Detective Bgbtylvr has a statement:

We’ve all seen the FOOTage. Horrible! A senseless attack. The entire city is up-in-arms over this!. To say the victim had a
hand in this is
reaching. He never laid a finger on her, and should NOT have to shoulder the blame!

He had cookies in his pocket! Snickerdoodles! Them MF’s is fantastic with iced milk! But he can’t enjoy them.
We’ve identified the attacker as 19-year old, Iputma Futinya’ass, an African immigrant, who escaped on what we assume is the same foot used to put a crater in Mr. HUMPhery’s back. The victim says the footage doesn’t show him being robbed of his wrist watch, wedding ring & selfie stick. I’d like to read a statement from the victim, quote
“My face landed in doo doo. I couldn’t wipe it off.” SENSELESS! The man was Mule-kicked in the back

and has shit….on his face. Why attack an unarmed man? What about his 2nd amendment rights?!?
Jamaican bystander: Bloodclat! She mean no ARM!
Crowd:

Det. Bgbtylvr: Enough with the
offhand comments! This man was punted! He’s lost his job at Footlocker. Please donate to his GoPuntme account; he wants to buy a drum set and new tank tops.
Black bystander: Word is he had on a MAGA hat though!

Det.Bgbtylvr: that stands for Make Arms…



..sorry! Make—
