Mama's Baby - Daddy's maybe

[Al Smith]

Why do women do this shit? Why is it when women cheat in a relationship and get pregnant by some other dude, she let's the man she's with think that he's the dad even though he may not be. And no, this shit has never happened to me because I tell every female that I'm with that if she ever gets pregnant, I' be in the birthing room with a forensics team waiting to get DNA.. and they know not to test me...

 

[femmenoire]

Why don't the men get tested if they are so confident they aren't the sperm donor?

 

[Al Smith]

It doesn't have to be about the confidence of them being the father or not. What is on the woman's mind knowing that the child may not be his and hiding a lie if it's not his? That's what I'd like to know. This must be a touchy subject because I doubt that many women probably don't want to answer because they have probably committed this fraudulent act.

 

[femmenoire]

Well if one doesn't know, one doesn't know. Isn't that why they have paternity tests?


I've never been in this situation, so I can't speak on it too tough.

 

[OutlawR.O.C.]

I actually some years ago dated a female who already had a man. She initially told me i was the father, then changed up and disappeared. Now I knew the kid wasnt the guy she was claiming, but I wasnt sure if it was mine either. I made every effort to find out the truth, but not being on the birth certificate gave me no parental rights, meaning I would have had to pay for a lawyer and Dna test, which I didnt have. Now the kids older, I've seen what he looks like and am pretty sure he's mine(my family has strong genes), but now I feel like too much time has passed and I've had to accept it. I think these things need to be addressed by the courts, if we have a problem with men abandoning their children and not being responsible, I think women who play god with their childrens life and the life of others, are just as bad if not worst and their should be some repercussions for this type of behavior.

 

[femmenoire]

So in your case, the exact opposite happened. Women do different things for different reasons.

But if you had an inkling that it was your child, you should have persued it.

And sweetie, it's never too late to claim what's yours.

I actually some years ago dated a female who already had a man. She initially told me i was the father, then changed up and disappeared. Now I knew the kid wasnt the guy she was claiming, but I wasnt sure if it was mine either. I made every effort to find out the truth, but not being on the birth certificate gave me no parental rights, meaning I would have had to pay for a lawyer and Dna test, which I didnt have. Now the kids older, I've seen what he looks like and am pretty sure he's mine(my family has strong genes), but now I feel like too much time has passed and I've had to accept it. I think these things need to be addressed by the courts, if we have a problem with men abandoning their children and not being responsible, I think women who play god with their childrens life and the life of others, are just as bad if not worst and their should be some repercussions for this type of behavior.

 

[Al Smith]

I have a friend who's in the same situation, but he was able to get a lawyer that was a friend from college. He got the dna test and found out the child was his. He's now setting the mother up so that he can get custody of the child by showing how unfit she is. He did it also so that he wouldn't be getting hit with CHSP later on down the line.

 

[Dannyblueyes]

I was in that situation. I didn't check because my wife and I had gotten into a huge fight that almost ended our relationship just before the pregnancy began. By the time my child was born we had kissed and made up. I worried about what kind of impact a DNA test would have had on our relationship, especially if I was wrong.

 

[Al Smith]

I was in that situation. I didn't check because my wife and I had gotten into a huge fight that almost ended our relationship just before the pregnancy began. By the time my child was born we had kissed and made up. I worried about what kind of impact a DNA test would have had on our relationship, especially if I was wrong.

I hope that is the case. Even though I'm not in your shoes, I would still get a dna test. She doesn't even have to know. Just you and your child can get tested. I wouldn't put 100% faith in any woman after she has felt scorned..

 

[Dannyblueyes]

I actually some years ago dated a female who already had a man. She initially told me i was the father, then changed up and disappeared. Now I knew the kid wasn't the guy she was claiming, but I wasnt sure if it was mine either. I made every effort to find out the truth, but not being on the birth certificate gave me no parental rights, meaning I would have had to pay for a lawyer and Dna test, which I didn't have. Now the kids older, I've seen what he looks like and am pretty sure he's mine(my family has strong genes), but now I feel like too much time has passed and I've had to accept it. I think these things need to be addressed by the courts, if we have a problem with men abandoning their children and not being responsible, I think women who play god with their children's life and the life of others, are just as bad if not worst and their should be some repercussions for this type of behavior.

As I said before, a mandatory DNA test for every live birth would solve this problem completely within 20 years.

 

[OutlawR.O.C.]

So in your case, the exact opposite happened. Women do different things for different reasons.

But if you had an inkling that it was your child, you should have persued it.

And sweetie, it's never too late to claim what's yours.

I did pursue it, I talked to lawyers, tried to make contact, appealed to the chick to do the right thing. At one point she basically (without coming out and saying it) admitted he was mine but it didnt matter, and since she had already talked to a lawyer she knew I was fucked. This is a lot more complicated than it seems, some of it gets lost because I'm actually typing this, if I were actually explaining it instead of typing you would see that its a far worse situation and that what this chick, and a lot of others do is really fucked up.

