Black Marriage Negotiations.....Why are Black Women single?

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

That's how it goes but women who are sitting by themselves talking about "I want a Barack" need to check themselves because maybe their "Barack" came and went.



The problem I have with that is it bestows a certain level of humanity to women while taking it from men. We just fuck to be fucking while women are searching for a better situation. Believe me, there are plenty men who could be labeled "disloyal" who really just got fed up trying to make it work with their obstinate mate.
The idea that women are more noble than men is just a lie perpetrated by people who need women to buy their products.

I honestly have never seen or heard a woman who wasn't on TV say that. Never. And i'm beginning to think that it's something guys are saying women are saying to try to justify themselves for something silly they themselves aren't accomplishing.

About the disloyalty thing? Nobility as defined by who? Women do tend to look for a better situation, it's kinda genetic to me. It's not about nobility to me really so much as it's about instinct.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

or maybe he is on his way. Just because 2 people are good people it does not mean that they are compatible in a relationship. And the timing has to be right too.

Agreed.

I honestly have never seen or heard a woman who wasn't on TV say that. Never. And i'm beginning to think that it's something guys are saying women are saying to try to justify themselves for something silly they themselves aren't accomplishing.

Then you would be surprised.

About the disloyalty thing? Nobility as defined by who? Women do tend to look for a better situation, it's kinda genetic to me. It's not about nobility to me really so much as it's about instinct.

But don't seem to extend that to men. You think we prefer bad situations? And when do you look at your "instincts" and realize it's just a sign of either immaturity or selfishness?

 

[dHustla]

And when do you look at your "instincts" and realize it's just a sign of either immaturity or selfishness?

Chuuch!

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Agreed.
But you (? is that what you meant?)don't seem to extend that to men. You think we prefer bad situations? And when do you look at your "instincts" and realize it's just a sign of either immaturity or selfishness?

No i don't think males prefer bad situations. I believe males and females are different, so what we look for in life is different. Janeca and Jerome. Together for such n such amount of years. Usually, more often than not. Janeca is going to want to be cared for. She wants security, something actual. Now depending on how she is, that actuality may vary from mine. But at the base of it, she wants to be taken care of by her man, she wants that security that males provide. That's natural.

Eventually Janeca will see Jerome isn't going to provide that. And she will leave him. She is unsettled. Spiritually. I firmly believe a woman will never be spiritually settled until she finds a man who secures her.

Immature and selfish to whom? If you are not providing for me then why is it immature and selfish of me to stick around?

 

[Upgrade Dave]

No i don't think males prefer bad situations. I believe males and females are different, so what we look for in life is different. Janeca and Jerome. Together for such n such amount of years. Usually, more often than not. Janeca is going to want to be cared for. She wants security, something actual. Now depending on how she is, that actuality may vary from mine. But at the base of it, she wants to be taken care of by her man, she wants that security that males provide. That's natural.

Eventually Janeca will see Jerome isn't going to provide that. And she will leave him. She is unsettled. Spiritually. I firmly believe a woman will never be spiritually settled until she finds a man who secures her.

Immature and selfish to whom? If you are not providing for me then why is it immature and selfish of me to stick around?

Yes it is what I meant. Thanks.

It doesn't necessarily have to be but that's based on your rationale not the act itself. If a you and I are building together and it hits a rough patch and you bail because you "don't feel secure", that's immature and needlessly selfish (a little selfish is a good thing). That should earn said person a big fat "Fuck You" from the choir.
Plus every couple needs to figure out and negotiate their terms very early on. Does being taken care of, from her perspective, mean I go out and work and you stay home? If it does and the man isn't a big fan, he should say so ASAP and they both need to keep taking applications. That's where some real honesty and openness would be key.

 

[BCAA2009]

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Yes it is what I meant. Thanks.

It doesn't necessarily have to be but that's based on your rationale not the act itself. If a you and I are building together and it hits a rough patch and you bail because you "don't feel secure", that's immature and needlessly selfish (a little selfish is a good thing). That should earn said person a big fat "Fuck You" from the choir.
Plus every couple needs to figure out and negotiate their terms very early on. Does being taken care of, from her perspective, mean I go out and work and you stay home? If it does and the man isn't a big fan, he should say so ASAP and they both need to keep taking applications. That's where some real honesty and openness would be key.

