Not your sexual past, but your sexual current.

Duece

Duece

The U is first because I put YOU first.
BGOL Investor
This is a situation in which I wanted to say something but I don't for fear of 2 things.
1. Sounding Stupid
2. Maybe being right.

More so one than two so I want to share this with you all and I'll try to be as direct as I can.

I have a female friend whom I talk to, who lives in Alabama. She likes another dude who lives in Alabama. The thing they have in common is that they are both transplants...she seems to really really like him. He seems to like her too. But somewhere there is a disconnect, either he's shy, preoccupied or not really that much into her. They pretty much talk on the phone allot and they are having sex. Outside of that it's pretty much nothing

On her birthday, she called me, she was in tears crying her eyes out because she basically had no body to take her out on her birthday. I asked about the dude she's liking on and she said he didn't call..This event brought me back to something that happened when they first hooked up which I thought maybe sealed her fate with him. Maybe the 3rd or 4th conversation they had, the dude asks her "What have you been up to" she replies "I got some dick, it was wack". When she told me that she told him that, in my mind I was thinking "ok maybe you should've left that one to yourself".

Just this past week she calls all giggly saying "I did it, I had a threesome".

Next she says "I called him (the dude she's liking on) and told him I had the threesome, to which he replies (according her) "It should been me included in that".
She then goes onto remark "Now I bet he's not going to call me for a week or two just like he did before when I told him about the wack dick"


Ok back to me. Now I'm thinking to myself, ok she's my friend, one day she's crying because dude didn't take her out on her birthday, and then the next day she's telling him about a threesome she had and then she's remarking that he won't talk to her for two weeks and in between all of that she's talking about how much she likes him and how much she wants to be in a serious long term relationship.

Well something doesn't add up. What I want to say is, but for fear of sounding stupid, maybe being right or hurting her feelings is, "Maybe you should should be more discreet about your sex life outside of him, because if you're trying to get this dude to make you his girlfriend, talking about fucking other people is not helping your cause, if anything all it's doing is causing him to downgrade you from potential girlfriend to potential disposable sex partner.


So far I haven't said anything, because she's always been nice to me, but I'm starting to wonder that if her frank openness about her sex life is starting to cause her to destroy her potential relationships before they even get of the ground..

Should I say something
/Also ladies and gents what would you do in this situation. (want to hear both sides)
 
Maybe she dropping hints she fuck and want him to join, she just want him to ask.


Or she could just be oblivious.
 
She definitely needs to be more discreet, unless you have a situation where it has been established that you're both fucking other people you should keep it to yourself. This man is a "man of interest" not a friend to her, she needs to be able to distinguish the two... they are NOT mutually exchangeable at this time and she needs to recognize that.

I think you need to tell her where she is fucking up. And also mention it to her unless dude is straight up dumb, she ruined the chance of there being a potential relationship, she might as well chalk this up as a loss...
 
I C/S this Deuce, but I'd also like to note that you should also ask the question why she keep telling YOU this. I mean I know you are her friend, but she can't be that entirely oblivious. Tell her why she is fucking up, but also keep in the back of your mind that there is a reason why she's allowing you into her sex life as well. I have a similar situation with a friend of mine. Make a long story short, we've been friends for a few yrs now and there's been sexual tension but best friends for the most part. Lets me know about her sex life, etc, etc. When I told her I got a recent job offer for around $80,000, her ass just started dropping me pics of her in my email and shit.

All I'm saying is keep your eyes open Deuce, but definitely tell her where she stands with dude.



Cleopatra_J said:
She definitely needs to be more discreet, unless you have a situation where it has been established that you're both fucking other people you should keep it to yourself. This man is a "man of interest" not a friend to her, she needs to be able to distinguish the two... they are NOT mutually exchangeable at this time and she needs to recognize that.

