Here are some of the nasty things about your sign that your astrologist won't tell you. Read it, its funny....
This is supposed to be the bad side of your sign....
Aries
They have a fiery temper and are impatient and blunt. They think there are only two way to do anything - their way and the wrong way. They have no real friends. A meaningful relationship to them is a one night stand. They are vain and big headed and over confident. They think life is a game of chess and they play win and make you lose. They are unbelievably competitive and will turn anything into a bet, contest, competition, or gamble. The Aries falls in love at the drop of a hat, or pants. They think their hearts are in there pants and to make them love you, sleep with them. They don't believe anyone could stop loving them. They would sleep with anything given the chance. They think of someone else while they are with you. If it involves pain, humiliation, and degradation, that is the type of sex they like. They use the office as a place for seduction, corruption, or sleep. If they get rich, they will still buy you cheap gifts.
Taurus
They like to pretend they know a lot of things but they don't. Don't cross them because they sleep with shotguns, daggers, and lose there temper fast. They think everyone is out to rob them. They like to use foul language and wont shut up when talking. Taurus are more likely to be rich thats why they think we want to steal from them. When they fall in love, you better hope it isnt you. They will suffocate you, smother you, lock you away. They think having lots of kids will avoid them being dumped. Sex with them is exaggerated, theatrical, and over in a second. They like no nonsense sex, to be over quickly, nothing kinky.
Gemini
Life is like a game for them. They'll steal, lie, and cheat, as long as they are on top. They'd sell their granny if they can make money on her. They like to talk about themselves b/c they suffer from split personalities so there is two of them to bore you. They think all the bad things they did make them more attractive, charming, and alluring. They are shallow devils who only care about turning a buck, making money. When they fall in love, everyone has to hear all the details, they can't keep it to themselves. When they get dumped, they act as if the world is over. Sex with them is old fashioned, boring, prudish. They are usually dumped because they are bad in bed. Any type of selling is a good job for them but don't employ one, they will steal the office furniture and sell that too.
Cancer
They have no life of their own so they like to hear about everyone else's. They have no style, they are gullible, and they are destined to be fat no matter what they eat. They are self pitying, emotional, limp rags. They are unstable, borderline barking mad. They spy on people, smother, never take risks, agoraphobic, gossipy, and have no sense of reality. They like to keep their dirty sexual likes secret until you are with them and they expect you to perform some deviant sex act. But once they have their fill, they will ignore you or do anything to avoid sex with you. Bizarre creatures. They can earn a lot of money but they will spend it all on themselves. The often inherit wealth or marry rich.
Leo
Ego first, second, and last. They are so full of themselves that they often acquire a loyal following. They are conceited, opinionated, and bossy. They don't pay attention to detail, wear yesterdays fashion, have messy hair. Their teeth are often yellow from smoking too much and drinking too much coffee. They are destined to be hurt in love, torn apart. If they could shut up for five minutes, they might keep a lover. They fall for unsuitable people. Too tall, too short, too old, too young, already married, cripples, wrong gender, wrong planet. They seek the white knight in shining armor to save them from they current wrong love affair. Their idea of good sex is you worshipping them, servicing them, satisfying them, and performing for them. They don't care about you because they are too busy looking at their own performance. They have no staying power, no ideas, and no money.
Virgo
They are picky, sharp tempered, and boring. They are neat freaks. They have no real personality. They are picky control freaks, everything has to be unnaturally neat. Their idea of fun is one glass of wine with friends -- 4 friends, always has to be neat and orderly. They are fussy, hypercritical, hypochondriacs. You have to reassure them in love, constantly tell them you love them. They sickly sweet and that is a Virgo in love. They like to feed there lover and put the toothpaste on the toothbrush for them. They like to treat them like a child. Sex with them is quick, clean, and normal. If you like anything fun, exciting, you are not getting it with them. They like to think of it as healthy. So no smoking a cigarrette after. You'll never be surprised with one because everything is a routine with them, same thing everyday.
Libra
They are wishy washy, indecisive, and have no grip on reality. They are very flirtatious and think love is sex and vice versa. They do most of there thinking below the belt. They have no original ideas, instead they steal them from others. They try to convince everyone that what they say is true. They are the most self centered, egotistical, narcissistic, and arrogant of all the signs. They spend too much time looking in mirrors. They think everyone is jealous of them. They attract, shallow people and always have the best looking dumby on there arm. They have ethics of a rat and morals of a snake. They think sex is the answer to life's problems. They think about there next sexual act when they are with you. In bed, they are really good, they will tell you so over and over. They are poor workers, wanting to do nothing other than sleep with business partners.
