Shallow Leroy???

[LeroyDibiase]

I usually don't ask for advice and shit cause I think it's lame, but there are some real stand-up women on this board, so I figured, what the hell.

Anyway, I met this chick on a blind date, through one of my co-workers. We talked on the phone and I mean, she likes MMA, she's intelligent (like myself), just you know how you can have a good conversation with someone for hours. Well that is this chick. So she's talking about how she can get down in the kitchen (among other places) and she invites me over to cook me dinner. So I pull up, phat crib and I see a Benz in the driveway, so I know she got money. I'm like "Yooooooo". So she opens the door and....she's like 5'7", 255 lbs. WHOOOOOA. That shit is not cute, you know. But I'm like, lemme give this a chance cause I'm cool like that.

So we eat, sista burns, I mean the itis is setting in, go sit on the couch, not too close, watching the Rockets. And she starts giving a nigga a backrub. Chick got grip. Nigga meltin like butter. In the back of my mind I'm thinking, man this girl is the bomb...but she's so fat. I can't get over that fact. I don't think I could ever be satisfied (in tha bedroom) with this fat chick. I mean we can work around it, I guess. Like I said, we connected in every way almost, like she knew me. Am I making too big a deal about her weight? Or should I let her down easy and try again??

 

[LoneStar29]

You're mos def not perfect yourselfwhy don't you give homegirl a chance if she's got so many other good qualities ... shallow ass

 

[Shadow]

Damn, dude. I know you ain't asking my advice but I would get as confortable with her as your mental state will allow. She might be contemplating losing the weight and the only you will find out is if you talk to her about it.

If you pass, you might be losing out. She sounds like a good thing.

 

[ladyscorpio]

I usually don't ask for advice and shit cause I think it's lame, but there are some real stand-up women on this board, so I figured, what the hell.

Anyway, I met this chick on a blind date, through one of my co-workers. We talked on the phone and I mean, she likes MMA, she's intelligent (like myself), just you know how you can have a good conversation with someone for hours. Well that is this chick. So she's talking about how she can get down in the kitchen (among other places) and she invites me over to cook me dinner. So I pull up, phat crib and I see a Benz in the driveway, so I know she got money. I'm like "Yooooooo". So she opens the door and....she's like 5'7", 255 lbs. WHOOOOOA. That shit is not cute, you know. But I'm like, lemme give this a chance cause I'm cool like that.

So we eat, sista burns, I mean the itis is setting in, go sit on the couch, not too close, watching the Rockets. And she starts giving a nigga a backrub. Chick got grip. Nigga meltin like butter. In the back of my mind I'm thinking, man this girl is the bomb...but she's so fat. I can't get over that fact. I don't think I could ever be satisfied (in tha bedroom) with this fat chick. I mean we can work around it, I guess. Like I said, we connected in every way almost, like she knew me. Am I making too big a deal about her weight? Or should I let her down easy and try again??

If this is the case Leroy you should at least give her a chance.You said yourself that you two connected on different levels and that is not the easiest thing to have happen for most people. Her weight is something she can work on yes but don't pass on someone that you vibe with like you seem to with her. Regret is a heck of a thing in the long run.






peace

 

[LeroyDibiase]

Normally, I would clown Lonestar, but I'm kinda serious and I appreciate the advice Lonestar29 and Shadow. I mean we click mentally and spiritually like psionic twins, but the physical is just keeping me from having sex with her at all. I mean, I'm game for head, but...I just don't know.

I'd appreciate more advice, especially from the ladies who might have had some
experience with this in the reverse.

 

[LeroyDibiase]

Oh and, we've talked about the weight a little. She said she's tried everything, all the diets you can name and they've not worked. She won't have that surgery because of the risks as well as it isn't a guaranteed solution. She says she's learned to live with it, but she understands it can be a problem for some men.

 

[LoneStar29]

Oh and, we've talked about the weight a little. She said she's tried everything, all the diets you can name and they've not worked. She won't have that surgery because of the risks as well as it isn't a guaranteed solution. She says she's learned to live with it, but she understands it can be a problem for some men.

Honestly ... if YOU don't have a 6 pack why are you so concerned with her body being fit??? I wouldn't look for any qualities in a man that I can't offer him myself ... maybe you should do the same ... as opposed to leading homegirl on ... then deciding she's not good enough after she's developed feelings for you

 

[Izayoi]

I usually don't ask for advice and shit cause I think it's lame, but there are some real stand-up women on this board, so I figured, what the hell.

