Men of SOL: Please Explain

[bigirl]

Why do yall play so many games? Why is it so difficult for yall to say what you mean and mean what you say? I just don't get it.

I ask this as I am still reeling from the call from the ex 2 days ago.

HE is the one who broke it off with me. HE is the one who would say all kinds of horrible shit to me just to piss me off(he finally admitted it).

So he invents a reason to call me, this lets me know he misses me (I see right thru it). Then starts talking about "2 people who loved each other so much" and do I remember this and that. Then talking about I the first one he gonna call when he hits NY. WTF? I said please don't. Then when we hung up I wept for over 2 hours and it has had me all fucked up since.

So more specifically why do you guys try so hard to drive away what you want and/or have such a damn difficult time just admitting it? Why you gotta cause so much pain for other people with your bullshit?

 

[Blu Diablo]

Game playing and not saying what you mean and meaning what you say as a generalization goes both way.

That being said most dudes primary focus is on getting ass and once that happens or does not happen they may not have seen beyond that point to worry about the next level.

Just as most women have a primary focus on being in a relationship (as opposed to casual sexing), these focal points differ and usually cause confusion or disappointment in the other person.

Dude is 2 years from your past, reflect on who you were then and how you've grown now and decide what you wanna do but there's no productivity in being vexed over his actions from two years ago.


Peace

 

[bigirl]

I do what I say, you say what I do.


AIN'T NOBODY GONNA GIVE YOU THE GUIDEBOOK!!!!!

WE AIN'T BETRAYING THE TRUST.

NEXT NINJA SAY SHIT . . . SAY SHIT . . . !!!

WILL BE SEEING THIS NINJA . . . . !

Thats real fucked up Shane

 

[thetipisthick]

People who really love one another don't play these games He just seems to like manipulating you. Don't waste your time or tears over him.

 

[shanebp1978]

I do what I say, you say what I do.


AIN'T NOBODY GONNA GIVE YOU THE GUIDEBOOK!!!!!

WE AIN'T BETRAYING THE TRUST.

NEXT NINJA SAY SHIT . . . SAY SHIT . . . !!!

WILL BE SEEING THIS NINJA . . . . !

 

[geechiedan]

here's a hard question:

if you know he's full of shit then why do you feed into it?

don't take his phone calls..stop allowing him to have your time..

People play games to see just how much they can affect a person. To see how much check they have. If he broke up with you then its done. All that back and forth shows one of two things:

• either he doesn't know what he wants which makes him wishy washy
• he's playing mind games for whatever reason

either way YOU have to get on with your life..and do you REALLY want to be with person whos like this...cuz its not going to get any better with him..

 

[bigirl]

Dude is 2 years from your past, reflect on who you were then and how you've grown now and decide what you wanna do but there's no productivity in being vexed over his actions from two years ago.


Peace

Hes not 2 years from the past but a few months from the past and I am vex not from his past actions but because he won't leave me alone. If you want to let me go then let me the fuck go. Don't keep inventing reasons to call and shit. Let me go thru my process. How the fuck I supposed to heal and move on if you keep calling and sending lil messages thru friends?

 

[shanebp1978]

Thats real fucked up Shane

Sorry. That was my mistake, I hit EDIT, when I meant to hit QUOTE and reply.

I changed it back.

Apologizes.

 

[bigirl]

here's a hard question:

if you know he's full of shit then why do you feed into it?

don't take his phone calls..stop allowing him to have your time..

People play games to see just how much they can affect a person. To see how much check they have. If he broke up with you then its done. All that back and forth shows one of two things:

• either he doesn't know what he wants which makes him wishy washy
• he's playing mind games for whatever reason

either way YOU have to get on with your life..and do you REALLY want to be with person whos like this...cuz its not going to get any better with him..

What I don't understand is why people gotta play games like that.

