Where do you stand on "guy friends" in a relationship?

[DJCandle]

This seems to be my one big hurdle in getting with someone and making it last. Women nowadays seems to have way too many guy friends. No matter what a woman tells me about them, I know that the guy she considers "just a friend" is either someone she's been fuckin, or is now tryna fuck. I know cause i've been that guy before.

But where do you draw the line when it comes to having male friends in a relationship? Do you tone it down a notch? Do you keep doing you and make the nigga adjust to it?

And what is the motivation in having them for you women? Are we truly plan b? Just in case shit goes sour with the front line nigga?

I feel like in order to keep any chick I get with in check, I gotta keep my girl friends around to let her know what the deal is. That in itself feels low, but what else is a nigga to do? Its like fighting fire with fire, and the whole time i'm asking, if this is suppose to work what the hell are we fighting for??

I think I need to find me a nun.

Peace.

 

[BS2011]

Most "guy friends" are just simps that are laying in the cut waiting for the woman to be vulnerable then they pounce on her like a scavenger. Guy friends tend to be niggas that didn't properly make the transition from prospect to actually fucking so they are kinda in limbo.

Depending on how serious the relationship is I couldn't care less if she had a million such friends. Most women will cut out the guy friends, out of respect, once they are serious about the man they are currently with. You don;t need to tell her to do that she'll do it on her own. She might take you telling her to do shit as a sign of you being controlling and that will probably affect over aspect of your relationship.

 

[Shadow]

I told a chick the same thing about a year ago. She had a married man who she "claimed" was her "best friend".

I told her thst he is:

a) waiting for you to give him some pussy, because you have been hinting at it
b) already got the pussy and you aren't adult enough to admit it to me
c) hoping against all odds that you will provide a mercy fuck because he's been paying your bills, but knows you don't respect his ass.

He recently told her that he was willing to leave his wife to be with her if she would give hima chance to prove his love.

This chick called me trying to act like she was surprised.

 

[Jam_Jam]

I have to be honest. I have male friends, and they all want to fuck. I believe that women see men as their "friends" while men see women as potential sex partners. I have a male friend that I am really close to, and now he wants a relationship. He says that I am his life partner. He told me the other day that he would love me and still be my friend whether I am with him or with someone else. I still believe that men and women can be friends, but women have all the power in these "relationships." Women love the power they exude over men. Men are driven by their sexual desires and this is why we can control them so easily. A desirable woman with a good head on her shoulders can get anything she wants from a man. I love being a woman.

 

[DJCandle]

I have to be honest. I have male friends, and they all want to fuck. I believe that women see men as their "friends" while men see women as potential sex partners. I have a male friend that I am really close to, and now he wants a relationship. He says that I am his life partner. He told me the other day that he would love me and still be my friend whether I am with him or with someone else. I still believe that men and women can be friends, but women have all the power in these "relationships." Women love the power they exude over men. Men are driven by their sexual desires and this is why we can control them so easily. A desirable woman with a good head on her shoulders can get anything she wants from a man. I love being a woman.

This is the most solid answer i've seen, if ever in a long time. Though vain, and morally wrong as fuck, I respect the living shit out of what you just said, cause 99.99% of the time, this is the bare bones utter truth.

I wish you well in finding happiness though. Real hard with this mentality. Just dont ever let him hear it. Most can't bare the truth.

This is the reason that men are hesitant in making one woman, "the one." Realistically, we as men all know that every woman knows what's in between her legs and what she can use it for. Hell it don't even have to go there. Even attention given by a woman is enough to make some niggas lose it.

 

[Chicutie]

Well. . I can't real defend the whole male friends things because honestly I have a best friend that I have had sex with multiple times. We are truly friends, talk everyday about any and everything and have been friends now for 10 years. So because of that. . if someone I was with asked that I didn't have as much contact with him. . I'd have to honor that request.

 

[femmenoire]

Well I was raised around boys so I have more male associates than female ones.

Only a few are more like a brother/sister relationship. That's the maternal instinct in me.