Anyway, I met this chick on a blind date, through one of my co-workers. We talked on the phone and I mean, she likes MMA, she's intelligent (like myself), just you know how you can have a good conversation with someone for hours. Well that is this chick. So she's talking about how she can get down in the kitchen (among other places) and she invites me over to cook me dinner. So I pull up, phat crib and I see a Benz in the driveway, so I know she got money. I'm like "Yooooooo". So she opens the door and....she's like 5'7", 255 lbs. WHOOOOOA. That shit is not cute, you know. But I'm like, lemme give this a chance cause I'm cool like that.

So we eat, sista burns, I mean the itis is setting in, go sit on the couch, not too close, watching the Rockets. And she starts giving a nigga a backrub. Chick got grip. Nigga meltin like butter. In the back of my mind I'm thinking, man this girl is the bomb...but she's so fat. I can't get over that fact. I don't think I could ever be satisfied (in tha bedroom) with this fat chick. I mean we can work around it, I guess. Like I said, we connected in every way almost, like she knew me. Am I making too big a deal about her weight? Or should I let her down easy and try again??

Nevermind... do what feels right.

 

[Harlem's Angel]

Shame on you.... This girl has everything you're looking for and her weight is getting in the way? AND SHE COOKS? We all know you love that! The only way you will now how it works is if you try it and being a thick girl myself I have NEVER had any complaints. NEVER.

And weight is something that can change. Personality and chemistry cannot. (for the most part)

 

[LeroyDibiase]

Honestly ... if YOU don't have a 6 pack why are you so concerned with her body being fit??? I wouldn't look for any qualities in a man that I can't offer him myself ... maybe you should do the same ... as opposed to leading homegirl on ... then deciding she's not good enough after she's developed feelings for you

I know you, how??? It's not about a six pack or her being fit, if she was fit or even 20-30 lbs overweight, I could work with that, but she is a biiiiig girl. I dig everything else though.

Dang Invinctus, you giving me a lot of advice.

 

[LoneStar29]

I know you, how??? It's not about a six pack or her being fit, if she was fit or even 20-30 lbs overweight, I could work with that, but she is a biiiiig girl. I dig everything else though.

Dang Invinctus, you giving me a lot of advice.

You don't need to know me ... you're asking for advice right ... so I'm giving itGet over yourself ... you are not perfect either ... there may be flaws you have that she is overlooking ... if you and homegirl click so well why not give her a chance as opposed to being "shallow Leroy" as you call yourself and letting her go cuz of her size ... who knows the next time you'l meet someone as cool as that on the inside ... LORD knows I'm still waiting to meet a good man ... I wouldn't let him pass me by just cuz he's not physically perfect

 

[INVICTUS3RD]

Leroy...i do not think that we have interacted before...So let me start off by saying, don't be a prick!

Remember, bullshit comes in all shapes and sizes...And so does love. If the Lady is right on inside, then she is right on the outside. i mean we all have dreams we would like to marry and settle down with, but...what we want and what is good for us is two different things. Give it a chance. She might thrill the shit outta ya and next time this year you might be posting the wedding vid on this. Who knows?

See this sister with your heart, not your eyes!

I wish you all the best that Heaven has to offer!

My 2!

 

[INVICTUS3RD]

I know you, how??? It's not about a six pack or her being fit, if she was fit or even 20-30 lbs overweight, I could work with that, but she is a biiiiig girl. I dig everything else though.

Dang Invinctus, you giving me a lot of advice.

It aint me man!!!

It's BGOL...I gotta give HNIC some $!!!

 

[LeroyDibiase]

You don't need to know me ... you're asking for advice right ... so I'm giving itGet over yourself ... you are not perfect either ... there may be flaws you have that she is overlooking ... if you and homegirl click so well why not give her a chance as opposed to being "shallow Leroy" as you call yourself and letting her go cuz of her size ... who knows the next time you'l meet someone as cool as that on the inside ... LORD knows I'm still waiting to meet a good man ... I wouldn't let him pass me by just cuz he's not physically perfect

Ok, I think I've gotten Lonestar's opinion, thank you. Anyone ELSE??

And I never said I was perfect. Well close.

 

[jucurious]

give it a try

let's be real...chemistry is not something you come across everyday.

don't short change yourself like that...she might make you hella happy.

and if the weight this is really major for you but mostly her...then work on it together...yall can bond...go walk w/ her, or go to the gym together...it would def help her and it wont hurt for you either

get to know each other on a friendly tip a lil longer and see if you want to even go there. if you do want to go there then you might want to have a talk about her HEALTH...not just her weight...turn it into a we thing and not a her thing.


as someone said...weight changes....chemistry doesn't (for the most part)

 

[INVICTUS3RD]

Last point: reverse this shit...Suppose it was you with the weight or whatever and everything else was on point for the most part...And that thing was the thing that kept u alone for awhile...how would you feel?