How long am i supposed to stick it out with you? Hmm? How long am i supposed to wait for you to get your act together? How long am i supposed to do my job and you not do yours?

My mentality is this. As a man you make me a home. You provide for me a place to work from. That's my job. I care of the home. I care for you in the home. You provide it for me to make your children. It's the natural way of things. i'm not hunting. I'm not providing. That's YOUR job. Why should i hunt and provide as well as make a home too?

In modern terms i guess if you lose your job, and i'm working and taking care of the house, how long am i supposed to wait? You guys think i'm supposed to sit around and just pray to the lawd above that oh me oh my 1 day Jerome gets off his ass and stops tryin ta and actually DOES?

Man no. HELL NO.

My husband and i had that fundamental understanding. I took care of home. He took care of everything outside the home. He provided. If he couldn't provide we went without. But that was very rare and few and far between. He gladly accepted and welcomed his task because he was man enough to accept it. When we hit hardtimes i knew what kind of man he was. I knew he wouldn't let us wallow. I knew he'd do anything neccasary to pull us up. And he did. I helped as well, but as soon as we got things back to an even keel. We went back to our regularly scheduled program.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

How long am i supposed to stick it out with you? Hmm? How long am i supposed to wait for you to get your act together? How long am i supposed to do my job and you not do yours?

As long as you would want and expect me to stick it out for you.

My mentality is this. As a man you make me a home. You provide for me a place to work from. That's my job. I care of the home. I care for you in the home. You provide it for me to make your children. It's the natural way of things. i'm not hunting. I'm not providing. That's YOUR job. Why should i hunt and provide as well as make a home too?

That's fair, as long as you have a partner that sees it like that and you agree from the beginning. Too often, people get together and one of them switches up as soon as they got what they want.
For me, that wouldn't work. If we go by the natural way of things, I have the right to bang out a few chicks to spread my seed but we're not Cro-Magnons. My mate works because I have to know if something happens to me, my family can carry on and I wouldn't have that security with a stay-at-homer. But that's me and I have a spouse who agrees and it works.

In modern terms i guess if you lose your job, and i'm working and taking care of the house, how long am i supposed to wait? You guys think i'm supposed to sit around and just pray to the lawd above that oh me oh my 1 day Jerome gets off his ass and stops tryin ta and actually DOES?

As long as you would expect me to support and wait for you. Did our hypothetical Jerome just decide to stop working or did he lose his job? If he's a steady dude, why would you leave because he lost his job? There are plenty of people, men and women, who are allergic to working but you can spot them easy and early. If Jerome's not one of them but a solid guy who's taken a "L" what kind of wife would leave her husband? He would be better off without that one.

My husband and i had that fundamental understanding. I took care of home. He took care of everything outside the home. He provided. If he couldn't provide we went without. But that was very rare and few and far between. He gladly accepted and welcomed his task because he was man enough to accept it. When we hit hardtimes i knew what kind of man he was. I knew he wouldn't let us wallow. I knew he'd do anything neccasary to pull us up. And he did. I helped as well, but as soon as we got things back to an even keel. We went back to our regularly scheduled program.

That goes back to what I've always said about people knowing who they're marrying/attached to, that person's expectations,and they have to have a mutually agreed upon situation.
For instance, I do not cook. Not what I do. But my wife's had to work late this week so instead of waiting for her to come home, I've cooked for myself and my son. But next week, that flips back. She's told me that some of her friends get the look when she tells them she comes home to cook but that's the mutually agreed upon role she's taken on. So I never criticize other people's thing as long as it's working for them but I know what goes on in my house wouldn't necessarily work in everybody else's.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

As long as you would want and expect me to stick it out for you.

Stick what out?

That's fair, as long as you have a partner that sees it like that and you agree from the beginning. Too often, people get together and one of them switches up as soon as they got what they want.
For me, that wouldn't work. If we go by the natural way of things, I have the right to bang out a few chicks to spread my seed but we're not Cro-Magnons. My mate works because I have to know if something happens to me, my family can carry on and I wouldn't have that security with a stay-at-homer. But that's me and I have a spouse who agrees and it works.