There are some that I'm sure want to fuck, hell some have admitted it, and that's why I call them associates and not friends.

There are a few that I have slept with but we're both grown enough to know it will never happen again.

 

[demere]

Well. . I can't real defend the whole male friends things because honestly I have a best friend that I have had sex with multiple times. We are truly friends, talk everyday about any and everything and have been friends now for 10 years. So because of that. . if someone I was with asked that I didn't have as much contact with him. . I'd have to honor that request.

I have a very similar relationship. 11 years and going. Talk everyday and when I am SINGLE I have had sex with him. When I am in a relationship I distance myself from him.

I do believe that when I am in a very serious relationship, it will be time for me to stop seeing him, but I doubt I will ever stop talking him. When he is in a relationship, its strange to me, because he always wants me to meet the women, and wants me to approve of them. Its been this way for a very long time.

I do love him to death, however, I would never let our relationship hurt a potentially serious relationship that I am having. I have and will in the future be honest with any man I'm dating about the relationship I have with him.

 

[Jam_Jam]

This is the most solid answer i've seen, if ever in a long time. Though vain, and morally wrong as fuck, I respect the living shit out of what you just said, cause 99.99% of the time, this is the bare bones utter truth.

I wish you well in finding happiness though. Real hard with this mentality. Just dont ever let him hear it. Most can't bare the truth.

This is the reason that men are hesitant in making one woman, "the one." Realistically, we as men all know that every woman knows what's in between her legs and what she can use it for. Hell it don't even have to go there. Even attention given by a woman is enough to make some niggas lose it.

Is it really vain and morally wrong to be aware of the power that you can exude over a man? I try not to abuse my power, but sometimes it's just so easy. It's not like men don't realize this. They know damn well what the deal is and some of them are more willing to play the game than we are. The only time a man is truly defenseless is when he feels his dick getting hard. Nature made it this way, women just roll with the punches.

 

[Jam_Jam]

I have a very similar relationship. 11 years and going. Talk everyday and when I am SINGLE I have had sex with him. When I am in a relationship I distance myself from him.

I do believe that when I am in a very serious relationship, it will be time for me to stop seeing him, but I doubt I will ever stop talking him. When he is in a relationship, its strange to me, because he always wants me to meet the women, and wants me to approve of them. Its been this way for a very long time.

I do love him to death, however, I would never let our relationship hurt a potentially serious relationship that I am having. I have and will in the future be honest with any man I'm dating about the relationship I have with him.

Every woman should have a good male friend. The problem is that when you tell your man that you had sex with your good male "friend" he will not be as accepting of the friendship. The sex changes the dynamic for the outsider looking in. You may think of him as just your "friend", but your man will see him as the "friend you fucked." There is a real fine line between "friend" and "fuck buddy" in the eyes of men.

 

[DJCandle]

Is it really vain and morally wrong to be aware of the power that you can exude over a man? I try not to abuse my power, but sometimes it's just so easy. It's not like men don't realize this. They know damn well what the deal is and some of them are more willing to play the game than we are. The only time a man is truly defenseless is when he feels his dick getting hard. Nature made it this way, women just roll with the punches.

You may not abuse your power, but a majority of women out there do.

"Smelling their own seats", is what most men would call it. And i'm not knockin em for it. Use what you got really.

All i'm saying is, when shit hits the fan about your friend, or fuck buddy, or whatever, and your current man starts treating you like shit, why do women sit there and ask, "what did I do? what went wrong?" And play the innocence card.

If the tables were turned and men had this manipulative effect towards women,which some of us do but for the sake of this discussion I digress, what would you do?

Would you be cool knowing ya man has a female friend that essentially knows more about him than you, knows his needs, wants, and cares better than you, and oh yea, has probably fucked your man, better than you??

You could be cool with that, and continue in a happy loving relationship?

Feels like a Brown Sugar moment.

 

[DJCandle]

I have a very similar relationship. 11 years and going. Talk everyday and when I am SINGLE I have had sex with him. When I am in a relationship I distance myself from him.

