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Single Mother Thinks Forced Child Support Is A Bad Idea

he has to pay, it's his child and women need to use the judicial system to make him pay. It's not right for the child to go with out. She needs to make her childrens fathers pay up.
 
OnyxFemme said:
CT-I dont feel like reading this......Summarize it for me:(
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Look at the link. Notice the word video in it. No reading required, just click the link, press play and listen (and watch) what she has to say. It's a little bit more than 4 and 1/2 minutes long...

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Title should've been "Single Mother has dumb idea".

One of the great things about webcams is that they allow for us to get shows from beautiful and naked women, one of the downfalls is that people get bored and film their opinions.

Forced child support is non-existant. Child support is only established if the mother goes after it, be it as part of a divorce or through a child-support agency. The only time it is FORCED is when the mother is on state-assistance. And at that time, it is justified because I don't want my tax dollars going towards a deadbeat father's kids when he can pay for himself. Why should I have to pay because you made a bad choice in men/he's a piece of crap father?

On the other hand, her talk of "donor" and shit instead of father I find really disturbing.
 
Used to be my homey, used to be my ace...Now I wanna smack the taste out ya mouth-

Dr.Dre


**walks out pouting**
 
OnyxFemme said:
Used to be my homey, used to be my ace...Now I wanna smack the taste out ya mouth-

Dr.Dre


**walks out pouting**
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Come one now Femme, don't be mad...Just click the link, watch the video and share your thoughts. Would you smack someone who has a gif of a tired kitten?

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...See? Look at that, cute right? After you watch the video and holla back we'll all be like...

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;)
 
:lol: @ Onyx, anyway back to the subject...:rolleyes: Everything seems to be alright for her right now. But what happens later. She's very young and sadly foolish. I think in time her views will change on this subject. If she thinks child support is a bad idea wait till she needs social assistance.
 
she has a lot of valid points. She would rather her kids have a father then someone who is forced to give a few bucks a month. I give her props because there are some chicks out there with the mentality of i'm going to take this deadbeat for everything he has and again that does nothing for the child/children either.
 
doggish_098 said:
she has a lot of valid points. She would rather her kids have a father then someone who is forced to give a few bucks a month. I give her props because there are some chicks out there with the mentality of i'm going to take this deadbeat for everything he has and again that does nothing for the child/children either.
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I agree with you on this. I got the same feeling from what she was saying and I feel she is right in her desire to have someone be involved in her kids lives in addition to and/or in place of just supporting them financially. I also agree with the point that some women just have their hands out to take the man for what he has out of spite and not for the good of their children. Think about how many use that money to get their hair and nails done and/or go shopping instead of buying things for the kids. That is another major problem...
 
I admit I did not watch the video (I was annoyed by her voice and demeanor in the first 30 seconds - I will go back to it though), but in general about child support, YES, men need to "Man Up" and be responsible (though if they were responsible there would be a lot fewer unplanned pregnancies to begin with) for the children they helped create.

However, there must be accountability on the mother's part. The mother should be accountable that the money goes to the child's needs and NOTHING ELSE. The mother should be required to show how the money is being spent (especially if she is trying to petition for more money). If it is found that it is spend on nails, designer clothes for herself, hairdos, etc., then she should be required to refund the father for that money.

Addendum (watched the video): I'll allow child support payments to also be used to EDUCATE the single mother, perhaps teaching her how to speak, enunciate, form a rational thought, and how to get a job to be able to help SUPPORT her child as well.

While I appreciate her wanting the father (why denigrate her child by referring to the guy as a "donor"?) to voluntarily love and be involved with the child, it does not excuse the father's responsibility in providing for the child. Even if the money is not needed, it could be placed in an account for the child's college or future needs. Why is she not paying attention to her children while filming the video and who is she on the lookout for out the window? Why does she not mention the father of the younger child or address the fact that she is a TWO-TIME single parent? Where is the responsibility on her part?
 
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Noir said:
I admit I did not watch the video (I was annoyed by her voice and demeanor in the first 30 seconds - I will go back to it though), but in general about child support, YES, men need to "Man Up" and be responsible (though if they were responsible there would be a lot fewer unplanned pregnancies to begin with) for the children they helped create.

However, there must be accountability on the mother's part. The mother should be accountable that the money goes to the child's needs and NOTHING ELSE. The mother should be required to show how the money is being spent (especially if she is trying to petition for more money). If it is found that it is spend on nails, designer clothes for herself, hairdos, etc., then she should be required to refund the father for that money.

