Questions to ask before gettin married

[BigUnc]

and your right, to an extent. Of course crisis's can and will arise. But you have to be prepared for them. issues due to job loss means you were living from pay check to pay check and you shouldn't be doing that. You should have some sort of savings system setup for such things. general rule of thumb you should have enough to cover your expenses for at least 6 months.

True.... preparing for difficult times is a must. 6 month's worth of time is probably a little bump in the road compared to some of the hardships I've faced and my troubles were minuscule in comparison to what I've seen others go through. Right now my wife and I could probably hold it down for a year at current levels before major cutbacks are in order. Of course that supposes that both of us stay healthy. If 1 or both of use succumb to some kind of long term major illness all bets are off.
I would dare say that most people are only are no more than 3 paychecks from making some hard decisions on what bills they gonna pay and which ones they have to defer. just the harsh realities in todays mindset of spend,spend,spend instead of save some money then spend a little.

 

[yureeka9]

probably why most marriages are ending in divorce, because we dont make it that serious...

Is this comeing from a divorcee, a single person or a person thats happily married? It makes a difference.

 

[Adam Knows]

Is this comeing from a divorcee, a single person or a person thats happily married? It makes a difference.

doesn't matter who it's coming from. your setting yourself up for a fall if you don't ask the right questions beforehand.

 

[HoneyBerry]

this is one that's overlooked/taken for granted. this was one that was not discussed in my house and it caused some confusion in the beginning.

me, with my family i choose to not associate with except for my sisters, this caused problems before the wedding because she didn't understand why and thought i was "ashamed" of her. which wasn't the case, i didn't want the ignorance there and i did not/do not want to expose her to senseless ignorance.

at the same time her family save her mother and one of her sisters and one of her brothers do not get along with me because she committed a terrible sin by marrying me. so "family functions" are kept to a minimum.

Family is such a big deal to me, including how many children a man wants. SO many guys seem to want only 1 or 2 kids and that's a deal breaker for me. I would never be happy with only 2 kids. Also if a man is not close to his family or has a problem with how close I am to mine, that would be a big issue

 

[yureeka9]

doesn't matter who it's coming from. your setting yourself up for a fall if you don't ask the right questions beforehand.

I agree, but I didn't see the right questions on that list. I didn't see anything about the level of commitment or emotional investment. All I saw was how will we divide the chores and the cheese. I like to think there are a lot more issues of substance that should precede the business side of a marriage. That's all.

 

[IntelligentDyme]

doesn't matter who it's coming from. your setting yourself up for a fall if you don't ask the right questions beforehand.

Thank you, it doesnt matter, but im happily invovled...and even more importantly, im happy with myself...and wise enough to know, that marriage is not something you jump into head first without asking the questions that are important to any relationship...Im not saying that these are the exact questions to ask, and i dont think that any of us are saying that...what is being said is that it is imporant to have open dialogue about your wants, expectations,needs, family situations, finances, and contigencies, not only before marriage but during the marriage as well...oh and by the way "chores and cheese" are two of the main causes of marital discord...

 

[Adam Knows]

Also if a man is not close to his family or has a problem with how close I am to mine, that would be a big issue

sometimes for betterment of self you have to do away with that which would hold you back.

before you set goals for yourself, whether physical, emotional, or financial you have to be able to make the sacrifices needed to achieve them.

the most important lesson taught to me (though it may sound cold/cruel to most of you) is to be able to walk away from what's holding you back from your dreams, whether it's family by blood or family by matrimony.

 

[yureeka9]

Thank you, it doesnt matter, but im happily invovled...and even more importantly, im happy with myself...and wise enough to know, that marriage is not something you jump into head first without asking the questions that are important to any relationship...Im not saying that these are the exact questions to ask, and i dont think that any of us are saying that...what is being said is that it is imporant to have open dialogue about your wants, expectations,needs, family situations, finances, and contigencies, not only before marriage but during the marriage as well...oh and by the way "chores and cheese" are two of the main causes of marital discord...

Good point, but from what I've seen in my friends none of them built their marriages on a solid foundation. Look at it this way: Do you ever wonder why family members argue about the exact same things that married couples do but they eventually work it out and continue to love and support each other? Hmmmm...must be the level of commitment to that person. Because believe me its easier to get rid of a clownin' brother or sister or stop speaking to a parent or grown child than it is to get a divorce. The reason they always work it out is the emotional investment they put in to the relationship. You can sit up here all day and talk about how couples need to work out whos gonna do and pay for what in a marriage but its all worthless if you don't have a solid foundation from the beginning. I think those questions are indeed relevant but they should be in the second chapter of a relationship that starts with a more meaningful first one.

