Married? Ever been married?

[thighsneyez22]

Everyone knows that hindsight is 20/20.

What's something you wish you knew about marriage, before you tied the knot?

Special insight from the happily married would be appreciated, however all responses will be heeded.

This can be something that is applicable to your own relationship or a universal truth.

Ready...AIM.... FIRE!!!!

 

[onyxfemme]

Hey Chica,
I have been married before and waiting for the divorce to be finalized. Having said that I totally believe in marriage and making it work but when I married originally I married for the wrong reasons. I thought that he would change and that my love was strong enough to hold the marriage together. I was wrong.
I had all kind of warning signs that I ignored..Hell my ex showed up at the wedding in all white...


I do NOT believe in bad mouthing a man in public so I will simply say this. He showed his true colors before the marriage and never changed. Now it is kicking his ass that I have moved on.

If you are considering marriage think of this-Is this someone you see yourself with for the rest of your life?
If you cant answer yes to that then it is not time for marriage.

 

[thighsneyez22]

If you are considering marriage think of this-Is this someone you see yourself with for the rest of your life?
If you cant answer yes to that then it is not time for marriage.

You mean forever? Forever-ever? Forever-ever?

lol

 

[OnnaReal]

If you are considering marriage think of this-Is this someone you see yourself with for the rest of your life?
If you cant answer yes to that then it is not time for marriage.

I agree.

Only, from the male perspective, I offer a slightly different story;

I dated five years before marrying and was knocked on my ass to hear in the first week of marriage: "That's when we were dating, we're married now!"

Who waits 5 years to show their true colors?

I'm divorced now too.

Hey Femme!

 

[onyxfemme]

You fool!

You mean forever? Forever-ever? Forever-ever?

lol

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey

I agree.

Only, from the male perspective, I offer a slightly different story;

I dated five years before marrying and was knocked on my ass to hear in the first week of marriage: "That's when we were dating, we're married now!"

Who waits 5 years to show their true colors?

I'm divorced now too.

Hey Femme!

 

[Race Harley]

Been married twice. The first I didn't give a chance, the last didn't have a chance in hell. If you're going to jump that broom, make sure that the other person is you BEST FRIEND. All of your other friends come second. Too many people get married to people they have no knowledge of other than what's on the surface, then when the other shit inside come up, shit gets stale.

 

[onyxfemme]

good advice

Been married twice. The first I didn't give a chance, the last didn't have a chance in hell. If you're going to jump that broom, make sure that the other person is you BEST FRIEND. All of your other friends come second. Too many people get married to people they have no knowledge of other than what's on the surface, then when the other shit inside come up, shit gets stale.

 

[Mrs.BCAA2009]

I think people should think about the vows and brainstorm about what all those things could mean even to the extreme.

For example:

sickness- what if my spouse gets to the point where I have to change his/her diaper?

health

richer

poorer- what if we both lose our jobs and get evicted/foreclosed or can barely feed ourselves? what if something cataclysmic happens to where we have to go live at the Salvation Army?

better

worse-what if my spouse gets into an accident and loses the ability to be intimate or is severely disfigured?

It may seem odd but I believe that if you can say with at least 95% certainty that you are willing to got through extreme situations with this person, you'll more than likely be alright.

 

[Nigga Infamous Still 16]

Bookmarked... ​

 

[305slugga]

only 27 but never been married but here is my two cents....Many women/men get married for the event and fail to realize the long term commitment that comes after. Once the cermony is complete and all the money has been spent reality sets in.

 

[onyxfemme]

Very true!

only 27 but never been married but here is my two cents....Many women/men get married for the event and fail to realize the long term commitment that comes after. Once the cermony is complete and all the money has been spent reality sets in.

 

[thighsneyez22]

BCAA2009- very good suggestion.

I am sure there are more married people on here. Any people happily married? Other than best friends and a deep commitment, what pearls you got?

 

[Mo-Better]

Been married twice. The first I didn't give a chance, the last didn't have a chance in hell. If you're going to jump that broom, make sure that the other person is you BEST FRIEND. All of your other friends come second. Too many people get married to people they have no knowledge of other than what's on the surface, then when the other shit inside come up, shit gets stale.

I couldn't have said this better. Having experienced and watched marriages fail I concur! Your mate needs to be your best friend. Some people suffer with failed relationships and marriages because they never learn or understand the importance of friendship between mates. It took me years to understand this.

 

[RESPECT]

I agree.

Only, from the male perspective, I offer a slightly different story;

I dated five years before marrying and was knocked on my ass to hear in the first week of marriage: "That's when we were dating, we're married now!"

Who waits 5 years to show their true colors?

I'm divorced now too.

Hey Femme!

