I've discovered that when a man doesn't act on infatuation and moves cautiously it pisses women off.
The Official BGOL " All About Women" Thread....
- Thread starter ArsenalCannon357
- Start date
Elaborate...
Then it's hotair to you. Doesn't make me incorrect. Just because you don't believe it. We're not trying to change anyone's perspectives here. Right?
Let's say a brother is well off and a chick sees that he is doing well..they want in (off the top) and expect you to just get with them w/o establishing a relationship...just jump right in one. Well..most people with sense like to take their time. I guess I've just noticed more women jumping into relationships head first and winding up ass backwards
bmp
no, but to be dismissive because the researchers are of a different ethnicity without backing that claim up that with verifiable info or data is an attempt at changing a perspective by challenging the original without a good foundation for the challenge on your part.....
Alot of the shit we see in our communities (especially from men who are ensmeshed, ie, shamed and guilted by people who dont really care) is textbook sociopathology, psychopathology, borderline, narcissistic and histrionic behavior....the attitude towards mental and emotional health in our community is lagging....and Ive noticed only when it addresses personal accountability on the womens behalf and the mens individual welfare do people become dismissive of it....when it addresses womens emotions (or lack thereof) its because she is "strong and independent" or the "men need to step up" and all of that shit....
asd
until a man has a positive and fruitful relationship with himself, he can forget having one with a woman that he allows in his world....
the "downside" to this is that alot of people have to be cut off in order to grow....because not everyone truly wants to see a man succeed, they just want a reflection of themselves......
alot of women will be attracted to this man, but they will be bitter because he did not choose them since he will be picky as to who he lays with and keeps around....and many of those women cant handle him,they want to control him indirectly... they will invariably try to slow him down or redirect his energy after trying to gain a foothold in his life via using his emotions, his family, having his kids,marriage...
this is the true "alpha dude" or "successful brotha"....the one that gets all the negative heat from women he doesnt want, since they cant control him...the guy that doesnt need to brag about what he has done or where he as been....the guy that gets brushed off by fools with their own concept of "how he should be" because they cant control him....the real threat to the status quo since he doesnt take the bullshit at face value....
and the rub is that this is a mode of operation that is obtained internally and not externally
the "downside" to this is that alot of people have to be cut off in order to grow....because not everyone truly wants to see a man succeed, they just want a reflection of themselves......
alot of women will be attracted to this man, but they will be bitter because he did not choose them since he will be picky as to who he lays with and keeps around....and many of those women cant handle him,they want to control him indirectly... they will invariably try to slow him down or redirect his energy after trying to gain a foothold in his life via using his emotions, his family, having his kids,marriage...
this is the true "alpha dude" or "successful brotha"....the one that gets all the negative heat from women he doesnt want, since they cant control him...the guy that doesnt need to brag about what he has done or where he as been....the guy that gets brushed off by fools with their own concept of "how he should be" because they cant control him....the real threat to the status quo since he doesnt take the bullshit at face value....
and the rub is that this is a mode of operation that is obtained internally and not externally
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you gotta be a counselor man..LOL
naw homie.....just healing myself and goin through the process...dudes gotta step our own shit up....I started a manhood thread that opened with MLK saying if you interested...alot of dudes have self worth issues tied to female validation, enmeshment issues,etc and it dont help that america and many of our own women make it worse by shittin on us in public....by accepting our weaknesses we will be stronger..Im working on mine...
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shit its cool.....Thank you fam...your post alone could be it's own thread...
*two cents*
I was thinking today, that if a number of black women claim to be the backbone of our community, all strong and shit....then why is everything so fucked up and why havent they done anything about it...except blame men, accept govt subsidiaries in the name of "diversity", bitch and moan.....
the community is the way it is....with black men on the bottom...because that is how people want it to be...inside it and outside it...it just hit me today....I looked over at obsidians blog and he said the same damn thing....
most of mens mistakes in the game are humane ones...ie being to cool,nice,etc...he does it because he thinks it is right...and was conditioned to do so from the time of birth by the women...
most womens mistakes in the game are selfish ones....ie he is "supposed to (fill in the blank)" without assessing him as a man and acknowledging his individuality....
if a black man fucks up, he is on his own.....if a black woman fucks up...she gets govt help,preferential treatment in the community just because she has a pussy, and a media shit storm of garbage giving back handed compliments while making her look good...
women have been so used to not getting called out...not being held accountable by others...that whenever they encounter criticism it becomes "bashing"....no women bash men much more...just look around and stop staring at the mirror with your solipsisitc ass....
brothas gotta work shit out on our own...I was talkin to a homie from chicago and we were basically sayin that its time for us as men and brothas to stop doing shit just because it is cool or we get validated for it...we gotta think for ourselves and act for ourselves because everyone else is to our detriment...the women included....
shit I knew a woman who was trying to tell her "sisters" that since most young men today are being brought up in single parent homes then their behavior is the result of poor upbringing on the womens behalf...the women are the first to say "I did it alone" if he succeeds but if he fails "its the daddy, he wasnt there"....smh at them broads.....
there is nothing like a real ass woman...including other women, which is why they hate her so......these women dont last long on the market though..they get wifed up with the swiftness.....alot of them are scared to go at the "sisterhood" out of fear of being shitted on by their own female relatives....from what they told me....
shit I knew a woman who was trying to tell her "sisters" that since most young men today are being brought up in single parent homes then their behavior is the result of poor upbringing on the womens behalf...the women are the first to say "I did it alone" if he succeeds but if he fails "its the daddy, he wasnt there"....smh at them broads.....
there is nothing like a real ass woman...including other women, which is why they hate her so......these women dont last long on the market though..they get wifed up with the swiftness.....alot of them are scared to go at the "sisterhood" out of fear of being shitted on by their own female relatives....from what they told me....
alot of times the women who are the loudest about what they dont like or want in men are the worst women...the women who play the victim are the same.....mary j blige and rihanna come to mind.....
alot of men dont know who they are....perversion is a sign of repression and if men are more likely to be pervs (according to feminism) then it follows that men are the ones sexually repressed/thirsty/oppressed.....I think this comes from conditional validation and the addiction to validation in the first place....damn....
alot of women use cultural memes (ie take responsibility,be a man,etc) to shut men up when they state their concerns...not really help them....they then flip it to make excuses for her behavior or justify it with new memes when those women are the ones concnered....
