To the parents on the board, male and female?

[femmenoire]

How do you approach raising your young sons in light of the attacks against them. If you think about it much hasn't changed since the days of lynching. There are new methods.

How do you prepare your boys to handle themselves in our society especially with the attitudes towards sex and violence that they are constantly fed with?

 

[DaleMabry]

How do you approach raising your young sons in light of the attacks against them. If you think about it much hasn't changed since the days of lynching. There are new methods.

How do you prepare your boys to handle themselves in our society especially with the attitudes towards sex and violence that they are constantly fed with?

I have no sons (yet) but I have a nephew.

I'd teach them...

...to be independent and think for themselves, and to always be on guard for those who want to make their minds up for them. Even friends (especially friends).

The only thing that never changes is change itself.

As long as someone doesn't touch you or say anything about your wife or your momma, just ignore them.

A fool thinks he knows what he doesn't know. A wise man knows what he doesn't know.

Take your time with money and women, and you'll never go wrong.

 

[Mo-Better]

Its simple when it comes to the issues of life don't shelter kids, tell them exactly whats going on. Many parents try to shelter their young ones from the realities of what life is about.

Not talking to your kids is the biggest mistake a parent can make. You should always talk to your kids. Let them know they can come to you when they're having problems. Be a part of their life. Just don't let them learn about life from the street. Talk you child and don't wait until they're a teenager, explain sex to them especially those of you with daughters. Do it and do it early, don't wait.

Life for the black youth is no joke. Drugs, gangs, mistakingly thinking rap videos are the real world, social diseases, the lack of jobs opportunities, the lack of community centers or programs for inner city youth, the list goes on and on.

So black kids have to be told and retold about the reality of being black. They have to be warned about the trappings that can destroy their lives. If you need to show them the pregnant teenager walking the street, show them the 6 o'clock news, just don't let them grow up thinking its their world. Society is waiting for them to stumble and fail.

Femm, your right not much good has changed since the days of lynchings. In addition police departments have implemented wild west tactics of shoot first ask questions later.

Femm you say there are new methods please share them.

 

[BGLR1212000]

I have a son. I'd teach him all the things my folks never knew to teach me. I was a good little church boy most of my life, then I started playing sports in high school, and that's when life started to hit me. I think most situations can be handled at the age when you know they thinking about doing certain things. 2 things I will definitely tell my son is #1 When a girl says no, take it to heart, even if she just playing. #2 Don't be running no damn trains cuz you sposed to be fuckin with a bad bitch that don't get down like that, plus too many trained hoes like to call rape after they sober up. My son has no time for that. Really though, if he stays in his books, and does well on the field/court...he won't have time to fuck up.

 

[BLK FIRE!!!]

I do my best to be as much as an influence in my 2 boys head, as is the outside world is. Me and my 2 boys work out together, when it's time for a haircut, we HAVE to go together. It's when I can get the most conversation done with them. Me and their mother have 2 very different views about the world. Her's is a deep belief in religion, whereas mine is based upon what is going on in the here and now. So if I wanna talk to my sons about the ladies, I won't get no unwanted backround noise from her. Now the brotha above me, I totally agree with him, If a female tells you no, even if it sounds like she's playin, stop whatever the hell it is your doing! There's a case coming, for any other action, other than STOPPING!!!! But I do spend a lot of time talking to my sons and his friends when they come over, cause the majorty of them, are in single mom homes. I can only hope their father is doing the same as me, but it cost me nothing to talk to these up and coming black men

 

[BigUnc]

A strong foundation is imperative. Whatever your moral, ethical, religious,and educational beliefs are must be instilled in them at an early age and re-enforced throughout their lives until they reach adulthood and they can develop their own. Do not shelter them from the harsh realities of the world and explain situations to them as they arise or at an appropriate time afterwards without sugar coating it. Along with that the thing I did was show them how I dealt with it throughout their lives, meaning, I had them with me when I was out and about interacting with the world. I do have to say that my daughters were with me also on many occasions.I'm not saying that my approach is the only way of raising young boys and girls to be men and women can be done successfully just one of many

 

[femmenoire]

Thanks for your answers guys.