Addendum (watched the video): I'll allow child support payments to also be used to EDUCATE the single mother, perhaps teaching her how to speak, enunciate, form a rational thought, and how to get a job to be able to help SUPPORT her child as well.

While I appreciate her wanting the father (why denigrate her child by referring to the guy as a "donor"?) to voluntarily love and be involved with the child, it does not excuse the father's responsibility in providing for the child. Even if the money is not needed, it could be placed in an account for the child's college or future needs. Why is she not paying attention to her children while filming the video and who is she on the lookout for out the window? Why does she not mention the father of the younger child or address the fact that she is a TWO-TIME single parent? Where is the responsibility on her part?
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I agree with you on the fact that single mothers must be held accountable for their actions, and how and why the money from child support is used. I think you made an excellent point about that money being for the child(ren) and that if it is not, she should refund the man...That being said, I don't think any of the child support money should be used to educate or benefit the mother. That's what alimony is for in the case of people who have gotten a divorce. I feel that anyone mature enough to lay down and make a baby should also be mature enough to want to set a good example for that child. I'm just not sure that money designated for the child is the way to go about it. If anything, I would say that there should be measures in place to ensure that those in direct contact with (small) children should live up to certain (minimum) standards in areas like common sense, rational thought, the kind of environment they can and will create for the child, etc. Children need positive images and role models when it comes to the men and women they are around. Anything less than that is unacceptable...
 
CT's Finest said:
divorce. If anything, I would say that there should be measures in place to ensure that those in direct contact with (small) children should live up to certain (minimum) standards in areas like common sense, rational thought, the kind of environment they can and will create for the child, etc.
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If those things were to come to light 80% of the people on this board would be on some kind of list to keep them away from children.
 
Speaking from experience, I think that the courts should enforce the visitation order as aggressively as they do the support order. We all hear the stories about the deadbeat fathers, but what about the fathers that pay their support on time nearly every time (sometimes shit happens that is out of his or anyone's control) but are continuously denied court ordered visitation? Like me, I travel about 700 miles (1 way) at least once a month to visit my child (the visitation schedule is sent each Dec. for the upcoming year, and I always plan it out for 15 - 16 months, so from Jan. 09 - April '10), only to get there to be told some shit like, "I didn't know you were coming so we made plans already." Or for summer vacation (I was to bring my child back up here for the summer) to be told, when I was 2 hours away, "You didn't give me a 30 day notice, so I I am denying your summer visitation. I guess the part in the order that says that I only have to notify her IF I AM NOT COMING, and that it is assumed that I will be exercising my visitation must've slipped by her.

Between travel for denied visitations and lawyer fees I'm probably out $10K. She's already been found in contempt once for doing this shit, and all she got was a big nothing. She's supposed to pay my legal fees, but of course she hasn't paid 1 fucking dime to me yet. But let me miss 1 child support payment and she'll be dragging me into court so the judge can rip me a new asshole. She even had the nerve to try and get the child support to go thru the Georgia Department of Human Resources, who would then tack on their fees to what I already pay, when it has been getting processed by my employer's (federal gov't) payroll processing office. As I told her and the judge in court, "She gets paid BEFORE I do. When I get paid, the support has already been deducted and posted to her account." The judge asked her, "Are you getting the support payments? (Yes) Then there is no problem, and no need to change anything."

And I know quite a few men who have similar stories. But we never hear about them.




Sorry!!! I just had to vent. This shit is building up, and I'm just waiting to get my notice to appear in court, AGAIN, and hopefully get this bitch put in her place!
 
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DV8ed said:
Speaking from experience, I think that the courts should enforce the visitation order as aggressively as they do the support order. We all hear the stories about the deadbeat fathers, but what about the fathers that pay their support on time nearly every time (sometimes shit happens that is out of his or anyone's control) but are continuously denied court ordered visitation? Like me, I travel about 700 miles (1 way) at least once a month to visit my child (the visitation schedule is sent each Dec. for the upcoming year, and I always plan it out for 15 - 16 months, so from Jan. 09 - April '10), only to get there to be told some shit like, "I didn't know you were coming so we made plans already." Or for summer vacation (I was to bring my child back up here for the summer) to be told, when I was 2 hours away, "You didn't give me a 30 day notice, so I I am denying your summer visitation. I guess the part in the order that says that I only have to notify her IF I AM NOT COMING, and that it is assumed that I will be exercising my visitation must've slipped by her.