That's fine, that's how you want it. Which as far as i'm concerned is perfect because it's how you want it. It works for thee.

As long as you would expect me to support and wait for you. Did our hypothetical Jerome just decide to stop working or did he lose his job? If he's a steady dude, why would you leave because he lost his job? There are plenty of people, men and women, who are allergic to working but you can spot them easy and early. If Jerome's not one of them but a solid guy who's taken a "L" what kind of wife would leave her husband? He would be better off without that one.

Like i asked before. How long am i supposed to deal with this? That's really the only thing i think is going on here. We MAY have a difference of time period. If Jerome loses his job and hasn't found a way to support us...how long do i wait?


That goes back to what I've always said about people knowing who they're marrying/attached to, that person's expectations,and they have to have a mutually agreed upon situation.
For instance, I do not cook. Not what I do. But my wife's had to work late this week so instead of waiting for her to come home, I've cooked for myself and my son. But next week, that flips back. She's told me that some of her friends get the look when she tells them she comes home to cook but that's the mutually agreed upon role she's taken on. So I never criticize other people's thing as long as it's working for them but I know what goes on in my house wouldn't necessarily work in everybody else's.

That's short term. And you should know i'm not talking short term. Short term speaking i had to work when hubby lost his job. That's expected. But once again...How long is this whole role reversal here going to take place? How long is a woman supposed to put up with it?

You, like many guys(doon't mean to take this as a diss) You seem to believe that it's a never answer. I only say this because you haven't answered me about a time of how long it is i'm supposed to wait. You instead deflect(?) asking me about what you should wait for.

I'll say it like this, i'd honestly give my husband years. But then...my husband was the type of man he wouldn't want me to be around him if he was down and out anyway.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

[.

That's short term. And you should know i'm not talking short term. Short term speaking i had to work when hubby lost his job. That's expected. But once again...How long is this whole role reversal here going to take place? How long is a woman supposed to put up with it?


You, like many guys(doon't mean to take this as a diss) You seem to believe that it's a never answer. I only say this because you haven't answered me about a time of how long it is i'm supposed to wait. You instead deflect(?) asking me about what you should wait for.

I'll say it like this, i'd honestly give my husband years. But then...my husband was the type of man he wouldn't want me to be around him if he was down and out anyway.

It's not a deflection at all. It's a very direct answer. You should wait for as long as you would expect me to wait for you if the roles were reversed. You said you would have given your husband years. Of course you would because you knew he wasn't the type to just chill and was working to correct course. That's the answer. It's not even intellectually honest to try to put a hard number on something like that.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

Forget the silly video that started it, this thread is really about marriage negotiations. Cool how that worked.

 

[followup]

Forget the silly video that started it, this thread is really about marriage negotiations. Cool how that worked.

It's sad, I want to join the discussion, but I have no idea what it's about now LOL.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

It's sad, I want to join the discussion, but I have no idea what it's about now LOL.

Sorry. Me and LI sorta jacked it but we're still on the subject of marriage negotiations, just in a more substantive way.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

It's not a deflection at all. It's a very direct answer. You should wait for as long as you would expect me to wait for you if the roles were reversed. You said you would have given your husband years. Of course you would because you knew he wasn't the type to just chill and was working to correct course. That's the answer. It's not even intellectually honest to try to put a hard number on something like that.

I don't see it as the same amount of relevance at all. And i know it's not really a good point to put a number on it. But still you CAN tell me what you honestly believe a woman in this situation, that i know SO MANY women are in, is supposed to do. How long is she supposed to hang in there? Because what you're giving me is just as long as he would, that's not the same thing.

His role in things? Providing for his family? For their future? To be the head of the family/household. It's (can't think of the word) Don't want to say important. But it's the only 1 i'm thinking of right now. It's important and it should come first. His role is the BASE of what she has to do. He's the lead, the charge. So no he can't just kinda sit back and chill out and say "oh she got it" Like she could. With her job in this.