C/S 100%

 

[SickMyDuck]

Great advice in here! As someone who has never been (and not sure I ever will be) married... I appreciate y'all keeping it 100.

 

[SoopamanLuva]

Been married 2 years now. My advice would be to KNOW the person before they become your spouse. Talk about everything you possibly can. The main things are religion, inlaws, your future goals and theirs. Etc. Inlaws are a big one! Go to marriage counseling BEFORE you get married! Be on the same page and come to an understanding with your SO before saying I do. Read those marriage vows and break them down and have each other explain what each one means to them. Keep the lines of communication open AT ALL TIMES!

And....whatever you were doing to attract your man or woman and make them stay. Continue it after you get married. Do not get lax because you got ya ring. Ladies if you were a freak in the bed while dating, be a freak in the Bed while married. Men, if you sent roses to your ladies job every Friday while dating, continue it. Marriage is not meant to be a stopping point, it's supposed to be a brand new beginning

 

[dHustla]

Great advice in here! As someone who has never been (and not sure I ever will be) married... I appreciate y'all keeping it 100.

What he said ^

 

[dHustla]

Been married 2 years now. My advice would be to KNOW the person before they become your spouse. Talk about everything you possibly can. The main things are religion, inlaws, your future goals and theirs. Etc. Inlaws are a big one! Go to marriage counseling BEFORE you get married! Be on the same page and come to an understanding with your SO before saying I do. Read those marriage vows and break them down and have each other explain what each one means to them. Keep the lines of communication open AT ALL TIMES!

And....whatever you were doing to attract your man or woman and make them stay. Continue it after you get married. Do not get lax because you got ya ring. Ladies if you were a freak in the bed while dating, be a freak in the Baedeker while married. Men, if you sent roses to your ladies job every Friday while dating, continue it. Marriage is not meant to be a stopping point, it's supposed to be a brand new beginning

Ay....what that mean?

Oh, and 'preciate you keeping it honest. I still don't think marriage is for me. I'ma Hustla, not a husband.

 

[SoopamanLuva]

Ay....what that mean?

Oh, and 'preciate you keeping it honest. I still don't think marriage is for me. I'ma Hustla, not a husband.

That's a typo. My phone corrects me when I type. It's fixed

 

[4North1Side2]

I'm happily Married for two year now...Well honestly I hate the word marriage cuz shit doesn't change and it's just a word but I do share a very happy relationship with my Wife...Nothing worthwhile to say, we just enjoy each others company.

 

[onyxfemme]

I'm happily Married for two year now...Well honestly I hate the word marriage cuz shit doesn't change and it's just a word but I do share a very happy relationship with my Wife...Nothing worthwhile to say, we just enjoy each others company.

 

[DLateshow]

I have been married for 14 years and will offer this piece of advice. Make sure your spouse is also your best friend. You hear this all the time but it is very, very, very true. Marry a women that is your economic equal. Money causes more problems in a relationship than anything else. Both parties need to bring something to the table in order for it to work. Every marriage is different. What works for one couple does not work for another. You can never compare your relationship with others. My wife waited 5 years for me to pop the question. She put up with alot of my bullshit in the beginning but she stuck by me thru everything. Now we have a child and a home and life is good. Best advice I got was from a old uncle. He said the key to a great marriage is for both parties to feel like they are putting in more than they are getting out. A selfish person should never get marriage because you will never be satisfied. It's natural to have some fear but if you have any doubt don' do it. Marriage can be great or it can truly make you a miserable person. Chose your spouse wisely because a mistake can haunt you for years.


Dlateshow

 

[JordanKING]

I think people should think about the vows and brainstorm about what all those things could mean even to the extreme.

For example:

sickness- what if my spouse gets to the point where I have to change his/her diaper?

health

richer

poorer- what if we both lose our jobs and get evicted/foreclosed or can barely feed ourselves? what if something cataclysmic happens to where we have to go live at the Salvation Army?

better

worse-what if my spouse gets into an accident and loses the ability to be intimate or is severely disfigured?

It may seem odd but I believe that if you can say with at least 95% certainty that you are willing to got through extreme situations with this person, you'll more than likely be alright.

This very analytical perspective is NEVER considered..... unfortunately.

 

[SoopamanLuva]

^^ he said the same as I did. Break down the vows and explain what each one means to each other. You will really get to know somebody by doing that. Then picture the worst case senario with that person

 

[JordanKING]

I've never been married, but have always wanted it someday.

I love kids and I know I'd be a great dad, but I
don't know if I could be "faithful" and suppress
my desire for other women for the rest of my natural life.