Between travel for denied visitations and lawyer fees I'm probably out $10K. She's already been found in contempt once for doing this shit, and all she got was a big nothing. She's supposed to pay my legal fees, but of course she hasn't paid 1 fucking dime to me yet. But let me miss 1 child support payment and she'll be dragging me into court so the judge can rip me a new asshole. She even had the nerve to try and get the child support to go thru the Georgia Department of Human Resources, who would then tack on their fees to what I already pay, when it has been getting processed by my employer's (federal gov't) payroll processing office. As I told her and the judge in court, "She gets paid BEFORE I do. When I get paid, the support has already been deducted and posted to her account." The judge asked her, "Are you getting the support payments? (Yes) Then there is no problem, and no need to change anything."

And I know quite a few men who have similar stories. But we never hear about them.




Sorry!!! I just had to vent. This shit is building up, and I'm just waiting to get my notice to appear in court, AGAIN, and hopefully get this bitch put in her place!
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I know your pain. Not only does the government NOT enforce those visitation orders just as the monetary orders, but they are prohibited from doing so if they accept government funds. You would have to get your own attorney to file your own motions in order to get her before the court and in most cases, the judge lets her off with a warning. She behaves for a bit and then...right back into the cycle. It's quite sad to see grown men (some that you would call "thugs") reduced to tears by not being able to see their own children. And it's funny that those women that do that are the first to cry out for a late payment.

I feel for you man, just keep ya head up and remember it's for your child. That's the best advice I can give you. And stay on top of your stuff, but it looks like you're already doing that.
 
I don't like the way she called him a "donor" ... I hope she doesn't talk to her kids like that about him either

I agree with her though that the time and love is more important ... it's good that she's independant but I think she took it too far with the "I don't need nobody" talk ... she may be able to "do it alone" so to speak but it's definately an advatage to the kids if they had their father around

And DV8 I feel you ... 3 guys I know were telling me recently about their exes and how they are denying them visitation to their kids over some spiteful shit ... and they all said the courts wont back them up ... they make sure to get their money ... but wont enforce the visits:smh:
 
DV8ed said:
Speaking from experience, I think that the courts should enforce the visitation order as aggressively as they do the support order. We all hear the stories about the deadbeat fathers, but what about the fathers that pay their support on time nearly every time (sometimes shit happens that is out of his or anyone's control) but are continuously denied court ordered visitation? Like me, I travel about 700 miles (1 way) at least once a month to visit my child (the visitation schedule is sent each Dec. for the upcoming year, and I always plan it out for 15 - 16 months, so from Jan. 09 - April '10), only to get there to be told some shit like, "I didn't know you were coming so we made plans already." Or for summer vacation (I was to bring my child back up here for the summer) to be told, when I was 2 hours away, "You didn't give me a 30 day notice, so I I am denying your summer visitation. I guess the part in the order that says that I only have to notify her IF I AM NOT COMING, and that it is assumed that I will be exercising my visitation must've slipped by her.

Between travel for denied visitations and lawyer fees I'm probably out $10K. She's already been found in contempt once for doing this shit, and all she got was a big nothing. She's supposed to pay my legal fees, but of course she hasn't paid 1 fucking dime to me yet. But let me miss 1 child support payment and she'll be dragging me into court so the judge can rip me a new asshole. She even had the nerve to try and get the child support to go thru the Georgia Department of Human Resources, who would then tack on their fees to what I already pay, when it has been getting processed by my employer's (federal gov't) payroll processing office. As I told her and the judge in court, "She gets paid BEFORE I do. When I get paid, the support has already been deducted and posted to her account." The judge asked her, "Are you getting the support payments? (Yes) Then there is no problem, and no need to change anything."

And I know quite a few men who have similar stories. But we never hear about them.




Sorry!!! I just had to vent. This shit is building up, and I'm just waiting to get my notice to appear in court, AGAIN, and hopefully get this bitch put in her place!
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Damn, that's a wild story. Keep your head up, and make sure that despite all the bullshit and frustration you keep in mind what's best for your child. I also think, if at all possible you and the mother should have a conversation about what's best for the child. Hopefully the two of you can rationally come together and create a better situation than the current one. You don't have to like each other, but there needs to be a level of respect between you that will allow you to work together for the little one. Good luck with everything...

LeroyDibiase said:
I know your pain. Not only does the government NOT enforce those visitation orders just as the monetary orders, but they are prohibited from doing so if they accept government funds. You would have to get your own attorney to file your own motions in order to get her before the court and in most cases, the judge lets her off with a warning. She behaves for a bit and then...right back into the cycle. It's quite sad to see grown men (some that you would call "thugs") reduced to tears by not being able to see their own children. And it's funny that those women that do that are the first to cry out for a late payment.

