Ladies, tell us your idea of a perfect date.

[Izayoi]

Thats good and all, but do you bring up anything of substance during a date??? Were tryin to feel you out just like you are us, so I myself dont wanna get too political right away, some women cant keep up, or dont know. Most of the time women only bring up fashion, or movies, or "guy problems." So The next time you have a date just put some shit out there. Maybe I should too.

Yes sir. I think people get mad because they wasted time on somebody but if folks stop frontin in the beginning then that would cut a lot of that out. If you are political, be political. I like Asian shit and I put that out there in my choice of food, movies, and philosophy.

Nobody saying first date wear your Bush is a Murderer T-shirt, but make your purpose/your person known. Best question a man ever asked me straight up "Who are you?"and it was clear he wasn't asking what I did for a living, what my favorite nail color was, where I buy my thongs or some dumb shit like that.

I had to answer from the heart, and I believe he did the same.

 

[Mt. Yukon]

I do not ever discuss such things EVER.
More times than not I start discussing things and not just politics(as US politics have little to do with me anyway) but spiritual and scientific things or whatever have you and am greeted by a blank stare. Those dudes are definitely not keepers.

Damn they cant even roll with it and act interested??? Yeah thats kinda jacked up.

 

[lilsexii]

if you have a vagina between your legs(or what's left of one) you don't know the first thing about being a grown man.

 

[HoneyBerry]

Tucked in??? With jeans??? Uhhhhhhhh... You tellin me that everything else is on point, but I have my button up untucked and Im gonna lose points??? Man yall gotta stop with this, grown men do this and that while little boys do that. A grownman does what he wants without fear of ridicule, but to you a grown man only dresses one type of way??? I agree jerseys and uptowns are not first date attire, but to have on a button up and tuck that bitch in some jeans is just splittin hairs, yall are gonna miss out on some real dudes thinkin like this. Maybe you already have. Dont know you personally, your probably good peoples, but Im starting to see why so many blackwomen are single and "cant find a good man."

Dude why are you stereotyping all of my sisters because of my comment? FYI, I hate tucking in my shirts too, but I do it when I need to (work, church, dates). It's really not that big of a deal if a guy doesn't do it. I don't keep points so no points lost for not doing it, but if I happen to notice it's tucked in, great.

 

[Mt. Yukon]

Dude why are you stereotyping all of my sisters because of my comment? FYI, I hate tucking in my shirts too, but I do it when I need to (work, church, dates). It's really not that big of a deal if a guy doesn't do it. I don't keep points so no points lost for not doing it, but if I happen to notice it's tucked in, great.

How am I stereotyping ALL of YOUR sisters??? I made a generalization yes, but I didnt say all blackwomen do it. If thats what you got out of my comment then you have my sincerest apology. But you and I both know some of YOUR sisters complain about little shit and then wanna bitch that theyre no good men, all the while dismissing some because of something superficial that no one other than themselves and other simple minded people even notice. Ive heard it soooo many times myself, so if this doesnt apply to you or the sisters YOU know, then cool, but I know a few that this does apply to, some of them being the old hens I was around a few days ago... And did you just say you tuck in your shirts on dates???

 

[HoneyBerry]

How am I stereotyping ALL of YOUR sisters??? I made a generalization yes, but I didnt say all blackwomen do it. If thats what you got out of my comment then you have my sincerest apology. But you and I both know some of YOUR sisters complain about little shit and then wanna bitch that theyre no good men, all the while dismissing some because of something superficial that no one other than themselves and other simple minded people even notice. Ive heard it soooo many times myself, so if this doesnt apply to you or the sisters YOU know, then cool, but I know a few that this does apply to, some of them being the old hens I was around a few days ago... And did you just say you tuck in your shirts on dates???

Yes I do, especially if I'm wearing a collared shirt. Tuck it into my little waist and leave the top buttons open. I guess we all have our deal breakers. Tucking in his shirt is not one of them, but I appreciate it. The OP asked what I think a guy should wear on a date with me, and that's what it should be except if we go to the beach or the park or something. Like take this one dude who actually looked very nice the first time we went out--except for the grime under his long finger nails. That might seem like something small to you, but it left a bad impression with me. Uncut nails and dirt underneath them. I can date an auto mechanic, but he has to clean up his whole body if he wants to touch me. I did let him know the reason why I was turned off and he didn't get it, but hey I'm sure he will find a woman who doesn't care about that.

 

[MTL]

For a first date, i like to do something fun, like Laster Tag. Gets the blood pumping and i get to know how he handles winning/loosing. After that we can go for a walk, have lunch or dinner, talk some more then go to our respective homes.