Scorpio
They are disruptive and cruel, and they like it like that. They go out there way to irritate everyone around them and are very argumentative. There emotions are so powerful, it will tear us apart. They are a magnet of weak and unstable people and they love to control them. They hate routine and go out of there way for unconventional ways. They steal, kill, and plot with a smile. They dress very well and are always polished. They like to inflict pain on helpless creatures, which means the rest of us. They will commit every sexual taboo their is and invent a few. To fall in love you need a heart, unfortunately they have a lump ice there. If you fall for them, they will dominate, control, and possess you. If you like slave-master relationships, this is perfect. If you are going to sleep with one, make sure you have endurance and stamina. They have super human strength and like to have sex for long hours. They like nasty, sadistic, kinky sex. They are jealous lovers so don't be unfaithful. They seek revenge in blood and pain. If they have a career, they do best in one that has many secrets, like government researcher.
Sagittarius
They are status seeking snobs who secretly really care what others think of them. They don't have much of a personality and they think they have some sort of hidden talent -- dancer, singer, artist but they are talentless. There are two types of Sagittarius, the depressed hermit, or the know it all type. They like to think they are center of attention but they blend nicely with wallpaper. When they fall in love, its with people who cater to them and there fake egos. They never show affection, emotions, or feelings with there partner and they lose them. They are often skinny and they like fat partners, yup they love the big'uns. When you get them into bed, they are hopeless lovers. They like the thought more than the act. In business, they call in sick so often, the employer forgets they work there. They have hard times finding jobs because they flunk so much in school.
Capricorn
They are old fashioned, stuck in another era, another time warp. They are boring, tight fisted, and mean. They have no true emotions and no sex life. They are predatory and mean. They like to make money, and then some more, and just a little bit more just in case. They aren't people oriented, they are distant, aloof, and disapproving. They are very serious and like serious discussions. They lie awake at night thinking of all the things that could go wrong like stock market crashing. Them in love is like watching tv, a boring program at that. They like to drink tea, and wear slippers with there lover. They do let down there hair in the bedroom though. They don't initiate things but once you get the ball rolling, you will be surprised at there stamina. They don't have finesse but they have staying power. At work they are serious and always on time. They are not the smartest crayon but they will try. They always think of more ways to get money.
Aquarius
They are lazy and indulgent, always sponging off of someone. You never see them do work but they always have money. The most stubborn sign of all. They never back down or compromise. They are ruthless fanatics and are often insane. They don't answer when you speak to them, wrapped up in there own dreams and plans. They eat and sleep to a different pattern that the rest of us. They don't keep normal hours. If you fall in love with one, be ready to be lectured, patronized, and talked down to. Sex with them is like being examined, researched, and dissected. They are spontaneous, exciting, and always educational during sex. You might end up having sex on a trampoline or inside the library. They never understand 'feelings' or 'emotions'. They do remain faithful although they are not ones to say I love you. They don't get to work on time and if it has nothing to do with chemicals, spiders, and such, they have no interest.
Pisces
They have vivid imagination and often suffer from conspiracy delusions of being followed. They like people to think of them as a lot deeper than they are. They have no real interest, its just an excuse to get people to take there clothes off. There emotions are honed to a point of rawness the rest of us couldn't live with. They hold grudges forever, always suspecting there partner is having an affair. They will drive there lover to adultery just to prove they were right. They'll check garbage, phone bills, and spy on you. They are scuffy little devils with a odd sense of personal hygiene, check there teeth. They are careless about everything. They are messy, unorganized, and selfish. They are indecisive so they don't get rid of lovers. If they get ditched, then they like to show off there emotional side but they don't really care. Having one for a lover leaves you feeling worthless and dirty. Pisces don't need sex, they need power. They like you naked and want you to feel vulnerable so they are in control. They get more people naked than any other sign. They use any tactic, massages, aromatherapy, artistic photos, they might even say they will do your astrology chart, as long as you are naked for it. They are very secretive about there affairs expecting you to tell all your fantasies, and past lovers while they reveal nothing. Knowledge is power to them so if they give you nothing, you have no power over them. They are lax in personal habits, you can't trust them with a bar of soap. So going to bed with one is a gamble, they may have showered, but then again, they may have not. They like to lure people in for weird 3somes, partner swapping, and 10 in a hot tub gathering. They don't do business or jobs really. They will work at a job where people easily take there clothes off, like doctor, nurse, hypnotist.
______________
Your Resident Phone Madame!
This is supposed to be the bad side of your sign....