Hypocrisy and double standards galore....read this
http://madamenoire.com/21488/opinion-can’t-get-a-date-go-where-black-is-exotic/2/
it is by some black women that talk about how they go overseas and get fu....I mean....meet a romantic man and get appreciation that the regular brotha was not good enough to give them in america....
its obvious they are going overseas getting ran through...they aint coming back married...they are going places where their ego will be stroked (like back in college with the frat/sports team running through them) since alot of brothas (Read:the ones they rejected in the past, but feel entitled to now) wont do it for them...they are just quick to brandish it as "romance" (read:waiting to exhale)......
its funny because a man can have similar or the same emotional needs those women claim to have and that are not met by women like her, alot of times its just the peace and patience/understanding that a man wants,not even ego stroking,but if he does anything similar its branded as straight sex tourism or cowardice...or simply a problem that needs to be solved...its all about control.....brothas we need to work out shit out alone, too many bullshittin women to take them into the fold so easily....
http://madamenoire.com/21488/opinion-can’t-get-a-date-go-where-black-is-exotic/2/
it is by some black women that talk about how they go overseas and get fu....I mean....meet a romantic man and get appreciation that the regular brotha was not good enough to give them in america....
its obvious they are going overseas getting ran through...they aint coming back married...they are going places where their ego will be stroked (like back in college with the frat/sports team running through them) since alot of brothas (Read:the ones they rejected in the past, but feel entitled to now) wont do it for them...they are just quick to brandish it as "romance" (read:waiting to exhale)......
its funny because a man can have similar or the same emotional needs those women claim to have and that are not met by women like her, alot of times its just the peace and patience/understanding that a man wants,not even ego stroking,but if he does anything similar its branded as straight sex tourism or cowardice...or simply a problem that needs to be solved...its all about control.....brothas we need to work out shit out alone, too many bullshittin women to take them into the fold so easily....
when black women bash men in the media, on tv, deflect,etc...
when black women bash men in the media, on tv, deflect,etc...
Waht's up with this new thing where women, after 1-2 dates starting claiming u?
Listen to Mary break it down sing it mama...
Fatherless Women: What Happens to the Adult Woman who was Raised Without her Father?
%wise
Little girls who live without a father do so not only due to death, abandonment, or divorce, but also due to physically present fathers but who are emotionally absent, or ill over a lengthy period of time in some way (clinical depression, terminal disease, etc.), or because the father is a workaholic, or because in some fashion the father is a disappointment to the daughter, as might be the case in a weak or ineffectual father. Such differing types of absence in the girl's life may have major consequences of varying kinds, since a healthy emotional and socio-psychological developmental trajectory in the early years of life does require some type of positive paternal role model.
Seeing the Self Reflected
Optimally, a little girl needs to see herself reflected in the love she sees for herself in her father's eyes. This is how she develops self confidence and self esteem. This is how she develops a healthy familiarity with what a positive expression of love feels like. This is how she develops an appreciation for her own looks, her own body. This is how she develops what Jungians would call her 'animus,' her counter-sexual self; her masculine self, which will help her be proactive, productive, and creative in the outer world as she grows into adulthood.
If, however, the little girl does not have such a relationship with the father, if she sees rejection or emotional coldness or withdrawal in him, or if he simply is not available at all, her sense of self will be tainted, her self confidence warped or non-existent, her portrait of a loving relationship may be distorted or dysfunctional, and she may find herself - no matter how pretty, vivacious, lovable, funny, or intelligent - lacking in appeal.
Belief in the Self
Clearly, self confidence and self esteem can be forged through one's own endeavors during the life course, even if a father has not been present, but the path to success in such endeavors, and the reasons for which they are even attempted, tend to be quite different in the adult woman who was raised with a positive relationship to her father, as opposed to the one who was not. The former may excel simply because she believes in herself, while the latter needs to excel in order to catch a glimpse of approval and recognition in the eyes of those who give her a message of approval, honor, or prestige. The value of such a belief in oneself, easily acquired by the woman with a positive relationship to her father, is immeasurable in the adult life, and the lack of it in many of the countless women who were raised without a positive father image, may cause the life course to be fraught with difficulties.
The Multi-faceted Arena of Relationships
Perhaps the arena in which the most painful process of learning how to deal with the early lack of a father is played out is in that of relationships. If a girl has not been assured of her value as a woman by that early relationship with the father, she finds it difficult to relate to men precisely because she may often unconsciously seek to find that recognition in the eyes of the beloved…and this may lead her down an early path of promiscuity... which in turn makes her feel she is “bad”, but on she marches, relentlessly visiting bed after bed, locking in a fierce embrace with man after man, in the hope that this one or that one, or the next one will finally give her that which she never had as a child - validation of herself for herself.
