OGs on the board chime in - baby mama issues

[Artist Monk]

Appreciate all the input fellas.

I know I made a dumb ass decision to go in her raw. But I also got her the morning after pill (don't know if she took it). That doesn't absolve me in any way shape or form, it was my insistence to move together, try and build a relationship...

The only thing I shared is my frustration with her being lazy, I'm sure there are some things she doesn't like about me either. But for me it goes beyond that, I can work with someone who I can be compatible with in other ways.

I'm also a very loyal person. The first time we got in to it bad, because she had the nerve to talk bad about my other family coming to visit me often (I'm very family oriented) to my step mom who's been married to my dad for 20 years, she would go out during the day and fuck her ex boyfriend, come home and get in the same bed with me and my son. Sometimes trying to do something sexual to me. I find this out, she lies up and down about it of course and I decide we need to move out.

I later find out that her mother made her have an abortion at age 14, and that she was the loose girl in the neighborhood when she was in high school. All this shit comes way after the fact... Strike 2!

Yeah people change but I've never been comfortable with her because of the way we got down from the jump. Should have been a one and done which turned in to one and a son. For everyone saying go to counseling and try and work it out, I can accept her for who she is, I do love her AS THE MOTHER OF MY SON and respect her as such. So I don't think counseling is what is needed. I just don't think I can ultimately be with a chick like her.

Put pet peeve away, I know that is very hard and make that sacrifice of things being the WAY YOU WANT, and deal with making them the way that is viable for as long as possible.....try to make her your friend dude, it might go a long way..........I have two kids, two different females......I endure.

 

[max-dawg]

what state was it that wanted MANDATORY DNA testing for all newborns?

 

[Mo-Better]

Re: Baby mama issues

Just want to hear some of you all's opinions/situations that you may have either dealt with yourself or helped a friend/family member through.

I have a 2 year old son with a chick that I was in undergrad with. She's a smart girl but from the hood, family is hood, etc.

She's getting her masters in education, which is cool because she's trying to propel herself and be upwardly mobile. I'm applying to law school this year. We messed around twice unprotected and she ends up pregnant.

I wasn't ready, felt I had a lot of stuff lined up that would derail my progress and expressed that to her. She told me "oh well, I'm going to have it. Now what?" That made me develop strong feelings of dislike towards her but what could I do? At the time we didn't know much about each other and I constantly tried to explain that to her to support my argument of why it wasn't a good idea. That and I support a woman's right to choose. I tried to make the best of the situation. I "manned" up and excepted full responsibility for a life I helped to create.

Finished up undergrad (2 years ago now), moved in with her and tried to make things work. Now, I love my son to death - he's the best thing that ever happened to me. Me and his mom have been broken up and got back together twice. I can't stand her most of the time, it irks me just to be around her. I think the reason I put up with it is because of my son and me wanting to be around him every moment I can.

She's fucking lazy as hell. I keep my shit clean (apartment, car, etc.). She'll come home from work and just throw her clothes where ever. The room we share is always a fucking mess because she leaves her shit everywhere. We get into it everyday cause I tell her to pick up after her self and she gets a damn attitude.

Because of her laziness, me and my son have a bond stronger than rhino glue. He'll ask me for something 20x's in a row and if I'm busy I'll tell him to hold a minute, she'll sit right there starring at the tv until I tell her to get off her ass. She will, but with a fucking attitude... I'll clean the kitchen, then when we eat I'll rinse off my plate and put it in the dishwasher to continue the cycle of cleanliness. She'll leave her crumb infested plate on the couch for days...

And I've been keeping our son's room clean and potty training him single handed the past few months.

Point is: Our styles just don't mesh, and I think she's lazy as fuck plus she gets an attitude way too often which causes us to beef cause I won't take the shit off her. I put in way more time with our son and she's lazy as fuck! How would you handle it?

Props on manning up but there's bitterness understandably so. Your blamed her for you not strapping up. Its your duty to protect her and yourself, IMO your both at fault. Every woman is not going to go for an abortion. Abortion is not an alternative birth control method. You might even feel she trapped you (I think she did too) but you knew the risk and you went in raw anyway.

As for her lack of cleanliness, this didn't just start, there were signs long before but you ignored them because the pussy was good. That cleanliness issue is serious and needs addressing it will destroy your relationship plus its not healthy for the child. Try getting her involved in cleaning the place together. If that doesn't work explain it to her, make her understand unless there's change, there will be a change.

 

[max-dawg]

Re: Baby mama issues

Props on manning up but there's bitterness understandably so. Your blamed her for you not strapping up. Its your duty to protect her and yourself, IMO your both at fault. Every woman is not going to go for an abortion. Abortion is not an alternative birth control method. You might even feel she trapped you (I think she did too) but you knew the risk and you went in raw anyway.

