Online Dating...?
- Thread starter sakinnuso
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Good question,
Being newly single again for the first time in a looong time I wonder about this.
I get mixed reviews from people. One site that's mostly women- black women-it seems that a lot of sisters are doing it. Most have said it really is like going to the club because you are most likely to meet people interested in casual encounters...others have met and married. I'm interested to hear others experiences.
If it is frowned upon (debateable), I think it is too widespread to continue to be frowned upon for long.
Being newly single again for the first time in a looong time I wonder about this.
I get mixed reviews from people. One site that's mostly women- black women-it seems that a lot of sisters are doing it. Most have said it really is like going to the club because you are most likely to meet people interested in casual encounters...others have met and married. I'm interested to hear others experiences.
If it is frowned upon (debateable), I think it is too widespread to continue to be frowned upon for long.
Most people tend to use it as a casual encounter hook-up. I think that taints the whole thing. One woman told me that her friend met a guy from the internet, and all of her female friends ridiculed her for it. There's apparently an air of desperation about it. Hell, even my ex never told her parents that we met online. She'd always lie about it. She eventually met her husband - overseas - online.
While there's no replacing face-to-face chemistry, I'm just wondering why most sistas don't really REALLY take it seriously. Average mentality: it's good for a jump-off, but nothing too serious. "I mean, he's 'online', after all. I'm not 'that desperate'."
It's like masterbation, everybody has tried it at some point but no one wants to admit it.
I've been doing some research on Dating sites because I plan on starting one in a few months.
The biggest positive about these sites is they broaden your search. Chance encounters are just that...a chance. That perfect woman may live a block away from you but because she prefers to stay at home, cook, and read a book instead of running the streets and hitting the clubs that chance encounter gets smaller.
Dating sites also give you a chance to express your preferences upfront. And next to social sites they ARE the most populated place to find available mates/friends/peers or what have you.
The biggest mistake people make on dating sites is what I call the "drive through" experience. They expect to place an order for a mate and find someone who has every single preference they name.
"Yeah, I'd like a 6'4" tall nubian, hold the kids...ummm... a six figured income... ummm... a six pack...and a extra large shoe size!"
Truth is you still have to put in some work. You stiil have to shuffle through the bullshit. You still have to meet them in person to get a feel for them. I think the ones who have bad experiences with dating sites are the ones who expect too much from them.
I also wouldn't worry about what people think about you trying it. Give it a go. Be safe and enjoy yourself.
I've been doing some research on Dating sites because I plan on starting one in a few months.
The biggest positive about these sites is they broaden your search. Chance encounters are just that...a chance. That perfect woman may live a block away from you but because she prefers to stay at home, cook, and read a book instead of running the streets and hitting the clubs that chance encounter gets smaller.
Dating sites also give you a chance to express your preferences upfront. And next to social sites they ARE the most populated place to find available mates/friends/peers or what have you.
The biggest mistake people make on dating sites is what I call the "drive through" experience. They expect to place an order for a mate and find someone who has every single preference they name.
"Yeah, I'd like a 6'4" tall nubian, hold the kids...ummm... a six figured income... ummm... a six pack...and a extra large shoe size!"
Truth is you still have to put in some work. You stiil have to shuffle through the bullshit. You still have to meet them in person to get a feel for them. I think the ones who have bad experiences with dating sites are the ones who expect too much from them.
I also wouldn't worry about what people think about you trying it. Give it a go. Be safe and enjoy yourself.
Shit I have no problem admitting it. I'm in the IT industry so I do just about everything but buy groceries (I did that too til Webvan went out of biz).
So I've dated online since 1999. I've met some very nice dudes, and a couple of assholes. But I met more assholes out and about than anywhere else.
I had some good NSA experiences utilizing the internet.
So I've dated online since 1999. I've met some very nice dudes, and a couple of assholes. But I met more assholes out and about than anywhere else.
I had some good NSA experiences utilizing the internet.
I haven't really dated online though I met my ex-girlfriend online (non dating website) and we were together for six years.
This is the first time I've been single since I was 18, so I've thought about giving the online dating thing a shot once I've gotten a few things in order.