Marrying 'Daddy'
Other women may choose another route, falling in love with an older man and thus marrying 'daddy.' At this point many different scenarios may ensue. If the man is at all psychologically aware (something often, but not always lacking in older men who like younger girls), he may have a vague inkling of what is going on. Therefore, once she starts - within the secure confines of the relationship or marriage - the process of growth, which will inevitably lead her to separate from her husband in some ways that are emotionally and psychologically necessary in order for her become her own woman, he will not blanch in fear at this process, and allow her the necessary space and freedom to do so. In that case, the marriage will in all likelihood thrive and continue to grow. If, however, the man is not aware, and sees her search for growth as a threat to the superiority he felt upon marrying a young, and as yet undeveloped woman, he will attempt to stifle her, to manipulate her psychologically by making her believe she is worthless, silly, or, and this appears to be a perennial favorite, that she "needs professional help in order to calm down and behave like she used to before."
Avoiding Engaging the Emotions
Examples here abound: the maiden aunt, who dedicates her life to her nieces and nephews, or who becomes a teacher and dedicates her life to her career; the nun, who dedicates her life to God, or the prostitute, who, although she may engage her body, rarely engages her emotions. Another example is that of the eternal seductress, who needs to remain in control by seducing the man and never actually involving her own feelings. A slightly more difficult to recognize version of the same scenario is played out by the woman who consistently has relationships with married men who never leave their respective wives for her. On an unconscious level this suits her just fine because it gives her the perfect excuse never to have to commit herself totally.
Finding Self-Confidence and Recognition in the Self
The core of the matter is, of course, that the self-confidence and recognition so avidly sought must be found within oneself rather than in the outer world - at least initially - in order to be of lasting and true value. The world of emotions that is avoided out of fear or because one never really learned what love is, must first be found in oneself (i.e. it is necessary to love the self before one loves another). The task of accomplishing this, requires that the individual become aware of him or herself (by observing the self, the self-talk, and all emotions that occur, good or bad, since all of these serve to give clues about the true self), and that absolute honesty about oneself be employed in this process. Let the reader be warned: this process is not a simple weekend project; it must be ongoing throughout life; it must become second nature, but it will pave the road to finding inner self-confidence and love for oneself, which will in turn lead to the abolishment of the need for finding these things in another. This is one of the roads to inner freedom that psychological knowledge offers
sing it mama...Fatherless Women: What Happens to the Adult Woman who was Raised Without her Father?
%wise
Little girls who live without a father do so not only due to death, abandonment, or divorce, but also due to physically present fathers but who are emotionally absent, or ill over a lengthy period of time in some way (clinical depression, terminal disease, etc.), or because the father is a workaholic, or because in some fashion the father is a disappointment to the daughter, as might be the case in a weak or ineffectual father. Such differing types of absence in the girl's life may have major consequences of varying kinds, since a healthy emotional and socio-psychological developmental trajectory in the early years of life does require some type of positive paternal role model.
Seeing the Self Reflected
Optimally, a little girl needs to see herself reflected in the love she sees for herself in her father's eyes. This is how she develops self confidence and self esteem. This is how she develops a healthy familiarity with what a positive expression of love feels like. This is how she develops an appreciation for her own looks, her own body. This is how she develops what Jungians would call her 'animus,' her counter-sexual self; her masculine self, which will help her be proactive, productive, and creative in the outer world as she grows into adulthood.
If, however, the little girl does not have such a relationship with the father, if she sees rejection or emotional coldness or withdrawal in him, or if he simply is not available at all, her sense of self will be tainted, her self confidence warped or non-existent, her portrait of a loving relationship may be distorted or dysfunctional, and she may find herself - no matter how pretty, vivacious, lovable, funny, or intelligent - lacking in appeal.
Belief in the Self
Clearly, self confidence and self esteem can be forged through one's own endeavors during the life course, even if a father has not been present, but the path to success in such endeavors, and the reasons for which they are even attempted, tend to be quite different in the adult woman who was raised with a positive relationship to her father, as opposed to the one who was not. The former may excel simply because she believes in herself, while the latter needs to excel in order to catch a glimpse of approval and recognition in the eyes of those who give her a message of approval, honor, or prestige. The value of such a belief in oneself, easily acquired by the woman with a positive relationship to her father, is immeasurable in the adult life, and the lack of it in many of the countless women who were raised without a positive father image, may cause the life course to be fraught with difficulties.
The Multi-faceted Arena of Relationships
Perhaps the arena in which the most painful process of learning how to deal with the early lack of a father is played out is in that of relationships. If a girl has not been assured of her value as a woman by that early relationship with the father, she finds it difficult to relate to men precisely because she may often unconsciously seek to find that recognition in the eyes of the beloved…and this may lead her down an early path of promiscuity... which in turn makes her feel she is “bad”, but on she marches, relentlessly visiting bed after bed, locking in a fierce embrace with man after man, in the hope that this one or that one, or the next one will finally give her that which she never had as a child - validation of herself for herself.
Marrying 'Daddy'
Other women may choose another route, falling in love with an older man and thus marrying 'daddy.' At this point many different scenarios may ensue. If the man is at all psychologically aware (something often, but not always lacking in older men who like younger girls), he may have a vague inkling of what is going on. Therefore, once she starts - within the secure confines of the relationship or marriage - the process of growth, which will inevitably lead her to separate from her husband in some ways that are emotionally and psychologically necessary in order for her become her own woman, he will not blanch in fear at this process, and allow her the necessary space and freedom to do so. In that case, the marriage will in all likelihood thrive and continue to grow. If, however, the man is not aware, and sees her search for growth as a threat to the superiority he felt upon marrying a young, and as yet undeveloped woman, he will attempt to stifle her, to manipulate her psychologically by making her believe she is worthless, silly, or, and this appears to be a perennial favorite, that she "needs professional help in order to calm down and behave like she used to before."