 

[JofromthaNO]

I have been married for 14 years and will offer this piece of advice. Make sure your spouse is also your best friend. You hear this all the time but it is very, very, very true. Marry a women that is your economic equal. Money causes more problems in a relationship than anything else. Both parties need to bring something to the table in order for it to work. Every marriage is different. What works for one couple does not work for another. You can never compare your relationship with others. My wife waited 5 years for me to pop the question. She put up with alot of my bullshit in the beginning but she stuck by me thru everything. Now we have a child and a home and life is good. Best advice I got was from a old uncle. He said the key to a great marriage is for both parties to feel like they are putting in more than they are getting out. A selfish person should never get marriage because you will never be satisfied. It's natural to have some fear but if you have any doubt don' do it. Marriage can be great or it can truly make you a miserable person. Chose your spouse wisely because a mistake can haunt you for years.


Dlateshow

I like this response...not sure about the "equals" on the financial forefront, cause that stops a lot of women - and men- from finding someone that is compatible personality-wise. I especially like not comparing your relationship to that of another...

 

[Harlem's Angel]

BCAA2009- very good suggestion.

I am sure there are more married people on here. Any people happily married? Other than best friends and a deep commitment, what pearls you got?

I'm happily married. The one thing I wish I knew before I got married was the pressure that comes with it. Not from within the marriage but from outside. Pressure for all kinds of things from procreation to ppl flat out wishing for you to fail. Everyone will try and convince you that getting married = death but it doesn't have to be that way. I find that the reason people feel that their spouse changed when they got married is because they didn't really know them to begin with. Take your time. There is no rush. Also, don't rush into having children. Children complicate things between parents so if possible, I would wait a bit to have children so that you can take the time to enjoy your spouse....That's my plan anyway.

 

[cremycocoa]

Ive never been married don't think I ever will. I used to want children but since Ive thrown that idea I don't think marriage is for me.
I loved a man with everything he had and he loved me back but I had some family loss issues which took me a while to get over. He stood by me but I needed to be alone. We tried to work it out after that and I had moved on. I cared about him till he went a lil crazy on my ass a few months ago and started harrassing me to get back with him. Desperation is not a good look.

I pass on the marriage thing.

 

[VegasGuy]

Everyone knows that hindsight is 20/20.

What's something you wish you knew about marriage, before you tied the knot?

Special insight from the happily married would be appreciated, however all responses will be heeded.

This can be something that is applicable to your own relationship or a universal truth.

Ready...AIM.... FIRE!!!!

Always check out the family. Go there, find out what they do and how they live. If they have issues, them genes are there in your mate. I promise you they are and it's just a matter of time before they show up. The family is your first indication of what to expect your life with that person will be.

-VG

 

[dwnsouth]

Ive never been married don't think I ever will. I used to want children but since Ive thrown that idea I don't think marriage is for me.
I loved a man with everything he had and he loved me back but I had some family loss issues which took me a while to get over. He stood by me but I needed to be alone. We tried to work it out after that and I had moved on. I cared about him till he went a lil crazy on my ass a few months ago and started harrassing me to get back with him. Desperation is not a good look.

I pass on the marriage thing.

dont give up on it so soon....just think of what happened with the ex and the events surrounding it as just an event of life.... look forward and move forward

 

[cremycocoa]

dont give up on it so soon....just think of what happened with the ex and the events surrounding it as just an event of life.... look forward and move forward

That was 12 years of my life...
Thanks for the advice...

 

[Harlem's Angel]

Always check out the family. Go there, find out what they do and how they live. If they have issues, them genes are there in your mate. I promise you they are and it's just a matter of time before they show up. The family is your first indication of what to expect your life with that person will be.

-VG

I don't necessarily agree. There is always the black sheep in any family and my husband is it. If my husband was anything like his family he wouldn't have gotten a second date. I would say check out the family for other reasons though. To be honest, the worst part of being with my husband is having to deal with his mother every once in a while lol.

 

[4North1Side2]

Always check out the family. Go there, find out what they do and how they live. If they have issues, them genes are there in your mate. I promise you they are and it's just a matter of time before they show up. The family is your first indication of what to expect your life with that person will be.
-VG

A very big NO!

 

[Upgrade Dave]

BCAA2009- very good suggestion.

I am sure there are more married people on here. Any people happily married? Other than best friends and a deep commitment, what pearls you got?

I guess this falls in the "best friend" category but you should be able to enjoy your spouses' company, whether going out or just sitting at home. If you need constant outside stimulation, move on.

Be with an intellectual equal or somebody close. When one partner is dumb and the other smart, they're doomed. The smart one will become bored and will meet someone who can hold a conversation and the dumb one will be a lonely one.

Married 13 years, happily most of them

 

[JofromthaNO]

Hoping to be married in the next two years or so...

HE SAID I would be getting a ring this year...

Just putting it out there