This is the first time I've been single since I was 18, so I've thought about giving the online dating thing a shot once I've gotten a few things in order.
I've dated online, off & on, for years..at first, I would lie & say I met people...anywhere but online. Now, I don't care. It's been especially interesting on this last go round. Before, I never put my pic up, but since I put it out there, 
IT'S BEEN ON LIKE PATRON!! It would be nice to meet somebody & chill for a LONNNNG while, but until then, ima keep
IT'S BEEN ON LIKE PATRON!! It would be nice to meet somebody & chill for a LONNNNG while, but until then, ima keep I have two co-workers and i know of two other people who are either married or engaged to people they met on eHarmony right now. I've met some cool people online over the years...met a few wackos too - but you can meet a nut in the grocery store. It's no different to me, but you have to have some common sense and set your boundaries. Know what suspect behavior looks like - its very easy to lie online, much easier than lying in person.
Same here.
I've met a few women online, haven't tried dating sites yet not single atm. I've had some good experiences (relationships, NSA's, friendships) and bad (psychos, idiots, liars). Sounds like a good thread: "worst experiences with online dating".
I think that online dating doesn't change the fact that you actually have to "date" the person. Get to know the person, ask / answer questions. Spend time with the person, chatting with someone isn't the same as talking with them face to face. You can't seen a person's facial expressions while chatting, and A genuine smile is worth a whole lot more than "lol". Some people frown on it, but it's just another way to meet people. Just have to handle meetings with a little care.
only one bad incident online. met the chick and wasn't feeling her. so much
so i was willing to pay her train ride back to another state so that she didn't
have to spend the night.
have been having success since 2001 though. like others say NSA, tight friendships
and mthly/yearly relationships.
so i was willing to pay her train ride back to another state so that she didn't
have to spend the night.
have been having success since 2001 though. like others say NSA, tight friendships
and mthly/yearly relationships.
Ok,I'm game I'm going to try it ASAP. So how about some hints and tips from the folks who have done it. What are the Dos and don't... the better sites...the not so good sites... Suggestions?? I'm going to try it. I'll keep you all informed on how it goes..
Aight dog, here's what worked for me...First thing..what are you looking for? There's sites for just about every taste, whether you want a hook up or something serious, or different ethnicity. I like Blackpeoplemeet.com or Blacksingles.com. There are tons of women on there and if you put up a good pic or two, and keep your info POSITIVE and light, you should do fine. Don't go in there with all your old problems on display...sounding angry, still hurt from an old relationship..that sticks out like a sore thumb. I DON'T like Match.com...too stuffy, although there are lots of very attractive sistas. Good luck fam!
I met my ex on line. We were together 6 years, almost got married, and have a child together now. I don't look down on it at all. I know a lot of success stories even though mine didn't turn out to be one. I know of 3 couples that are married who met online. Plus, it is eaiser to screen your dates. I like it.
i think no strings attached
I think online dating can be a good thing as long as people don't lie about who they are. The one person I have gotten involved with online was a great experience and we are still in contact to this day. Friendship getter stronger by the day, IMO.
I say go for it. Have fun.
I say go for it. Have fun.
Me, I like the idea of getting to know someone's mind, and getting to know them via communicating well. People who meet in the club or out and about, it can be a physical thing and then you find out you're not really into this person's mind. It's a little harder to do that online--you have to write, you have to express your charm or flirting or charisma with your words.
Having said that, sometimes you click great with someone online then meet in person and it just isn't there. That is a drawback.
Bottom line you have to be smart about screening folks--meeting in public places, and as you date them over time, meeting friends or seeing pics of family, getting background on them, etc. but that's not entirely different from what you do meeting someone in the club.
Anyway Ive made great friends from meeting online, had great sex after meeting online.
It all works. And then sometimes it don't LOL
Having said that, sometimes you click great with someone online then meet in person and it just isn't there. That is a drawback.
Bottom line you have to be smart about screening folks--meeting in public places, and as you date them over time, meeting friends or seeing pics of family, getting background on them, etc. but that's not entirely different from what you do meeting someone in the club.
Anyway Ive made great friends from meeting online, had great sex after meeting online.
It all works. And then sometimes it don't LOL
Oh really?