Avoiding Engaging the Emotions
Examples here abound: the maiden aunt, who dedicates her life to her nieces and nephews, or who becomes a teacher and dedicates her life to her career; the nun, who dedicates her life to God, or the prostitute, who, although she may engage her body, rarely engages her emotions. Another example is that of the eternal seductress, who needs to remain in control by seducing the man and never actually involving her own feelings. A slightly more difficult to recognize version of the same scenario is played out by the woman who consistently has relationships with married men who never leave their respective wives for her. On an unconscious level this suits her just fine because it gives her the perfect excuse never to have to commit herself totally.
Finding Self-Confidence and Recognition in the Self
The core of the matter is, of course, that the self-confidence and recognition so avidly sought must be found within oneself rather than in the outer world - at least initially - in order to be of lasting and true value. The world of emotions that is avoided out of fear or because one never really learned what love is, must first be found in oneself (i.e. it is necessary to love the self before one loves another). The task of accomplishing this, requires that the individual become aware of him or herself (by observing the self, the self-talk, and all emotions that occur, good or bad, since all of these serve to give clues about the true self), and that absolute honesty about oneself be employed in this process. Let the reader be warned: this process is not a simple weekend project; it must be ongoing throughout life; it must become second nature, but it will pave the road to finding inner self-confidence and love for oneself, which will in turn lead to the abolishment of the need for finding these things in another. This is one of the roads to inner freedom that psychological knowledge offers
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Listen to Mary break it down
Fatherless Women: What Happens to the Adult Woman who was Raised Without her Father?
%wise
Little girls who live without a father do so not only due to death, abandonment, or divorce, but also due to physically present fathers but who are emotionally absent, or ill over a lengthy period of time in some way (clinical depression, terminal disease, etc.), or because the father is a workaholic, or because in some fashion the father is a disappointment to the daughter, as might be the case in a weak or ineffectual father. Such differing types of absence in the girl's life may have major consequences of varying kinds, since a healthy emotional and socio-psychological developmental trajectory in the early years of life does require some type of positive paternal role model.
Seeing the Self Reflected
Optimally, a little girl needs to see herself reflected in the love she sees for herself in her father's eyes. This is how she develops self confidence and self esteem. This is how she develops a healthy familiarity with what a positive expression of love feels like. This is how she develops an appreciation for her own looks, her own body. This is how she develops what Jungians would call her 'animus,' her counter-sexual self; her masculine self, which will help her be proactive, productive, and creative in the outer world as she grows into adulthood.
If, however, the little girl does not have such a relationship with the father, if she sees rejection or emotional coldness or withdrawal in him, or if he simply is not available at all, her sense of self will be tainted, her self confidence warped or non-existent, her portrait of a loving relationship may be distorted or dysfunctional, and she may find herself - no matter how pretty, vivacious, lovable, funny, or intelligent - lacking in appeal.
Belief in the Self
Clearly, self confidence and self esteem can be forged through one's own endeavors during the life course, even if a father has not been present, but the path to success in such endeavors, and the reasons for which they are even attempted, tend to be quite different in the adult woman who was raised with a positive relationship to her father, as opposed to the one who was not. The former may excel simply because she believes in herself, while the latter needs to excel in order to catch a glimpse of approval and recognition in the eyes of those who give her a message of approval, honor, or prestige. The value of such a belief in oneself, easily acquired by the woman with a positive relationship to her father, is immeasurable in the adult life, and the lack of it in many of the countless women who were raised without a positive father image, may cause the life course to be fraught with difficulties.
The Multi-faceted Arena of Relationships
Perhaps the arena in which the most painful process of learning how to deal with the early lack of a father is played out is in that of relationships. If a girl has not been assured of her value as a woman by that early relationship with the father, she finds it difficult to relate to men precisely because she may often unconsciously seek to find that recognition in the eyes of the beloved…and this may lead her down an early path of promiscuity... which in turn makes her feel she is “bad”, but on she marches, relentlessly visiting bed after bed, locking in a fierce embrace with man after man, in the hope that this one or that one, or the next one will finally give her that which she never had as a child - validation of herself for herself.
Marrying 'Daddy'
Other women may choose another route, falling in love with an older man and thus marrying 'daddy.' At this point many different scenarios may ensue. If the man is at all psychologically aware (something often, but not always lacking in older men who like younger girls), he may have a vague inkling of what is going on. Therefore, once she starts - within the secure confines of the relationship or marriage - the process of growth, which will inevitably lead her to separate from her husband in some ways that are emotionally and psychologically necessary in order for her become her own woman, he will not blanch in fear at this process, and allow her the necessary space and freedom to do so. In that case, the marriage will in all likelihood thrive and continue to grow. If, however, the man is not aware, and sees her search for growth as a threat to the superiority he felt upon marrying a young, and as yet undeveloped woman, he will attempt to stifle her, to manipulate her psychologically by making her believe she is worthless, silly, or, and this appears to be a perennial favorite, that she "needs professional help in order to calm down and behave like she used to before."
Avoiding Engaging the Emotions
Examples here abound: the maiden aunt, who dedicates her life to her nieces and nephews, or who becomes a teacher and dedicates her life to her career; the nun, who dedicates her life to God, or the prostitute, who, although she may engage her body, rarely engages her emotions. Another example is that of the eternal seductress, who needs to remain in control by seducing the man and never actually involving her own feelings. A slightly more difficult to recognize version of the same scenario is played out by the woman who consistently has relationships with married men who never leave their respective wives for her. On an unconscious level this suits her just fine because it gives her the perfect excuse never to have to commit herself totally.