Aries
They have a fiery temper and are impatient and blunt. They think there are only two way to do anything - their way and the wrong way. They have no real friends. A meaningful relationship to them is a one night stand. They are vain and big headed and over confident. They think life is a game of chess and they play win and make you lose. They are unbelievably competitive and will turn anything into a bet, contest, competition, or gamble. The Aries falls in love at the drop of a hat, or pants. They think their hearts are in there pants and to make them love you, sleep with them. They don't believe anyone could stop loving them. They would sleep with anything given the chance. They think of someone else while they are with you. If it involves pain, humiliation, and degradation, that is the type of sex they like. They use the office as a place for seduction, corruption, or sleep. If they get rich, they will still buy you cheap gifts.
Taurus
They like to pretend they know a lot of things but they don't. Don't cross them because they sleep with shotguns, daggers, and lose there temper fast. They think everyone is out to rob them. They like to use foul language and wont shut up when talking. Taurus are more likely to be rich thats why they think we want to steal from them. When they fall in love, you better hope it isnt you. They will suffocate you, smother you, lock you away. They think having lots of kids will avoid them being dumped. Sex with them is exaggerated, theatrical, and over in a second. They like no nonsense sex, to be over quickly, nothing kinky.
Gemini
Life is like a game for them. They'll steal, lie, and cheat, as long as they are on top. They'd sell their granny if they can make money on her. They like to talk about themselves b/c they suffer from split personalities so there is two of them to bore you. They think all the bad things they did make them more attractive, charming, and alluring. They are shallow devils who only care about turning a buck, making money. When they fall in love, everyone has to hear all the details, they can't keep it to themselves. When they get dumped, they act as if the world is over. Sex with them is old fashioned, boring, prudish. They are usually dumped because they are bad in bed. Any type of selling is a good job for them but don't employ one, they will steal the office furniture and sell that too.
Cancer
They have no life of their own so they like to hear about everyone else's. They have no style, they are gullible, and they are destined to be fat no matter what they eat. They are self pitying, emotional, limp rags. They are unstable, borderline barking mad. They spy on people, smother, never take risks, agoraphobic, gossipy, and have no sense of reality. They like to keep their dirty sexual likes secret until you are with them and they expect you to perform some deviant sex act. But once they have their fill, they will ignore you or do anything to avoid sex with you. Bizarre creatures. They can earn a lot of money but they will spend it all on themselves. The often inherit wealth or marry rich.
Leo
Ego first, second, and last. They are so full of themselves that they often acquire a loyal following. They are conceited, opinionated, and bossy. They don't pay attention to detail, wear yesterdays fashion, have messy hair. Their teeth are often yellow from smoking too much and drinking too much coffee. They are destined to be hurt in love, torn apart. If they could shut up for five minutes, they might keep a lover. They fall for unsuitable people. Too tall, too short, too old, too young, already married, cripples, wrong gender, wrong planet. They seek the white knight in shining armor to save them from they current wrong love affair. Their idea of good sex is you worshipping them, servicing them, satisfying them, and performing for them. They don't care about you because they are too busy looking at their own performance. They have no staying power, no ideas, and no money.
Virgo
They are picky, sharp tempered, and boring. They are neat freaks. They have no real personality. They are picky control freaks, everything has to be unnaturally neat. Their idea of fun is one glass of wine with friends -- 4 friends, always has to be neat and orderly. They are fussy, hypercritical, hypochondriacs. You have to reassure them in love, constantly tell them you love them. They sickly sweet and that is a Virgo in love. They like to feed there lover and put the toothpaste on the toothbrush for them. They like to treat them like a child. Sex with them is quick, clean, and normal. If you like anything fun, exciting, you are not getting it with them. They like to think of it as healthy. So no smoking a cigarrette after. You'll never be surprised with one because everything is a routine with them, same thing everyday.
Libra
They are wishy washy, indecisive, and have no grip on reality. They are very flirtatious and think love is sex and vice versa. They do most of there thinking below the belt. They have no original ideas, instead they steal them from others. They try to convince everyone that what they say is true. They are the most self centered, egotistical, narcissistic, and arrogant of all the signs. They spend too much time looking in mirrors. They think everyone is jealous of them. They attract, shallow people and always have the best looking dumby on there arm. They have ethics of a rat and morals of a snake. They think sex is the answer to life's problems. They think about there next sexual act when they are with you. In bed, they are really good, they will tell you so over and over. They are poor workers, wanting to do nothing other than sleep with business partners.