What about your moms? What are your views on this?

 

[ladyscorpio]

I have a question regarding raising sons, Do you ladies feel that we are capable of raising boys without the guidance of a male role model?

Does being a single mother of boy children diminish them in anyway?
Men do you think that females are incapable of providing what a boy needs?

 

[Darrkman]

Men do you think that females are incapable of providing what a boy needs?

No but there are some quirks of being a man and how men relate to each other that women won't understand. The reverse is the same as well.

Quick example was when a bunch of female co-workers overheard a bunch of the fellas joking about how some guys always seem to break the spacing rules in the men's bathroom. You have to skip a space between each urinal, no standing next to another man if possible yet there is always that fool that takes the middle stall and mess up the spacing! Now it was mostly jokes, but like many jokes it was based on fact. One of the ladies made a comment. She said this is why boys need fathers (or at least male role models)....how the hell would women know or be able to pass along something like that. I hadn't thought of it until she said it but she was right.

 

[ladyscorpio]

No but there are some quirks of being a man and how men relate to each other that women won't understand. The reverse is the same as well.

Quick example was when a bunch of female co-workers overheard a bunch of the fellas joking about how some guys always seem to break the spacing rules in the men's bathroom. You have to skip a space between each urinal, no standing next to another man if possible yet there is always that fool that takes the middle stall and mess up the spacing! Now it was mostly jokes, but like many jokes it was based on fact. One of the ladies made a comment. She said this is why boys need fathers (or at least male role models)....how the hell would women know or be able to pass along something like that. I hadn't thought of it until she said it but she was right.

Ok I get you and thank you for your reply . What if there is a scenario that the female herself has had that male influence and is aware that certain things are needed. What if she makes a special effort to provide her son with tools necessary.
Can one not raise a son on simply teaching the basic rules of living in society. Respect yourselves and others, do unto others, you know the rules told to us by our grandparents?
Can we not teach our sons that in life they have choice and that even although their father or that because they don't have a male to "look up" to they are strong and they are Kings and should carry themselves as such?

 

[Darrkman]

Ok I get you and thank you for your reply . What if there is a scenario that the female herself has had that male influence and is aware that certain things are needed. What if she makes a special effort to provide her son with tools necessary.
Can one not raise a son on simply teaching the basic rules of living in society. Respect yourselves and others, do unto others, you know the rules told to us by our grandparents?
Can we not teach our sons that in life they have choice and that even although their father or that because they don't have a male to "look up" to they are strong and they are Kings and should carry themselves as such?

You can teach any child basic moral behavior and self confidence but its the little things that can't be taught. I have a son but if I had a daughter I would have no clue on certain things. I know that women can be cruel to each other but the specific examples of what is cruel I can't reach. to me the best way to look at it is like moving to a different country. I may know the language but the cultural difference will mess me up everytime because I haven't been exposed to them.

 

[SirRahX]

I have 2 daughters, no son's & I'm worried about there future in this society as well.

 

[cocobeauty]

Its simple when it comes to the issues of life don't shelter kids, tell them exactly whats going on. Many parents try to shelter their young ones from the realities of what life is about.

Not talking to your kids is the biggest mistake a parent can make. You should always talk to your kids. Let them know they can come to you when they're having problems. Be a part of their life. Just don't let them learn about life from the street. Talk you child and don't wait until they're a teenager, explain sex to them especially those of you with daughters. Do it and do it early, don't wait.

Life for the black youth is no joke. Drugs, gangs, mistakingly thinking rap videos are the real world, social diseases, the lack of jobs opportunities, the lack of community centers or programs for inner city youth, the list goes on and on.

So black kids have to be told and retold about the reality of being black. They have to be warned about the trappings that can destroy their lives. If you need to show them the pregnant teenager walking the street, show them the 6 o'clock news, just don't let them grow up thinking its their world. Society is waiting for them to stumble and fail.

Femm, your right not much good has changed since the days of lynchings. In addition police departments have implemented wild west tactics of shoot first ask questions later.

Femm you say there are new methods please share them.