 

[IntelligentDyme]

Good point, but from what I've seen in my friends none of them built their marriages on a solid foundation. Look at it this way: Do you ever wonder why family members argue about the exact same things that married couples do but they eventually work it out and continue to love and support each other? Hmmmm...must be the level of commitment to that person. Because believe me its easier to get rid of a clownin' brother or sister or stop speaking to a parent or grown child than it is to get a divorce. The reason they always work it out is the emotional investment they put in to the relationship. You can sit up here all day and talk about how couples need to work out whos gonna do and pay for what in a marriage but its all worthless if you don't have a solid foundation from the beginning. I think those questions are indeed relevant but they should be in the second chapter of a relationship that starts with a more meaningful first one.

Not all families are built on solid foundations either, I believe that there are times and circumstances in which you must cut people off or not talk to them, that doesn't mean you dont love them...just as in relationships you must sometimes love people enough to leave them alone, and realize that some people are toxic....even family members..I think sometimes this is also what causes people to enter into bad relationships because they are used to having them throughout their family lives....so they've learned to be more committed and more accepting of bad behaviors, and this lessens their committment to their own happiness... Each situation is unique, and there is no one size fits all plan for marriage or happiness. But I do agree that you must have a solid foundation and deep committment before even discussing the possibility of marriage or children.

 

[bigirl]

Also if a man is not close to his family or has a problem with how close I am to mine, that would be a big issue

and what if a person does not have a family?

 

[HoneyBerry]

sometimes for betterment of self you have to do away with that which would hold you back.

before you set goals for yourself, whether physical, emotional, or financial you have to be able to make the sacrifices needed to achieve them.

the most important lesson taught to me (though it may sound cold/cruel to most of you) is to be able to walk away from what's holding you back from your dreams, whether it's family by blood or family by matrimony.

I feel you, but I can't think of a situation that we;ve been in that would make me be like that. The worst that ever happened to us is when we stop speaking for a couple of weeks and then it's back to the usual. Your situation must have been pretty serious to take it that far. Well I hope you have a strong support network outside of your fam

 

[HoneyBerry]

and what if a person does not have a family?

By death you mean? That's understandable. But other than that, it would have to be some major reason for me to be with a man who does not associate with his family. Like a crackhead who kept robbing him, a mother who put him in the system, or something to that effect. Nothing like a difference of opinion

 

[bigirl]

By death you mean?

because they never had one i mean

 

[APOPHIS]

CAN HER ASSS COOK?!

It may seem unimportant at first until your ass is starving. There will be days you will want your woman in the kitchen cooking.

 

[bgbtylvr]

Do i really want to do this shit?

 

[Twistyaaliyah]

ok check this out: the part you don't and will never overstand is that I don't have credit i don't have a bank account and I never will so therefore I could care less about what they have as it will not effect me irregardless. I would also prefer a spouse who lives as I do. However I would not shun the love of my life just because they have a foot in the babylon system. I just still would not participate. Credit is a bunch of bullshit anyway and is definitely not a good way to judge a persons responsibility nor character. It is a good way to judge their ability to be a robot slave. Peace.

credit systems promot dept. WHich i y i would look caribbean countries to dun way with that. AInt no way we gonna get back on top wid that fucked up neocolonialism, capitalism - facism shit going on in our land

 

[Adam Knows]

credit systems promot dept. WHich i y i would look caribbean countries to dun way with that. AInt no way we gonna get back on top wid that fucked up neocolonialism, capitalism - facism shit going on in our land

ACTUALLY you can...just pay the bills...

people are thinking that credit and your credit score are some conspiracy to hold us down. trust me there are more white people with bad credit then black people.

 

[bigirl]

ACTUALLY you can...just pay the bills...

Here is my problem with the credit system: I will just cite one example but thing like this happen every day. I had a HUGE problem with sprint. The phone I used to keep up here was home with me in the Caribbean. It was off and the battery was out of it the entire time. I never used it once. All of a sudden people from the states start calling my sxm phone asking me why is the sprint phones service cut off. Come to find out for some reason I have a $2000 bill. Now I spend even more $ calling them trying to find out why. First of all they said I had alot of calls to the Caribbean but when I am in the states I always use a calling card. They told me you get charged the long distance anyway which they never told me before. THEN I come to find out that every time someone was calling that phone while I was on island I was getting charged long distance and roaming charges and even worse when they left a message. Anyway to make a long story shorter I argued and argued with them and they wouldn't budge. I am an idiot and paid the damn $2000. Then I get back up to the states and the phone is off again and I can't believe it since I just paid 2000 and still didn't use it. So they wanted 500 more and at that point I said fuck it and refused to pay it. So now I have a bad mark and I don't care. I would die before I would pay them the 500. Does this make me a bad and irresponsible person? No it does not. Hell if I'm going to be robbed and abused by corporate gangsters and they can do or say whatever they want and you just have to go along or you get a bad mark. FUCK THAT!!!!!

