turning the tables..is int'l. the way to go for af. american women??

[Adam Knows]

what's good for the goose is also good for the gander.

ladies do you feel the only way you'll find the ideal man who will work 40 hours a week, stay faithful, keep your marriage interesting, do his part with the kids, by marrying a man from outside of the U.S.?

 

[LogicBlack]

what's good for the goose is also good for the gander.

ladies do you feel the only way you'll find the ideal man who will work 40 hours a week, stay faithful, keep your marriage interesting, do his part with the kids, by marrying a man from outside of the U.S.?

It isn't working for us now We're all people and just because one man says Oui Oui and the other says Hello doesn't mean the grass will be greener.

Thats just like saying will african american women be better off lesbians and WE ALL KNOW that route is always tainted. They'res the same problems if not more with all that.

 

[Adam Knows]

It isn't working for us now We're all people and just because one man says Oui Oui and the other says Hello doesn't mean the grass will be greener.

Thats just like saying will african american women be better off lesbians and WE ALL KNOW that route is always tainted. They'res the same problems if not more with all that.

i know.

but since there was a post made about men doing it i wondered if women felt different or the same.

 

[LogicBlack]

 

[bigirl]

I love my West Indian men

 

[Adam Knows]

I love my West Indian men

your not american....

 

[ladyscorpio]

I am not American DD but I got me love for all black men. However, I gotta tell you I love my West Indian men. Nothing in the world like um

 

[ladyscorpio]

your not american....

oh dear was I not to answer either? sowwy

 

[LogicBlack]

Well at the least in Florida its rare to see a west indian woman date outside her ethnicity.

 

[Shadow]

Florida is the exception, then. It's very easy to get a west indian woman, if you conversation is right from the jump.

Very easy going, but can smell weakness and fear from a mile away.

I never had a problem. @LS

 

[black again]

Have at it, I say. If you can find happiness abroad, go for it. BUTTTT, in several counties, men treat their women much worse than Black men are alleged to do. Parts of Latin America, India, ...some other countries also, I'm sure, women are lil more than property.

 

[ladyscorpio]

Florida is the exception, then. It's very easy to get a west indian woman, if you conversation is right from the jump.

Very easy going, but can smell weakness and fear from a mile away.

I never had a problem. @LS

its dat sugar in meh blood baby

 

[Eva Hornae]

I love my West Indian men

what she said...

 

[DeSiRe]

african american are loyal to black men almost to a fault

black men have made it clear there are other fish in the sea and have been exploring other options

while black women will sit around and rather be single than date outside thier race

i do agree we need to explore some other options also instead settling for a lame guy...or being single

i have never dated anyone other than a black guy and i used to say thats all ill ever date...but now...im open to see what else is out there

 

[Crown&Coke]

african american are loyal to black men almost to a fault

black men have made it clear there are other fish in the sea and have been exploring other options

while black women will sit around and rather be single than date outside thier race

i do agree we need to explore some other options also instead settling for a lame guy...or being single

i have never dated anyone other than a black guy and i used to say thats all ill ever date...but now...im open to see what else is out there

There are black women that date outside their race just like some black men do it.​

 

[LogicBlack]

i do agree we need to explore some other options also instead settling for a lame guy...or being single

OK ITS SIMPLE. GET A DECENT BLACK MAN HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! problem solved.


Men dont have problems running thru the whores and picking a decent woman. But black women will pick an OBVIOUS problem in a man. Then act like they didnt do anything wrong in judgment and on top of that try to justify to save face.

 

[DeSiRe]

OK ITS SIMPLE. GET A DECENT BLACK MAN HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! problem solved.


Men dont have problems running thru the whores and picking a decent woman. But black women will pick an OBVIOUS problem in a man. Then act like they didnt do anything wrong in judgment and on top of that try to justify to save face.

black men date outside thier race all the time...

all im saying is why cant black women do it too

or are we not allowed

 

[almondcinnamon]

I don't post often on this board, but I do lurk a lot. This is a topic that I have experience in so feel compelled to chime in.I think Black women should consider dating people other than African-American men, especially non-American black men.

When I was in high school, I had trouble forming positive relationships with American black men. Granted it was high school, an age where men and women are both immature and focus on superfluous, superficial things, but the American Black guys tended to look over me for the light skinned (no offense to light skinned women, we're all sisters) girls with the "good hair" or the brown sista who was a ho and willing to give it up easily. Although I am an attractive, intelligent, well put together brown sista, a lot of the black guys in school labeled me as "undatable" because I was "too dark" and too studious.