I do believe that when I am in a very serious relationship, it will be time for me to stop seeing him, but I doubt I will ever stop talking him. When he is in a relationship, its strange to me, because he always wants me to meet the women, and wants me to approve of them. Its been this way for a very long time.

I do love him to death, however, I would never let our relationship hurt a potentially serious relationship that I am having. I have and will in the future be honest with any man I'm dating about the relationship I have with him.

Well. . I can't real defend the whole male friends things because honestly I have a best friend that I have had sex with multiple times. We are truly friends, talk everyday about any and everything and have been friends now for 10 years. So because of that. . if someone I was with asked that I didn't have as much contact with him. . I'd have to honor that request.

I guess life dictates certain situations, but these two for example. You both claim you are committed and loving this "fuck buddy" of yours and that they are your best friends... why aren't you with that person?

 

[Mr.Still Fly]

I have a few homegirls. Some are cool as hell... go out and kick it all the time...no sex... no reltaionships. Sometimes this can start some trouble... becuase they have been mistreated by men in the pass and they see the morals and standards in me... and say soemthing like, " I have been looking for the right man all along... and you were right under my nose." I reject them most of time..becuase our friendship is more value than some sex.

 

[SxxxyBlckBtch]

Hmmmmmmmm i like this thread... because i have an abundance of male friends.. FRIENDS! That is non sexual! For some reason ion get along well with chicks specially not in the south.. ion get how they do.. plus they are WAAAAAAAAAAAY to emotional and emotions make you do dumb shit... but im always willing to introduce my closest male friends to womeever im with, i have nothing to hide... but also i know that if my dude aint cool with it.. them my male friends understand that they only may recieve an e-mail now and then just to say hey and know they will hear form me again if/when this niggah get da boot... ​

 

[DJCandle]

them my male friends understand that they only may recieve an e-mail now and then just to say hey and know they will hear form me again if/when this niggah get da boot... ​

So let's say that if/when never comes and you tied to ol boy for good. Is it safe to say your male friends are on the bench for good? And you can kiss whatever sorta relationship you had with them, goodbye?

 

[Jam_Jam]

You may not abuse your power, but a majority of women out there do.

"Smelling their own seats", is what most men would call it. And i'm not knockin em for it. Use what you got really.

All i'm saying is, when shit hits the fan about your friend, or fuck buddy, or whatever, and your current man starts treating you like shit, why do women sit there and ask, "what did I do? what went wrong?" And play the innocence card.

If the tables were turned and men had this manipulative effect towards women,which some of us do but for the sake of this discussion I digress, what would you do?

Would you be cool knowing ya man has a female friend that essentially knows more about him than you, knows his needs, wants, and cares better than you, and oh yea, has probably fucked your man, better than you??

You could be cool with that, and continue in a happy loving relationship?

Feels like a Brown Sugar moment.

If you're in a relationship, his/her friends should be your friends also. I would not expect my man to give up female friends that he had before he knew me. I know more about my good male friend than other women know. He has more in common with me than he does with any other woman and he constantly reminds me of this. I understand how it is because the women he has dated have problems with our friendship. Those women come and go, but he and I still have a very good friendship and he says if he had to choose between them and me, he would choose me. This may change once he finds "the one", but he swears up and down that I am "the one." By the way, most women feel that no other woman can fuck their man the way they can so that is rarely a concern.

 

[lilsexii]

When you meet a female, don't be too quick to expect her to change her life, just hang back. It's logical to think that if YOU think she's a beautiful and worthwhile person to be around, somebody else is sure to be sniffin around.

As it becomes more serious, a mature woman will know enough and respect you and the relationship enough to take care of business. She should know which relationships to keep and which ones to let go - which ones are truly platonic and which ones have too much sexual tension - those who would be happy for her and those who would interfere.

If you step up to the plate and let her know you're serious, she should simply tell that other nigga that he missed his opportunity and cut it off. If you've done that and she still won't let go, maybe she's not that serious about you...

 

[DJCandle]

This may change once he finds "the one", but he swears up and down that I am "the one."