So no credit is not an accurate reflection of anything.

 

[Adam Knows]

Here is my problem with the credit system: I will just cite one example but thing like this happen every day. I had a HUGE problem with sprint. The phone I used to keep up here was home with me in the Caribbean. It was off and the battery was out of it the entire time. I never used it once. All of a sudden people from the states start calling my sxm phone asking me why is the sprint phones service cut off. Come to find out for some reason I have a $2000 bill. Now I spend even more $ calling them trying to find out why. First of all they said I had alot of calls to the Caribbean but when I am in the states I always use a calling card. They told me you get charged the long distance anyway which they never told me before. THEN I come to find out that every time someone was calling that phone while I was on island I was getting charged long distance and roaming charges and even worse when they left a message. Anyway to make a long story shorter I argued and argued with them and they wouldn't budge. I am an idiot and paid the damn $2000. Then I get back up to the states and the phone is off again and I can't believe it since I just paid 2000 and still didn't use it. So they wanted 500 more and at that point I said fuck it and refused to pay it. So now I have a bad mark and I don't care. I would die before I would pay them the 500. Does this make me a bad and irresponsible person? No it does not. Hell if I'm going to be robbed and abused by corporate gangsters and they can do or say whatever they want and you just have to go along or you get a bad mark. FUCK THAT!!!!!

So no credit is not an accurate reflection of anything.

as far as the problem with sprint, there is currently a class action suit against them for unfair/questionable practices when it comes to billing customers. you can fight that easily and probably get all of your money back.

As far as the issue of it being on your credit there are things you can do to have that removed. for as little as $27 bucks you can do all that's necessary to remove that from your credit reports within 3-4 months time.

so yes the bureau can "seem" unfair but it's not the reporting system that has you marked at a negative, a company does, and again you can have that taken off.

4 years back i had an ex who somehow ordered a second copy of one of my credit cards and stole some checks and had a field day. It took me 8 months but i got every penny back and every charge removed. you just have to remain persistent on stuff like that, same as you would your health.

 

[bigirl]

as far as the problem with sprint, there is currently a class action suit against them for unfair/questionable practices when it comes to billing customers. you can fight that easily and probably get all of your money back.

As far as the issue of it being on your credit there are things you can do to have that removed. for as little as $27 bucks you can do all that's necessary to remove that from your credit reports within 3-4 months time.

so yes the bureau can "seem" unfair but it's not the reporting system that has you marked at a negative, a company does, and again you can have that taken off.

4 years back i had an ex who somehow ordered a second copy of one of my credit cards and stole some checks and had a field day. It took me 8 months but i got every penny back and every charge removed. you just have to remain persistent on stuff like that, same as you would your health.

thanks thats good info I didn't know that and I am glad cause they really are corporate criminals.

its the point of not letting them control your life because of their stupid little ratings. if someone doesn't want to marry me cause of my bad mark from sprint i don't want them either. you know?

 

[mc2]

You also need to set the terms straight for visits, by family and friends.. Right now my girl watches her sisters kids a lot.. If we do get married, i dont want the sister inlaw leaving her kids with us every weekend

 

[mc2]

CAN HER ASSS COOK?!

It may seem unimportant at first until your ass is starving. There will be days you will want your woman in the kitchen cooking.

That used to be something i looked for buy not anymore. After living by yourself for a while you learn how to cook I can hold my own in the kitchen

 

[Adam Knows]

thanks thats good info I didn't know that and I am glad cause they really are corporate criminals.

its the point of not letting them control your life because of their stupid little ratings. if someone doesn't want to marry me cause of my bad mark from sprint i don't want them either. you know?

i understand but it's a little surprising...

women are usually the ones who are more worried about a man's credit rating then the other way around.

i know women who have credit reports/background checks done on men they are dating.

 

[bigirl]

i understand but it's a little surprising...

women are usually the ones who are more worried about a man's credit rating then the other way around.

i know women who have credit reports/background checks done on men they are dating.

it just boils down to a lifestyle choice of not being a slave to the babylon system there are quite a few of us out here who have made that choice.

there are plenty of other ways to get a good grasp on a persons ethics and responsibility. one just needs to be observant and perceptive.

 

[mc2]

thanks thats good info I didn't know that and I am glad cause they really are corporate criminals.

its the point of not letting them control your life because of their stupid little ratings. if someone doesn't want to marry me cause of my bad mark from sprint i don't want them either. you know?

I feel you on that one Bigirl..

At the same time, if you worked hard to get good credit and begin to enjoy its benefits, you dont want to loose them because your of your mate. What i would do is work with my potential mate to fix their credit as opposed to writing them off..