The Sad True Story Behind the Commodores Song 'Zoom' plus re-enacted short story by Godofwine

[RepostKing]

subbed

 

[super_glue]

That's a damn good drop man.

 

[DEETZ181]

I always wondered what the meaning of this song was. Good post

 

[playahaitian]

​

 

[godofwine]

I ended up coming in 4th place. Damned French Judge got me.


***************HarperCole*******amsawtell********bazz cargo*******hairball******total
joshybo****************16***************18****************19 *************16****17.25
jenthepen *************15.5*************17*****************17*************18****16.875
astroannie************** 14*************16*****************18*************18 **** 16.5
godofwine *************12.5*************15**************** 19 ************19 ****16.375


Author: godofwine
Title: Zoom
Spelling/Grammar: 3.5 / 5
Tone/Voice: 3 / 5
Effect: 6 / 10
Overall: 12.5 / 20

Comments:

A moving true-life story; you expanded on the account in the book you linked to nicely. A shame that it couldn't have had a happier ending, but that's obviously not your fault.

One thing I would say is that you don't travel inside the character's heads much, apart from the opening paragraph. We see the tears that show their emotions, but not their thoughts or the emotions themselves.

A few small SPaG points ...

“Cathy? Cathy, baby, I’m here,” he said almost yanking the screen door off the hinges.


A comma after "said" appears natural.


At the sound of her husband’s voice, Cathy LaPread leaped out bed, past a wide-eyed nurse, ran into Ronald’s arms and kissed him happily.


Missing "of".


I maybe just a foolish dreamer, but I don’t care.


This should be "may be". The single word "maybe" is equivalent to "possibly".


Streams of tears flowed as he pulled his wife’s body close absorbing the last of her warmth.


Again, there's a natural pause after "close", so I'd recommend a comma.

Thanks for introducing me to a story I hadn't heard before.



Title: Zoom
Author: GodofWine

SPaG: 4/5
Tone: 4/5
Effect: 7/10

Overall: 15/20

This is one of the sweetest stories I’ve read in the competitions. I’m not sure about the legalities of using real, living famous people in a story like this but I liked how you portrayed them. Is this based on something that you researched?

“Shoes . . . shoes,” Cathy said looking down at his feet.
There should be a comma after “said.”

Zoom –
By
Godofwine
SpaG 5/5 – Competent manipulation of sentence structure, creative use of punctuation and effective paragraph composition.
Tone and voice 5/5 – Perfectly fitting or unique style and technique.
Effect 9-10 points. Originality, conceptual interest, effectiveness of imagery, emotional evocativeness and, of course, creative interpretation of the theme.
Total = 19/20
Pow! What a blow to the emotional muscle. To me this was pitched just right. Not sure about the word 'glided,' but hey ho. I loved the way you worked the lyric into the spine of the story. Given a proper work-over without any limits this could be a terrific short, or novella. Kudos.

godofwine: Zoom


SPaG: 5/5 Purrfect!


Tone/Voice 5/5 Sadness behind a song....wow, just wow.


Effect: 9/10 This is pretty deep. Ouch.


Overall: Beautiful, heartbreaking story. Great descriptions of all the love there. Would like to have known Cathy a little more, maybe her love of music and how she felt about her passing. Great job! Very well done!

 

[dik cashmere]

Dope story

 

[godofwine]

Dope story

Thanks, playa. Mad that one judge took my win, but fugg it. Glad you liked it

 

[godofwine]

Commodores (album)
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia




Publisher's Note: As a special treat for SoulTrackers, Jo-Ann Geffen, co-author of "Chicken Soup for the Soul: The Story Behind the Song," a great book that includes interviews with artists about the makings of many now-classic songs, has agreed to share with us some of the stories from the book (which is now available as an e book at Amazon.com), including this one about the Commodores. To check the book out, click on the cover to the right.

