Question to the ladies. Who is responsible for your orgasms, your mate or you?

[Mo-Better]

Co-sign! The better he feels, the better I feel. There are times when I focus on the guy on purpose and I may not cum that time, but that was my choice too, so it's no biggie.



I don't think that's what she meant - it's about the intimacy and the connection between two people. When you have a great sex life in a relationship, it does help the relationship grow.

Wow you used the I-word. I was beginning to think women were no longer interested in intimacy. Maybe its just the air of the forum... But your right both people should be working at giving each other pleasure and if it takes a few minutes to instruct your lover on what works for you then its worth it.

 

[femmenoire]

Well the best sex I've ever had there never had to be any "instruction".

 

[Mo-Better]

Well the best sex I've ever had there never had to be any "instruction".

Too easy!

 

[Machete]

my .02, in a sexual relationship. Each party is responsible for their orgasm, and their partners' orgasm.

 

[MTL]

I think we both are responsible. Me and my man just have this connection since day one. We vibe sexually, it's unexplainable. We hold nothing back. Our main goal is to satisfy one another and we don't rest until the other person is satisfied. I know I puts it down in all areas of our sex life and he does the same. It's been like this for over seven years now and we still can't get enough of each other.

Congrats! Keep it up!!!

 

[t0k3]

I think we both are responsible. Me and my man just have this connection since day one. We vibe sexually, it's unexplainable. We hold nothing back. Our main goal is to satisfy one another and we don't rest until the other person is satisfied. I know I puts it down in all areas of our sex life and he does the same. It's been like this for over seven years now and we still can't get enough of each other.

The same for me and my girl but we have been together for 12 years so I know exactly what you are saying

Yes we are all responsible for our own orgasms.
I think most men fall into 2 categories,those who are selfish and could care less about the woman getting off and those who care but are stuck in ,if it worked for one, it will work for all mode.
The later can go from woman to woman for a lifetime thinking he is the man in bed but all it takes is one woman to to be vocal and break the cycle.
In most cases both will be talked about when ladies get together and get put into the waste of time category.

Freaks don't have those problems.
When 2 freaks get a hold of each other it's usually magic.
For me,sexual confidence in a woman is sexy as hell.
They know how they want it and are unafraid to let you know.

 

[Mo-Better]

As of 01/03/08 this little survey reflects most women do take active rolls with their partners to ensure their own sexual satisfaction. There's still many out there who have yet to respond. With less than 20% of the listed SOL members voting I don't want top jump to conclusions. I do however believe that shared obligation is more the norm and the basis for healthy long term relationships.

Comments welcome.

 

[ladyscorpio]

Just spinning some questions off of Peachey_sweet's "When He Feels Inadequate" thread.

So ladies who's responsibility is it when it comes to you having an orgasm?

Do you expect the man to get you off?

If he doesn't is it his fault or could you have done something to help yourself get there? BE HONEST!

Or do you take control of matters to ensure your own orgasms?

Question 1. It is a connection with another person therefore it is a dual responsibility.
#2. I expect nothing but that same connection. If we have communicated these things will come.(no pun intended)
#3. If he doesn't then I have not taken control of matters and yes I should have done something to get myself there. I'd like to think if I have chosen to be intimate with another that I have been active in our satisfaction.

As of 01/03/08 this little survey reflects most women do take active rolls with their partners to ensure their own sexual satisfaction. There's still many out there who have yet to respond. With less than 20% of the listed SOL members voting I don't want top jump to conclusions. I do however believe that shared obligation is more the norm and the basis for healthy long term relationships.

Comments welcome.

My apologies MB Reading through my answer was already in here.

Your question regarding intimacy...I think nowadays sex is sometimes akin to a drive thru window. We want it fast get our ish and go. Its not a pretty analogy but in these days where we have "buddy" systems in place. Not that one can't be intimate with a buddy I just don't feel that having one gives that real complete connection.

 

[Galvatron78]

50/50........ if you're really into your partner there are no words needed.

 

[femmenoire]

50/50........ if you're really into your partner there are no words needed.

 

[Mo-Better]

Question 1. It is a connection with another person therefore it is a dual responsibility.
#2. I expect nothing but that same connection. If we have communicated these things will come.(no pun intended)
#3. If he doesn't then I have not taken control of matters and yes I should have done something to get myself there. I'd like to think if I have chosen to be intimate with another that I have been active in our satisfaction.

My apologies MB Reading through my answer was already in here.