I'm not saying she should ever do that either. By the way lol But i definitely feel that it's not the same. To sit there and make it the same is .... not a good thing. In this level of crisis their roles are not the same wave of importance. Hell all i can think of for this is in military terms.

Your husband establishes the base and provides protection and maintenance. The wife is support, logistics. I can't do my job, unless he's doing his job. I guess this is the best way to say it. If he leaves his job, the base will crumble, it will open for attack. That's something immediate. As soon as the tanks and crap and guns leave the base we're open for attack immediately. If i took a day off of my job it's not great loss. It's bad, but it's not AS bad as if everything there just left.

This is tied into what i've been saying about males and their importance in our communities. How freakin vital they are, and why SO many people are fucked up now. I always wonder what the world, this society i mean would be like if mothers just were as absent as fathers.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

It's sad, I want to join the discussion, but I have no idea what it's about now LOL.

I don't like it when males believe a woman is supposed to wait forever for him to get his stuff together in a marriage.

I think Mr. Dave is saying a woman is supposed to wait for as long as a man is supposed to wait. I think this is a deflection as a woman's job in this marriage when the husband is the provider is dependent on his provisions.

 

[bgbtylvr]

SIMPLE REASONS

1) Fat and doing nothing about it.
2) Unhappy and refusing to get to the bottom of it.
3) Most unapproachable group of women alive.
4) Prefer weaker men, but claim the want a strong one.
5) Avoid men who will call them on their shit.
6) Only take advice from females in the same boat at them.
7) They don't respect the black male's struggle. Belittle our struggles.
8) Raised by the worst example of a woman into a copycat failure.
9) Prefer fashion or substance.
10) Think the world owes them something because they got a fat ass or good pussy.

 

[followup]

SIMPLE REASONS

1) Fat and doing nothing about it.
2) Unhappy and refusing to get to the bottom of it.
3) Most unapproachable group of women alive.
4) Prefer weaker men, but claim the want a strong one.
5) Avoid men who will call them on their shit.
6) Only take advice from females in the same boat at them.
7) They don't respect the black male's struggle. Belittle our struggles.
8) Raised by the worst example of a woman into a copycat failure.
9) Prefer fashion or substance.
10) Think the world owes them something because they got a fat ass or good pussy.

And you wonder why some women won't give you the time of day So this is your perception of black women? VERY sad and disturbing. If I said this exact same thing about single black men, you would have a story to tell or try to flip it around on black women

 

[HALO2]

hmmm

 

[Upgrade Dave]

I don't see it as the same amount of relevance at all. And i know it's not really a good point to put a number on it. But still you CAN tell me what you honestly believe a woman in this situation, that i know SO MANY women are in, is supposed to do. How long is she supposed to hang in there? Because what you're giving me is just as long as he would, that's not the same thing.

Not as long as he would but as long as you would expect him to, two different things.

His role in things? Providing for his family? For their future? To be the head of the family/household. It's (can't think of the word) Don't want to say important. But it's the only 1 i'm thinking of right now. It's important and it should come first. His role is the BASE of what she has to do. He's the lead, the charge. So no he can't just kinda sit back and chill out and say "oh she got it" Like she could. With her job in this.

I don't see how you think we're not on the same side in this. When you say you would have waited years for your husband, you back up my point. Your husband was a provider and if he had hit an extended period of just bad luck, you would have stuck with him because you knew where his heart and head were. In no way am I for people propping up dead weight spouses of either sex.

I'm not saying she should ever do that either. By the way lol But i definitely feel that it's not the same. To sit there and make it the same is .... not a good thing. In this level of crisis their roles are not the same wave of importance. Hell all i can think of for this is in military terms.

Your husband establishes the base and provides protection and maintenance. The wife is support, logistics. I can't do my job, unless he's doing his job. I guess this is the best way to say it. If he leaves his job, the base will crumble, it will open for attack. That's something immediate. As soon as the tanks and crap and guns leave the base we're open for attack immediately. If i took a day off of my job it's not great loss. It's bad, but it's not AS bad as if everything there just left.

This is tied into what i've been saying about males and their importance in our communities. How freakin vital they are, and why SO many people are fucked up now. I always wonder what the world, this society i mean would be like if mothers just were as absent as fathers.