Ronald LaPread (Commodores): I've known Ronald and the Commodores since the group first auditioned for Suzanne De Passe at Lloyd Price's Crawdaddy Club on Broadway in NYC in 1970. As close as we all were, I had no idea of the details of the sad and poignant love story that Ronald lived through not long after. Readers may need as handkerchief for this one. His ability to survive, thrive and make such amazing musical contributions are a testament to his strength and, like many stories in this book, give us hope and faith that we can persevere despite our individual heartaches and traumas. After I finished the story and the book, I told him that I was sorry I didn't know everything he went through so I could have been there for him more back then. His response was simply, "It doesn't matter. You're there now." I'm honored that he chose me to share this story with for the first time.

RONALD LaPREAD
ZOOM
Written with Lionel Richie
Recorded by the Commodores

We were getting ready to record the self-titled album Commodores. I was driving from my hometown of Tuskegee, Alabama with my wife, Cathy, riding next to me, going to gigs in Tennessee, somewhere in Kentucky, and somewhere in North Carolina, leading up to a Madison Square Garden show. On the way to Nashville, she laid down in the back seat of the car, saying that her stomach hurt. We got there, played the first gig and got back in the car right after the show to drive to Knoxville for another date. Again Cathy laid down in the back seat with stomach pains. I told her that we were gong to the doctor as soon as we got back. That Monday we went to the hospital in Birmingham, where Cathy was from and her mom lived, and the doctor said that he wanted to do exploratory surgery. It was scheduled for that Friday, the day before the Madison Square Garden concert. The doctor said it would take 45 minutes so I planned to catch a plane to New York immediately after the procedure.

We left our house in Tuskegee at 6AM for the two hour ride to Birmingham for an 8:30AM surgery. At 9:30, I was expecting her to come out of the operating room. 9:30 came and went; 10:30 came and went; at 11:30 she was still in there. I missed two planes but wasn't leaving. About 12:10PM the doctor came out and told me that she had massive tumors in her womb. He gave her about two months to live. She was 23 years old.

I finally left at about 3PM for New York. The plane had to circle for an hour and when I landed, one of our crew members met me and I got dressed in my stage uniform in the car. We played that gig and another the following night and I left immediately to go get Cathy in Birmingham and take her back to Tuskegee. When we got home, she went to bed.

I sat down at the piano and started fiddling around. Cathy got out of bed and came and sat down beside me. She told me that there were nice changes but the melody should go up at a certain place. We sat there for about an hour and worked out the music.


The Commodores had a listening session soon after and I played them another song I'd written, which they didn't like. I happened to have the tape for this song on me, although it didn't have any words yet. I played it and they asked what it was called. I said, "It's like.... Zoom" and the name stuck. I played it for our producer, James Carmichael, and he said it was nice but it needed a middle. He told me that (Lionel) Richie had a song with a middle and no beginning and he put us together to combine our songs.

The group went into the studio before the words were done and we cut the track. I took the cassette home to work on, but I couldn't get Cathy out of my mind.

The first lines that came to me were:

I may be just a foolish dreamer
But I don't care
'Cause I know my happiness is waiting out there somewhere.

Richie then added:

Zoom
I'd like to fly far away from here

By then we were back in Los Angeles and Cathy was in the hospital there so I could go back and forth from the studio and spend time with her. She wasn't doing well. I told Richie that I couldn't focus on it so he finished the words and recorded the lead vocal. He captured everything I was feeling. It was very quiet in the studio when they played it for me. When the song finished, everyone was crying. They knew where it came from.

We returned to Tuskegee and the Commodores were about to go to Europe on tour. I told them I didn't want to leave and they should get a bass player to replace me during that time, but Cathy insisted that I go. She said, "I'll be here when you get back."

The tour started in the UK, in London, and then we went to Glasgow. We stayed in an old mansion that had been converted to a hotel. The rooms were huge. They had 12' ceilings and there were six windows all around the room with the bed in the center. One of the windows looked out over a cemetery that was lit at night.