Stop and think about that.

I mean really, who da fuck are we not to be into someone because of thing that maybe, maybe not be changed?

We have to get past all these so-called "standards" and learn to be happy. Now one may say, "Well, since she is overweight and no one was checking for her, she had nothing else better to do, but excel in life."

But maybe she was marinating for the right man to come along and she truly shines.

Suppose she looked like

...and u fell in love and this was coozy and then something happened that she could not control and she looked like this:

Then what would ya do?
Ya feelin' me man???

 

[SWATLANTA]

I have to be honest, physical attraction is important in a relationship. No matter how sweet or nice she is, your stomach will still turn when she drops the draws (if her weight is really the issue). If you dig her personality keep her around as a friend, but do not lead her on, girls do this type of thing all the time when they aren't feeling a guy sexually but they think that he is a good person. Don't get involved with a female that you have no physical attraction with. my .02

 

[p5ych3]

Follow your mind first. Just because you all click in a certain way doesn't mean its marriage
made in heaven. If you have to force yourself to do something then its not a right situation
for you. Folks say put yourself in the other person's shoe, but at the end of the day
everyone has their perference, EVERYONE. if the chick is not your preference don't take
it down a road that will cause problems.

 

[Harlem's Angel]

You don't need to know me ... you're asking for advice right ... so I'm giving itGet over yourself ... you are not perfect either ... there may be flaws you have that she is overlooking ... if you and homegirl click so well why not give her a chance as opposed to being "shallow Leroy" as you call yourself and letting her go cuz of her size ... who knows the next time you'l meet someone as cool as that on the inside ... LORD knows I'm still waiting to meet a good man ... I wouldn't let him pass me by just cuz he's not physically perfect

You are no joke.

 

[Chicutie]

I agree with a lot others have said. I say give it a chance. It's not like you are committing to her . . . it would be just be dating. You should entertain the idea of it and it's something you can't do, move on. But I think that if someone has you feeling special and is worth this much thought, then they are worth a try.

Also. . . . maybe it would help to ask her where she stands on weight loss. Find out if she wants to lose weight or if she is content with her size. Maybe she is actively trying to lose weight. . . .

 

[the flash]

ah ha leroy you chubby chaser!

 

[the flash]

if you are not feeling her drink some prune juice and let the shit go!

 

[Cinamiss]

If she is over more than 50lbs than you want her to be, keep it moving. Losing weight can be a long process. She may drop 50 and start to feel so good about herself that she no longer feels the need to lose weight. She may become satisfied with herself and you still don't find it good enough. You will then make her miserable. If it's under 50lbs I say try it out. See if she wants to help herself. If not keep looking for something a little closer to what you want. Think about it like this: if you go to a store and found the perfect $1000.00 suit for $5 would you get it even though it's 5 sizes to big for you.

 

[GhettoBrother]

Oh and, we've talked about the weight a little. She said she's tried everything, all the diets you can name and they've not worked. She won't have that surgery because of the risks as well as it isn't a guaranteed solution. She says she's learned to live with it, but she understands it can be a problem for some men.

You need to re-read this statement you typed. Let me put it to you like this my brother, before I met my wife I was looking for the perfect woman who can inspire me or complete me, but when I met wifey, I was the one who ended up being her inspiration and in her words "complete her".

If the only thing that stands between you and her getting serious is her losing weight, then you should be her inspiration on her not just losing weight, but getting her healthier for the duration of her life as well as raising her self esteem as a woman. Everybody wants the perfect relationship without any adversity, but that's a fairytale. If you are willing to chance it, then she can be that caterpillar waiting to turn into that butterfly you've always wanted. Trust me, a woman has the memory of an elephant. She doesn't forget.

If she is over more than 50lbs than you want her to be, keep it moving. Losing weight can be a long process. She may drop 50 and start to feel so good about herself that she no longer feels the need to lose weight. She may become satisfied with herself and you still don't find it good enough. You will then make her miserable. If it's under 50lbs I say try it out. See if she wants to help herself. If not keep looking for something a little closer to what you want. Think about it like this: if you go to a store and found the perfect $1000.00 suit for $5 would you get it even though it's 5 sizes to big for you.