I don't get it. You have good working relationships, but you both insist on looking for something else? Its almost like that saying "humans rarely see what's right in front of em" holds truth.

By the way, most women feel that no other woman can fuck their man the way they can so that is rarely a concern.

I feel that. Whether or not its true, I don't know, but I know what you mean.

 

[SxxxyBlckBtch]

So let's say that if/when never comes and you tied to ol boy for good. Is it safe to say your male friends are on the bench for good? And you can kiss whatever sorta relationship you had with them, goodbye?

not nessisarily... i would still communicate jsut not on the level it was like chillin going out n shit like that... just e-mail sor somthing sending pic of the kids n loved ones.. yanno that typa shit and i would think that if its on some marrige type shit that there would be that trust level to where this wouldnt be an issue.

 

[Jam_Jam]

I don't get it. You have good working relationships, but you both insist on looking for something else? Its almost like that saying "humans rarely see what's right in front of em" holds truth.

The problem I have him is that I know some of his ex's. One in particular is crazy about him. All three of us have hung out together in the past and she calls me all the time to talk about him. He is no longer seeing her, but she recently stopped by his place unannounced three days in the row. The first thing she does is search the place. She is obsessed with him and I am not comfortable with the situation. I went out to dinner with him last weekend and as I was leaving the restaurant she called me. I told her that he and I just got done having dinner and she asked why wasn't she invited. He tells me to stop allowing her to dictate what I do, but she has talked to me about him so much that I would feel like I was stabbing her in the back if I got serious with him. He gets angry when I bring up her name or tell him that she called me. He will always be my friend, but it's really hard dealing with this situation. I don't want to hurt him and I don't want to hurt her so I don't entertain the idea of being with him.

 

[bigirl]

Hey DJ please tell me for real how many female djs/producers you know who really really are on it like that as far as serious digging in the crates and having rooms full of vinyl and beat skills. I ask this because alot of my male friends are music and business fam. Nothing more nothing less. I never let the 2 cross over. If a guy has a problem with this then thats his problem.

 

[demere]

I guess life dictates certain situations, but these two for example. You both claim you are committed and loving this "fuck buddy" of yours and that they are your best friends... why aren't you with that person?

He is not the person I want to be with. There are things that I'm looking for in a mate that he does offer. I really love him as a friend and I am attracted to him. This is why I say, when I am in serious relationship, I won't spend time with him one-on-one.

 

[Chicutie]

I guess life dictates certain situations, but these two for example. You both claim you are committed and loving this "fuck buddy" of yours and that they are your best friends... why aren't you with that person?

To answer your question, he is my friend first. . . We have been friends for the last 10 years but our sexual relationship only began in this last year. We are both single and thought about having a romantic relationship. . but too many negatives came about. He lives about 4 hours from me, is slightly older and is focused on being married with kids within the next 2-3 years. That is not where I see myself in that time period. We just have different goals and different qualities we like in a mate. So although he is my best friend. .. I know he is not the "one" for me.

 

[DJCandle]

I don't get it. You have good working relationships, but you both insist on looking for something else? Its almost like that saying "humans rarely see what's right in front of em" holds truth.

The problem I have him is that I know some of his ex's. One in particular is crazy about him. All three of us have hung out together in the past and she calls me all the time to talk about him. He is no longer seeing her, but she recently stopped by his place unannounced three days in the row. The first thing she does is search the place. She is obsessed with him and I am not comfortable with the situation. I went out to dinner with him last weekend and as I was leaving the restaurant she called me. I told her that he and I just got done having dinner and she asked why wasn't she invited. He tells me to stop allowing her to dictate what I do, but she has talked to me about him so much that I would feel like I was stabbing her in the back if I got serious with him. He gets angry when I bring up her name or tell him that she called me. He will always be my friend, but it's really hard dealing with this situation. I don't want to hurt him and I don't want to hurt her so I don't entertain the idea of being with him.