With him, I think its a combination of both things. BTW he is a scorpio

 

[Izayoi]

Bi

I'm not a man, but I can say that I've learned people do the best with what the have, and sometimes that ain't much. An emotionally corrupt and shallow motherfucka gives little because he is "little". Your question implies that somehow everyone is of the same capacity to be big and make wiser choices but some people simply are not and your actions can not inspire a dramatic growth spurt. Once I understood that it took away a lot of anger, and I could feel a distant compassion for a man or woman that has yet to develop and grow enough spiritually to not sabotage, to appreciate, and most of all mirror good things in a relationship. As long as you are angry, he still has you.

My best to you, bi.

 

[Damian Stone]

So more specifically why do you guys try so hard to drive away what you want and/or have such a damn difficult time just admitting it?

You know what, truth is, I did that before and after I drove her away I realized I messed up and regretted it. Looking back at it now I think that we were talking a lot but not really communicating to each other. I misunderstood her and she did not get me at all.
So there is no real reasons, just bad connections.

 

[Robeson]

It's not a guy thing, Bi. People do fucked up shit for all kinds of reasons. True, we men are focused on the ass (especially younger brothers, as you age pussy- while still to be savored- is not the primary focus of your life), but you should have known that since you were 12 (i HOPE somebody told you a hard dick will say anything; we just can't help it). Taking that into consideration, he is probably just an asshole, and as Izzy said that's all he can be. It didn't work out, move on. That's life. Now, he want to start some harrassing shit and gettin crazy, then either deal with his silly ass or get some help to do so (I have been called a simp by some- who shall remain nameless- but I will fuck a muthufucka up at the drop of a hat). You have to make this prick an irrelevancy in your life. Sounds like you still got feelin's, but that's okay, you will get over it (you ain't a baby, so you have been there before). As you may have read, I'm healing over some long term shit, and I ain't mad at nobody- I'd do anything in the world for my ex, but I really just want to be left the fuck alone so I can deal. It's all good.

You all our girl, you know that. Fuck that stupid muthafucka. Tell him to step. If he don't - CRUSH HIS ASS!!!!

 

[UnoBetter2]

Did you or did you not choose to spend time with this brotha?

During that time did you see signs that he was inconsistent and indecisive?

And although you may have seen these signs did you or did you not choose to keep fuckin around with him for whatever the reasons were?

My point is this, when you see a nigga ain't shit kick his azz to the curb fast!! Regardless to how good the sex is, or the money is or what ever it is, the heart break in the end is not worth it!

Speaking for myself I been with my lady 27 years this May and have no problem with being consistent, decisive, providing and dependable. In short its all about who you pick, you make the choice not him, you do! So stop wastin time with no good nigga's and when you think he's got it going on don't get so blinded by the good and let the bad slide because eventually the bad will out weigh the good and you'll find yourself in the same position. If a man cant stand to be challenged by a sista then his azz ain't worth havin period! Move on!!!!

 

[nick177th]

Bigirl, my father always told me, "don't try to figure out women. you'll drive yourself crazy". My advice would be the same to you. I don't know the particulars about your situation so, I can't speak on it too much. Obviously this person misses you. Or why else would he call? I would say, don't worry so much about the fact that you gave your all and you're a good woman, why doesn't he want me? I would focus on the fact that he's not giving you what YOU want. (i.e. its him but nonetheless). Relationships are confusing to say the least. There are certain attributes about women that I don't understand either. ( so, I guess we as men and women are even in that aspect). Like, what's the thing about a guy is too nice? or why do women chase after men that ain't worth the ground they stand on rather than be with a guy who would worship the very ground that she walks on? I don't mean a wussy type of guy, just a guy that would treat her like a queen. Never have, and never will understand that. I for one, have never had a problem communicating with women. I will say this though. I have had women tell me that (after the fact) that they heard me but, they didn't want to "hear" what I was saying. ya feel me? My Mom always told me, "don't let nobody live in your head rent free". I'm sure you'll find someone who will treat you like you desreve to be treated.

 

[geechiedan]

What I don't understand is why people gotta play games like that.