Mo's first paragraph sums it up. I have a son and daughter, and I keep very real, raw, and brutual for both my children, especially my son.

Their dad is very much a part of their lives, but unfortunately my son is a follower, so we are fighting about it all, the saggin pants, the wanta have grills, etc. Where me and my ex-husband differ is he says he will outgrow this, so let him be. I agree, but it doesn't mean I'm not going to correct him. Case in point, we were in the mall one day, and someone had just stole something, now my son was with us the entire time, and we had never made it to that end of the mall, the police approached my son with me, and was like come with us, and I said for what. They tried to say about an hour past someone committed this crime, and he was a dark-skinned black male with saggin pants, and a hoody on. After all the mess was cleared up, I told my son, change your image, because this is just one of the things that will continue to work against you with the color of your skin.

I allow my children to hang out with friends, as we did when I was younger, I have to hope and pray that what I have instilled in them stick. I have a friend right now that doesn't allow his son to go anywhere or to do anything, and he thinks his son is ok with this, but my kids are always saying how sneaky this child is. I would rather allow them to grow, and I see some of the screw ups than to have to hid something from me and I find out the hard way later.

It's a work in progress and lucky for me that my children and I have great relationships, but it's not easy. He's 18 now, and I always say do dumbshit and they consider you an adult now. He has never been in trouble, because he says we scare him about jail, and the people there, but it's whatever it takes, I will do to keep him above water, but the ultimate decision is his.

 

[TRUFICTION]

IS COLIN POWELL ALLOWED OVER HERE ON SOL ?

ANYWAY
RAISING ANY CHILD IS A CHALLENGE
ANY EDUCATION ....SOCIAL SKILLS , SCHOOL, AND SO ON ARE TAUGHT AT HOME FIRST
I KEEP MY SON AROUND ME, EVEN WHEN IM AMONG MEN AND THE CONVERSATIONS GET A LITTLE RACY. I DO IT BECAUSE I HAVE NEVER HELD ANYTHING BACK FROM HIM OR MY GIRLS.
THEY GET EXPOSED TO IT ALL.
WHEN AN EVENT TAKES PLACE IN THE WORLD WE DISCUSS IT
RAPE ,MURDER, CHILD MOLESTATION, CRISIS,WAR,
LYNCHING,RACISM,TEEN PREGNANCY, SEX DEATH AND SO ON AND SO ON IT DOESNT MATTER
WE TALK AND I TELL THEM THE SAM AS I WOULD ANYBODY ELSE.
NO SUGAR COATING.

THEY WILL GET THE INFO ONE WAY OR ANOTHER BUT I WANT IT TO BE GIVEN THE RIGHT WAY
SO I KEEP AN OPEN LINE OF COMMUNICATION BETWEEN US ALL SO THAT WHENEVER SOMETHING IS SEEN OR HEARD THAT IS QUESTIONABLE OR DISTASTEFUL
THEY CAN INQUIRE TO GET THE SCOOP.

ALL MY CHILDREN KNOW THAT GETTING INFORMATION FROM THEIR PEERS IS
PURE LUNACY...WHY ?
BECAUSE AS I HAVE EXPLAINED TO THEM
"HOW MUCH GOOD INFO CAN YOU REALLY GET FROM SOMEONE YOUR OWN AGE WITH LITTLE MORE OR LESS EXPERIENCE THAN YOU ?"

GET THE INFO FROM A RELIABLE SOURCE ME THEIR MOTHER THEIR GRANDPARENTS AND SO ON. FORTUNATELY THEY CAN GET WHAT THEY NEED RIGHT AT HOME.
IF WE DONT KNOW SOMETHING ....THERS ALWAYS GOOGLE

ITS SAD HOW SOME OF THEIR FRIENDS COME TO OUR HOUSE WITH A MILLION QUESTIONS I CAN NOT ANSWER BECAUSE THOSE ARENT MY KIDS
I HATE IT FOR THEM AND THAT THEY DONT HAVE ANY RESOURCES FOR THEIR NEEDS AND FEELINGS. WE HELP HERE AS MUCH AS WE CAN BUT,
SOME OF THEYRE PARENTS MAKE ME SICK.
THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THAN SEEING A CHILD HEADED FOR TROUBLE ND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN REALLY DO.