Sounds like you got bigger problems than male friends. Seems like you dealing wit a fatal attraction, on her part, over there. But dude is right. You moving according to her rules. Somethings gotta give. Good luck wit that one.

 

[DJCandle]

Hey DJ please tell me for real how many female djs/producers you know who really really are on it like that as far as serious digging in the crates and having rooms full of vinyl and beat skills. I ask this because alot of my male friends are music and business fam. Nothing more nothing less. I never let the 2 cross over. If a guy has a problem with this then thats his problem.

Aside from Shortee, and Beverley Bond, none really. Bond still holds down alotta tha events in the Metro area. I think she spun at Gilbert Arenas birthday bash last year.

 

[DJCandle]

To answer your question, he is my friend first. . . We have been friends for the last 10 years but our sexual relationship only began in this last year. We are both single and thought about having a romantic relationship. . but too many negatives came about. He lives about 4 hours from me, is slightly older and is focused on being married with kids within the next 2-3 years. That is not where I see myself in that time period. We just have different goals and different qualities we like in a mate. So although he is my best friend. .. I know he is not the "one" for me.

Makes sense. I know that Long Distance stuff well, and please believe that aint easy.

 

[DJCandle]

He is not the person I want to be with. There are things that I'm looking for in a mate that he does offer. I really love him as a friend and I am attracted to him. This is why I say, when I am in serious relationship, I won't spend time with him one-on-one.

So you'd risk losing that, instead of tryna get the buddy and the booty?

 

[bigirl]

Aside from Shortee, and Beverley Bond, none really. Bond still holds down alotta tha events in the Metro area. I think she spun at Gilbert Arenas birthday bash last year.

so then you could overstand having a cipher with the boys then. right?

 

[DJCandle]

so then you could overstand having a cipher with the boys then. right?

Certainly. Where are we going with this?

 

[bigirl]

Certainly. Where are we going with this?

the point is that not all male friends of females are past nor future dick.
there are a myriad of other reasons to have them as well i just gave one example. haha weed friends and making $ friends are 2 more.

 

[DJCandle]

the point is that not all male friends of females are past nor future dick.
there are a myriad of other reasons to have them as well i just gave one example. haha weed friends and making $ friends are 2 more.

This is thinking of the female granted. But if you for one second believe that dudes aint tryna get up in a chick, you need to holla at ya guy friends a little closer ma.

Especially when these reasons are the common point between the two of em?? Makes it a little more special. Feel me?

Like if I told you to get on tha tables, and lemme mix the middle.

I feel what you saying, but don't put it past this gender. Every nigga in ya cipher prolly tryna dig up in your crates. You just may not know it.

 

[bigirl]

This is thinking of the female granted. But if you for one second believe that dudes aint tryna get up in a chick, you need to holla at ya guy friends a little closer ma.

Especially when these reasons are the common point between the two of em?? Makes it a little more special. Feel me?

Like if I told you to get on tha tables, and lemme mix the middle.

I feel what you saying, but don't put it past this gender. Every nigga in ya cipher prolly tryna dig up in your crates. You just may not know it.

I don't put nothing past any of you.
However there are instances where you making so much $ together and doing so much biz you would never fuck it up like that.
Alot of my guy friends are married too and I am friends with their wives too so it would just never happen.
I am alot older than you too though.

 

[mistavez]

Depends on this chick, dude and situation. Im a male friend to plenty of chicks i would smash, but on the flip side ive had some of those "friendships" become friends with benefits type situations. My general rule i go by is you could trust the person your with and be aiight, but sometimes its not trusting the situation and what could happen due to circumstances

 

[demere]

So you'd risk losing that, instead of tryna get the buddy and the booty?

Who knows what the future holds. He is 29 and I am 27, and I figure we will both end up parting ways and starting something of our own. The friendship will remain no matter what in my opinion, it would just have to evolve.

 

[demere]

So you'd risk losing that, instead of tryna get the buddy and the booty?

Who knows what the future holds. He is 29 and I am 27, and I figure we will both end up parting ways and starting something of our own. The friendship will remain no matter what in my opinion, it would just have to evolve.