Also you have to understand this happened when I was a teen, so I didnt know shit at that point. Also, you have to understand that to pursue it, I not only have to pay for a lawyer, but possibly the Dna test. At the time that I was going at her hard to get her to fess up, I could barely make rent, much less lawyer and Dna. When I did have a meeting with a lawyer at the time, he told me he wouldnt advise me to pursue it, and gave me a plethora of reasons why not.

I think the real point is that woman need to be held accountable and be more responsible, and then we wouldnt have to worry about situations like this. If a woman sleeps with more than one man, gets pregnant and may not know who the father is, she needs to bite the bullet, accept her mistake and do the right thing. Just like if a man sleeps around and gets multiple chicks pregnant, theirs no excuse or sympathy for their promiscuity. It has to be balanced, if men being irresponsible as far as children are concerned is such a horrible thing(which it is), it shouldnt be looked on as any less when a female is at fault.

P.S. sorry for this long winded, Colin Powell influenced response.

 

[Dannyblueyes]

I hope that is the case. Even though I'm not in your shoes, I would still get a dna test. She doesn't even have to know. Just you and your child can get tested. I wouldn't put 100% faith in any woman after she has felt scorned..

I would, but she's 5 years old now. My names already on the certificate, I'm paying support no matter what. Also when you consider the relationship my daughter and I have at this point it really doesn't matter if she's my kid or not.

When she's older I might tell her about the questions in her upbringing and ask her whether or not she wants to take the test for her self. That's completely up to her though.

 

[OutlawR.O.C.]

I would, but she's 5 years old now. My names already on the certificate, I'm paying support no matter what. Also when you consider the relationship my daughter and I have at this point it really doesn't matter if she's my kid or not.

When she's older I might tell her about the questions in her upbringing and ask her whether or not she wants to take the test for her self. That's completely up to her though.

If you wait that long and raise her as your own I wouldnt tell her. I've seen a couple of chicks when I was growing up find some shit like that out and it fucked their heads up. I'm talking sisters who were intelligent, had a good head on their shoulder, not out in the street type chicks turn to drunk, weed smoking freaky ass hoodrats overnight.


Not saying that this will happen with your daughter but if your raising her as yours, and your not even sure she isnt, why rock the boat and risk the pain it could cost.

 

[Dannyblueyes]

you're probably right about that. I'll just see what happens as time goes on.

 

[kurrupt]

They pull this stunt cause there are a lot of lame ass dudes that let em get away wit it. Chick comes up wit a wild story and dude says "ok"
Shorty like ...word? he fell for it? no test? i gots to tell my girls this one. Next thing u know..its the new hustle.

 

[bigirl]

how did we end up with a woman hating thread in here?

 

[OutlawR.O.C.]

They pull this stunt cause there are a lot of lame ass dudes that let em get away wit it. Chick comes up wit a wild story and dude says "ok"
Shorty like ...word? he fell for it? no test? i gots to tell my girls this one. Next thing u know..its the new hustle.

Its not that simple. I think that only applies when your talking about a chick your just fucking once in awhile or one night stand just picks you out to tell you your the father. When its someone you fuck with on the regular, or even your wifey, I think that can happen to anyone, even those who think they know woman like that.
At the end of the day none of us can ever truly 100% trust anybody we are in any type of relationship with.

 

[OutlawR.O.C.]

how did we end up with a woman hating thread in here?

Why do you say this is a woman hating thread?

 

[bigirl]

Why do you say this is a woman hating thread?

The way all of you are talking like we all live to try and trick a man and then teach all other women how to do it too.
Crazy

 

[OutlawR.O.C.]

The way all of you are talking like we all live to try and trick a man and then teach all other women how to do it too.
Crazy

Where are you getting that from? Most of the posts in this thread(including mine) were about our won personal situations and those specific women (or any that are like them). None of the posts targeted all women or women in general, just a certain type of woman who's out here living foul.

 

[Dannyblueyes]

They pull this stunt cause there are a lot of lame ass dudes that let em get away wit it. Chick comes up wit a wild story and dude says "ok"
Shorty like ...word? he fell for it? no test? i gots to tell my girls this one. Next thing u know..its the new hustle.

I think in my case she encouraged a pregnancy to cover over a bad situation between us. Looking back I can see that with both of our kids she seemed to get pregnant right around the time I was seriously questioning whether or not I should stay with her. When she wanted the third one we were on the rocks again and broke up soon afterwards. With her new boyfriend it was the same thing. He didn't want to move in with her next thing you know she's having his kid and he moves in.

 

[So What?]

The way all of you are talking like we all live to try and trick a man and then teach all other women how to do it too.
Crazy

You may not do it, but trust, these conversations go on in the hood all the time. Scandalous women are out to get there's by any means necessary. WAKE UP!!!