With him, I think its a combination of both things. BTW he is a scorpio

what is this 1975....people still play into that astrology shit??

he's REVEALED to you a true aspect of his nature...its up to YOU as to whether or not you want to continue this game...

are you a kid or are you a grown woman?

cause adults don't play games...

 

[BrownTurd]

Why do yall play so many games? Why is it so difficult for yall to say what you mean and mean what you say? I just don't get it.

I ask this as I am still reeling from the call from the ex 2 days ago.

HE is the one who broke it off with me. HE is the one who would say all kinds of horrible shit to me just to piss me off(he finally admitted it).

So he invents a reason to call me, this lets me know he misses me (I see right thru it). Then starts talking about "2 people who loved each other so much" and do I remember this and that. Then talking about I the first one he gonna call when he hits NY. WTF? I said please don't. Then when we hung up I wept for over 2 hours and it has had me all fucked up since.

So more specifically why do you guys try so hard to drive away what you want and/or have such a damn difficult time just admitting it? Why you gotta cause so much pain for other people with your bullshit?

I am going to school you on some game. you might not want to hear it but I have to tell you in order for you to understand. A man will never close the door on some pussy.He does not care about you at all. We don't drive away what we want. The reality is we never wanted you in the first place. The problem with women is they think with their hearts and not their minds. Your heart is built up of fantasies and dreams. Your mind is based only off facts and reality. Your mind which is reality says "This guy is not good for me" Your heart on the other hand says "Things can get better" Thinking with you heart will always get you into trouble

Since we never close the door on some pussy we will call you to see if we still have access to it. If we cared about you we would have never left in the 1st place.

 

[YH Dafirm Diplomat]

bigirl...you know me. fuck him. you know damn well i'll take care of you babygirl. i dont play those fuckin games. hit me up, we can really discuss this shit. for real. you dont need bullshit. tell em to take that 7th grade walk around the mall i still wear jordans ass shit somewhere else

 

[ClevelandDawg216]

 

[MagicMarvin]

Hes not 2 years from the past but a few months from the past and I am vex not from his past actions but because he won't leave me alone. If you want to let me go then let me the fuck go. Don't keep inventing reasons to call and shit. Let me go thru my process. How the fuck I supposed to heal and move on if you keep calling and sending lil messages thru friends?

He can only bother you as much as you let him, lady. If you don't want to communicate with him, just don't take his calls. Don't accept messages from friends. Don't argue with him. Just nip it. Don't try to figure out or even understand his motives. Just get on with your life. Besides, it sounded like he was just trying to set up a booty call anyway (not that there's anything wrong with dat)

 

[Mo-Better]

Why do yall play so many games? Why is it so difficult for yall to say what you mean and mean what you say? I just don't get it.

I ask this as I am still reeling from the call from the ex 2 days ago.

HE is the one who broke it off with me. HE is the one who would say all kinds of horrible shit to me just to piss me off(he finally admitted it).

So he invents a reason to call me, this lets me know he misses me (I see right thru it). Then starts talking about "2 people who loved each other so much" and do I remember this and that. Then talking about I the first one he gonna call when he hits NY. WTF? I said please don't. Then when we hung up I wept for over 2 hours and it has had me all fucked up since.

So more specifically why do you guys try so hard to drive away what you want and/or have such a damn difficult time just admitting it? Why you gotta cause so much pain for other people with your bullshit?

There are women who treat men like lab specimens, keeping them under a microscope. For these type women jealousies and insecurity is the order of the day. If the man even looks at another woman they're ready to burn their eyes out. While other women are secure with their relationships others keep the presure on.

Now how a man reacts to a woman depends solely on the woman. If a woman is the argumentative type (hard - yeah you can be) its unlikely that a man will feel comfortable speaking his mind. So he ends up beating around the bush.

The reason for his call is pretty obvious. The fact he invented a reason to call you is obvious too. Don't you get it?

In your case its possible he realizes his mistake and wants to get back with you but he's afraid of being rejected. We don't like rejection and when it happens it can be devastating when it comes from someone we really care about. So he's just trying to get a read of your feelings, to see if asking you back is worth the effort. Could be for nothing more than a booty call or......