Finding Self-Confidence and Recognition in the Self
The core of the matter is, of course, that the self-confidence and recognition so avidly sought must be found within oneself rather than in the outer world - at least initially - in order to be of lasting and true value. The world of emotions that is avoided out of fear or because one never really learned what love is, must first be found in oneself (i.e. it is necessary to love the self before one loves another). The task of accomplishing this, requires that the individual become aware of him or herself (by observing the self, the self-talk, and all emotions that occur, good or bad, since all of these serve to give clues about the true self), and that absolute honesty about oneself be employed in this process. Let the reader be warned: this process is not a simple weekend project; it must be ongoing throughout life; it must become second nature, but it will pave the road to finding inner self-confidence and love for oneself, which will in turn lead to the abolishment of the need for finding these things in another. This is one of the roads to inner freedom that psychological knowledge offers
You got a link to this??? Some of these hoes need to look at this. Thanks in advance if you do.
Ive been getting this shit a LOT lately:
"I feel like you dont respect my opinion and dont listen to my suggestions"
translation: Why wont you do what I say and why do you have to do things your way instead of mine
"I cant read you, so I feel like you dont care about anything that I do and you have no emotion"
translation: Why are you not falling into my trap for drama and give me something to do b/c I love the attention.
ARGH!!!!
just had to vent real quick
"I feel like you dont respect my opinion and dont listen to my suggestions"
translation: Why wont you do what I say and why do you have to do things your way instead of mine
"I cant read you, so I feel like you dont care about anything that I do and you have no emotion"
translation: Why are you not falling into my trap for drama and give me something to do b/c I love the attention.
ARGH!!!!
just had to vent real quick
same here bro...
on the other hand...this shit should not effect me or anyone else...shit like this thread has been therapeutic and it serves as a reminder for ourselves and others.....
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^!!!!!!!!
B u m p
I could take a que from you. Too fucking bad my membership expire in like 14 days
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...pidemic-more-inflated-sense-fabulousness.html
The ego epidemic: How more and more of us women have an inflated sense of our own fabulousness
By Lucy Taylor
Last updated at 7:55 AM on 14th September 2009
Us women are more egocentric and narcissistic than we ever used to be, according to extensive research by two leading psychologists.
More of us have huge expectations of ourselves, our lives and everyone in them. We think the universe resolves around us, with a deluded sense of our own fabulousness, and believe we are cleverer, more talented and more attractive than we actually are.
We have trouble accepting criticism and extending empathy because we are so preoccupied with ourselves.
Am I making you angry by telling you this? It figures. Narcissistic or egotistical women do have an overwhelming sense of entitlement and arrogance.
Of course, I joke, but researchers say there is growing evidence of an epidemic of ego-itis everywhere.
Once a traditionally male syndrome, narcissism generally begins at home and in schools, where children are praised excessively, often spoiled rotten and given the relentless message that they are 'special'.
Psychology professors Jean Twenge and Keith Campbell analysed studies on 37,000 college students in 2006.
In a survey, 30 per cent of them said they believed they should get good grades simply for turning up.
NET WORTH: Facebook is a boon for those with narcissistic traits, who use the networking site for self-promotion, says a recent study
And it's not just about how intelligent they think they are. In the workplace, in friendships, even in motherhood, the pervading culture seems to have become one of competitiveness, superiority and one-upmanship.
But the sphere in which the signs of self-obsession are perhaps most obvious, and the consequences most immediately felt, is the dating one.
In a recent magazine article, four women in their late 20s and 30s shared their thoughts about why they were still single. A 39-year-old beauty director claimed to be too independent for a relationship.
A 38-year-old music agent attributed her single status to the fact she was an alpha female - independent, feisty, strong-minded, high-achieving and intimidating.
She pointed out that she owned a gorgeous flat with gorgeous things in it, had a nice car, was a member of a fancy gym and wore designer dresses. 'I do what I like, when I like,' she said.
She'd been told, and appears to believe, that she's too successful and too well-educated for most men.
The third woman, a 30-year- old arts writer and curator, has been having too much fun to settle down.
Another, a 29-year-old, said she was too picky. She was looking for a guy who is (just) tall enough. And (just about) good-looking enough (but not too good-looking so that she'd play second fiddle).
He needs to be successful, solvent and driven. He must also be long on genuinely good jokes, with a decent sideline in bad ones that only she finds funny.
He needs to 'speak good restaurant', to have no special dietary requirements and to always be discerning without ever being fussy.
Me, me, me: The workplace is one area where women can develop an over-inflated view of themselves
He needs to be clever without ever making her feel stupid. He needs to 'get' but not 'know' fashion...and so the list went on.
She concluded that she would rather eat wasps than share her Sunday with anyone who fails to measure up to her idea of Mr Perfect.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with having high expectations. But being delusional and having a totally unrealistic blueprint are an altogether different matter.
And they often go hand in hand with acute ego-itis. As Margot Medhurt knows only too well.
She is the founder of Yours Sincerely, an Edinburgh-based personal dating and introduction agency for professionals. She has almost 30 years' experience in the industry and has noticed a significant rise in this phenomenon in recent years.
'It used to be that most women who joined a dating agency had a pretty good idea of where they stood in the eligibility stakes,' she said. 'But in the past few years, I've noticed that there are a significant number of women who don't.