By the time I got to college, I was somewhat emotionally scared black men due to my poor experiences in high school. The college I attended was a highly ranked predominately white school where the overall number of black students was piss poor and the bulk of American black men in school were scholarship athletes. There were however a number of non-American black males who were actually academic students, not athletes.

My first serious boyfriend in college was a pre-med student from West Africa. He thought I was beautiful, he valued my deep brow skin and thought my intellect and desire to achieve academically was sexy, not a turn off. After dating him I discovered a wealth of other non-American Black men who were similar. After my experience with this guy, I am not ashamed to admit that during college and law school, I had an policy of exclusively dating only non-American Black men. It worked wonderfully for me. While I watched all my sista friends go through drama with American black men who were two (or three) timing them with other women, not willing to commit, mooching off of them for money or room and board, or generally treating them horribly, I managed to avoid any and all such drama. While my relationships with non-American black men were by no means perfect, they were healthy, committed and loving relationships, something I did not see in many of my friends relationships with American Black men.

A lot of us Black women are hell bent on sticking with American black men through thick and then, despite their shortcomings. Some of us would even rather remain single or date someone not worthy just to have an American-black man. For myself, I want (and found) a long-time partner who is committed, educated, family oriented and respects me and himself. Unfortunately, I found that these qualities are missing in a lot of American black men, so I chose to open my options and it worked wonders for me. I suggest that other Black women do the same. Black men have no problem bitching about our shortcomings and being with women other than American-black women so we should have no problem doing the same.

 

[thismybgolname]

I don't post often on this board, but I do lurk a lot. This is a topic that I have experience in so feel compelled to chime in.I think Black women should consider dating people other than African-American men, especially non-American black men.

When I was in high school, I had trouble forming positive relationships with American black men. Granted it was high school, an age where men and women are both immature and focus on superfluous, superficial things, but the American Black guys tended to look over me for the light skinned (no offense to light skinned women, we're all sisters) girls with the "good hair" or the brown sista who was a ho and willing to give it up easily. Although I am an attractive, intelligent, well put together brown sista, a lot of the black guys in school labeled me as "undatable" because I was "too dark" and too studious.

By the time I got to college, I was somewhat emotionally scared black men due to my poor experiences in high school. The college I attended was a highly ranked predominately white school where the overall number of black students was piss poor and the bulk of American black men in school were scholarship athletes. There were however a number of non-American black males who were actually academic students, not athletes.

My first serious boyfriend in college was a pre-med student from West Africa. He thought I was beautiful, he valued my deep brow skin and thought my intellect and desire to achieve academically was sexy, not a turn off. After dating him I discovered a wealth of other non-American Black men who were similar. After my experience with this guy, I am not ashamed to admit that during college and law school, I had an policy of exclusively dating only non-American Black men. It worked wonderfully for me. While I watched all my sista friends go through drama with American black men who were two (or three) timing them with other women, not willing to commit, mooching off of them for money or room and board, or generally treating them horribly, I managed to avoid any and all such drama. While my relationships with non-American black men were by no means perfect, they were healthy, committed and loving relationships, something I did not see in many of my friends relationships with American Black men.

A lot of us Black women are hell bent on sticking with American black men through thick and then, despite their shortcomings. Some of us would even rather remain single or date someone not worthy just to have an American-black man. For myself, I want (and found) a long-time partner who is committed, educated, family oriented and respects me and himself. Unfortunately, I found that these qualities are missing in a lot of American black men, so I chose to open my options and it worked wonders for me. I suggest that other Black women do the same. Black men have no problem bitching about our shortcomings and being with women other than American-black women so we should have no problem doing the same.

Sounds like we lost a good one.

 

[Iron]

Sounds like we lost a good one.

Cosign.

 

[Crown&Coke]

Find a good man no matter what color or what country he from. There are plenty good black men and women out there, you might have to fight through some trash but there are some good ones out there.​

 

[DarkCity]

Sounds like we lost a good one.

This "good one" seems to have wrote us off from age 18. I don't know if y'all remember being 18 but most of us are still immature and brainwashed. Glad homegirl found what works for her. But I will not sit here and be cool with her painting this picture of me, A Black American Man. People are people regardless of place of origin or skin color. It's all about your ethics and values. I feel the same way when I hear those brothers need to go overseas for a good woman too.

Nigga please step your game up and make better decisions.