Judging from your weeping for over 2 hours after he hung up, you obviously still have strong feelings for this man. So rather than sit around crying why don't you speak up and say what's on your mind? Don't blame him for not speaking up (remember he screwed up) because you could've made your feelings known the same as he. PUT THE PRIDE ASIDE if your feelings are that strong. Talk it out, neither of you have anything to lose. BTW I'm speaking from my own past experences on this one.

As for the pain issue I can't answer that because I don't believe anyone ever sets out to hurt someone. The pain occurs in relationships because someone somewhere screws up, usually because they're thinking only about themselves.

 

[JofromthaNO]

He can only bother you as much as you let him, lady. If you don't want to communicate with him, just don't take his calls. Don't accept messages from friends. Don't argue with him. Just nip it. Don't try to figure out or even understand his motives. Just get on with your life. Besides, it sounded like he was just trying to set up a booty call anyway (not that there's anything wrong with dat)

Bump. As another BGOL member said, you probably saw signs of his problems throughout the relationship (as you mentioned), and guys are exes for a reason. I only recently started speaking to an ex of mine from over 4 years ago, just because I personally knew I could not have him around me, calling me or let him be any part of my life. It was tough, but necessary. And, I think we're both better people for it today because of that.

 

[LennyNero1972]

Why do yall play so many games? Why is it so difficult for yall to say what you mean and mean what you say? I just don't get it.

I ask this as I am still reeling from the call from the ex 2 days ago.

HE is the one who broke it off with me. HE is the one who would say all kinds of horrible shit to me just to piss me off(he finally admitted it).

So he invents a reason to call me, this lets me know he misses me (I see right thru it). Then starts talking about "2 people who loved each other so much" and do I remember this and that. Then talking about I the first one he gonna call when he hits NY. WTF? I said please don't. Then when we hung up I wept for over 2 hours and it has had me all fucked up since.

So more specifically why do you guys try so hard to drive away what you want and/or have such a damn difficult time just admitting it? Why you gotta cause so much pain for other people with your bullshit?

Well damn, its been my experience that men ask this question of women more. Anyway, for me I try to be as direct as possible when dealing with anyone. I know one thing, a dude could be madly in love with a woman (for real, no faker), but still go out fuck somebody else, why? I dunna know.

 

[bigirl]

Judging from your weeping for over 2 hours after he hung up, you obviously still have strong feelings for this man. So rather than sit around crying why don't you speak up and say what's on your mind? Don't blame him for not speaking up (remember he screwed up) because you could've made your feelings known the same as he. PUT THE PRIDE ASIDE if your feelings are that strong. Talk it out, neither of you have anything to lose. BTW I'm speaking from my own past experences on this one.

I emailed him earlier today and typed my mind. He ain't calling me for no booty call as he is in my home country a few thousand miles away. I KNOW he was calling me to see where I stand or whatever.

Basically I have resolved this in the last few hours. I don't know why I figure all my shit out during the process of purchasing food and cooking but thats how it is. Dude upsets me all the time. I don't need nobody who upsets me anywhere in my area. He upset me when we were together too. Hearing his voice really killed me too so I don't want to speak to him again. I don't want to think about him or anything. I asked him to please respect that. I have no choice but to see him when I go home but I will deal with that then. I ok now. The rest of today is all about cooking comfort food and smoking a lil and sipping a lil wine and guinness and watching good shit on tv. Fuck all the rest.

Thank you all for your input.

 

[JofromthaNO]

I emailed him earlier today and typed my mind. He ain't calling me for no booty call as he is in my home country a few thousand miles away. I KNOW he was calling me to see where I stand or whatever.

Basically I have resolved this in the last few hours. I don't know why I figure all my shit out during the process of purchasing food and cooking but thats how it is. Dude upsets me all the time. I don't need nobody who upsets me anywhere in my area. He upset me when we were together too. Hearing his voice really killed me too so I don't want to speak to him again. I don't want to think about him or anything. I asked him to please respect that. I have no choice but to see him when I go home but I will deal with that then. I ok now. The rest of today is all about cooking comfort food and smoking a lil and sipping a lil wine and guinness and watching good shit on tv. Fuck all the rest.

