Shacking Up...To Do Or Hell To The Na'll!!!
- Thread starter Andeyhollawho
- Start date
^yeah i get that impression also
especially for the couples who have been engaged for 7+ years
^yeah i get that impression also
especially for the couples who have been engaged for 7+ years
exactly...or people who have literally been together for 2 months
Co-Sign. I don't believe in shackin, plus I have a child and I don't want to live that way in front of her. I think shackin provides a back door - an escape clause, so to speak - like smoke and mirrors. Marriage is supposed to be the glue that holds you together because it's a sacred, spiritual commitment made between the husband, wife and God in faith - declared in public before witnesses. It's not an end, its a beginning - and you are entering into it with a promise to work through every challenge that comes your way. But now, because so many people see it as merely a piece of paper, its become just that for most - shackin with a piece of paper. So if you get married with that attitude, why wouldn't it be easily broken?
I married someone who I thought saw the big picture the same way I did, but that wasn't the case, so I'm now divorced. I'd like to be married again, but this time, it's got to be real - a marriage where we love each other for who we are (good and bad) not who we want each other to be (I'm not talking about the marriages that have the elements of infidelity, physical abuse, substance abuse, etc. - that's a different story). Basically, both of us would have to believe that the vow/commitment we made will compel us to do whatever it takes to honor our vows from that day forward. I wouldn't go so far as to say that it's impossible to be in a committed shackin relationship, but I think that those who refuse to marry are basically saying that they are not willing to give ALL of themselves to someone else. Maybe they just don't want that type of commitment, maybe they think it doesn't exist, maybe they have issues with trusting people, who knows.
Now if both people share the same beliefs and neither believes in marriage - SHACK ON - that's your business. However, if one wants to be married and the other refuses, you have to seriously reevaluate your relationship. I just know it's not for me, so I'd have to move on.
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I know I said earlier that marriage "is a piece of paper". I personally don't take it that way but, unfortunately, that's how many, many marriages end up. I DO believe though that the true marriage is in your heart. There are so many factors in our society today that erodes that though. We live in an "instant gratification" society. "What have you done for me lately?" type of thing. At the first sign of turbulence, we bail. if someone could tell me how you could actually KNOW a person without living with them I'd entertain the thought of not living with someone before marraige but, i don't see any other way.
I am only for it if we are engaged and have the wedding date set. If it's just a boyfriend I'm good.
p.s. wsup with people who are shacking up getting joint bank accounts?!
I don't care if you only putting in 3% of your check into the account...fuck that, I'd hate for a dude to die over $30 bi-weekly lolll j/k
p.s. wsup with people who are shacking up getting joint bank accounts?!
I don't care if you only putting in 3% of your check into the account...fuck that, I'd hate for a dude to die over $30 bi-weekly lolll j/k
So what do you all think about this taboo question.
I have always been in agreement with shacking up if you relationship is serious enough to where you may be thinking about marriage. I would even take it so far as to say all engaged people should shack for about six months prior to marriage.
With divorce rates through the roof I think this is the ultimate way "test" the commitment in a real life trial. There are a lot of things about a person that you just can't learn living apart from each other. Waiting to learn those things (expectations) can lead to an early divorce. What do ya'll think???
Your reasoning is often spoken but it's faulty. The divorce rate is higher for couples that lived together than couples that did not. A couple shouldn't live together until they've made the determination that they are going to get married in the very near future. It doesn't matter how long people live together, there are expectation changes when they get married, speaking from personal experience.
It takes years before you KNOW a person and even then it's not a guarantee. People mature and change over time. The Wife and I have been married 11 yrs, dated 2 yrs before that, and lived together around 14 months before we got married. But we were already engaged and set on getting married. Even with all those years, we are not the exact same people we were before so a lot of things that were true in '97 aren't true today. There just aren't any guarantees.
This is a decision that I think way to many people take for granted.