 

[Iron]

This "good one" seems to have wrote us off from age 18. I don't know if y'all remember being 18 but most of us are still immature and brainwashed. Glad homegirl found what works for her. But I will not sit here and be cool with her painting this picture of me, A Black American Man. People are people regardless of place of origin or skin color. It's all about your ethics and values. I feel the same way when I hear those brothers need to go overseas for a good woman too.

Nigga please step your game up and make better decisions.

what you said is true but I didn't read or feel like she was personally insulting me "A Black American man" she was just writing about her experiences.

I know who I 'am.

I don't walk all over women.

I try to treat everybody i meet with kidness and respect.


She seems like she has her head on straight though. And just got tired. Real early.Real fast.

Found something that worked for her.
Compared it to what everyone else had.
Found out that it was consistent.
Decided to stick with it.

You know that alot of people in this country are under educated, missed raised, and miss informed about themselves and where they come from.

It's difficult to deprogram yourself and start the process of reeducating yourself.
To look @ things from a more worldly perspective.
Most people don't realize that they have to unlearn alot of what they were taught growing up in America.
So they get mentaly stuck in one place. Only seeing one side.

It shouldn't matter where a person comes from
but there's some truth to it.

People are taught differently elsewhere.

We hear it all the time.

"I went to Africa, The West Indies,Brasil. The women there are top knotch very nuturing and patient. Intelligent, well read, well traveld, Can hold a decent conversation. Family oriented, takes care of the home,etc.."

It's hard as hell trying to shift through the chicken heads and the hood rats, drama queens, gold diggers. Laziness, selfishness...blah blah blah.
All those horrible personalities.
All that just to find a nice woman or man.
You'll be single forever.

I know it sounds really simple, shallow and a little too convenient.
But Why go through all of that work and loneliness if you can just fly to Africa or Brasil and find a nice person right off the bat.

 

[onyxfemme]

Find a good man no matter what color or what country he from. There are plenty good black men and women out there, you might have to fight through some trash but there are some good ones out there.​

 

[Iron]

You're married. Us single people have it hard especially in these times. Nothing is wholesome anymore.

If you don't mind.
Tell us about you and your husband and how you two met. Did you want him right then and there? Was there instant chemistry or did it take awhile for something to build up?

 

[shanebp1978]

I don't post often on this board, but I do lurk a lot. This is a topic that I have experience in so feel compelled to chime in.I think Black women should consider dating people other than African-American men, especially non-American black men.

When I was in high school, I had trouble forming positive relationships with American black men. Granted it was high school, an age where men and women are both immature and focus on superfluous, superficial things, but the American Black guys tended to look over me for the light skinned (no offense to light skinned women, we're all sisters) girls with the "good hair" or the brown sista who was a ho and willing to give it up easily. Although I am an attractive, intelligent, well put together brown sista, a lot of the black guys in school labeled me as "undatable" because I was "too dark" and too studious.

By the time I got to college, I was somewhat emotionally scared black men due to my poor experiences in high school. The college I attended was a highly ranked predominately white school where the overall number of black students was piss poor and the bulk of American black men in school were scholarship athletes. There were however a number of non-American black males who were actually academic students, not athletes.

My first serious boyfriend in college was a pre-med student from West Africa. He thought I was beautiful, he valued my deep brow skin and thought my intellect and desire to achieve academically was sexy, not a turn off. After dating him I discovered a wealth of other non-American Black men who were similar. After my experience with this guy, I am not ashamed to admit that during college and law school, I had an policy of exclusively dating only non-American Black men. It worked wonderfully for me. While I watched all my sista friends go through drama with American black men who were two (or three) timing them with other women, not willing to commit, mooching off of them for money or room and board, or generally treating them horribly, I managed to avoid any and all such drama. While my relationships with non-American black men were by no means perfect, they were healthy, committed and loving relationships, something I did not see in many of my friends relationships with American Black men.

A lot of us Black women are hell bent on sticking with American black men through thick and then, despite their shortcomings. Some of us would even rather remain single or date someone not worthy just to have an American-black man. For myself, I want (and found) a long-time partner who is committed, educated, family oriented and respects me and himself. Unfortunately, I found that these qualities are missing in a lot of American black men, so I chose to open my options and it worked wonders for me. I suggest that other Black women do the same. Black men have no problem bitching about our shortcomings and being with women other than American-black women so we should have no problem doing the same.

Your talking about fucking high school!?

That's a revolving door. I could say the same dumb shit, an be crucified for it.