You don't have to wonder. Those people exist and they make the news all the time.

I don't like it when males believe a woman is supposed to wait forever for him to get his stuff together in a marriage.

I think Mr. Dave is saying a woman is supposed to wait for as long as a man is supposed to wait. I think this is a deflection as a woman's job in this marriage when the husband is the provider is dependent on his provisions.

Then she made a mistake by making herself dependent on another person providing for her. In 2010, that's not the norm and hasn't been for a good while and wasn't the norm for Black households ever (Black women have always worked outside the home). If a couple decide that she (and in many cases, he) should
stay at home, that's fine if it works for them but that homebound partner should have some type skills in case the situation warrants them working outside the home.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

SIMPLE REASONS

1) Fat and doing nothing about it.
2) Unhappy and refusing to get to the bottom of it.
3) Most unapproachable group of women alive.
4) Prefer weaker men, but claim the want a strong one.
5) Avoid men who will call them on their shit.
6) Only take advice from females in the same boat at them.
7) They don't respect the black male's struggle. Belittle our struggles.
8) Raised by the worst example of a woman into a copycat failure.
9) Prefer fashion or substance.
10) Think the world owes them something because they got a fat ass or good pussy.

The bold ones are real joints but those others are way too general or just wrong.

 

[HALO2]

SIMPLE REASONS

1) Fat and doing nothing about it.
2) Unhappy and refusing to get to the bottom of it.3) Most unapproachable group of women alive.
4) Prefer weaker men, but claim the want a strong one.
5) Avoid men who will call them on their shit.
6) Only take advice from females in the same boat at them.
7) They don't respect the black male's struggle. Belittle our struggles.
8) Raised by the worst example of a woman into a copycat failure.
9) Prefer fashion or substance.
10) Think the world owes them something because they got a fat ass or good pussy.

Actually I stopped dating them because of their attitudes and the children. I don't understand why but the majority of them seem to always have children. The last one I dated had 3 kids from 2 different guys. One of them got mad for no reason telling me he didn't want his son calling me daddy. Don't know how that started. He pulled a gun on me and threatened to shoot me. Broke ties with her and swore never to date one ever again. Started dating white girls and there was no daddy drama. We did not have to plan our lives around babysitters. We could leave on the last minute and do what ever. I was so happy I could cry. For years I swore loyalty and wanted to only date black women, but the drama and attitude was too much. I was never really happy. Not saying that white women are better, but they are just better for me. They don't have all the issues for some reason.

 

[Blunt]

A lack of responsible and available black men. Period.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

Wow, this thread dumbed down real quick.

Children, OUT!
If you came in with a "simple" answer, your answer is wrong and you're stupid.

 

[followup]

The bold ones are real joints but those others are way too general or just wrong.

even the ones you co-signed are too general. what a mess...welp, looks like the end of reasonable discussion in this thread. it's been real

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

I don't see how you think we're not on the same side in this. When you say you would have waited years for your husband, you back up my point. Your husband was a provider and if he had hit an extended period of just bad luck, you would have stuck with him because you knew where his heart and head were. In no way am I for people propping up dead weight spouses of either sex.

And this is what i'm saying here. I'm talking about all the people i've seen. All the ones i know of. And have heard about. In situations like this where the man is..down and out. Not working, 1001 excuses about this that and the other of why this isn't happening for him and what not. My question is, how long does she wait?

ou don't have to wonder. Those people exist and they make the news all the time.

I mean if males were left to raise children alone like women have been for the last 30 years.

Then she made a mistake by making herself dependent on another person providing for her. In 2010, that's not the norm and hasn't been for a good while and wasn't the norm for Black households ever (Black women have always worked outside the home). If a couple decide that she (and in many cases, he) should
stay at home, that's fine if it works for them but that homebound partner should have some type skills in case the situation warrants them working outside the home.

Let me say this, I've said the black family has been screwed ever since we were brought to these shores. It's been wrong ever since. We're been broken. I don't like how things are between black men and women. I believe it doesn't fundamentally work. It's uneven. Unnatural. The woman is not supposed to be doing the things she's doing.