As for her lack of cleanliness, this didn't just start, there were signs long before but you ignored them because the pussy was good. That cleanliness issue is serious and needs addressing it will destroy your relationship plus its not healthy for the child. Try getting her involved in cleaning the place together. If that doesn't work explain it to her, make her understand unless there's change, there will be a change.

as the president says, "no one is actually pro-abortion." in other words, no one is walking around hoping and wishing ladies kill their unborn children.

but some people are pro choice... leaving the decision to carry a child to birth up to the woman, her doctor, her family, and her God.

agreed. abortion is NOT a form of birth control

 

[dailysmoka]

her laziness ain't brand new.. u just overlooked it because she was letting u fuck...now u have grown and u see better bitches everday..and u actually know what u want in a bitch.. and she ain't it...well my nigga "Tough Titty" ... U better find u a hobby to occupy your time 4 18 years.. because its cheaper to keep her...

 

[JoeyBaby]

As long as your son know who you are then walk away... My mom and dad split when I was 10 and he was never really in my life after that but once i got older (around 25) me and my mom were getting into it real bad because she wanted to live my life for me and I called my dad to ask him how to get her to calm down and he then explained to me why he left and kept his distance. As a man I fully understood and I may have done the same thing in his shoes. We know talk daily and he is one of the realest dudes I've ever known.

My point is life is a marathon not a sprint, yeah she has all the control now but one day the field will even itself out. A woman can't raise a man alone and he will need you one day when that day comes sieze the momment...

No matter what NEVER lose sight of who you are NEVER let somoeone else control you and NEVER let someone use your love as a weapon against you It's going to be hard but walk away

 

[deputy dawg]

Time to stop fooling yourself. She's the mother of your son. That is really the only tie between you. Stop using the word love regarding her and you may see a little clearer.

You didn't know her well before your son came to be; once you got to know her by living together you see CLEARLY she doesn't share your values. I'm a neat freak, so I can relate to hating when someone leaves clothes where ever they fall, or not picking up a plate and rinsing it off after eating. A person either sees the benefit of neatness or not. They may come around and finally do shit, but it's prolly just to keep you quiet & off their back. They'll have attitude or be slow and do a half-assed job at it. See it for what it is and try not to react. Rise above it and let go of control, for your sanity sake! It's hard, but leave her dirty dishes and unhung clothes where they are.

Her grimy talk about your family is disrespect; her tipping out on you is the ultimate disrespect. then to "come home and get in the same bed with me and my son. Sometimes trying to do something sexual to me." Using that pussy weapon; it's so unfair. Again, rise above it. Tell her you can go out and get somebody else too - you just respect the situation more than that.

The lack of affection between you two will take its toll, but you're still sleeping together. I don't wanna know your business but if you're still hitting you need to stop before she drops another one on you!

Get your exit strategy together. Talk to your family with definite plans - no "What do you think I should do?" They will likely help you if you know where you want to be and have a plan. A 2 br apt., stable income with a family support system will be a good look to the courts regarding custody. In my opinion (and limited knowledge of your situation) your happy life is apart from her.

Good luck man!

 

[ballscout1]

 

[mrJR]

Time to stop fooling yourself. She's the mother of your son. That is really the only tie between you. Stop using the word love regarding her and you may see a little clearer.

You didn't know her well before your son came to be; once you got to know her by living together you see CLEARLY she doesn't share your values. I'm a neat freak, so I can relate to hating when someone leaves clothes where ever they fall, or not picking up a plate and rinsing it off after eating. A person either sees the benefit of neatness or not. They may come around and finally do shit, but it's prolly just to keep you quiet & off their back. They'll have attitude or be slow and do a half-assed job at it. See it for what it is and try not to react. Rise above it and let go of control, for your sanity sake! It's hard, but leave her dirty dishes and unhung clothes where they are.

Her grimy talk about your family is disrespect; her tipping out on you is the ultimate disrespect. then to "come home and get in the same bed with me and my son. Sometimes trying to do something sexual to me." Using that pussy weapon; it's so unfair. Again, rise above it. Tell her you can go out and get somebody else too - you just respect the situation more than that.

The lack of affection between you two will take its toll, but you're still sleeping together. I don't wanna know your business but if you're still hitting you need to stop before she drops another one on you!

Get your exit strategy together. Talk to your family with definite plans - no "What do you think I should do?" They will likely help you if you know where you want to be and have a plan. A 2 br apt., stable income with a family support system will be a good look to the courts regarding custody. In my opinion (and limited knowledge of your situation) your happy life is apart from her.

Good luck man!

damnnnn this is so on point, basically what I have been beating around the bush to say and what I have been feeling.