Your question regarding intimacy...I think nowadays sex is sometimes akin to a drive thru window. We want it fast get our ish and go. Its not a pretty analogy but in these days where we have "buddy" systems in place. Not that one can't be intimate with a buddy I just don't feel that having one gives that real complete connection.

No apology needed. Your analogy is perfect sad to say and yes usually intimacy is not shared with just a buddy.

But its that intimacy that sometimes leads to those all night love making sessions. Whereas you both end up passing out from exhaustion and when you finally wakeup, the sheets and pillows are on the floor, mattress half off the boxspring, vibrators still vibrating and someone you were supposed to meet at 11:am that morning is knocking on your door, checking up on you because your over an hour late. Damn I miss those nights!

Maybe we all need fewer buddies and more intimate friends.

 

[tripleds3]

Do ya thang girl!

 

[ladyscorpio]

No apology needed. Your analogy is perfect sad to say and yes usually intimacy is not shared with just a buddy.

But its that intimacy that sometimes leads to those all night love making sessions. Whereas you both end up passing out from exhaustion and when you finally wakeup, the sheets and pillows are on the floor, mattress half off the boxspring, vibrators still vibrating and someone you were supposed to meet at 11:am that morning is knocking on your door, checking up on you because your over an hour late. Damn I miss those nights!

Maybe we all need fewer buddies and more intimate friends.

lawd uh mercy MB you know you and I can be more than buddies

 

[GET YOU HOT]

well why do you want/need a man at all?

most women fail on this point: you EXPECT a man to KNOW how to get you off WITHOUT telling/instructing/communicating with him to help you.

i expect my partner to educate me in the ways of her body, to ASSIST her in getting off. then, once i learn her and learn what she likes/needs, she doesn't need to communicate it to me so explicitly. as a man, i should pick-up on the lessons and do my job.

but to lay there and expect the man to just know. well, that would mean that all women are the same, and that's not true. some women like direct stimulation; some like indirect. some can only have clitoral orgasms, some can have vaginal.



teach & talk. let me know. then, lay back and enjoy.

btw, OP, this is an AWESOME question. lots of women expect guys to know their bodies while they refuse to talk about what they want/need.

Communication is key, give time to conversate during the act of making love, it's a beautiful thing. You'll should try it sometime...

 

[Mo-Better]

lawd uh mercy MB you know you and I can be more than buddies

Baby that's the best offer I've had in a very long time. That'll work!

 

[geechiedan]

Well the best sex I've ever had there never had to be any "instruction".

50/50........ if you're really into your partner there are no words needed.

i call BULLSHIT...sorry..

Nina Hartley (porn star) said onetime that the FIRST rule in womens liberation was BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN ORGASM.

women are wired much differently than men or men are wire more SIMPLY than women.

What it takes to a man off in terms of effort and act is not gonna match what it takes to get a woman off.

There are women who have said they didn't have their FIRST orgasm until they were 25,35, 45 years old...you will NEVER hear a man make that kind of statement.

femm...MAYBE that was a lucky happenstance that you met up with someone so in tune with your needs..but that doesn't mean that EVERY man you fuck should be able to do that.



Its been stated before but its true...COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY...whether its BEFORE sex or DURING sex...indicating what you like and how you like it is critical.

 

[Shadow]

i call BULLSHIT...sorry..

Nina Hartley (porn star) said onetime that the FIRST rule in womens liberation was BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN ORGASM.

women are wired much differently than men or men are wire more SIMPLY than women.

What it takes to a man off in terms of effort and act is not gonna match what it takes to get a woman off.

There are women who have said they didn't have their FIRST orgasm until they were 25,35, 45 years old...you will NEVER hear a man make that kind of statement.

femm...MAYBE that was a lucky happenstance that you met up with someone so in tune with your needs..but that doesn't mean that EVERY man you fuck should be able to do that.



Its been stated before but its true...COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY...whether its BEFORE sex or DURING sex...indicating what you like and how you like it is critical.

Yeah, but I think we all agree that some of the women's lib shit killed the art of making sure the WOMAN IS TAKEN CARE OFF FIRST AND ALWAYS.

My goal during sex is to make sure that my partner gets hers...everytime. If I nut, fine. If not, that is fine too. As long as she leaves feeling like I put it down, then I'm a happy man.

I think there's a saying that you put in the hard work early for the rewards down the line.

 

[geechiedan]

Yeah, but I think we all agree that some of the women's lib shit killed the art of making sure the WOMAN IS TAKEN CARE OFF FIRST AND ALWAYS.