All this anger towards women that so many guys have is due to these unnatural circumstances and no one is bothering to understand.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

And you wonder why some women won't give you the time of day So this is your perception of black women? VERY sad and disturbing. If I said this exact same thing about single black men, you would have a story to tell or try to flip it around on black women

What aggs me with his list is 7. That's what made me twinge Like wtf? We don't understand YOUR struggles? WTH? We live your struggles. We experience your struggles on TOP of our own.


MADNESS!!!

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Wow, this thread dumbed down real quick.

Children, OUT!
If you came in with a "simple" answer, your answer is wrong and you're stupid.

lol the hell kinda response is this? LMAO Wrong and You're stupid. lol

 

[JofromthaNO]

How about all the discussions just end and people (men AND women) just start looking at each other as individuals, regardless of race, background, etc.?!? I know I came in this thread, but it disgusted me rather quickly. I know I have to consider background, race, etc. in terms of how it can change the makeup and background of an individual, but it isn't the one variable in the mix that is a prerequisite for a host of other issues/concerns either

Regardless of who I date, what color, etc., I look at him as an individual. I find out about him as an individual, I base my judgment of him as an individual. FUCK all the stuff that is out there about what black women/men do or are like. In my experiences, I have met far too many black men who HATE being prejudged and put in a box, and (black) women are no different...

There, I said my fucking piece...fuck, log off the fucking internet and just date and get out there and experience how beautiful all the hues of people are...and experience how beautiful God made ALL of us...(drops the mic)

 

[Upgrade Dave]

even the ones you co-signed are too general. what a mess...welp, looks like the end of reasonable discussion in this thread. it's been real

Those ones I bolded were ones I've seen over and over and make me .

And this is what i'm saying here. I'm talking about all the people i've seen. All the ones i know of. And have heard about. In situations like this where the man is..down and out. Not working, 1001 excuses about this that and the other of why this isn't happening for him and what not. My question is, how long does she wait?

In those cases, I don't even care. He was a loser before she married him in most cases but she had to have him. Even if she leaves that loser, she'll get another one just like him unless she's found some maturity and learned some discernment.

I mean if males were left to raise children alone like women have been for the last 30 years.

30? Single parenthood isn't a new thing in Black communities, particularly lower income communities. The main change has been the fact that the single mothers are older now and not young teenage girls.

Let me say this, I've said the black family has been screwed ever since we were brought to these shores. It's been wrong ever since. We're been broken. I don't like how things are between black men and women. I believe it doesn't fundamentally work. It's uneven. Unnatural. The woman is not supposed to be doing the things she's doing.

Black women make more money and are better educated than ever and that's changed the dynamic in personal relationships and both men and women are having a hard time adjusting. The same holds true with White people but White men are so far in front, White women haven't caught up to them so it's not as severe.

All this anger towards women that so many guys have is due to these unnatural circumstances and no one is bothering to understand.

I agree.

lol the hell kinda response is this? LMAO Wrong and You're stupid. lol

I hate for grown ups to be in the middle of a good conversation on morons jump in with silly shit. That scares away other grown ups that might want to participate and dumbs down the dialogue.
But I figure we'll keep going and they'll fade away.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

30? Single parenthood isn't a new thing in Black communities, particularly lower income communities. The main change has been the fact that the single mothers are older now and not young teenage girls.

Yeah but...at this level of destruction i guess is what i'm thinking of. It's like we're at the edge of doom right here right now. It feels like, seems like to me we're on the edge of extinction. And it's like no one gives a damn about it.

Black women make more money and are better educated than ever and that's changed the dynamic in personal relationships and both men and women are having a hard time adjusting. The same holds true with White people but White men are so far in front, White women haven't caught up to them so it's not as severe.

I know, and i've heard from a lot of black men that there's alot of resentment in that too.

In those cases, I don't even care. He was a loser before she married him in most cases but she had to have him. Even if she leaves that loser, she'll get another one just like him unless she's found some maturity and learned some discernment.

