Former.
But, I'm going to say this:
I awoke to the bare naked truth that my continued interest in basketball was based on the fact that I never got over failing miserably at my goal of making it to the NBA.
Miserably, cranrab.
But, after I decided I was done with basketball, and went to bed, apparently my subconscious went to work.
Do you know what it's like to give up everything to strive for something, only to realize in hindsight your efforts weren't even remotely sufficient? Some people simply dream. Anyone can do that, though. Almost my entire four years of high school were devoted solely to the pursuit of my goal. I worked very hard, but no one told me shooting around in random spots on the court for four to six hours every day wasn't a real work-out. Sure, I got better, but better at what? I tried out for a college basketball team that most will never hear of unless they're from the region of South Carolina I'm from, and I was ran off the court. Not by the members of the team, but by the guys that were trying out just like me. Only one of the guys that tried out made the team.
All the work I had done was completely and utterly meaningless. I could have focused more on my school work, if that was going to be the end result.
Kobe Bryant will never be as great as Michael Jordan. However, like Kobe Bryant, I studied Michael Jordan. I studied him like my life depended on it. I figured, 'If he's the best, then THAT'S the guy I need to emulate!' So I did. I've always demanded the absolute best from myself. Michael Jordan was the best to me, so I needed to be better than Michael Jordan. Repeat: I NEEDED to be better than Michael Jordan.
Cranrab, some of the people in this world are wired in a way that, if they do not achieve their goals, they'd rather be dead. What's the point in living if they can't live the life they crave? I'm one of those people. I wanted to be the best basketball player that ever lived, and I wanted to be rich. Needless to say, I'll never know what it's like to be the former.
So, YES...KOBE WILL NEVER BE MICHAEL JORDAN! YES, KOBE IS OVERRATED! BUT KOBE BRYANT STUDIED MICHAEL JORDAN JUST LIKE I DID! HE HAD A WORK ETHIC JUST LIKE I DID! BUT LOOK WHERE IT GOT HIM, CRANRAB! IT GOT HIM TOP WHERE PEOPLE LIKE YOU CAN SIT AROUND AND POINT OUT HOW HOPELESSLY OVERRATED HE IS! IT GOT HIM TO WHERE PEOPLE LIKE MYSELF WHO COULDN'T ACHIEVE WHAT HE ACHIEVED CAN LIVE VICARIOUSLY THROUGH HIS QUEST TO BE THE BEST! THE DUDE YOU CONSIDER 'SUPREMELY OVERRATED' HAS LASTED FIFTEEN SEASONS IN THE NBA AND WON FIVE NBA CHAMPIONSHIP RINGS! I HAD TO SIT BACK FOR FIFTEEN YEARS OF MY LIFE AND WATCH THIS GUY SQUANDER A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY TO DO WHAT I WANTED MORE THAN ANYTHING TO DO! I WAS A FUCKING VIRGIN UP UNTIL THE AGE OF 22 BECAUSE BECAUSE I THOUGHT WOMEN WOULD BE A DISTRACTION! I FORSOOK MY EDUCATION BECAUSE I JUST KNEW I'D MAKE IT TO THE NBA IF I WORKED HARD ENOUGH!! YET, I DIDN'T HATE ON HIM FOR THAT SHIT! I HUMBLED MYSELF AND WATCHED FROM THE SIDELINES WHILE SOME SPOILED, PSYCHOTIC SON OF A FORMER NBA PLAYER DO SOMETHING I STILL WANT TO DO, AND CAN'T EVEN FORCE MYSELF TO NOT WANT TO DO IT!
SO WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM??????