My goal during sex is to make sure that my partner gets hers...everytime. If I nut, fine. If not, that is fine too. As long as she leaves feeling like I put it down, then I'm a happy man.

I think there's a saying that you put in the hard work early for the rewards down the line.

But there's the rub (pun intended) you CAN'T make sure your partner gets off unless SHE wants to get off..that can't happen UNTIL she does whats necessary to make that happen..

remember you cant make a woman cum..no more than she can make you cum...all you can do is ASSIST in making that happen.

 

[femmenoire]

i call BULLSHIT...sorry..

Nina Hartley (porn star) said onetime that the FIRST rule in womens liberation was BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN ORGASM.

women are wired much differently than men or men are wire more SIMPLY than women.

What it takes to a man off in terms of effort and act is not gonna match what it takes to get a woman off.

There are women who have said they didn't have their FIRST orgasm until they were 25,35, 45 years old...you will NEVER hear a man make that kind of statement.

femm...MAYBE that was a lucky happenstance that you met up with someone so in tune with your needs..but that doesn't mean that EVERY man you fuck should be able to do that.



Its been stated before but its true...COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY...whether its BEFORE sex or DURING sex...indicating what you like and how you like it is critical.

i'm not saying every man should be able to do that.

all i know is when there are no words needed, that is the absolute best. Effortless. I work at a job, not sex.

 

[geechiedan]

i'm not saying every man should be able to do that.

all i know is when there are no words needed, that is the absolute best. Effortless. I work at a job, not sex.

in that case any experience that you have that doesn't flow like that means its work = bad sex = man's fault..

this topic dovetails perfectly into the one I made that asked who has more pressure to perform..men or women..and it was heavily agreed that man have more pressure on them on that thread.
http://www.bgol.us/board/showthread.php?t=210477

And some of the answers you're seeing here are the reason why

 

[Shadow]

But there's the rub (pun intended) you CAN'T make sure your partner gets off unless SHE wants to get off..that can't happen UNTIL she does whats necessary to make that happen..

remember you cant make a woman cum..no more than she can make you cum...all you can do is ASSIST in making that happen.

Well of course that's the case. It's not going to make me relent, though. She cums first, I cum last.

 

[Mo-Better]

i call BULLSHIT...sorry..

Nina Hartley (porn star) said onetime that the FIRST rule in womens liberation was BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN ORGASM.

women are wired much differently than men or men are wire more SIMPLY than women.

What it takes to a man off in terms of effort and act is not gonna match what it takes to get a woman off.

There are women who have said they didn't have their FIRST orgasm until they were 25,35, 45 years old...you will NEVER hear a man make that kind of statement.

femm...MAYBE that was a lucky happenstance that you met up with someone so in tune with your needs..but that doesn't mean that EVERY man you fuck should be able to do that.



Its been stated before but its true...COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY...whether its BEFORE sex or DURING sex...indicating what you like and how you like it is critical.

Man I saw that clip but I didn't mention it because I didn't want to influence the responses based on what she said. But as you stated communication is the key.

 

[femmenoire]

in that case any experience that you have that doesn't flow like that means its work = bad sex = man's fault..

this topic dovetails perfectly into the one I made that asked who has more pressure to perform..men or women..and it was heavily agreed that man have more pressure on them on that thread.
http://www.bgol.us/board/showthread.php?t=210477

And some of the answers you're seeing here are the reason why

Well I never said it did.

Maybe he's just not that into me. Or maybe I'm just not that into him.

Lots of people waste time fucking just to fuck and not to have an experience with someone that sexually charges them.

Been there and done that and won't anymore.

 

[ladyscorpio]

Baby that's the best offer I've had in a very long time. That'll work!

Yeah, but I think we all agree that some of the women's lib shit killed the art of making sure the WOMAN IS TAKEN CARE OFF FIRST AND ALWAYS.

My goal during sex is to make sure that my partner gets hers...everytime. If I nut, fine. If not, that is fine too. As long as she leaves feeling like I put it down, then I'm a happy man.

I think there's a saying that you put in the hard work early for the rewards down the line.

I enjoy you

 

[Shadow]

I enjoy you

 

[Mo-Better]

Keep smiling like that and..................and I'll do it too. Then we both will

 

[datruth]

Im like most of the real men on the site, I take it as a slight or a failure on my part if I did not make my wife or SO cum, I guess Im a perfectionist, or just truly care that Im doing my job as a fucking man,husband,lover whatever, but as realist , I have had times when we fucked, raw and unplanned, nothing sensual, it just depends n the mood we are both in,not made love and she understood that she just wanted to get a nut out of me, and her nutting was not a priority to her, like times she said "boy ,if we fuck right now, Im not getting shit done and I understood, I take things like that as a compliment, like somebody said before, if your lady aint sleepy, you got some more fucking to do, she will roll over and go to sleep on a nigga quick.call it what you want , you both should take pride in pleasing the other if you dont, you selfish period.