'They tend to be in their 30s, and there is a wide discrepancy between how they perceive themselves and how others see them.
'They are often very plain, but see themselves as being absolutely fabulous, exceptional people.
'They invariably reject every guy's profile I send them. But if a guy rejects their profile, there is all hell to pay. There is disbelief. They are really saying: "I'm so fabulous. How dare he turn me down?"
'In the past few years, I've noticed a real sense of entitlement among this small group of women. The idea that a guy might not find them as amazing as they find themselves doesn't enter their head.
'They often become indignant and angry towards me, demanding to know why a guy dared to turn them down. Most people simply accept the facts of the dating game: some people will find you attractive and others won't, in the same way that you'll be drawn to some but not others.
Women today think the universe revolves around them and have a deluded sense of their abilities
'These women, however, are unable to get their heads around the fact that the rest of the world might not share the distorted, inflated view they have of themselves.'
She said she had a eureka moment when she read a recent article about the rise in narcissism among women.
According to the American research, there has been a 67 per cent increase in it over the past two decades, mainly among women.
An estimated ten per cent of the population suffers from narcissism as a full-blown personality disorder.
The symptoms include: a grandiose sense of self-importance; the belief that he or she is special or unique and in some way better - either intellectually or physically - than others; a requirement for excessive admiration; a sense of entitlement, whether to fame, fortune, success and happiness or simply to special treatment; enviousness of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her; an inability to empathise; an inability to admit a mistake; and haughty behaviour or attitude.
Food for thought: One woman said she would not share time with a man unless he was her ideal of Mr Perfect
What researchers have also identified, and are far more worried about, is what has been described as 'normal' narcissism - a cultural shift that has seen even non-narcissistic people seduced by the emphasis on material wealth, physical appearance and celebrity worship.
The researchers believe our culture brings out narcissistic behaviour in almost all of us.
They blame the internet (where 'fame' is a click away), reality television (where the lure of fame without talent is most prevalent), easy credit (which enables people to buy far beyond their ability to pay), celebrity worship, our highly consumerist, competitive and individualistic society, and a generation of indulgent parents who have raised their children to think they're special, amazing and perfect.
According to Twenge, this focus on self-admiration has caused a cultural flight from reality to the land of grandiose fantasy.
We have phony rich people (who actually have massive mortgages and piles of debt), phony beauty (via plastic surgery), phony celebrities (via reality TV and YouTube), phony genius students (with grade inflation) and phony friends (with the social networking explosion).
TOP DOG: Narcissists are most likely to end up in leadership roles despite the fact they often don't make good leaders, according to a U.S. survey
'I had noticed this trend, but wasn't really sure what it was all about,' says Margaret Medhurt.
'However, when I read that article and thought about the unrealistic expectations and sense of entitlement among some of the women, it really struck a chord.
'One of the cases that brought it home to me involved a 38-year-old businesswoman.
'I knew there were going to be problems right away. As soon as someone joins the agency, we get things moving very quickly - but this wasn't quick enough for this woman.
'She wanted a date immediately. The first man I sent her profile to declined an introduction and she was extremely cross. She couldn't accept it and she couldn't even be polite about it.
'In three weeks, three men turned her down. I explained that it takes time to meet someone but she just got angrier and angrier. She was demanding to know why these guys did this. I was trying to get the balance right - between being honest with her and being tactful.
'I think, ultimately, she had a very flawed perception of herself. And she almost couldn't bear that it was being challenged. It was as if she couldn't deal with the fact that some guys didn't think she was amazing - and she left.'
Men, traditionally regarded as the more self-centred of the species and the rogues of the mating game, are left scratching their heads and pondering Freud's famous question: what do women want?
David Baxter (not his real name) is a 40-year-old management consultant. Previously married for nine years, he joined a dating agency in the summer.
He says he's not perfect, but is told he's an eligible and pleasant guy with a lot to offer.
'I've had three successive dates recently with ladies in the late 30s to early 40s age bracket that have left me dumbfounded,' he said.
'I've never come across such massive egos, such arrogance and lack of basic courtesy.
'It was as if these particular dates were a forum for them to tell me how exceptional they were. One told me repeatedly how many young guys at the gym asked her out; another was very artificial.
'You sensed that they absolutely worshipped themselves, though none of them was drop-dead gorgeous or had amazing personalities, jobs or anything else to set them apart and elevate themselves into some superior position.
'I also thought it was quite telling that none of them had ever been married, engaged or had recently - or perhaps ever - been in a long-term relationship.
'I got the feeling that these women were living in a Sex And The City-inspired fantasy world. I also sensed that nobody would ever be good enough for them.
'They seem to be looking for something that doesn't exist: Mr Perfect, or perhaps some larger-than-life, dashingly handsome and unattainable character such as that portrayed by Mr Big. Nothing else will do.'
Despite his recent experience, David still considers himself lucky.
'I'm still positive about the whole thing, but I have friends who are not so optimistic and it's evident that encounters with these sort of women seriously erode their self-confidence, which is a real shame. There are a lot of genuine, decent guys out there who are getting a rough deal.'
Neil Hay is a 32-year-old former professional golfer-turned-financial consultant who lives on the outskirts of Edinburgh.
After taking some time out following the death of his mother, he joined a dating agency almost a year ago.
'It's made me terribly cynical, not just about the way women are, but also about what on earth it is that they are looking for in a guy,' he said.
'Of course, we all have standards and preferences. There's nothing wrong with that. But most of us are also realistic. We know that Cheryl Cole is out of our league.
'I had been hoping to meet someone who was quite nice-looking, with a good personality, someone to go for dinner and to the cinema and have a decent conversation with. But I'm left feeling that this isn't what women are looking for.