Thank you all for your input.

I wonder how you can't stop yourself from seeing him when you go home...regardless, I would try not to; he obviously is not good to have in your life, so why give him the benefit of being there?

Also, glad you found a resolution to your problem. Comfort foods always help me; just make sure you hit the gym/weights extra hard afterwards. Exercise always helps a broken spirit as well!

 

[DaleMabry]

Why do yall play so many games? Why is it so difficult for yall to say what you mean and mean what you say? I just don't get it.

I used to make this exact same word-for-word complaint about my ex all the time (She was a Scorpio )

All I can tell you is, for every thing men complain about women, that woman has a male counterpart--a brother, a twin, a dad, a son--who echoes the same complaint. So really it isnt as much stuff exclusive to men or women as it is our level of vulnerability to it since its the opposite sex...

People warned me about that kind of back and forth grey breakup period, the attempt to push away then hold on then push away then hold on then...

I had to learn on my own. You really do have to stop fuckin with folks like that because they act in bad faith when you leave the door open.

Some exes you can stay cool with. And some you definitely can not even when you want to. Its a shame but hey thats life.

 

[bigirl]

I wonder how you can't stop yourself from seeing him when you go home...

We are from a 35 square mile island.

 

[JofromthaNO]

We are from a 35 square mile island.

Point taken

Well, keep it brief and simple. Don't show him he irritates you. Show him how happy you are without him, girl...

 

[Alumni]

I can't speak for every cat, but it's been my experience in more cases then not that what I said and what the lady heard were two different things. I realize this is not always the case, but a lot of that "game" playing stuff comes from a straight up verbal misunderstandings or reading into something someone has done or said.

 

[Eva Hornae]

Lady, to be really honest with you, just do YOU and ignore his ass and sort out your priorities and focus on your goals and dreams. Life's too short to be caught up in the bullshit some of these men play.

I've been a victim and trust i had to learn the hard way and just move on.

Lesson Learned, case closed.

 

[Mr MajestiK]

Why do yall play so many games? Why is it so difficult for yall to say what you mean and mean what you say? I just don't get it.

I ask this as I am still reeling from the call from the ex 2 days ago.

HE is the one who broke it off with me. HE is the one who would say all kinds of horrible shit to me just to piss me off(he finally admitted it).

So he invents a reason to call me, this lets me know he misses me (I see right thru it). Then starts talking about "2 people who loved each other so much" and do I remember this and that. Then talking about I the first one he gonna call when he hits NY. WTF? I said please don't. Then when we hung up I wept for over 2 hours and it has had me all fucked up since.

So more specifically why do you guys try so hard to drive away what you want and/or have such a damn difficult time just admitting it? Why you gotta cause so much pain for other people with your bullshit?

^^^Because it's fun...........Sorry I'm feeling evil tonight.

On a serious note, some men play games for the same reason some women do.

They're fucking selfish and insecure.

 

[bigirl]

^^^Because it's fun...........

 

[sizzlelater]

when i was younger me and my homies use to break up with females just to see if we had enough game to get them back. with that being said, if a man is break up with you then he really don't want you. he might just be trying to get back with you because he don't have anyone else to be with.

i don't want to be harsh but that's real.

i say cut your losses and move on, find someone else before you be back in that same vunerable position again.

 

[Mr MajestiK]

^^^Why u beatin' me bigirl?

Yoooooou know I luuuuuuurve you!

 

[Robeson]

Lady, to be really honest with you, just do YOU and ignore his ass and sort out your priorities and focus on your goals and dreams. Life's too short to be caught up in the bullshit some of these men play.

I've been a victim and trust i had to learn the hard way and just move on.

Lesson Learned, case closed.

Yup, that says it all...

 

[MCP]

Bigurl,

I hope that you have the strength to move and be positive with you life from now on.