Scorpio
They are disruptive and cruel, and they like it like that. They go out there way to irritate everyone around them and are very argumentative. There emotions are so powerful, it will tear us apart. They are a magnet of weak and unstable people and they love to control them. They hate routine and go out of there way for unconventional ways. They steal, kill, and plot with a smile. They dress very well and are always polished. They like to inflict pain on helpless creatures, which means the rest of us. They will commit every sexual taboo their is and invent a few. To fall in love you need a heart, unfortunately they have a lump ice there. If you fall for them, they will dominate, control, and possess you. If you like slave-master relationships, this is perfect. If you are going to sleep with one, make sure you have endurance and stamina. They have super human strength and like to have sex for long hours. They like nasty, sadistic, kinky sex. They are jealous lovers so don't be unfaithful. They seek revenge in blood and pain. If they have a career, they do best in one that has many secrets, like government researcher.
Sagittarius
They are status seeking snobs who secretly really care what others think of them. They don't have much of a personality and they think they have some sort of hidden talent -- dancer, singer, artist but they are talentless. There are two types of Sagittarius, the depressed hermit, or the know it all type. They like to think they are center of attention but they blend nicely with wallpaper. When they fall in love, its with people who cater to them and there fake egos. They never show affection, emotions, or feelings with there partner and they lose them. They are often skinny and they like fat partners, yup they love the big'uns. When you get them into bed, they are hopeless lovers. They like the thought more than the act. In business, they call in sick so often, the employer forgets they work there. They have hard times finding jobs because they flunk so much in school.
Capricorn
They are old fashioned, stuck in another era, another time warp. They are boring, tight fisted, and mean. They have no true emotions and no sex life. They are predatory and mean. They like to make money, and then some more, and just a little bit more just in case. They aren't people oriented, they are distant, aloof, and disapproving. They are very serious and like serious discussions. They lie awake at night thinking of all the things that could go wrong like stock market crashing. Them in love is like watching tv, a boring program at that. They like to drink tea, and wear slippers with there lover. They do let down there hair in the bedroom though. They don't initiate things but once you get the ball rolling, you will be surprised at there stamina. They don't have finesse but they have staying power. At work they are serious and always on time. They are not the smartest crayon but they will try. They always think of more ways to get money.
Aquarius
They are lazy and indulgent, always sponging off of someone. You never see them do work but they always have money. The most stubborn sign of all. They never back down or compromise. They are ruthless fanatics and are often insane. They don't answer when you speak to them, wrapped up in there own dreams and plans. They eat and sleep to a different pattern that the rest of us. They don't keep normal hours. If you fall in love with one, be ready to be lectured, patronized, and talked down to. Sex with them is like being examined, researched, and dissected. They are spontaneous, exciting, and always educational during sex. You might end up having sex on a trampoline or inside the library. They never understand 'feelings' or 'emotions'. They do remain faithful although they are not ones to say I love you. They don't get to work on time and if it has nothing to do with chemicals, spiders, and such, they have no interest.
Pisces
They have vivid imagination and often suffer from conspiracy delusions of being followed. They like people to think of them as a lot deeper than they are. They have no real interest, its just an excuse to get people to take there clothes off. There emotions are honed to a point of rawness the rest of us couldn't live with. They hold grudges forever, always suspecting there partner is having an affair. They will drive there lover to adultery just to prove they were right. They'll check garbage, phone bills, and spy on you. They are scuffy little devils with a odd sense of personal hygiene, check there teeth. They are careless about everything. They are messy, unorganized, and selfish. They are indecisive so they don't get rid of lovers. If they get ditched, then they like to show off there emotional side but they don't really care. Having one for a lover leaves you feeling worthless and dirty. Pisces don't need sex, they need power. They like you naked and want you to feel vulnerable so they are in control. They get more people naked than any other sign. They use any tactic, massages, aromatherapy, artistic photos, they might even say they will do your astrology chart, as long as you are naked for it. They are very secretive about there affairs expecting you to tell all your fantasies, and past lovers while they reveal nothing. Knowledge is power to them so if they give you nothing, you have no power over them. They are lax in personal habits, you can't trust them with a bar of soap. So going to bed with one is a gamble, they may have showered, but then again, they may have not. They like to lure people in for weird 3somes, partner swapping, and 10 in a hot tub gathering. They don't do business or jobs really. They will work at a job where people easily take there clothes off, like doctor, nurse, hypnotist.
______________
Your Resident Phone Madame!
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....I hate this shit...whomever the idiot is that came up wit....I do think knowledge is power and I do want sexual power over my lover and her girlfriends....BUT THE REST OF THIS IS A LOAD OF HORSESHIT!!!!....3somes? Alright...listen...I do not want anyone thinking that I want to see people naked.....I do not...I want to see WOMEN naked...but not people. So that right there is a problem.