'It's as if they want to be swept off their feet right from the first date, as if they're waiting for someone like Brad Pitt or George Clooney. They're not interested in a regular, normal, decent guy. That's not good enough for them.
'I spent three hours on a date with one woman. I thought we got on brilliantly, but then she said she didn't want to meet again.
'This has happened a few times. It makes me think that if you don't live up to their perfect fantasy, then that's it. It's game over before you've even had any chance to begin to get to know each other.
'It does dent your confidence. I'm left thinking either that there's something wrong with me or that I'll just never be whatever it is that these women are looking for.
'I know there are a lot of single women who say things like they're too independent, too feisty, too confident or too successful for men. Or they claim that men are intimidated by strong, intelligent and independent women.
'But this is simply not the case. I think they just tell themselves this. It's a way of rationalising things. It's as if it's easier for them to believe their own myths than to face reality - that they are completely ordinary.'
The ego epidemic: How more and more of us women have an inflated sense of our own fabulousness
By Lucy Taylor
Last updated at 7:55 AM on 14th September 2009
Us women are more egocentric and narcissistic than we ever used to be, according to extensive research by two leading psychologists.
More of us have huge expectations of ourselves, our lives and everyone in them. We think the universe resolves around us, with a deluded sense of our own fabulousness, and believe we are cleverer, more talented and more attractive than we actually are.
We have trouble accepting criticism and extending empathy because we are so preoccupied with ourselves.
Am I making you angry by telling you this? It figures. Narcissistic or egotistical women do have an overwhelming sense of entitlement and arrogance.
Of course, I joke, but researchers say there is growing evidence of an epidemic of ego-itis everywhere.
Once a traditionally male syndrome, narcissism generally begins at home and in schools, where children are praised excessively, often spoiled rotten and given the relentless message that they are 'special'.
Psychology professors Jean Twenge and Keith Campbell analysed studies on 37,000 college students in 2006.
In a survey, 30 per cent of them said they believed they should get good grades simply for turning up.
NET WORTH: Facebook is a boon for those with narcissistic traits, who use the networking site for self-promotion, says a recent study
And it's not just about how intelligent they think they are. In the workplace, in friendships, even in motherhood, the pervading culture seems to have become one of competitiveness, superiority and one-upmanship.
But the sphere in which the signs of self-obsession are perhaps most obvious, and the consequences most immediately felt, is the dating one.
In a recent magazine article, four women in their late 20s and 30s shared their thoughts about why they were still single. A 39-year-old beauty director claimed to be too independent for a relationship.
A 38-year-old music agent attributed her single status to the fact she was an alpha female - independent, feisty, strong-minded, high-achieving and intimidating.
She pointed out that she owned a gorgeous flat with gorgeous things in it, had a nice car, was a member of a fancy gym and wore designer dresses. 'I do what I like, when I like,' she said.
She'd been told, and appears to believe, that she's too successful and too well-educated for most men.
The third woman, a 30-year- old arts writer and curator, has been having too much fun to settle down.
Another, a 29-year-old, said she was too picky. She was looking for a guy who is (just) tall enough. And (just about) good-looking enough (but not too good-looking so that she'd play second fiddle).
He needs to be successful, solvent and driven. He must also be long on genuinely good jokes, with a decent sideline in bad ones that only she finds funny.
He needs to 'speak good restaurant', to have no special dietary requirements and to always be discerning without ever being fussy.
Me, me, me: The workplace is one area where women can develop an over-inflated view of themselves
He needs to be clever without ever making her feel stupid. He needs to 'get' but not 'know' fashion...and so the list went on.
She concluded that she would rather eat wasps than share her Sunday with anyone who fails to measure up to her idea of Mr Perfect.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with having high expectations. But being delusional and having a totally unrealistic blueprint are an altogether different matter.
And they often go hand in hand with acute ego-itis. As Margot Medhurt knows only too well.
She is the founder of Yours Sincerely, an Edinburgh-based personal dating and introduction agency for professionals. She has almost 30 years' experience in the industry and has noticed a significant rise in this phenomenon in recent years.
'It used to be that most women who joined a dating agency had a pretty good idea of where they stood in the eligibility stakes,' she said. 'But in the past few years, I've noticed that there are a significant number of women who don't.
'They tend to be in their 30s, and there is a wide discrepancy between how they perceive themselves and how others see them.
'They are often very plain, but see themselves as being absolutely fabulous, exceptional people.
'They invariably reject every guy's profile I send them. But if a guy rejects their profile, there is all hell to pay. There is disbelief. They are really saying: "I'm so fabulous. How dare he turn me down?"
'In the past few years, I've noticed a real sense of entitlement among this small group of women. The idea that a guy might not find them as amazing as they find themselves doesn't enter their head.
'They often become indignant and angry towards me, demanding to know why a guy dared to turn them down. Most people simply accept the facts of the dating game: some people will find you attractive and others won't, in the same way that you'll be drawn to some but not others.
Women today think the universe revolves around them and have a deluded sense of their abilities
'These women, however, are unable to get their heads around the fact that the rest of the world might not share the distorted, inflated view they have of themselves.'
She said she had a eureka moment when she read a recent article about the rise in narcissism among women.
According to the American research, there has been a 67 per cent increase in it over the past two decades, mainly among women.
An estimated ten per cent of the population suffers from narcissism as a full-blown personality disorder.