Your so American pie. Stop feeling yourself. Get over it.

 

[Kazoo]

I've seen Women in my family & ladies I've dated
deal with West Indians & Africans

those brothers arent made of Gold - they got thier shitty side just like any Hu_- Man

 

[DarkCity]

I guess I am too easily offend able. I know she wasn't talking about me per say. But if someone said that they had bad experiences with every "DarkCity" that they meant when they were between the ages of 14 - 18 and decided that they should write them off. I may take offense to that.

 

[troutwine]

but since there was a post made about men doing it

link to that post?

i missed it...

 

[LeroyDibiase]

Your talking about ####### high school!?

That's a revolving door. I could say the same dumb ####, an be crucified for it.

Your so American pie. Stop feeling yourself. Get over it.

Co-#######-sign. I had a couple bad ######## in high school, should I have written them off forever.

I find that some Black women that are very educated, seem to have social relationship problems, as if they don't know how to date or court or be courted cause momma always said boys before books. So in high school, they weren't the most appealing because they were socially awkward and by the time they get to the sexually charged atmosphere of college, they are way behind in terms of interpersonal romantic relationships.

A "good" Black woman wouldn't write off all Black men because of what happened in high school.

 

[DeSiRe]

i had this conversation today and got a very interesting perspective

my friend said one reason why black women have issues dating outside thier race...specificlly white men...is because we dont trust them

for numerous reasons...

i havent decided how i feel about it yet...thoughts anyone?

 

[followup]

Well when we have to deal with certain types of black "men", why wouldn't we look in another country?

 

[Machete]

Well when we have to deal with certain types of black "men", why wouldn't we look in another country?

blk men ain't the only ones with problems:

Teenage Iraqi girl who fell in love with BRITISH soldier in Basra is murdered by her own father in honour killing
By MATTHEW HICKLEY - More by this author » Last updated at 00:21am on 28th April 2008

Comments Comments (30)

Rand Abdel-Qader, 17, was killed by her father after falling in love with a British soldier

An Iraqi teenage girl was brutally murdered by her father in an "honour killing" after she fell in love with a British soldier in Basra.

Seventeen-year-old Rand Abdel-Qader told her best friend how she had fallen for Paul, a 22-year-old she met at a charity where she worked as a volunteer.

When her father learned she had been seen speaking to a foreigner he rushed home and butchered her, strangling and stabbing her while screaming that he was "cleansing his honour".

He was arrested, but Iraqi police took no action. His wife has since left him and is in hiding.

The Ministry of Defence was last night trying to trace the soldier. Officials stressed he appeared to have done nothing wrong by befriending the girl.

While there is no suggestion the two had any physical relationship, the case raises questions about the training given to British forces in understanding cultural values in a city where 47 women died in "honour killings" last year.

According to reports from Basra, the soldier was an infantryman with blond hair who last saw Rand in January, a few weeks before her murder.

MoD officials said thousands of troops were in the city at the time. Infantry units included the Irish Guards, the Royal Welsh and The Rifles, but Paul could have been from dozens of other units including engineers, logistics, medical specialists or the TA.

Scroll down for more...

Her funeral was done without any of the traditional mourning because she was deemed 'impure'. Her uncles were said to have spat on her body

Army insiders said they needed to establish the full facts to help prevent such a tragedy happening again.

An MoD spokesman said troops received "cultural awareness training", including the sensitivities of talking to Muslim women, but this focused on issues such as body searches rather than the potential dangers of striking up friendships.

He added: "They are not told, 'Don't go and fall in love'."

Rand Abdel-Qader confided to her closest friend Zeinab that she fell in love the moment she saw the young soldier at the charity for displaced families, and she dreamed of a future with him.

Rand was studying English at Basra University and was able to chat to him without others knowing what they were saying. Zeinab, 19, said:

"She loved to speak about his blond hair, his honey eyes, his white skin and the sweet way he had of speaking. He was very different from the local men who usually are tough and illiterate.

Scroll down for more...

The teenager's best friend had tried to hide the presents she was given by the soldier but a friend told her father after he saw the pair together

"I was in heaven when she was speaking about him. Everything looked so beautiful.

"With just a simple, caring smile, he was able to give her the sense of love, making her forget all life in Iraq. But, I always had to remind Rand that she was a Muslim and her family was never going to accept her marrying a Christian, British soldier.

Scroll down for more...
troops Basra

The pair first met when they were both working in Basra, above (file picture)

"Unfortunately she never wanted to hear me. Her mind was very far from reality, closer to an impossible dream."