At about 2AM something woke me up. The curtains were blowing as if wind was coming in but when I went to the windows to close them, I realized they weren't open. There was a loud knock at the door and Lenny Guice, one of our crew members and a friend of mine who was very close to Cathy, was standing there. He had the same view from the window in his room down the hall. He looked shaken and said, "What's going on!?" and described the same experience I had. Then, suddenly, the lights in the cemetery went out. Two minutes later the phone rang and it was Cathy's mom telling me that Cathy was in a coma. I asked her to put the phone next to Cathy's ear and I told her I was on my way home and I'd see her the next morning. She woke up, or in her coma, she said, "I'll be waiting for you."

I got on the Concorde and was in Birmingham, Alabama in two and a half hours. I went to her mom's house and Cathy somehow got out of bed and hugged and kissed me. I put her back in bed and her mom had to give her a shot of morphine because she was in a lot of pain. She said, "I'm sorry we didn't have any kids." I responded by saying, "Don't worry, we'll do that later" and she said, "I don't think so" as she took her last breath.

The rule with the Commodores was that the best song on any given album was the single. When that album came out, they all agreed that "Zoom" was the best song, but didn't want to release it as the single so people would have to buy the album to get the song. The album did sell millions of units.

I was on stage playing with Richie not too long ago, 35 years after we wrote this song, and the excitement of 80,000 people getting up out of their seats cheering was a great tribute.

- See more at: http://www.soultracks.com/story-behind-song-commodores-zoom#sthash.yPGXoimU.dpuf

Looking back at the story I wrote and where I adapted it from. It kind of feels like the movie finding Forrester where he took a work that already existed and created his story from that

 

[scullydog]

Before their first album dropped The Commodores' Ron LaPread lost his wife to stomach cancer at just 23. The link below is the story behind the song, what occurred, with some details. I took a few specific details and painted the entire picture, a short story on how it could have went down. It's just 2 pages, so no Colin Powell. The story by Jo-Ann Geffin is interesting, and if you haven't read it before it will bring a tear to you. I hope my re-enactment does the same.

http://prince.org/msg/8/329302

Zoom – By Godofwine (650 words, 2 pages) [Contains excerpts of The Origin of The Song Zoom by The Commodores by Jo-Ann Geffin, January 2010 as well as excerpts from the song Zoom]



Lionel grabbed the suitcase and looked on as Ronald stood outside the airport near the street. There was so much that he wanted to say to his friend. Even being the wordsmith he was, there were amazingly few that came to mind that fit, so he remained silent. There was only one voice that Ronald wanted to hear at that moment and they were on the way to see her.

Ronald raised his hand to hail the cab that stopped in front of him, but his voice escaped him. Lionel clasped the man’s shoulder, “I got it, brother.”

“Hey, Buddy. Could you take us to 231 Jasper Street? I’ll throw in an extra twenty if you make it fast, and quiet, man. Okay?”

The cabbie nodded.

The streetlamps shone down on the tear streaked face of Ronald LaPread, and Lionel Richie stared at the sky willing his own tears not to fall as both men got into the car.

When the cab pulled in front of the house in Birmingham, Ronald jumped out of the door and sprinted up the stairs.

“Cathy? Cathy, baby, I’m here,” he said, almost yanking the screen door off the hinges.

At the sound of her husband’s voice, Cathy LaPread leaped out of bed, past a wide-eyed nurse, ran into Ronald’s arms and kissed him happily. The couple held each other with an embrace that filled the room with light.

Cathy’s mother whispered to the nurse beside her, “What does this mean? For the stomach cancer, I mean. Is she better?”

The nurse lowered her eyes. “No… she’s not. I’ve never seen anything like this before. I can’t believe she was just in a coma yesterday.”

For a moment in time, the two lovers staved off reality.

But it was short-lived.

Cathy collapsed in Ronald’s arms, but he caught her, lifted her as though she weighed next to nothing.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Cathy moaned, embarrassed, her eyes filled with pain.

“No, it’s nothing, baby. I wanted to show off how strong I’ve gotten,” he said, as he carried her to the bed.