TRYING TO SHELTER YOUR CHILD FROM THE REAL WORLD IS STUPID
THEY WILL EVENTUALLY BE EXPOSED TO THE WORLD OUTSIDE YOUR PRESENCE AND WHEN THAT HAPPENS
WHATEVER POISON AND MISINFORMATION THAT COMES FROM ANOTHER STUDENT OR TEAMMATE AND THEIR HOUSEHOLD WILL BE INEVITABLY BE SPREAD INTO YOUR HOUSE THROUGH YOUR CHILD
SO COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY

A WOMAN CAN NOT RAISE A MAN.............PERIOD
THAT MAY BRUISE A LOT OF WOMEN FEELINGS INCLUDING MY OWN MOTHER WHO RAISED ME, BUT IT IS A FACT.
I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE A MAN IN MY LIFE THAT TAUGHT ME WHAT BEING A MAN IS............THAT WAS MY GRANDFATHER.

HE TAUGHT ME OLD SCHOOL VALUES AND THE WAYS OF MEN AND WHAT MEN DO.
VERBALLY AND MOSTLY BY EXAMPLE.
INTEGRITY
CONSISTANCY
HONESTY
STRENGTH AND THE ABILITY TO WEATHER ANY STORM BY BEING PATIENT AND PERSISTENT ,WERE SOME OF THE MANY LESSONS.
THESE LESSONS HAVE SERVED ME WELL.
A WOMAN CAN TEACH THESE THINGS
BUT THE IMPACT IS DIFFERENT COMING FROM A MAN

A WOMAN CAN HOWEVER TEACH A YOUNG MAN HOW TO BE GOOD TO A WOMAN.
KEEP IN MIND THAT A BOYS FIRST GIRLFRIEND IS HIS MOTHER AND THE SAME WAY A GIRLS FIRST MAN SHE LOVES IS HER FATHER.

A WOMAN CAN TEACH HIM TO RESPECT WOMEN AND WHAT WOMEN LIKE,
SHE CAN TEACH HIM HOW TO BE CHARMING AND SWEET.
A WOMAN HAS AN OPPORTUNITY TO TEACH HER SON A LOT OF THINGS
BUT BEING A MAN WILL BE THAT MUCH MORE DIFFICULT FOR HIM WITHOUT A MALE INFLUENCE OF SOME KIND,
THUS THE REASON FOR SO MANY GAY AND FEMININE MEN THESE DAYS.

YOU CAN TELL BY MANY OF THE RESPONSES ON BGOL
WHICH MALES WERE RAISED BY WOMEN ONLY AND
THE ONES THAT HAD SOME FORM OF INPUT FROM A REAL MAN NOT JUST A MALE

YOUNG BOYS SEE WHAT THEY WILL DEEM AS A MAN (you may hot even know it)
AND TRY TO PATTERN HIMSELF AFTER THAT MAN
SO BE VERY CAREFUL WHAT KIND OF MEN YOU BRING INTO YOUR LIVES A FEMALES.
IT CAN MAKE OR BREAK YOUR CHILD.

I AM PLEASE THAT MY SON LOOKS TO ME TO KNOW WHAT TO DO
I MAKE IT MY BUSINESS TO GIVE HIM THE RIGHT DIRECTION
EVEN IF MY FIRST IMPULSE MIGHT BE TO DO IT ANOTHER WAY.

JUST MY 2 CENTS.

 

[ladyscorpio]

Trufiction I was gonna bring out Colin but it was a great read so you get a pass LOL

I give you mad props for the fact that you do NOT shelter your children. I am a huge advocate of giving children the plain simple truth. If they are younger you can put it in terms that they can comprehend.

I appreciate that you also answered my question regarding whether a female could raise a boy child without male influence. I think that by making that different impact would/does make a difference.


Peace

 

[TRUFICTION]

Trufiction I was gonna bring out Colin but it was a great read so you get a pass LOL

I give you mad props for the fact that you do NOT shelter your children. I am a huge advocate of giving children the plain simple truth. If they are younger you can put it in terms that they can comprehend.