 

[greenz]

this ^^ is step #1.

but realize that when you ask to do it, she's gonna get mad, mad, super-mad.



amazing how that works, huh?

dude KNEW he wasn't ready to be a dad but ran-up in the pussy nekkid head anyway. and it's amazing how you never realized how 'dirty' she was until you MADE a future (baby) with her.

but don't worry, the bgol pimps and 'game-spitters' will show you the way. fuck doing anything for her... fuck doing anything for the kid... just continue to stop-by and dump seed in her with no obligations, financial or otherwise.

I gotta agree with max-dawg on this one. You decided to fuck raw that jimmy is there to stop decisions like this especially with a chick your in school with who it looks like you knew nothing about. I'm not fucking no chick raw until we've already moved in and have an understanding each other habits and if we really mesh. Moving in is such a big but necessary step in a relationship.

As far as what to do i would get out now before things get worse. JC is a option but it looks like you might want to go for the SC route.

 

[doggish_098]

for 135.99 i will give you a time machine that will allow you to go back and time and use a fucking rubber...

 

[stickyfingerz]

cant go raw in a bitch you dont know......really shouldnt be fuckin a bitch you wouldnt mind having kids with..... its always a possibility........you stuck...... cause when / if she starts dating..... then you got another niggaaah around ya kid..

 

[TurellSmith]

That's a fucked up situation. Hope things work out. Speaking from experience that cleanliness issue ain't going to get any better. Your baby moma don't listen to you and she don't know how to keep the house clean.

She had those behaviors way before you met her and she is not going to change even for you.

When you qualifying a chick you have to make sure she is 100% cooperative, submissive, respectful, listens and takes advice looks come second. If she is lacking in any of these areas you are just going to have problems down the line.

 

[Mello Mello]

nigga.....

i am terrified of your situation

scares me more than death

shit is like being a human dart board

once a weak bitch gets you like that she feels powerful and shit gets ugly

grin and bare it until you can find a way to kill her

if you go on a road trip let her go to sleep then reach over while she is sleep
and undo her seat belt....make sure your son isn't in the car.

try to run into something on her side..and make sure the airbags is off

the court doesn't give a fuck about you and she has a free pass to make
your life a living hell while half stepping on parenting.

or you can get joint custody and never have to speak to her ass again.

J.C. baby

joint custody joint custody joint custody

behind her back while smiling in her face while she does her little IM the boss routine.

sounds like you have the type of bitch who wanted a kid just to say she has a kid
now when her friends are sitting around bitching she can participate.

a lost follower bitch trait

a woman can't really lose having a child if she had no plan

if she had a plan its a minor setback.... if she had no plan its a come up.

Appreciate all the input fellas.

I know I made a dumb ass decision to go in her raw. But I also got her the morning after pill (don't know if she took it). That doesn't absolve me in any way shape or form, it was my insistence to move together, try and build a relationship...

The only thing I shared is my frustration with her being lazy, I'm sure there are some things she doesn't like about me either. But for me it goes beyond that, I can work with someone who I can be compatible with in other ways.

I'm also a very loyal person. The first time we got in to it bad, because she had the nerve to talk bad about my other family coming to visit me often (I'm very family oriented) to my step mom who's been married to my dad for 20 years, she would go out during the day and fuck her ex boyfriend, come home and get in the same bed with me and my son. Sometimes trying to do something sexual to me. I find this out, she lies up and down about it of course and I decide we need to move out.

I later find out that her mother made her have an abortion at age 14, and that she was the loose girl in the neighborhood when she was in high school. All this shit comes way after the fact... Strike 2!

Yeah people change but I've never been comfortable with her because of the way we got down from the jump. Should have been a one and done which turned in to one and a son. For everyone saying go to counseling and try and work it out, I can accept her for who she is, I do love her AS THE MOTHER OF MY SON and respect her as such. So I don't think counseling is what is needed. I just don't think I can ultimately be with a chick like her.

If you guys are still having sex stop that like yesterday.

If you can accept her for who she is then why the complaining? Fact is there is always room for self-development and improvement. I thought you recognized that she need some. Whether through counsel or some other way some self-development will be need for you and her to have a half way decent respectable involvement concerning your son together. If you intend on continuing living together which I advise against. Whatever her issues are she's going to have to hurry and put behind her or resolve them for the sake of helping to raise her children.

 

[gamersfuel]

leave now. in the long run it will be better for your kid. he shouldnt have to be raised in a troubled home. thats something a child shouldnt have to see. the day that you leave i guArantee you that dam house will be spotless every day from then on. as long as you still see your kid and live nearby it will be ok. just think of the fathers who live states away and never see their children. and if you move out, go ahead and work out some child support arrangements. last thing you will want is that female hounding you for shit

 

[MrBee]

get sole custody of your son and bizzounce...If she fights custody, bounce anyway, if she's as lazy as you "say", she wont wanna deal with shorty 24/7 anyway...and you'll wind up with lil man that way...

Best of luck, and way to go trying to do the right thing Bruh!