 

[Al Smith]

I didn't start the link as a woman hating thread. I just want to know what is going through a womans head when she does that shit. I've seen too many women get mad at a man and during the course of an argument says the famous line, "that's why (your childs name insert here) ain't yo child". I know women can be spiteful, but why be triflin'?

 

[LeroyDibiase]

I would, but she's 5 years old now. My names already on the certificate, I'm paying support no matter what. Also when you consider the relationship my daughter and I have at this point it really doesn't matter if she's my kid or not.

When she's older I might tell her about the questions in her upbringing and ask her whether or not she wants to take the test for her self. That's completely up to her though.

Your name on the certificate doesn't mean shit. Only if you signed an AOP(Acknowledgment of Paternity) or you were married at the time of the birth. But if you want to pay for someone else's kid...do you.

 

[LeroyDibiase]

how did we end up with a woman hating thread in here?

OMG yes, you can't express a negative opinion about Black women at all in this forum. They're delicate and weak so we can't have an open discussion that might involve criticism.

Is that the type of forum you ladies want???

 

[Izayoi]

I think women who play god with their childrens life and the life of others, are just as bad if not worst and their should be some repercussions for this type of behavior.

I/A . Secrets like that can't stay secret forever. When it does come out explain to the child as best you can that you were young but you did your best.The rest is a burden his mom has to bear. I can't see how stuff like that doesn't eat away at a persons conscience everyday. She must be in some deep denial.

 

[LeroyDibiase]

OMG yes, you can't express a negative opinion about Black women at all in this forum. They're delicate and weak so we can't have an open discussion that might involve criticism.

Is that the type of forum you ladies want???

The more things change, nigga.

 

[Ace Money]

I would, but she's 5 years old now. My names already on the certificate, I'm paying support no matter what. Also when you consider the relationship my daughter and I have at this point it really doesn't matter if she's my kid or not.

When she's older I might tell her about the questions in her upbringing and ask her whether or not she wants to take the test for her self. That's completely up to her though.

Playa get your test on. If you still want to honor your connection with this child regardless of paternity then do so. But dont accept support obligations 4 the next man's child. The way you phrased it sounds as if even if the child is not your's there's nothing to be done about it. That is a self-defeatest attitude. You've got to be stonger then that.

 

[LoneStar29]

I think the real point is that woman need to be held accountable and be more responsible, and then we wouldnt have to worry about situations like this. If a woman sleeps with more than one man, gets pregnant and may not know who the father is, she needs to bite the bullet, accept her mistake and do the right thing.

C/S 100% ... I think it's super triflin' when women don't fess up about who the paternity of their child might be ... I mean if not out of respect for the possible fathers then mos def out of respect for the child ... the child deserves to know the truth ... it may be embarrassing but that's the consequence to sleeping with multiple men so you gotta woman up and tell the truth

I was told one time by a woman that if the paternity of her child was ever in doubt she would just put the man with more money on the bith certificateI told her that that was one of the most selfish things I've ever heard and that sort of fucked up mentallity is going to put her child in the path of some bad Charma

I think because of my character and cuz I pride myself on my honesty if a man ever asked me for a paternity test I would be insulted ... but I would still take the test to give him piece of mind ... but if we were in a relationship at the time that may affect our standing cuz I don't like my character being questioned

 

[Mo-Better]

Well if one doesn't know, one doesn't know. Isn't that why they have paternity tests?

I've never been in this situation, so I can't speak on it too tough.

I'm sorry Femme, what your saying is if a man's GF or wife says she's pregnant, the man should immediately request a paternity tests, "if he doesn't know." You would be the insulted if you were that woman and got asked that and had been true to your mate.

For a man to ask for a paternity tests indicates there's a lack of trust. That in itself tears apart the relationship. If this is what women's thinking has become regarding love or relationships, I don't want any part of it.

Thankfully I know all women don't share your view on this.

 

[the flash]

???

 

[Blunt]

Not saying that this will happen with your daughter but if your raising her as yours, and your not even sure she isnt, why rock the boat and risk the pain it could cost.

Well, if you were having unprotected sex during this time period then the child just as well COULD HAVE BEEN yours, even if proven otherwise at some point. It's not like you're some INNOCENT bystander. You shouldn't be so proud to have only escaped by a "fluke of nature."

 

[LoneStar29]

if a man's GF or wife says she's pregnant, the man should immediately request a paternity tests, "if he doesn't know." You would be the insulted if you were that woman and got asked that and had been true to your mate.

For a man to ask for a paternity tests indicates there's a lack of trust. That in itself tears apart the relationship.

 

[mrjody]

Youll never get an answer from a woman that doenst imply you did something wrong first.
I don't believe women EVER mess up first...

Adam "Why you eat the apple?"
Eve "He shouldnta put that shit in my livingroom! God know I like to snack while Im watching Oprah"