**was looking for help in this area, found this blog**
"Learning to Trust Again
After a Broken Heart"
By Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches
After your heart has been broken, trust can be a very
difficult thing to allow yourself to do. It somehow seems
easier to hold yourself back from really opening again
to another person.
The truth is that you can be in a relationship with
someone for years but not truly trust them--not
be open to them. There may be jealousy that
needs to be addressed or perhaps there have
been infidelity issues in the relationship. Maybe
your relationship has come close to separation
or divorce. Maybe you have never had these
problems but there's still a part of you that holds
back from completely opening your heart to
your loved one.
The best dating advice that we can give about
learning to trust again is to begin looking at all
of your relationships from new eyes and consider
how you are trusting or not trusting in them. Then
decide to take one step forward to enhancing trust
between the two of you.
If you aren't dating right now, you can begin
looking at your trust issues in the other relationships
in your life--whether they be family members, co-
workers or friends.
Here's some relationship advice for you to consider
if you want to learn how to trust again after a
broken heart...
1. Heal the issues that are left over from past
relationships. Some people believe that when you
enter into new relationships, you are starting fresh
and you leave all of that baggage from previous
relationships behind you. While you always hope
that's the case, the truth is, you don't always heal
everything from past relationships when you move on.
If you are aware of your patterns in past relationships,
you can learn to consciously change how you react
in similar situations with your current partner.
2. Don't assume to know what the other person is
thinking. If you don't know, ask. Find out what's going
on inside the other person if it's a concern to you and
don't assign meaning to what you see without getting the
clarification that's necessary.
3. Change the self-talk that goes on in your head
that creates "stories" about every situation. These
stories usually have no basis of reality and tend to
simply create mistrust and keep suspicion foremost
in your mind. You can change what you say to
yourself and how you talk to yourself. It can either
lead you to what you want or to what you don't want.
4. Speak your truth and allow the other person to speak
his or hers without getting defensive. This is probably
one of the most important things you can do to foster
trust in your relationships. If you are certain that the
two of you are free to express what you each are
feeling without fear of being judged, your relationships
will become closer and more connected.
We believe that the foundation of any relationship is
emotional safety and trust. This means that physical
safety is a given and you feel emotionally safe enough
to be who you really are and be able to express yourself
freely.
Most people want to place the responsibility for trust
in a relationship on someone else. They base their
trust on how someone acts towards them.
Whether you are healing a broken heart or just need
some relationship tips, it's important to remember that
safety and trust in a relationship doesn't start with
someone else--it starts with you and how willing
you are to open up and allow the other in.
"Learning to Trust Again
After a Broken Heart"
By Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches
After your heart has been broken, trust can be a very
difficult thing to allow yourself to do. It somehow seems
easier to hold yourself back from really opening again
to another person.
The truth is that you can be in a relationship with
someone for years but not truly trust them--not
be open to them. There may be jealousy that
needs to be addressed or perhaps there have
been infidelity issues in the relationship. Maybe
your relationship has come close to separation
or divorce. Maybe you have never had these
problems but there's still a part of you that holds
back from completely opening your heart to
your loved one.
The best dating advice that we can give about
learning to trust again is to begin looking at all
of your relationships from new eyes and consider
how you are trusting or not trusting in them. Then
decide to take one step forward to enhancing trust
between the two of you.
If you aren't dating right now, you can begin
looking at your trust issues in the other relationships
in your life--whether they be family members, co-
workers or friends.
Here's some relationship advice for you to consider
if you want to learn how to trust again after a
broken heart...
1. Heal the issues that are left over from past
relationships. Some people believe that when you
enter into new relationships, you are starting fresh
and you leave all of that baggage from previous
relationships behind you. While you always hope
that's the case, the truth is, you don't always heal
everything from past relationships when you move on.
If you are aware of your patterns in past relationships,
you can learn to consciously change how you react
in similar situations with your current partner.
2. Don't assume to know what the other person is
thinking. If you don't know, ask. Find out what's going
on inside the other person if it's a concern to you and
don't assign meaning to what you see without getting the
clarification that's necessary.
3. Change the self-talk that goes on in your head
that creates "stories" about every situation. These
stories usually have no basis of reality and tend to
simply create mistrust and keep suspicion foremost
in your mind. You can change what you say to
yourself and how you talk to yourself. It can either
lead you to what you want or to what you don't want.
4. Speak your truth and allow the other person to speak
his or hers without getting defensive. This is probably
one of the most important things you can do to foster
trust in your relationships. If you are certain that the
two of you are free to express what you each are
feeling without fear of being judged, your relationships
will become closer and more connected.
We believe that the foundation of any relationship is
emotional safety and trust. This means that physical
safety is a given and you feel emotionally safe enough
to be who you really are and be able to express yourself
freely.
Most people want to place the responsibility for trust
in a relationship on someone else. They base their
trust on how someone acts towards them.
Whether you are healing a broken heart or just need
some relationship tips, it's important to remember that
safety and trust in a relationship doesn't start with
someone else--it starts with you and how willing
you are to open up and allow the other in.
