dick in privacy please? get off it man
i told him@tical. movie wont flop cause of the name. but he movie being good its another story.
i posted this he didnt want to hear it. my bro tical
http://www.bgol.us/forum/index.php?...could-dcs-entire-slate-be-in-jeopardy.883903/
Here is my problem - the team that put together Batman v Superman as a whole sucks - they suck the fun right out of the properties - Christopher Nolan - gave us 1 1/2 good Batman Movies - Batman Begins was a great reboot, The Dark Knight Rises was 1/2 of an incredible movie thanks to Heath Ledger's Joker - and Well Dark Knight rises sucked ass - (my opinion) than Zack Snyder took Man of Steel and Fucking HOOVER'D the color and grandeur out of Superman and made him mopey Superman, I mean Pa Kent telling Clark to let people die - the reason that Superman doesn't take over Earth is that Jonathan Kent was his moral compass.
We get what seems like hours and hours of dark depressing shit rained down upon us in MOS, the only bright spot of color was when he flew for the first time but the rest death and destruction.
So they announce BvS and the world should be jumping for joy and they are not because they know Nolan and Snyder suck at this. And then Fantastic Four comes out and its shit and when you hold the two movies together it looks like they are using the same filtered color palette - Mid Century Warsaw Dreck - just dreary and dull -
I will see it - somewhat reluctantly but my hopes are not very high as to the outcome.
PS - I love Marvel movies but I am not just a fan boy - I have watched every DC animated, I have watched every single episode of Smallville, Arrow and the Flash and trudging through Legends of Tomorrow - so my feelings is not a DC v Marvel issue but a WB movie production team issue - they gave the key to the Castle to Synder and Nolan and I just don't think they are the right team for the franchise ....but we shall see - I hope I am eating my words and the film is great.
We get what seems like hours and hours of dark depressing shit rained down upon us in MOS, the only bright spot of color was when he flew for the first time but the rest death and destruction.
So they announce BvS and the world should be jumping for joy and they are not because they know Nolan and Snyder suck at this. And then Fantastic Four comes out and its shit and when you hold the two movies together it looks like they are using the same filtered color palette - Mid Century Warsaw Dreck - just dreary and dull -
I will see it - somewhat reluctantly but my hopes are not very high as to the outcome.
PS - I love Marvel movies but I am not just a fan boy - I have watched every DC animated, I have watched every single episode of Smallville, Arrow and the Flash and trudging through Legends of Tomorrow - so my feelings is not a DC v Marvel issue but a WB movie production team issue - they gave the key to the Castle to Synder and Nolan and I just don't think they are the right team for the franchise ....but we shall see - I hope I am eating my words and the film is great.
Similar threads