I appreciate that you also answered my question regarding whether a female could raise a boy child without male influence. I think that by making that different impact would/does make a difference.


Peace

ALWAYS WILLING TO OFFER A LITTLE PERSPECTIVE

 

[HoneyBerry]

I have a question regarding raising sons, Do you ladies feel that we are capable of raising boys without the guidance of a male role model?

Does being a single mother of boy children diminish them in anyway?
Men do you think that females are incapable of providing what a boy needs?

No I don't think I can raise a boy into a man without strong male role models. That should be the boy's father, but if not, then my father and brothers who are good strong black men. We can give them most of what they need to be good men, but we are not men so there are some things we won't know how to give them

 

[HoneyBerry]

I have 2 daughters, no son's & I'm worried about there future in this society as well.

Do you have any good women in your life who can mentor them (your mom, sisters, good friends who you are not sleeping with)? I forgot which poster it was, but he was talking about how he treats his daughter like a lady and teaches her how to act. He takes her out so she knows how a man is supposed to treat her.

 

[deezchocnuts4ru]

Yo. Boys need men, fathers and role models at home. Period. I have a son and I let him know that his parents and family set the tone for his actions. Children have to have "structure and consitency" in their lives. Its hard given all the negative things that are fed to them in this society, but the most important thing for a young man is to hear positive messages from men in his immediate environment. We discuss everything and I explain that beyond material and financial matters, success is measured in the "character" of a person. Peace.

 

[Solar7]

Great question...
I raise my sons to be honest about what they like and don't like...even if it's my opinion. My wife did not understand that at first, but they will not get a clear picture of how to handle emotion...I used to wonder WTF at myself when I was a kid, and didn't know what was up. The emotion part leads them to being honest enough with themselves, and other folks. They know for sure that they have 2 enemies...anyone that makes them think twice, and themselves. My sons are 16, 12, and I just had a little one...11 months old. I can't shelter them, I won't. But I won't walk up to them and cave 'em in the chest like my brothers did me, for no reason too.
It might sound corny but every sat. after we clean up, we sit and talk...sometimes it's fun, sometimes not. My wife and I both are trying to raise them to be able to communicate...nothing harder than to see a Black man with no confidence in himself, and not being able to communicate clearly.

Sex, drugs, violence...all of that will never change...hell, I did more dirt when I was coming up than my sons do. But the big thing to ground them these days is Family. I've stressed from day one, that no matter what happens, they are Brothers. Period. There shouldn't be anyone that can come between that. There are things that I will teach my sons that my wife will know nothing about, until they are grown, and thats only if it comes up. But they are learning how to protect themselves, and their mom, if for whatever reason I'm gone.
I guess, the last thing, is that Love is an abstract motherfucker! Love for someone else is loose and has to be built; they define it, not me. Love for themselves must come before they can say that they are men...my 16 year old has a fair understanding of what I mean, but my 12 year old is like . And that shit is funny to me sometimes... to answer the question of sons being adequately raised without a man...I agree that positive men should be present in some way, to ease the transitions(stages) of needing that boys go through. And you will see it...boys go back and forth...needing mom to be there and talk, and needing a man there for the same, just on a different but equal level. Right now, my 12 year old is really into what I doing...at work, asking me to come to games, awards etc. My 16 year old just left that stage a few months ago, and is into things that he and his mom can talk about. And I can dig that. I've read a lot of the replies, and I still agree that a woman can do the job of raising a boy into a man...but I can honestly say that with men missing, it's hard for the same boys growing up to trust other men. I came up that way, and not generalizing at all, but I trust my family...and me. Whats crazy is that I have to accept it if my sons tell me that I was wrong in my methods, or opinion, when they get out on their own.

The average White man will not hold my sons back. And the average Black man meaning them ill in some way, won't either. Raise them to cut the strings that others will try to control...use them as puppets. Single Mom, or Single Dad, don't let it happen. Maybe I lost some folks a while back, but my sons are the greatest task I could ever have.