No disrespect my brother, but you are way off base. He states that she has most of the wifey tools. She already acknowledges her issue with her weight to him which tells me she's not happy with it, which in turn she wants to do something about it. I would agree with you if she says she's happy with the way she is, but that's not the case. That's not a healthy state for her to be in.

*back to lurking*

 

[AlexandMorgan]

Well i used to date a fat girl but her attitude pissed me off as well as her procrastination. She would always talk about joining a gym r exercising but three months later it was still talk.

Even her own mom was harassing her about it and showing me pictures of what she looked like before the weight gain. Dragging her up about her eating habits and shit.

I tried but eventually i realised that i am not a fan of obesity and after a while my mind will slap me and tell me who the fuck are u trying to fool. I never tried to get with her on a physical level because i knew that i ultimately did not want a future with her because of her size, attitude and her attitude.

P.S obesity has a direct impact on ones health and if someone is not doing trying to take care of a fundamental thing such as their own health well i will not be there to see them grind themselves down. If she is making serious steps to take care of the issue then be friends with her but do not exploit her. Ultimately you know that no matter how sweet her qualities are that you will end up bouncing if you force yourself to try to overlook the elephant in the room(not intended as a pun)

 

[AlexandMorgan]

Oh and, we've talked about the weight a little. She said she's tried everything, all the diets you can name and they've not worked. She won't have that surgery because of the risks as well as it isn't a guaranteed solution. She says she's learned to live with it, but she understands it can be a problem for some men.

Diets are a temporary plan for losing weight. Only an entire lifestyle change in terms of the types of food you consume and the way you prepare them will give sustainable weight loss. Exercise and restructuring the way you eat will give anyone sustainable weight loss unless it is medically caused.

 

[OnSlaught]

I have to be honest, physical attraction is important in a relationship. No matter how sweet or nice she is, your stomach will still turn when she drops the draws (if her weight is really the issue). If you dig her personality keep her around as a friend, but do not lead her on, girls do this type of thing all the time when they aren't feeling a guy sexually but they think that he is a good person. Don't get involved with a female that you have no physical attraction with. my .02

Follow your mind first. Just because you all click in a certain way doesn't mean its marriage
made in heaven. If you have to force yourself to do something then its not a right situation
for you. Folks say put yourself in the other person's shoe, but at the end of the day
everyone has their perference, EVERYONE. if the chick is not your preference don't take
it down a road that will cause problems.

If she is over more than 50lbs than you want her to be, keep it moving. Losing weight can be a long process. She may drop 50 and start to feel so good about herself that she no longer feels the need to lose weight. She may become satisfied with herself and you still don't find it good enough. You will then make her miserable. If it's under 50lbs I say try it out. See if she wants to help herself. If not keep looking for something a little closer to what you want. Think about it like this: if you go to a store and found the perfect $1000.00 suit for $5 would you get it even though it's 5 sizes to big for you.

Well i used to date a fat girl but her attitude pissed me off as well as her procrastination. She would always talk about joining a gym r exercising but three months later it was still talk.

Even her own mom was harassing her about it and showing me pictures of what she looked like before the weight gain. Dragging her up about her eating habits and shit.

I tried but eventually i realised that i am not a fan of obesity and after a while my mind will slap me and tell me who the fuck are u trying to fool. I never tried to get with her on a physical level because i knew that i ultimately did not want a future with her because of her size, attitude and her attitude.

P.S obesity has a direct impact on ones health and if someone is not doing trying to take care of a fundamental thing such as their own health well i will not be there to see them grind themselves down. If she is making serious steps to take care of the issue then be friends with her but do not exploit her. Ultimately you know that no matter how sweet her qualities are that you will end up bouncing if you force yourself to try to overlook the elephant in the room(not intended as a pun)

Leroy, seriously brotha, listen to these folks. I'm not against fat people, but I'm against the mentality. I understand weight disorders, but very few in this world have problems where their weight is not a self-determining factor. Like Alexand said, obesity has a direct impact on a person's health. That should be priority in life. I have two grandparents I help take care of that are a product of their lifestyles...both smoked, ate fried and greasy foods and my grandfather drank. Now they both combined have had 2 strokes, 3 heart attacks, one lung cancer operation, COPD, and emphysema. ..that's not fun to live with. No joke, her personality may be on point and all, but that tells a lot about someone in the way that they take care of themselves.

I will say this in closing...talk to her. If homegirl says that she's tried everything and is still not willing to do it the HEALTHY WAY (eat right, exercise, and look for positive support) then you need to keep it moving. It's all about a persons mentality...