I have always said, it is not how you start, but how you finish. I lived with my "ex" wife for a year prior to 12 years of marriage. I really don't think it made one bit of diffence as to how your relationship went or ended. Longevity of a relationship is based on the day to day effort one makes.
To answer more directly, I will tell others as I try to teach my son (20 yrs). Avoid any type of committed relationship until you have truly developed yourself to be a complete person. I preach to him constantly. To not even have a girlfriend till he completes college and have enjoyed his youth. I encourage him to complete his degree and visit at least three countries so that you can experience the world and see how much there is to experience before you commit to one person. I think this will help you more then shacking with someone to develope life experience.
I have always said, it is not how you start, but how you finish. I lived with my "ex" wife for a year prior to 12 years of marriage. I really don't think it made one bit of diffence as to how your relationship went or ended. Longevity of a relationship is based on the day to day effort one makes.
To answer more directly, I will tell others as I try to teach my son (20 yrs). Avoid any type of committed relationship until you have truly developed yourself to be a complete person. I preach to him constantly. To not even have a girlfriend till he completes college and have enjoyed his youth. I encourage him to complete his degree and visit at least three countries so that you can experience the world and see how much there is to experience before you commit to one person. I think this will help you more then shacking with someone to develope life experience.
Let's put this into perspective. Plain and simple there's not one person here who would be willing to buy a pair of shoes without trying them on first. So why anyone would consider getting married, making that lifelong commitment to someone, not knowing what your getting into? It makes no sense.
This is not the 1940s, 50s, or the 60s maybe our parents and grandparents thought that getting married without living with the person was the way to live. But today that way of thinking is asinine.
To make matters worse fairly intelligent people still struggle with this decision today. They struggle with the idea because they worry about how shacking will be recieved by their church members and the community. Yeah I said it because it's the bottom line! We need to stop living lies and live our lives as we see fit.
This is not the 1940s, 50s, or the 60s maybe our parents and grandparents thought that getting married without living with the person was the way to live. But today that way of thinking is asinine.
To make matters worse fairly intelligent people still struggle with this decision today. They struggle with the idea because they worry about how shacking will be recieved by their church members and the community. Yeah I said it because it's the bottom line! We need to stop living lies and live our lives as we see fit.
Couldn't do it.. There's nothing more torturous (sp?) than having to see the same female day in & day out.. Bad enough I got 2 see the ones I work with all the time..
Understood. The point I'm trying to make is to avoid marrying someone you shouldn't right off the bat. I'd like to know how many marriages end within the first couple of years. let's face it. Folks get caught up in good sex and good looks real easy. They kind of ignore the fact that ol' boy or ol' girl is always broke, or keeps a nasty bathroom, or throws their underwear on the floor, or squeezes the toothpaste in the middle, or (drum roll please) LEAVES THE TOILET SEAT UP. A whole is not always eqaul to the sum of it's parts. a couple might be a great boyfriend/girlfriend couple but, not be worth a dam as husband and wife. I'm not talking about living together for a long time i.e. 4,5,6 years, at least a year though.
Right. you expect your other half to change. How often does that happen though? I doubt very seriously if it happens just because you get married. a person that likes to go to the club every week is till gonna want to go to the club every week. a person who wants to spend the majority of their money on material things is still gonna spend most of their money on material things. You may tell ol' girl, "ok, all that pocket book buying gotta go since we're married". Sheeeeeiiiiiiiiit. Good luck with that. she could say, "all that money you spendin' in the strip club gotta stop". yeah right! Live together and see if you can truly live together.
Tried it before, it was ok, because I was out of my parents house, had already had my own place and thought I was in love. I have my own shit now, make enough money and don't want it. Not my stylo, we can move in, if and after the wedding...
Too many factors go into a relationship for me to be on either side. For example, an only child who has never had to share a space with anybody else would probably need to do a little "shacking up" to see how they would interact with someone, whereas a person who grew up in a large family with personal space constraints might fare better and assimilate without the trial "shacking" experience.
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