 

[geechiedan]

Im like most of the real men on the site, I take it as a slight or a failure on my part if I did not make my wife or SO cum, I guess Im a perfectionist, or just truly care that Im doing my job as a fucking man,husband,lover whatever, but as realist , I have had times when we fucked, raw and unplanned, nothing sensual, it just depends n the mood we are both in,not made love and she understood that she just wanted to get a nut out of me, and her nutting was not a priority to her, like times she said "boy ,if we fuck right now, Im not getting shit done and I understood, I take things like that as a compliment, like somebody said before, if your lady aint sleepy, you got some more fucking to do, she will roll over and go to sleep on a nigga quick.call it what you want , you both should take pride in pleasing the other if you dont, you selfish period.

pleasing someone is one thing...talking as if you can MAKE someone cum is another..

the bottomline is you CAN'T MAKE a woman have an orgasm..no more than she can MAKE you..

people SAY that.."you gonna make me come!" but the reality is its just stimulation in the right area and the person is in the right frame of mind to accept it.

If a man could MAKE a woman cum then she'd be coming everytime you have sex not just when you decide to concentrate and "put work in"..if its as simple as hitting a certain spot then it shouldn't be a problem for you to hit that spot and set her off regardless of whether you're just "fucking" or "making love"..whether your just trying to get a nut off and she her's isn't a priority...the fact that she can prioritize her orgasm is a HUGE hint that you're not in control of shit with her body.

so again the idea that if she doesn't cum its somehow your fault or you're selfish is ego stroking/guilt conscience myth..

BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN ORGASM.

 

[datruth]

I guess I see you point but I still take it upon yourself to make sure she is satisfied , I guess it is my ego, but I call it pride, , Im wrong for that, I doubt it, and control is a fucking myth , I guess we are just in tune with each others bodies, I not perfect but I make it my business to satisfy my queen, call it ego strokin , I call it being considerate, and yes you are right the mental aspect weighs heavy in enjoying sex and pleasing your mate and vise versa.

 

[Shadow]

I guess I see you point but I still take it upon yourself to make sure she is satisfied , I guess it is my ego, but I call it pride, , Im wrong for that, I doubt it, and control is a fucking myth , I guess we are just in tune with each others bodies, I not perfect but I make it my business to satisfy my queen, call it ego strokin , I call it being considerate, and yes you are right the mental aspect weighs heavy in enjoying sex and pleasing your mate and vise versa.

Don't call it pride. Call it being a considerate partner. Geechie is cool with me but we're gonna have to disagree here.

I'm trying to knock it down, I ain't gonna squirrel fuck myself out of getting the pussy a second time because "I'm responsible for my own orgasm".

 

[ladyscorpio]

Don't call it pride. Call it being a considerate partner. Geechie is cool with me but we're gonna have to disagree here.

I'm trying to knock it down, I ain't gonna squirrel fuck myself out of getting the pussy a second time because "I'm responsible for my own orgasm".

You don't even wanna know what just went through my head...

 

[Shadow]

You don't even wanna know what just went through my head...

Knowing you sexy, I can only imagine.... Feel free to fill me in...or let me fill you up.

 

[geechiedan]

Don't call it pride. Call it being a considerate partner. Geechie is cool with me but we're gonna have to disagree here.

I'm trying to knock it down, I ain't gonna squirrel fuck myself out of getting the pussy a second time because "I'm responsible for my own orgasm".

QUESTION: WHO HAD THE BETTER ORGASM..NO.1 OR NO. 2

http://www.zshare.net/video/6228434b9b89fd/

and why do you think either way?

in the clip both women are engaged in anal sex and both experience an orgasm...albeit in slightly difference ways.

 

[lilsexii]

I see the question as "who's responsible for making sure that you cum" in that sense, YOU are. But it's not necessarily a selfish thing cuz the best way to do that is to make sure your partner is experiencing as much pleasure as possible. Like I said before, the better they feel, the better you feel. I LOVE when a man moans and talks shit and tells me how good it is I get off on how good I can make HIM feel...makes it easy to cum

 

[ladyscorpio]

Knowing you sexy, I can only imagine.... Feel free to fill me in...or let me fill you up.

I'll go with #2