I've only met one person online... and it's cool. We kick it, we talk, a lot of similar interests and sexual attraction...
I'm paranoid and scary, so idk how often I'd do it... This person knew someone I knew, so it made it easier... I don't like when people ask to meet after like the first conversation... idk, that reeks to me...
I'm paranoid and scary, so idk how often I'd do it... This person knew someone I knew, so it made it easier... I don't like when people ask to meet after like the first conversation... idk, that reeks to me...
I've dated one person I met through the internet. The experience was not great, but not horrible either. There was no sexual chemistry, but we remained friends for a while. Would I do it again? Sure, why not.
I just don't think it's safe. At least at the club, you see the person, you can get a vibe about the person. Online everybody can be anybody they want to portray themself to be.
The vibe at the club can be what the person wants to put out also. I know personally of a few rapes that happened because the guy was so cool.
Interesting but true:
I (like a lot of my friends) was skeptical about it -- it really isn't for me because I prefer personal encounters and I am still not comfortable with the Internet as a place to share highly personal information
... anyway I digress ...
I convinced two women friends to try it for the first time -- one married a guy after they dated for a while. The other got engaged to a guy; but eventually they broke it off.
I was almost 2 for 2 on the "virtual" referral tip!
It CAN work; but I really do think that many of the sites are:
1) White-oriented
2) Saturated with "serial daters" -- women (or men) who just want to have a good time that weekend ... women: wine/dine; men: sex.
The other thing is IMHO the Black sites seem to have a proliferation of folks who stress what they "don't want" instead of focusing on who they would like to meet.
Peace
I (like a lot of my friends) was skeptical about it -- it really isn't for me because I prefer personal encounters and I am still not comfortable with the Internet as a place to share highly personal information
... anyway I digress ...I convinced two women friends to try it for the first time -- one married a guy after they dated for a while. The other got engaged to a guy; but eventually they broke it off.
I was almost 2 for 2 on the "virtual" referral tip!
It CAN work; but I really do think that many of the sites are:
1) White-oriented
2) Saturated with "serial daters" -- women (or men) who just want to have a good time that weekend ... women: wine/dine; men: sex.
The other thing is IMHO the Black sites seem to have a proliferation of folks who stress what they "don't want" instead of focusing on who they would like to meet.
Peace
True Lurk and its an unspoken law of attraction if you constantly focus on what you don't want rather than what you do, you tend to encounter the negative.
Honeyberry, I feel you but like someone else said there are many people that seem nice in person but
I work with college kids a lot and pretty much all their abuse or forced sex stories start out the same way... "he seemed so nice." It's very sad.
However, meeting face to face and feeling that personal chemistry I agree there is no substitute for.
Lately, I've developed an illogical fear of it. I've been doing it since the days of BlackVoices (how many of y'all go back THAT far??), and now I'm thinking it's a crutch. As much as I'd LOVE the internet to be a place to meet quality women, my experience has been that there are a LOT of women seeking digital fantasies trying to feel gaping voids in their lives.
Shit, you SGOL women are the healthiest - and finest - women I've seen.
But I'm wondering can people really jump off online? Some of your stories were inspiring.
Shit, you SGOL women are the healthiest - and finest - women I've seen.
But I'm wondering can people really jump off online? Some of your stories were inspiring.
I've met some fine females on online dating sites. Based on talking to a few of them, it seems easier for a man to find a decent women versus a women finding a decent man. They said a lot of dudes lie about all kind of stuff like income, career, living situation, etc. Seems to me females are more likely to tell the truth about themselves online.
Actually I think it's the opposite. Men are more realistic about it.
Women develop entire fantasies about themselves. These reality tv shoes are proof of that.
Hell no. Go check out the main board to prove my theory. LOL I do find females will lie about their size though. That's all I can think of.
My Wife and I met via Blackplanet.com back in 2004. Everytime someone asked how we met back then, I was kinda embarrassed to admit it cuz it was very uncool and creepish at the time... Now everyone's outlook has changed so now I don't have that chip on my shoulder no more.
lol Wow, today is actually the day we offically became a couple since 5 years ago.
lol Wow, today is actually the day we offically became a couple since 5 years ago.
