Nothing To SAY!!!!!
- Thread starter HoneyDip
- Start date
What kind of problems? Maybe he doesn't think anything is wrong.
i'm gonna hafta agree. . . . women, in general, tend to over analyze things and situations.
Resurgence of the Soul Sample
YEP
THE SHIT THAT BOTHERS WOMEN
ESPECIALLY YOUNG WOMEN IS USUALLY NOT EVEN ON THE RADAR FOR THE MALE.
I have to agree as well and sometimes we may say we know just to appease you when we are clueless as hell to what you're really mad about. Some women make things more complicated than they need to be and are totaly oblivious to the more simple rational.
well at least for me the problem isnt in my head... he knows what the problem is and it just seems like he doesnt care anymore... its not like it just happened overnight
thats the way it always is. May not seem to be that big a deal to us but it sits on yall's minds and grows. Then yall come to us like the world about to end. 
Women 
well at least for me the problem isnt in my head... he knows what the problem is and it just seems like he doesnt care anymore... its not like it just happened overnight
I've heard this so many times.Are you sure? Have you told him specifically what the problem is or are you assuming he should already know? You have to communicate with him. You know how slow we are.
I have to agree with the fellas on this one. Often stuff that seems just trivial to men is seen as huge to women. Why that is, I will never know.
Cause women are driven by emotions.
I admitt i do wait til its been on my mind awhile but still...
Are you sure? Have you told him specifically what the problem is or are you assuming he should already know? You have to communicate with him. You know how slow we are.
I come out and tell him what the problem is but he still seems to never have anything to say or act like he doesnt care. we broke up not too long ago because of his emotionless reactions to our problems...
Your right.... Well at least in my case
well at least for me the problem isnt in my head... he knows what the problem is and it just seems like he doesnt care anymore... its not like it just happened overnight
HD sis how have you gone about communicating regarding the issue? Have your attempts to confront said issue been met with comprehension? If you are getting the vibe that he doesn't seem to care then perhaps he doesn't. Only open communication can get things moving forward hun. Like some of the gentlemen said perhaps what you may have assumed he knows he doesn't. It is a possibility. You have to find a way to get the lines of communication flowing. Without it there is nothing there.
Peace n Love
Why do you expect him to change? If thats the problem he may resent that you want him to be something else. He may be confused about why you are with him if you don't like him for what he is.
I try to just sit down and talk with him but that doesnt seem to work. then i get mad and that sure doesnt work either. i'm tired of trying to make things right by myself. i dont know any other way to communicate with him.
I expect him to change because he is so use to being alone that i need him to realize that he is no longer alone. he no longer has to shut people out of his life but that seems to be all he knows. hes stuck in his ways and i dont think its healthy. he already pushed me away but it seems like we're gonna get to the point where we dont speak at all
What did he say when you told him that?
NOTHING!!! THATS MY BIGGEST PROBLEM WIT HIM. I GUESS ITS JUST TIME FOR ME TO GIVE UP
Sis a man will not change because one wants them to, my perception of this situation is based on a one sided view..I think that you need to let this love go. Why? It seems that if he is pushing you away then maybe he's not ready. Sis there is a severe lack of communication between you and with out it like I said there is nothing there.
Damn I can't call it babygirl.
SOUNDS LIKE HE IS JUST WAITING FOR YOU TO GET TIRED AND BOUNCE.
SORRY TO SAY BUT......THATS SOME SHIT YOUNG CATS DO.
THEN HE CAN ALWAYS SAY YOU LEFT HIM AND
HE HAS NO REASON TO FEEL GUILTY OR TO RETURN.
SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE IN TIS ONE ALONE
THATS JUST MY OBSERVATION BASED ON THE LIMITED INFO YOU HAVE GIVEN
cuz its not him with the problem soo how can he fix a problem that YOU hav if he does open his mouth does it usually turn into an argument cuz u didnt like wut he said
how can he change for the better when u not making the situation ne better by bickering
do YOU take into consideration that changes he wants from you or is the whole issue one sided/hypocritical
how does threatening to leave (after u hav already seaperated once) make him wanna devote his heart to you
if you truly want this mans heart shut up and prove it w/o a bunch of lipservice that wont help the situation
how can he change for the better when u not making the situation ne better by bickering
do YOU take into consideration that changes he wants from you or is the whole issue one sided/hypocritical
how does threatening to leave (after u hav already seaperated once) make him wanna devote his heart to you
if you truly want this mans heart shut up and prove it w/o a bunch of lipservice that wont help the situation
I guess i already knew it was time to let it go but just dont want to... it seems like i have to give up hope on us gettin back together. i guess we'll just stay friends... however that works out
Your right.... Well at least in my case
And there you have it...check and mate!
To just add for your own knowledge in the future:
Few things are as simple as WE would like them to be. THE ABILITY TO REASON DECREASES AS EMOTIONS INCREASE. THEREFORE, THE MORE INFLAMED WE BECOME, THE LESS ABLE WE ARE TO THINK CLEARLY.