I feel for you man, just keep ya head up and remember it's for your child. That's the best advice I can give you. And stay on top of your stuff, but it looks like you're already doing that.
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It is sad to see how things work out in these kinds of situations. At some point we as adults need to take accountability for our actions and see how they affect our children. I hope the brotha and his ex can work things out in a civilized manner...

LoneStar29 said:
I don't like the way she called him a "donor" ... I hope she doesn't talk to her kids like that about him either

I agree with her though that the time and love is more important ... it's good that she's independant but I think she took it too far with the "I don't need nobody" talk ... she may be able to "do it alone" so to speak but it's definately an advatage to the kids if they had their father around

And DV8 I feel you ... 3 guys I know were telling me recently about their exes and how they are denying them visitation to their kids over some spiteful shit ... and they all said the courts wont back them up ... they make sure to get their money ... but wont enforce the visits:smh:
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I agree with you Star. I think the feelings of "not needing anyone" and being "strong" are taken too far way too often. It's good to be self sufficient and not totally dependent on someone else to be happy, succeed, prosper, etc. but at the same time we can't do everything alone. As I have mentioned before, children need positive influences from both men and women...
 
The last time I saw my child was in April, when I found out she'd be spending the day & night with my mother. I jumped in the car & drove for 10 hours to get there about 6PM & see her, and left the next morning. When my mother told her I had come to town & was @ the house, she actually said, "Good, she has really wanted to see him." When I came earlier in the month, her mother kept her out of school & then hid from me so I couldn't come & get her. And she had the nerve to say in court that she wants our daughter to have a better relationship with me than she does with her father (whom I've never met or seen in 7 years of knowing her, and neither has she). But she keeps me from seeing her nearly everytime I try.
 
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DV8ed said:
The last time I saw my child was in April, when I found out she'd be spending the day & night with my mother. I jumped in the car & drove for 10 hours to get there about 6PM & see her, and left the next morning. When my mother told her I had come to town & was @ the house, she actually said, "Good, she has really wanted to see him." When I came earlier in the month, her mother kept her out of school & then hid from me so I culdn't come & get her. And she had the nerve to say in court that she wants our daughter to have a better relationship with me than she does with her father (whom I've never met or seen in 7 years of knowing her, and neither has she). But she keeps me from seeing her nearly everytime I try.
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WOW!!! Seems like this woman is talking out of both sides of her mouth. Her actions are not consistent with her stated intentions. That's a major problem that she needs to work out. Her daddy issues have now affected the relationship between you and your daughter. In my opinion she needs to allow more father/daughter interaction so that your daughter has the relationship she (your ex) never had with her dad. I myself was raised by a single mother (from 5-18) and although my father is cool as a person he left a lot to be desired as a parent (for me and my "half" brother and sister). That being said I can honestly say two things about my opinion of him and my intentions as a (future) parent. First and foremost, my mother NEVER bad mouthed him in front of me. She never let her frustration, anger, disappointment, etc. in him show to the point where I saw it and was affected by it. I know it was there, but she didn't let that get in the way of me forming my own opinions on the situation. To this day (I'm 29 now), she still asks me when the last time I spoke to him was and she'll say that I need to call him, etc. I have a great deal of respect for her for being that kind of woman and setting such an example. If I'm not mistaken, she never pressed for child support either. If that's the case, it was probably for reasons similar to what the girl in the video stated (e.g. wanting his time and love for his son more than his money)...The second thing I would say about my father/son relationship is that because I didn't have it how I would have liked to in my role as the son I want to make sure that when I become the father I am able to give my sons (and daughters) the kind of father I would have loved to have in my life...
 
CT's Finest said:
Damn, that's a wild story. Keep your head up, and make sure that despite all the bullshit and frustration you keep in mind what's best for your child. I also think, if at all possible you and the mother should have a conversation about what's best for the child. Hopefully the two of you can rationally come together and create a better situation than the current one. You don't have to like each other, but there needs to be a level of respect between you that will allow you to work together for the little one. Good luck with everything...
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Talking with her is useless. Her idea of co-parenting means I do EVERYTHING she says (even got mad & told me, "You won't do what I tell you to do.") We were supposed to go to court ordered counseling, and I had 4 sessions set up thru my employer - free to us. She showed up to 1 of them.

It is about CONTROL with her. She wants to control EVERY aspect of the relationship I have with our child, and control me as well. She doesn't want me to even have joint custody, she feels she should have sole custody. If she isn't in control of the situation, she disagrees with it (e.g. the counseling sessions that I set up, my visitations, etc.). One one of her visitation refusals, she told the police officer (you can believe I call the po po & get a police report filed whenever she refuses to abide by the order), after he showed her the court order, "That's just a piece of paper."
 