I think you need to tell her where she is fucking up. And also mention it to her unless dude is straight up dumb, she ruined the chance of there being a potential relationship, she might as well chalk this up as a loss...
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I think you hit it on the nail Deuce ... her ratings are probably going down with him ... you should let her know ASAP before she says anything else ... SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESH lolol
 
Her being open about her sex life is cool. Not everyone is going to have the same view on sex like she does. There is no point in her lying about her sex life because that would be dishonest. Your friend has to understand that everyone will not have the same view on sex like she does. She will have to find someone who also feels the same way.

You should never encourage playing games with peoples heart. If she is having threesomes and not telling the guy she likes about it in order to win his heart she is dead wrong. She is giving a facade and fake persona of who she actually is.
 
OnSlaught said:
I C/S this Deuce, but I'd also like to note that you should also ask the question why she keep telling YOU this. I mean I know you are her friend, but she can't be that entirely oblivious. Tell her why she is fucking up, but also keep in the back of your mind that there is a reason why she's allowing you into her sex life as well. I have a similar situation with a friend of mine. Make a long story short, we've been friends for a few yrs now and there's been sexual tension but best friends for the most part. Lets me know about her sex life, etc, etc. When I told her I got a recent job offer for around $80,000, her ass just started dropping me pics of her in my email and shit.

All I'm saying is keep your eyes open Deuce, but definitely tell her where she stands with dude.
Click to expand...


We're just friends, there is no sexual tension, no flirting, no underline flirting, no trading of naked pics no nothing. She just talks to me because I guess I'm easy to talk to, or she finds it easy to talk to me. She's 35 I'm 25 and we are 600 miles apart, I'm pretty sure nothing will come of this.
 
OnSlaught said:
I C/S this Deuce, but I'd also like to note that you should also ask the question why she keep telling YOU this. I mean I know you are her friend, but she can't be that entirely oblivious. Tell her why she is fucking up, but also keep in the back of your mind that there is a reason why she's allowing you into her sex life as well. I have a similar situation with a friend of mine. Make a long story short, we've been friends for a few yrs now and there's been sexual tension but best friends for the most part. Lets me know about her sex life, etc, etc. When I told her I got a recent job offer for around $80,000, her ass just started dropping me pics of her in my email and shit.

All I'm saying is keep your eyes open Deuce, but definitely tell her where she stands with dude.
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Wow,not surprised.:smh:
 
You know me. You know I come with that other side of the coin in a minute.

My analysis is...ol girl ain't fucking nothing. :smh:

She saying all that shit on some little girl shit to make ol' boy jealous. I see it in a lot of women (ladies I do) that sometimes they will come with the most outlandish shit they can just to make a guy want to make them "The One".

So what dude is supposed to be thinking at this point is "Damn I got a freak on my hands but she ain't including me in the freak shit." and he is supposed to get in line on his desire for her. Notice that this came AFTER he didn't even remember her birthday.

As SS calls it she is waiving the "snapback" in his face just to see if he bite. And she probably telling you to see if this is a good idea or not. :yes:

I would let her know that dude may not be feeling her (or her games) if she keep playing with him. I wouldn't confront her though but I would just kindly tell her that men like a little less sexual woman in the one they want to be the one. Unless it's with him of course.
 
Cleopatra_J said:
She definitely needs to be more discreet, unless you have a situation where it has been established that you're both fucking other people you should keep it to yourself. This man is a "man of interest" not a friend to her, she needs to be able to distinguish the two... they are NOT mutually exchangeable at this time and she needs to recognize that.

I think you need to tell her where she is fucking up. And also mention it to her unless dude is straight up dumb, she ruined the chance of there being a potential relationship, she might as well chalk this up as a loss...
Click to expand...

LoneStar29 said:
I think you hit it on the nail Deuce ... her ratings are probably going down with him ... you should let her know ASAP before she says anything else ... SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESH lolol
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Deuce, I gotta co-sign the ladies, your friend is definitely being indiscreet. If you're casual/flirting/interested in someone and unless you know which nunnery or monastery someone is residing, it may be safe to assume that he/she may be fucking someone. But you don't need to exclaim your sexual escapades unless all you are looking for is another fuck buddy.
 
