Question: As a dad, which decision do you regret most?

[kidmegaii]

Bruh, this shit right here delivered the knockout blow to me two weeks ago. I considered myself flexible in terms of my parenting style and I would give her the opportunity to try things her way every now and then with the caveat, if it did not work, we are using my approach. The things that I'd tried to instill in my daughter were self-accountibilty, pay attention to the details, don't quit before give yourself an opportunity to learn something new, don't be careless. When she would fail to do those things, I would get on her. The first couple of times, I would be diplomatic in my approach and even when the diplomacy was gone, I wouldn't yell, but we would have a brutally honest conversation. She would tell me my approach was not working, but I would tell her that her approach did not work and this same things were happening consistantly. I would constantly tell her that I love her, but she cannot continue to operate this way because she will be going off to college in a few years. She told me that she no longer wants to stay with me and we barely talk now. This shit has left me dead inside. Her mother and I do not get along, so I am sure that she is happy about this new development.

Update nigga, did you reach out to your daughter? Did you plan your daddy daughter date? Did reach out and tell her babygirl I love you?

 

[SmaLLz]

Update nigga, did you reach out to your daughter? Did you plan your daddy daughter date? Did reach out and tell her babygirl I love you?

I've spoken to her a few times, but it has been brief and definitely not the same, but I always tell her that I love her. She is on vacation with her mother right now. When she gets back will be the true test. I'm actually glad that she is gone right now because I needed to get myself together mentally. I really see how depression can lead people to spiral out of control. I'm glad that I made the decision to stay away from alcohol during this period of my life. This is the first time that I've ever felt like this, so I want to maintain sound judgement.

 

[The Plutonian]

Got a 4yr old now. No better feeling than picking him up from daycare and he's just so glad to see me... Got a 16yr old nephew and he barely talks or even acknowledge his parents lol.

I know that day will come when my son will be like that. That's why I'm trying to cherish these moments.

Good topic. Love to hear from other fathers.

THIS! My son is my dude! MF just wants to be with his dad and I love it! My oldest son didn't turn out right because I wasn't there and was serving. Struggling for years Man I was sending both paychecks home to feed and clothe him but he doesn't appreciate it. It didn't mean shit to him that he got everything for a long time as the only child but the dude is rotten. Spoiled and privileged in his mindset. It's been hard but I had to cut him off. Daughters in college killing it, humble and driven. Love her for that. She went through a lot with her mom but we are good for life. She comes for the summer soon and it'll be her and lil man, we'll get to see the oldest but that's it. Oh, the first thing I tell my kids when I talk to them is I love you, last thing is I love you. Be safe out there.

 

[kidmegaii]

I've spoken to her a few times, but it has been brief and definitely not the same, but I always tell her that I love her. She is on vacation with her mother right now. When she gets back will be the true test. I'm actually glad that she is gone right now because I needed to get myself together mentally. I really see how depression can lead people to spiral out of control. I'm glad that I made the decision to stay away from alcohol during this period of my life. This is the first time that I've ever felt like this, so I want to maintain sound judgement.

i have faith you'll pull through, it'll take time and you'll definitely have to mask the depression when she's around but also use the depression as fuel to find a better version of yourself.

 

[BoxEater]

Thank you...

Great question... You know, my family is pretty tight knit. So we really leaned on each other. A professional counselor probably could have helped a bunch. But, I'm old school (and maybe a bit ignorant as well) I figured that I'd heal with time. And that seems to be working, even though I have moments of depression.

I think about the comedian who lost his son, and I'm amazed that he started telling jokes again so soon. But, everyone is made up differently.

My son wanted to prosecute crooked cops. He was aggressive and strong. We would have debates in the house, and I didn't agree with him all of the time, but I loved that he could make an argument and defend his position.

Thanks for sharing all this. Your son sounds amazing. I have a young son and pray he and I can bond the way you two do.

I appreciate the threads like this that remind us to count our blessings. Thank yall for this

 

[Sideways]

The decision I regret the most is having kids in the first place

 

[PsiBorg]

Thanks for sharing all this. Your son sounds amazing. I have a young son and pray he and I can bond the way you two do.

I appreciate the threads like this that remind us to count our blessings. Thank yall for this

You can have the same bond. That bond comes from sacrifice, love, and honesty.

When he needed tough love, I gave it. But, I was also sympathetic to his feelings. I let him know what my job as his Dad was. It wasn't to just buy him shit. My job was to make sure that he could make a good decision when I'm no longer around.

And I didn't let anything or anyone get in between us. Tell your son that you love him every fucking day. Don't miss a day. Show him that the world is a fucked up place, but there is beauty in it too. When he gets older, he'll appreciate that you were "REAL" with him. Everyone else (including his mom) may lie to him to spare his feelings. Not Dad. Dad is going to tell you the real shit, so you can protect yourself.

I wish you and your son strength and love.

 

[shinobi]

Just the other day, out of the blue. my 23 year old daughter apologized to me for “being a shitty teenager”when she was younger. I reassured her that “everyone was shitty to their parents when they were teenagers”. She was like “Yeah but, every time I fucked up or had a shitty attitude, you never got angry” I told her “That’s the job, parenting is providing your children the opportunities you didn’t have access to.” I did that & you took advantage of them.

 

[dHustla]

Just the other day, out of the blue. my 23 year old daughter apologized to me for “being a shitty teenager”when she was younger. I reassured her that “everyone was shitty to their parents when they were teenagers”. She was like “Yeah but, every time I fucked up or had a shitty attitude, you never got angry” I told her “That’s the job, parenting is providing your children the opportunities you didn’t have access to.” I did that & you took advantage of them.

This made me smile. She's self aware, and you're honest and forgiving.

It's so much easier to date a woman with a good, strong, present father in her life.

 

[mrcmd187]

Missed alot of family events while serving in the Navy but wouldn't change a thing, the kids really didn't understand at first but the USS Cole bombing and 9/11 changed my kids prospective on why I did what I did. I hear some say a black man is a fool for joining any military but I got through the BS and made it work for me. My grandparents lived long enough to see me retire coming from The D and Knowing the things I use to be into that was a big accomplishment.

 

[717jet]

Thanks for sharing all this. Your son sounds amazing. I have a young son and pray he and I can bond the way you two do.

I appreciate the threads like this that remind us to count our blessings. Thank yall for this

Sir I appreciate your feedback and also appreciate the honesty of the various posts