Zeinab claimed the soldier gave Rand small gifts, including a cuddly toy.

Rand said she met Paul only four times, always in public.

According to Zeinab, Paul used to tell Rand about England and promised to show her the sights of London one day.

"But the thing she used to like talking about best was how he praised her beauty and her intelligence. She told me he called her 'princess'."

A gift of love: The cuddly toy

Despite her feelings, there was no physical relationship. "She never did anything more than talk to him," said Zeinab.

"She was proud to be a virgin and had a dream to give herself to the man she loved only after her marriage."

On March 16 - two months after Rand last saw Paul - her father Abdel-Qader Ali heard from a friend that his daughter had been seen speaking to the soldier at the charity project.

Recalling Rand's murder, her weeping mother Leila Hussein said: "I screamed and called out for her two brothers so they could get their father away. But when he told them the reason, instead of saving her they helped him end her life."

Abdel-Qader Ali stood on the girl's throat until she suffocated and then stabbed her, all the time shouting that his honour was being cleansed.

He was arrested and released within two hours. Sergeant Ali Jabbar of Basra police said: "The father has very good contacts in the Basra government."

Because her family considered her impure, Rand was given only a simple burial. Her uncles spat in her grave to show their disgust.

Two weeks later her mother demanded a divorce from Ali, and she now campaigns against honour killings.

She lives in fear of reprisals. "I was beaten and had my arm broken by him," she said. "No man can accept being left by a woman in Iraq."

Rand's friend Zeinab said: "Rand was just a young girl with romantic dreams. She always kept her religion close to her heart. She would never even hurt a petal on a rose."

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=562358&in_page_id=1770

 

[almondcinnamon]

Co-#######-sign. I had a couple bad ######## in high school, should I have written them off forever.

I find that some Black women that are very educated, seem to have social relationship problems, as if they don't know how to date or court or be courted cause momma always said boys before books. So in high school, they weren't the most appealing because they were socially awkward and by the time they get to the sexually charged atmosphere of college, they are way behind in terms of interpersonal romantic relationships.

A "good" Black woman wouldn't write off all Black men because of what happened in high school.

A couple of points here which I should have clarified in my original response:

(1) I haven't written off all Black men. I merely kept my options open.

(2) I should have clarified this in my post, but the not so great experiences I had with American Black men was not just a "high school thing." In college too, it was more of the same. For every Black man on campus, there were like five Black women, not to mention the other races of women since the Black men (both American and non-American) I went to school with definitely kept their options open. I dated a number of American black men in college but it just didn't work out.

(3) I just got tired of limiting my options and decided to give a nice African brotha who treated me wonderfully a chance. It worked out great for me. We dated for 3 years but eventually broke up after graduation because he went east for medical school while I stayed on the west coast for law school. After my very positive experience with him, I tended to gravitate towards men like him, but did not totally exclude American born Black men.

(4) I am not, nor have I ever been, socially awkward as you generalize about "educated" women in your post. When I was in school, I simply made getting an education and getting good grades a priority, not my only priority, so that I could have the financial freedom/security and career flexibility that I have now. In my dating experiences, I found that non-American Black men were more understanding of this because they were doing the same thing. Thus, it made it easier for me to be with them because we shared common goals--something that is essential for a good relationship.

(4) I did not intend my post to be a knock on all American black men. My brother and father are American black men so I would never disrespect American black men, cuz I'd be disrespecting them. I was just telling my story to make the point that there are other options out there for sistas who are tired of being alone or who may have limited their options. I see my tendency to gravitate towards non-American black men as no different than the brothas on this board who only like non-fat girls, Latinas or Asians or whatever. Shit, at least my preference is still for black men....

 

[JofromthaNO]

i had this conversation today and got a very interesting perspective

my friend said one reason why black women have issues dating outside thier race...specificlly white men...is because we dont trust them

for numerous reasons...

i havent decided how i feel about it yet...thoughts anyone?

Co-sign...this relates back to Ju's thread about her convo with the white guy on BP and many of my interactions with other men outside my race. It's hard for some women, me (for instance), to think past WHY a white man or man of another race is gunning so hard to be with me...

In my personal experiences, many white men have found me to be a commodity to win or a fling of some sort, rather than consider me for something more. Or, even in the cases where they wanted to consider me to be more, there was always this caveat of, "well, my mom doesn't like black women," or, "we have to be secretive with this." WTF?!?