This is the majority of people though. This is like the biggest issue with alot of us. Blakc men are down and stay down and black women are dogged for staying with them, and then dogged for leaving them. Just my observations i reckon.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

Yeah but...at this level of destruction i guess is what i'm thinking of. It's like we're at the edge of doom right here right now. It feels like, seems like to me we're on the edge of extinction. And it's like no one gives a damn about it.

Calm down sister. Black folks aren't going anywhere. We're just at the front of a major societal change but that comes with being Black in America.

I know, and i've heard from a lot of black men that there's alot of resentment in that too.

It's damn sure there. My wife pulled that card on me once, at a time when I wasn't working and she was and I never forgot and I've never let myself get in a subordinate position where I had to ask her for anything ever since. Now she's seen how fucked up that was and she's not like that anymore but I still don't ask her for money, to the point where I'll do without something and she says "Why didn't you tell me?" And I know my wife is atypical of a lot of women so I can imagine how some other dudes get it when they're woman has the upper hand.

This is the majority of people though. This is like the biggest issue with alot of us. Blakc men are down and stay down and black women are dogged for staying with them, and then dogged for leaving them. Just my observations i reckon.

That's always hard to quantify because you only know what one person is telling you about their situation. No one but those two really know what's happening in their home and their relationship. Both of them will have their side and both of them will be lying and telling the truth at the same time.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

It's damn sure there. My wife pulled that card on me once, at a time when I wasn't working and she was and I never forgot and I've never let myself get in a subordinate position where I had to ask her for anything ever since. Now she's seen how fucked up that was and she's not like that anymore but I still don't ask her for money, to the point where I'll do without something and she says "Why didn't you tell me?" And I know my wife is atypical of a lot of women so I can imagine how some other dudes get it when they're woman has the upper hand.

I know youngins usually do this, it's 1 of the reasons i really dislike this pairing. I made more money than my husband for years. I never once said MY money. I never one time hoarded it over him. I don't really understand how that kind of stuff can come out of a woman's mouth. I have a friend him and his woman got into a big giant fight. He was laid off for like 9 months, And she asked him if they could go to some concert. He said nah they couldn't afford it. And she said it's my money anyway. That didn't turn out well at all. I'm sittin over there driving her to the shelter cuz he went upside her head and at the same time i'm trying to like explain how what she said was so wrong. smh.

That's always hard to quantify because you only know what one person is telling you about their situation. No one but those two really know what's happening in their home and their relationship. Both of them will have their side and both of them will be lying and telling the truth at the same time.

It's not just 1 person. It's something we all witness time and time again in our society though.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

I know youngins usually do this, it's 1 of the reasons i really dislike this pairing. I made more money than my husband for years. I never once said MY money. I never one time hoarded it over him. I don't really understand how that kind of stuff can come out of a woman's mouth. I have a friend him and his woman got into a big giant fight. He was laid off for like 9 months, And she asked him if they could go to some concert. He said nah they couldn't afford it. And she said it's my money anyway. That didn't turn out well at all. I'm sittin over there driving her to the shelter cuz he went upside her head and at the same time i'm trying to like explain how what she said was so wrong. smh.

I figure it's a maturity factor. My wife was young when she did that. She's makes a lot more than me now but it's never happened again.
I'm trying not to laugh at that story but Don't tell it like that anymore. Please.

It's not just 1 person. It's something we all witness time and time again in our society though.

No, I mean you're only getting one side of the story, no matter how many times you hear the story.

 

[dHustla]

Forget the silly video that started it, this thread is really about marriage negotiations. Cool how that worked.

Ay, What gives? The video wasn't silly.

It's a positive take on the actual silly animated video. Oh, I guess that's the one you were talking about. @ myself.

My threads >>>>>>>>

 

[dHustla]

...

...

Y'all 2 go back and muthafuckin forth with this same shit all the time...

Y'all are debating semantics really. It's just that LI isn't logical with her reasoning.



LI: "you still haven't answered my question. How long am I supposed to put up with it?! *rolling neck*

UPGRADE: "as long as you would want him to put up with you." *says the wise, level-headed person*

Really, if you have to question how long you should put up with a man not providing then you chose the wrong man.

Don't blame the man, blame your decisions.