The symptoms include: a grandiose sense of self-importance; the belief that he or she is special or unique and in some way better - either intellectually or physically - than others; a requirement for excessive admiration; a sense of entitlement, whether to fame, fortune, success and happiness or simply to special treatment; enviousness of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her; an inability to empathise; an inability to admit a mistake; and haughty behaviour or attitude.
Food for thought: One woman said she would not share time with a man unless he was her ideal of Mr Perfect
What researchers have also identified, and are far more worried about, is what has been described as 'normal' narcissism - a cultural shift that has seen even non-narcissistic people seduced by the emphasis on material wealth, physical appearance and celebrity worship.
The researchers believe our culture brings out narcissistic behaviour in almost all of us.
They blame the internet (where 'fame' is a click away), reality television (where the lure of fame without talent is most prevalent), easy credit (which enables people to buy far beyond their ability to pay), celebrity worship, our highly consumerist, competitive and individualistic society, and a generation of indulgent parents who have raised their children to think they're special, amazing and perfect.
According to Twenge, this focus on self-admiration has caused a cultural flight from reality to the land of grandiose fantasy.
We have phony rich people (who actually have massive mortgages and piles of debt), phony beauty (via plastic surgery), phony celebrities (via reality TV and YouTube), phony genius students (with grade inflation) and phony friends (with the social networking explosion).
TOP DOG: Narcissists are most likely to end up in leadership roles despite the fact they often don't make good leaders, according to a U.S. survey
'I had noticed this trend, but wasn't really sure what it was all about,' says Margaret Medhurt.
'However, when I read that article and thought about the unrealistic expectations and sense of entitlement among some of the women, it really struck a chord.
'One of the cases that brought it home to me involved a 38-year-old businesswoman.
'I knew there were going to be problems right away. As soon as someone joins the agency, we get things moving very quickly - but this wasn't quick enough for this woman.
'She wanted a date immediately. The first man I sent her profile to declined an introduction and she was extremely cross. She couldn't accept it and she couldn't even be polite about it.
'In three weeks, three men turned her down. I explained that it takes time to meet someone but she just got angrier and angrier. She was demanding to know why these guys did this. I was trying to get the balance right - between being honest with her and being tactful.
'I think, ultimately, she had a very flawed perception of herself. And she almost couldn't bear that it was being challenged. It was as if she couldn't deal with the fact that some guys didn't think she was amazing - and she left.'
Men, traditionally regarded as the more self-centred of the species and the rogues of the mating game, are left scratching their heads and pondering Freud's famous question: what do women want?
David Baxter (not his real name) is a 40-year-old management consultant. Previously married for nine years, he joined a dating agency in the summer.
He says he's not perfect, but is told he's an eligible and pleasant guy with a lot to offer.
'I've had three successive dates recently with ladies in the late 30s to early 40s age bracket that have left me dumbfounded,' he said.
'I've never come across such massive egos, such arrogance and lack of basic courtesy.
'It was as if these particular dates were a forum for them to tell me how exceptional they were. One told me repeatedly how many young guys at the gym asked her out; another was very artificial.
'You sensed that they absolutely worshipped themselves, though none of them was drop-dead gorgeous or had amazing personalities, jobs or anything else to set them apart and elevate themselves into some superior position.
'I also thought it was quite telling that none of them had ever been married, engaged or had recently - or perhaps ever - been in a long-term relationship.
'I got the feeling that these women were living in a Sex And The City-inspired fantasy world. I also sensed that nobody would ever be good enough for them.
'They seem to be looking for something that doesn't exist: Mr Perfect, or perhaps some larger-than-life, dashingly handsome and unattainable character such as that portrayed by Mr Big. Nothing else will do.'
Despite his recent experience, David still considers himself lucky.
'I'm still positive about the whole thing, but I have friends who are not so optimistic and it's evident that encounters with these sort of women seriously erode their self-confidence, which is a real shame. There are a lot of genuine, decent guys out there who are getting a rough deal.'
Neil Hay is a 32-year-old former professional golfer-turned-financial consultant who lives on the outskirts of Edinburgh.
After taking some time out following the death of his mother, he joined a dating agency almost a year ago.
'It's made me terribly cynical, not just about the way women are, but also about what on earth it is that they are looking for in a guy,' he said.
'Of course, we all have standards and preferences. There's nothing wrong with that. But most of us are also realistic. We know that Cheryl Cole is out of our league.
'I had been hoping to meet someone who was quite nice-looking, with a good personality, someone to go for dinner and to the cinema and have a decent conversation with. But I'm left feeling that this isn't what women are looking for.
'It's as if they want to be swept off their feet right from the first date, as if they're waiting for someone like Brad Pitt or George Clooney. They're not interested in a regular, normal, decent guy. That's not good enough for them.
'I spent three hours on a date with one woman. I thought we got on brilliantly, but then she said she didn't want to meet again.
'This has happened a few times. It makes me think that if you don't live up to their perfect fantasy, then that's it. It's game over before you've even had any chance to begin to get to know each other.
'It does dent your confidence. I'm left thinking either that there's something wrong with me or that I'll just never be whatever it is that these women are looking for.
'I know there are a lot of single women who say things like they're too independent, too feisty, too confident or too successful for men. Or they claim that men are intimidated by strong, intelligent and independent women.
'But this is simply not the case. I think they just tell themselves this. It's a way of rationalising things. It's as if it's easier for them to believe their own myths than to face reality - that they are completely ordinary.'
I had a chick break it off with me last night...All I heard was 'my needs'...'me'..and 'wants'...I didn't hear a damn thing about What I did for you ....How Much I love you and lets make this work....I knew I was headed for the right direction.
These women want all the cake and they want to eat it too.
These women want all the cake and they want to eat it too.
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