I changed plenty of things about myself for him. I still continue to change. I dont wanna bicker but i'm not keepin my mouth shut about shit! Thats not healthy.
communication is key. thing is though is do your recognize the changes that he has made (if he has at all) or do u jus bicker. men hate repetition and will shut down if he keeps hearin the same ole same ole all the time w/o sum sort of acknowledgment of the efforts he is making.
jus cuz u think u r doin everything correctly doesnt mean he thinks the same. there is 3 sides to every story his/hers/fact.
dont think u can ever change sum1 who is not yourself cuz you set yourself up for major disappointment. if u r truly tired of it speak up and let him kno either fix the problem or you are gone (and mean it). why do women get with niggaz whom they hav issues with then think they can change em
btw neva change for sum1 else change cuz u want to change
Its hard to try to figure out what going on between you guys without hearing both sides of the story. I was also under the impression you guys had broken up and gotten back together. I don't know why you are sweating this so much and you guys are only friends. At any rate I gotta co sign Spicykjun about changing for someone else. Shouldn't have to do that to keep someone.
Here is a real honest opinion (from a male perspective)
Sometimes when a women has grown exasperated and upset, her approach at communicating the issue can be a bit abrassive and overwhelming for a male to accept.
If this isn't the case and he has nothing but, disregard for what you have to say; he probably doesn't care too much to even listen to what you have to say.
True, women tend to be a bit emotional but, it is understood that it is a womans nature to play on her emotions. If this something you want to keep, and you feel like it's worth maintaining try a different approach, if not just move on and save yourself the energy and headaches.
There is always someone else that will give you the attention you need and that will listen
Sometimes when a women has grown exasperated and upset, her approach at communicating the issue can be a bit abrassive and overwhelming for a male to accept.
If this isn't the case and he has nothing but, disregard for what you have to say; he probably doesn't care too much to even listen to what you have to say.
True, women tend to be a bit emotional but, it is understood that it is a womans nature to play on her emotions. If this something you want to keep, and you feel like it's worth maintaining try a different approach, if not just move on and save yourself the energy and headaches.
There is always someone else that will give you the attention you need and that will listen
I think the reason men don't have much to say when you guys come to us with a issue is that we think like damn I put up with a lot of shit you don't do the way I want it done now why are you gonna come trip on me. Two grown adults are never ever gonna change so you gotta make that list "the what I like and what I don't" and whatever side is the heaviest wins. Finally not wanting to have a oprah moment every day does not mean we don't love ya
Maybe he's just not that into you anymore.
HoneyDip said:
...and therein lies the fatal flaw. Instead of accepting him for who his is you want him to change and have become frustrated because he hasn't. Then you expect him to have some commentary on a problem that really only exists in your world.
Men unlike women are not emotional "open books", what we think and feel undergoes a strenuous internal process that is completely different from how women handle things.
What may not seem healthy to you is completely the norm in our world as it is an ingrained trait. Moreover, being stuck in his ways and shutting people out just shows that this dude is an independent thinker and does not allow his actions to be swayed by outside (and often detrimental) influences, where is the problem in that?
By making this an issue all you've really accomplished is making it that much more difficult for him to share with you as opposed to accepting his quirk and letting him come to you on his terms.
You should not have "changed" for him and you should not expect him to change for you.
Anytime a person does not change by their own choice they will ultimately revert back to their natural state.
Good Luck and Peace
Blu
Stop expecting him to change. He will change when he has enough reason to. He has to already have been changing. Focus more on the changes that he has gone through. Start focusing on the good stuff about him. Don't forget to show appreciation for the little things. When there is something you think he could have done that may need doing, don't be quick to start talking about it and fussing about him not doing it. It could be the farthest thing from his mind and it didn't bother him the way it was. Just nicely ask him if he could do it for you. Just keep doing that. Nicely ask him to do things instead of fussing about him not doing it on his own. Give him space to do his thing and don't go changing everything he does. Like if he put certain things certain place and you don't like it there. Tell him you don't like it there and suggest somewhere he could put it and compromise on it if you have to. If you find that you want help doing something just call him and ask him if he could do this. Don't start fussing about how you did it all and he didn't come to help you.
If you want him to talk and open up to you. Tell him things. Talk to him. Just sit with him and listen sometimes even when he is not saying anything. Just sit there. When you have a problem share it with him. Sometimes tell him stuff and tell him that you don't want him to be judgmental about it, all you want him to do is listen. After he is done listening if you want his opinion then you ask for it. If he gives you his opinion don't fight with him because it doesn't favor you. This will cause him to shutdown. If he is asking questions then answer without getting irritated. If you don't want to answer, this will cause him to shutdown. You can even answer by saying that this is something you would rather not talk about now or something that is still polite.
The only thing you can do is continue to strive to be the best you that you can be. Leave the door of communications open. You will find that you can get things from your partner if you come at it from the perspective that doesn't put him on the defensive or where he is not worried of being attacked with any of the things he discloses.
This is where stuff you fuss about in the pass doesn't need to keep coming up every time. Don't throw idle threats either. Mean what you say and say what you mean. Do not in joke or in anger push the independent woman stuff too much. None of that; get out of my house stuff or leave or You make me hate you now shit or anything that sounds like you want to break up or don't love him anymore. We tend to hold on to some of these things and start preparing our minds for the day when its over.
Read or reread "how to win friends and Influence People" - Dale Carnegie
Not placing blame or anything, but what is your "typical" response when he has a problem with you? Usually women tend to talk and act so rediculous when their emotions are peaking, not realizing that a man cant swallow that pill. If he is anything like me, its not that he doesnt care its more along the lines of "shut the fuck up". I tend not to say anything because if i do the argument seems like it neverending..just my 2cents...peace
Similar threads