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DV8ed said:
Talking with her is useless. Her idea of co-parenting means I do EVERYTHING she says (even got mad & told me, "You won't do what I tell you to do.") We were supposed to go to court ordered counseling, and I had 4 sessions set up thru my employer - free to us. She showed up to 1 of them.

It is about CONTROL with her. She wants to control EVERY aspect of the relationship I have with our child, and control me as well. She doesn't want me to even have joint custody, she feels she should have sole custody. If she isn't in control of the situation, she disagrees with it (e.g. the counseling sessions that I set up, my visitations, etc.). One one of her visitation refusals, she told the police officer (you can believe I call the po po & get a police report filed whenever she refuses to abide by the order), after he showed her the court order, "That's just a piece of paper."
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Damn...:smh::smh::smh:...Well, I don't know what else to tell you playa. This is a terrible situation and it doesn't seem it will get better until your child's mother takes a look in the mirror and realizes her actions are doing more harm than help to your daughter. I don't know the nature of your relationship with this woman and/or how it got to this point, but she seems to be the kind that holds grudges and because of that her words and actions toward you are out of spite. She knows the best way to "get back at you" is through your daughter. That may work to some degree, but what she has failed to realize is that she MAY be doing damage to her own relationship with this little girl. It is very possible that her actions will come back to haunt her in the future in a number of ways, including resentment from your daughter toward her. As this girl grows up and begins to form her own opinions, hear the truth, etc. she MIGHT come to dislike and disagree with her mother (at least when it comes to this issue) for denying her opportunity to have a father...
 
She broke up with me. She realized that she had some unresolved issues she needed to get control of, and that she would just continue to take it out on me until she did. I never cheated on or abused her in ANY way, and except for when I was either un o under employed, she regularly received child support payments (starting BEFORE I filed for the legitimation, visitation & support order). And I've ALWAYS tried to maintain a steady & constant relatonship with our child. But now that I've moved away and moved on, she's gotten even worse. And her family enables her by making excuses for her behaviour.
 
DV8ed said:
She broke up with me. She realized that she had some unresolved issues she needed to get control of, and that she would just continue to take it out on me until she did. I never cheated on or abused her in ANY way, and except for when I was either un o under employed, she regularly received child support payments (starting BEFORE I filed for the legitimation, visitation & support order). And I've ALWAYS tried to maintain a steady & constant relatonship with our child. But now that I've moved away and moved on, she's gotten even worse. And her family enables her by making excuses for her behaviour.
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There is the key to this whole situation. You moved away and moved on from her and she is still in the same place physically and possibly mentally as she was when you left. The fact that you are in a better position, and maybe with a new woman upsets her, so she uses the only thing she has an advantage over you in/with to get you back for leaving. She knows if not for your daughter you would have nothing to do with her at this point.
 
First of all, dam straight you can make the losers pay forcefully, they'll just garnish his wages. Also, I completely agree with her that just bc you pay child support does NOT mean you are taking care of your kid.

Personally, being the child victim of a shitty pops, I think they are too lenient with those who do not pay. When my pops had to pay (20 yrs ago!!) it was a mere $25 a week. A WEEK!!! He made about 3 payments and has since been conveniently continuing his street work so the gov can't take his money which if you do the math, has added up! All he got is a suspended license and cannot have things under his name obviously, such as car/house...

For the men who don't pay, you're pathetic. You didn't hesitate to create the child but when it comes to being responsible for that child you bail out like a pussy. Do you not care if the baby has a clean ass and full belly??!!
 
UrBoSS said:
First of all, dam straight you can make the losers pay forcefully, they'll just garnish his wages. Also, I completely agree with her that just bc you pay child support does NOT mean you are taking care of your kid.

Personally, being the child victim of a shitty pops, I think they are too lenient with those who do not pay. When my pops had to pay (20 yrs ago!!) it was a mere $25 a week. A WEEK!!! He made about 3 payments and has since been conveniently continuing his street work so the gov can't take his money which if you do the math, has added up! All he got is a suspended license and cannot have things under his name obviously, such as car/house...

For the men who don't pay, you're pathetic. You didn't hesitate to create the child but when it comes to being responsible for that child you bail out like a pussy. Do you not care if the baby has a clean ass and full belly??!!
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts, and for bumping this thread. HOPEFULLY seeing it on the front page will get the folks to notice it and post their comments as well...
 
Hope so...as important as porn is to the world I should hope the welfare of a child means more...
 

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