 

[jucurious]

You need to re-read this statement you typed. Let me put it to you like this my brother, before I met my wife I was looking for the perfect woman who can inspire me or complete me, but when I met wifey, I was the one who ended up being her inspiration and in her words "complete her".

If the only thing that stands between you and her getting serious is her losing weight, then you should be her inspiration on her not just losing weight, but getting her healthier for the duration of her life as well as raising her self esteem as a woman. Everybody wants the perfect relationship without any adversity, but that's a fairytale. If you are willing to chance it, then she can be that caterpillar waiting to turn into that butterfly you've always wanted. Trust me, a woman has the memory of an elephant. She doesn't forget.



No disrespect my brother, but you are way off base. He states that she has most of the wifey tools. She already acknowledges her issue with her weight to him which tells me she's not happy with it, which in turn she wants to do something about it. I would agree with you if she says she's happy with the way she is, but that's not the case. That's not a healthy state for her to be in.

*back to lurking*

^ true story lol


this post has made me realize, well confirmed how much ppl have a disdain or bias against big ppl. the person can be right in every way but if she is big then fuck it, ppl will go chase after someone else and prolly put up a relationship that isn't that great just cuz of the person's physical. i guess the stories i read are true....ppl will feel bad for almost any type of unhealthy lifestyle, addiction and choices except with food.

ppl forget that their are some "healthy & normal" looking people with POOR eating habits and POOR health but just have high metabolisms...not knowing thier blood pressure and cholesterol could be thru the roof...clogged/hardened arteries and all

could it be our of fear of becoming fat, which is something that is more probable because the culprit is food...something you have to deal with everyday and knowing the backlash and prejudice it will bring?

 

[jucurious]

oh yeah....just off the fact that you are making this thread shows the conflict between your desired idealism and reality. you are fighting yourself.


no one said wife the chic and tell her your gonna give her the world.

get to know her better and have the conversation about her health and how YALL can get healthy/healthier together.

just think about it, if things do go well, not only do u have a woman that you have chemistry with, but a woman that understands that her man stuck by her thru the thick and then and REALLY cares about her that he was willing to take an invested interest in the process...she will never forget that and will be extremely greatful and will return the supportive favor. it's not gonna be easy but that is what is gonna make your relationship stronger, you know, making it through....but only do this if you feel she is worth it and from what your writing, its seems like your feel that way.


give it time, feel her out and then proceed

 

[Adam Knows]

dude i'm gonna be the asshole of this topic...


255lbs????????

DAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNNN she all swole n shit

are you a big bruh or avg yourself though? me at 188lbs i couldn't see it personally but if your 2 something i can't really say you should be complaining.....

just ask yourself if you can see yourself walking in the mall holding her hand:

1 month from now
1 year from now
5 years from now
and so on

cause you know she's going to get bigger.

 

[Adam Knows]

^
could it be our of fear of becoming fat, which is something that is more probable because the culprit is food...something you have to deal with everyday and knowing the backlash and prejudice it will bring?

i don't think it's the fear of becoming fat...

it's the fear of what he thinks his perception to others will have of him being with her.

 

[LeroyDibiase]

BUMP, a lot of "fat to chew" thanks you guys. I would like to see what else people have to think, especially ladies.

 

[jucurious]

i don't think it's the fear of becoming fat...

it's the fear of what he thinks his perception to others will have of him being with her.

^ oh yeah i def agree w/ it being an issue w/ how others will perceive him for being w/ her


when i was talking about a fear of becoming fat i was referring to ppl in general b/c:
-it can happen to anybody (life circumstances can change)
-it deals w/ something we deal w/ everyday
-it's something that most ppl find pleasure in
so its very probable, highly endorsed by societal behaviors & set up but not accepted by society....very interesting

 

[the flash]

Interesting how some women say give fatty a chance, but won't give a man with a small dick a chance.

That's another topic though. Here's a reality check: if you aren't attracted to her physically, then you shouldn't deal with her. Doesn't matter how much ya'll "click" on other levels, there has to be SOME physical attraction.

If you don't like big women, then leave it alone. (Oh and it sounds like your friend is borderline obese) But honestly, ALL men should learn to like big women. Cuz chances are the woman that started out at the "perfect" weight, will end up overweight after a few kids.

women and the old double standard

 

[SEXY_SCORPIO]

women and the old double standard

men and their double standards.Women aren't the only ones. Damn do you think men do no wrong. I don't see you writing anything about what men do wrong.