The nurse leaned over and gave Cathy a shot of morphine and she exhaled. Ronald laid her head on the pillow and climbed into the bed beside her.

“Shoes…shoes,” Cathy said, looking down at his feet.

“Oh, sorry, baby,” Ronald said as he kicked off his shoes onto the floor, and then laid down facing his wife.

“You are so beautiful,” he said, as he held her face in his hands and she kissed his fingers and glided her face against his palms.

“Sing to me, Ronnie.”

“Lionel and I have been working on a song about me flying home to get to you, but it’s not finished, yet.”

“Sing it,” she cajoled.

He gathered himself and sang, “I may be just a foolish dreamer, but I don’t care. Because I know my happiness is waiting out there…somewhere.”

Ronald desperately tried to steady his voice, but against all his will it quivered and began to falter so he fell silent, a shy smile on his face.

“That’s so beautiful, baby. You have such a lovely voice. I’ve missed that.”

“I’ve missed you, too, Little Cat.”

Tears rolled freely down her cheeks, and then his.

“I’m sorry we didn’t have any kids, Ronnie.”

He caressed her face in his hands. Their eyes held a lover’s stare. Neither wanting to blink and miss a second of the other.

“Don’t worry. We’ll do that later.”

Cathy took his hands in hers and kissed them.

“I don’t think so,” she said.

Cathy clinched his hands tightly for a moment, then her grip loosened, her glow faded, and her eyes closed.

Streams of tears flowed as he pulled his wife’s body close, absorbing the last of her warmth. Cathy’s mother, unable to summon the strength to keep up the façade, fell to her knees beside her daughter’s bed and sobbed.

Dude, this is some good shit.

 

[2 ONE 3]

Great drop

 

[deputy dawg]

You know lyrics is something most (and I do mean most) don't bother to listen to and that's a shame. The O'Jays with "Brandy", story about a dog, Billy Paul with "Me and Mrs. Jones" song about his drug habit.

Its stuff like this that's missing in today's music. Today's music lacks depth. I know now I'll never listen to Zoom the same way again.

Good story, GOW.

Plus they were superb musicians.

Mumble rappers & today's "crooners" can't even imagine the depths of this music.

 

[godofwine]

Dude, this is some good shit.

Great drop

Thank you so much. I just wish I could publish it. Don't know what you would call this. I took part of what was a true story and expounded upon it to create a possible reality fleshed out using the information given

I'm sure if I were to publish it I would need someone's permission since it's someone's true story at least in part

Either way, thank you for the respect you showed my piece of work

 

[scullydog]

Thank you so much. I just wish I could publish it. Don't know what you would call this. I took part of what was a true story and expounded upon it to create a possible reality fleshed out using the information given

I'm sure if I were to publish it I would need someone's permission since it's someone's true story at least in part

Either way, thank you for the respect you showed my piece of work

Change the names. Also, stop waiting on a publisher. Publish your work on amazon. When I finish my edit, I will self-oublish on Amazon and self promote on instagram, twitter, etc. Stop waiting. I am saying this for myself and you. You truly have a gift, so use it bruh.

 

[godofwine]

Change the names. Also, stop waiting on a publisher. Publish your work on amazon. When I finish my edit, I will self-oublish on Amazon and self promote on instagram, twitter, etc. Stop waiting. I am saying this for myself and you. You truly have a gift, so use it bruh.

Thank you, bruh. I appreciate the love and respect

 

[dugington]

Wow. I love that song and never knew this story.

 

[godofwine]

Going thru this and realized I haven't seen @Mo-Better in a while. He hasn't been on since June 2022. I hope we haven't lost another one

 

[godofwine]

Hey, thanks fam. It's great that it is appreciated. Sorry about making all you guys cry not really all that sorry

My friend girl is over the house and she saw Trump's video post from truth social about him transforming Gaza into a fucking tourist attraction or some shit and she broke down crying.

She asked if I cry, and I told her that I experienced emotions through stories I write and movies I see. I read her this story and she loved it.