You ever been on a date with a broad and she had to take a shit?

[LSN]

Been using these every since I saw them on Shark Tank.

hilarious...I just went to ESPN to see who won the rockies/cubs game and seen this story



Jets' Isaiah Crowell gets wipe endorsement after celebration

http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/24874850/jets-running-back-isaiah-crowell-gets-endorsement-butt-wipe

 

[man-machine]

I had a date with a girl who was probably one of the most beautiful women I ever seen, she was mixed light skined Egyptian and Black. She had small breasts but very nice round ass. Long hair 5'4 120 lbs. I was just outta college and at my physical peak. We had great sex and had great fun outside of the physical as well. Our friendship changed one evening at her apt when after eating, this dime classy female stood up to take dishes in kitchen and ripped the fart of all farts. It would have made Andre the Giant blush,it was 5-10 secs loud with bass. If it was just the sound it would have been something to laugh at but the smell was unworldly. She apologized and tried to explain it away as lactose but it was so bad I can remember it today over 25 years later. its still hard to believe someone so pretty and fine could produce that sound and smell.

Did it sound like the beginning of Stevie Wonder's "Boogie on Reggae Woman"?





You guys are Hilarious. As for me now that I am regrettably, single again I'm not gonna let something like a BM separate me from a pretty woman and an evening Lovemaking or Gratuitous sex. The way I see it its a sign of a healthy individual. I would appreciate a "Regular" woman. I haven't been constipated since the days when "Grape Tang" was new when I was a crumb snatcher. Having been with someone who wasn't as regular as I am I definitely can appreciate someone who is. As men, we all are familiar with the beach being closed due to the Red Tide once a month. How about not being able to get to the beach because of a serious brown backup on the Hershey Highway. I'm putting a Biday Seat in my Master Bathroom. When I get back out there, Ladies feel free to blast away if you have to.

 

[SamSneed]

I’ve jump started a few bitches

 

[Eli_Porter]

Just for emergency sakes though everyone should have these items if they can't be at their home throne. I keep a shit kit in my ride just in case.

Everyone's Shit Kit should include:

[MANDATORY BASICS]​

1) Disinfectant spray or bathroom cleaning spray for bathroom surfaces such as toilet seats. I only trust my home toilet.

2) A roll of paper towels to wipe down toilet seats after spraying them just in case no paper towels are availbable.

3) Flushable wipes because dry toilet paper alone will not do the job. You are just smearing dry shit.

4) A roll of your favorite toilet paper to follow up after using the flushable wipes.

[OPTIONAL ADDITIONS]​

5) Have a matchbook. You can strike matches to cancel out the smell. The trisulfide potassium chlorate(match head) has excellent doo doo smell cancelling qualities.

6) Air freshener. If you are using an acquaintance's toilet show them some respect. Don't bomb them out of their own house.

7) A fresh pair of undergarments with a plastic bag to place the messed up pair just in case you accidentally soil your undergarments. As the saying goes "shit happens".

How the fuck old are you depends wearing, geriatric lookin ass niggas?

 

[Soul On Ice]

How the fuck old are you depends wearing, geriatric lookin ass niggas?

yeah it aint that serious for me
hope im 90 before it ever does

 

[YoungSinister]

I’m going to use these stories for financial gain. I love you niggas

I remember I took out this Japanese jawn to eat Italian food. For desert we ordered crem brûlée . Just an FYI all Asians are lactose intolerant. Literally 10 minutes after eating while waiting for the check she gets up and runs to the bathroom. She didn’t say a word just ran. 5 minutes later I walked back to the bathroom to check on her and heard massive amounts of water splashes and flatulence. She refused to come out the bathroom out of embarrassment. That was the last time I saw her.

This wasn't a date but I once went to shoot this CAC escort for boudoir pics in a very upscale hotel.


The second I walked in... BAM it hit me, she had to of taken a shit b4 I got there and the entire time I was there for more than an hour, the smell was lingering. Not sure if was farting after or what, but she never even said 'shit' about it or made an awkward gesture.


Never forget that day. I was dying to get some fresh air when I left.

Good looking out my niggas

 

[God-Of-War-420]

I got no shame, told my girl I shit, you shit. We all shit... I ain’t avoid to be embarrassed over natural functions. Then I took a massive shit in her house. That was day one lol