I don't think she's leaving any mystery about herself and kind of, "giving it all away too soon." Not to say that a woman can't decide to have sex with a man before they establish exclusivity, but she's definitely giving him a clue into her character, as well as her views about sex. Men like mystery, and, even if you have fucked 50 men :rolleyes: , they don't want to know that...just like you don't want to know how many sexual partners your mate (potential mate) has had. He is probably on the outside looking in wondering, "Damn, does she talk about me like this with other men?"

I think you need to speak with her frankly about it...being a close confidant (as you obviously are), perhaps she'll take heed to what you have to say and re-evaluate how open she is with future potential mates...
 
OnSlaught said:
I C/S this Deuce, but I'd also like to note that you should also ask the question why she keep telling YOU this. I mean I know you are her friend, but she can't be that entirely oblivious. Tell her why she is fucking up, but also keep in the back of your mind that there is a reason why she's allowing you into her sex life as well. I have a similar situation with a friend of mine. Make a long story short, we've been friends for a few yrs now and there's been sexual tension but best friends for the most part. Lets me know about her sex life, etc, etc. When I told her I got a recent job offer for around $80,000, her ass just started dropping me pics of her in my email and shit.

All I'm saying is keep your eyes open Deuce, but definitely tell her where she stands with dude.
Click to expand...

Pretty much ...
 
Ok I talked to her tonight....

I asked her about the dude, she says she hasn't talked to him and pretty much has abandoned the issue.

At that point I start speaking up. I tell her that she's 35 and I remind her that her ideal mate is (according to her) is alteast a man in this 30s and mature.
I then inform her that a mature man that is 30 plus is not gonna enter into a serious long term relationship with a woman he doesn't deem worthy.( I was being nice there because I wanted to say something else)

I tell her that even though she may have enjoyed her threesome its better to keep it and any other dick she gets to herself. She responds "Well I'm just open like that, if men can't take it then they can step". I then tell her "that well 99% of men will step, and step away from the possibility of a relationship".Then I ask her, "Do you want to be an old jump off, or do you want to chill out and try to make something work".

I then tell her, that if she still feels the need to have fuck buddies and maybe a threesome then she needs to drop the idea of a serious longterm relationship and get all of the "freak" out of you.

responds "Ok B" and then we start talking about something else. Personally I think she needs to bust a few more nuts before she thinks about settling down.
 
that was unnecessary, I said my piece, either she'll heed to it, or continue to fail.
 
Duece said:
Ok I talked to her tonight....

I asked her about the dude, she says she hasn't talked to him and pretty much has abandoned the issue.

At that point I start speaking up. I tell her that she's 35 and I remind her that her ideal mate is (according to her) is alteast a man in this 30s and mature.
I then inform her that a mature man that is 30 plus is not gonna enter into a serious long term relationship with a woman he doesn't deem worthy.( I was being nice there because I wanted to say something else)

I tell her that even though she may have enjoyed her threesome its better to keep it and any other dick she gets to herself. She responds "Well I'm just open like that, if men can't take it then they can step". I then tell her "that well 99% of men will step, and step away from the possibility of a relationship".Then I ask her, "Do you want to be an old jump off, or do you want to chill out and try to make something work".

I then tell her, that if she still feels the need to have fuck buddies and maybe a threesome then she needs to drop the idea of a serious longterm relationship and get all of the "freak" out of you.

responds "Ok B" and then we start talking about something else. Personally I think she needs to bust a few more nuts before she thinks about settling down.
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You just dropped down some advice and knowledge that she's going to spend 1000s for later at her psychiatrist. You did what you could, it's up to her to "mature" and realize it herself.
 
Duece, I don't think she's telling you everything. At the age of 35 you would think she would be looking to settle down but it seems to be just the opposite. So I don't believe she's really looking for a meaningful relationship at this time. She's having fun sexually and she's really is not ready to settle down, not just yet.

That "if men can't take it then they can step," attitude will make any sane man step. She's going to find herself always on the prowl and searching with that approach.

As I said before she's having fun sexually. She's in search of that dick that hit all them right spots. An she's doing everyone she can to find it. If that includes threesomes all the better, she gets to judge one dick against the other. She's looking to fill that void in her life. But the void is not between her legs, its between her ears and heart. Be glad your 600 miles apart.
 
Duece said:
that was unnecessary, I said my piece, either she'll heed to it, or continue to fail.
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It was very necessary. I'm sorry but if there was ever a time for a Project Pat song it is this right here.

You told her the truth as you see it. The only thing that flies in the face of logic is ignorance. Remember you heard that here. Right here.

Logically speaking a woman who is sleeping around can have a meaningful relationship. Hell pornstars get married and have families so shit is not impossible. But if you are sleeping around and telling every man you meet that this is what you do and then saying if you can't deal with it then step AND expecting a relationship then...

What do you want me to say? Nah man...keep at it. Tell her again. She need to learn man. She throwing her life away. She gone be used up and hurt and alone when she hit 40. Hell no.

We all grown and we all make choices. Logic and ignorance. Ignorance to me is not "not knowing what's right because of miseducation". Ignorance to me is knowing there is something better and refusing to educate yourself as to what that is.

Logic and ignorance. She is ignorant. Don't save her. She don't want to be saved.
 
Andeyhollawho said:
It was very necessary. I'm sorry but if there was ever a time for a Project Pat song it is this right here.

You told her the truth as you see it. The only thing that flies in the face of logic is ignorance. Remember you heard that here. Right here.

Logically speaking a woman who is sleeping around can have a meaningful relationship. Hell pornstars get married and have families so shit is not impossible. But if you are sleeping around and telling every man you meet that this is what you do and then saying if you can't deal with it then step AND expecting a relationship then...

What do you want me to say? Nah man...keep at it. Tell her again. She need to learn man. She throwing her life away. She gone be used up and hurt and alone when she hit 40. Hell no.

We all grown and we all make choices. Logic and ignorance. Ignorance to me is not "not knowing what's right because of miseducation". Ignorance to me is knowing there is something better and refusing to educate yourself as to what that is.

Logic and ignorance. She is ignorant. Don't save her. She don't want to be saved.
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I think me and you are thinking the same, except for the fact that I consider her a friend and I do care a little bit, I'll be honest and say that, but the same time, I felt that she needs to hear the truth, even if the truth is slanted towards how I think.

If you tell me in August you want to try to settle down and try start a SLR and then you turn around and tell a dude you really like about some recent dick and then you're clueless (or playing clueless) as to why he didn't try to do anything nice for your birthday. Then you tell him again about a threesome. You just self destructed your own shit. That's when I came here and made this topic and then I told her my piece and then I left it alone. Meaning this is not gonna come up again, I'm not gonna be habitually saying "Veronica you got to stop". I'm not TD Jakes this is not Woman thou art Loosed, I'm not here to save you.

But as a friend I'll tell you what you may be doing wrong or if you're subconsciously not ready for what you think you're ready for once and then from there you as a grown woman of almost 36 years can make the decision to say to yourself. "Ok, do I feel like busting nuts or do I feel like putting in some work for something long term and serious."

Maybe I feel I owe her that much because she was one of the people who had an open ear for me after Katrina. But even so, I wont let it lap into simpology. Once again I said my piece and I've moved on from that topic with her. It's on her now.
 
Dude not feelin her no more....she got a lot of
miles on that used car. He probably did not see
the odometer until she pointed it out:smh:
 
She aint trying to settle down bruh, thats all "wordplay" on her part...homeboy knows this and in turn is not taking her seriously...good for him.

This brings up some interesting side questions though:

If(when) you find someone you are genuinly interested in, someone who is "settle-down" material, should you(a person) "tone down" or "eliminate" your current sexual extra-curriculars?

AND

If you feel it unecessary to "tone down" or "elimanate" your current sexual extra-curriculars should you then be upfront with your current person of interest or hide it in hopes to "land"/"keep" this person?

I think homeboy is lucky. At least she let him know upfront what kind of person she is(sexually) and because of this he is able to make an informed decision as to if he wants to be involved. Better this than to find out years down the road that the woman he's engaged to was involved in several menages other high risk activities the whole time they were courting.
 
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