The second date could be in his or my home. Cooking together. Bumping into each other, teasing touches, glances... After dinner more talking, listening to music, petting. At the end either goes home.

3rd? If the chemistry is right

 

[Mt. Yukon]

Yes I do, especially if I'm wearing a collared shirt. Tuck it into my little waist and leave the top buttons open. I guess we all have our deal breakers. Tucking in his shirt is not one of them, but I appreciate it. The OP asked what I think a guy should wear on a date with me, and that's what it should be except if we go to the beach or the park or something. Like take this one dude who actually looked very nice the first time we went out--except for the grime under his long finger nails. That might seem like something small to you, but it left a bad impression with me. Uncut nails and dirt underneath them. I can date an auto mechanic, but he has to clean up his whole body if he wants to touch me. I did let him know the reason why I was turned off and he didn't get it, but hey I'm sure he will find a woman who doesn't care about that.

Yeah everyone has their quirks, If thats your thing thats your thing. Cant argue with that.

 

[MTL]

Tucked in??? With jeans??? Uhhhhhhhh... You tellin me that everything else is on point, but I have my button up untucked and Im gonna lose points??? Man yall gotta stop with this, grown men do this and that while little boys do that. A grownman does what he wants without fear of ridicule, but to you a grown man only dresses one type of way??? I agree jerseys and uptowns are not first date attire, but to have on a button up and tuck that bitch in some jeans is just splittin hairs, yall are gonna miss out on some real dudes thinkin like this. Maybe you already have. Dont know you personally, your probably good peoples, but Im starting to see why so many blackwomen are single and "cant find a good man."

I believe that Americans are different from Canadians in the "clothing/dressing" areas. Personally i can always tell an American tourist when i see one. The clothing always seem to "match", the colours are more "vibrant", it's worn with a different "attitude" (not in a negative way). Where as Canadians don't seem to have the knack for standing out. I buy most of my clothing in the USA and always get compliments on them (over here.
Al that to say, that I don't follow trends, i don't really know that the "hot" way yo wear shirts (in/out?) in the USA. What i do know is that i like a man to dress comfortable when we are out. There will be times when he needs to wear a suit times where a shirt and tie are great or a pair of jeans and a t-shirt or wife beater The brands are not important to me but i will admit that when buying for my ex husband I bought designer brands (not that he noticed). These are my "Canadian" requirements.

 

[femmenoire]

I believe that Americans are different from Canadians in the "clothing/dressing" areas. Personally i can always tell an American tourist when i see one. The clothing always seem to "match", the colours are more "vibrant", it's worn with a different "attitude" (not in a negative way). Where as Canadians don't seem to have the knack for standing out. I buy most of my clothing in the USA and always get compliments on them (over here.
Al that to say, that I don't follow trends, i don't really know that the "hot" way yo wear shirts (in/out?) in the USA. What i do know is that i like a man to dress comfortable when we are out. There will be times when he needs to wear a suit times where a shirt and tie are great or a pair of jeans and a t-shirt or wife beater The brands are not important to me but i will admit that when buying for my ex husband I bought designer brands (not that he noticed). These are my "Canadian" requirements.

They are different. Even though I was raised in America my parents are W.I. and the evidence is astounding.

I remember when holes in your jeans was the style. My father nearly killed my brother with a belt buckle when he saw that shit. No child of his was going to look tattered and torn when he had parents who are capable of providing. My father HAD to wear clothes with holes in it in Haiti because he had no choice.

America's parents feed into trends so their children grow up thinking that's all they have to do. Wear a tie? Why? Tuck my shirt in, um no. Speak properly, "I'm keeping it real".

Funny thing is, all these so called "real" dudes wouldn't know how to survive in a real slum, a real hood. But they fight so hard to keep the look of a life that they claim they don't even want!

And women are confused hyprocrites?



There is no problem with a casual look. But it's just that. A look. One of many. Men, BE DIVERSE.

 

[Shadow]

They are different. Even though I was raised in America my parents are W.I. and the evidence is astounding.

I remember when holes in your jeans was the style. My father nearly killed my brother with a belt buckle when he saw that shit. No child of his was going to look tattered and torn when he had parents who are capable of providing. My father HAD to wear clothes with holes in it in Haiti because he had no choice.

America's parents feed into trends so their children grow up thinking that's all they have to do. Wear a tie? Why? Tuck my shirt in, um no. Speak properly, "I'm keeping it real".

Funny thing is, all these so called "real" dudes wouldn't know how to survive in a real slum, a real hood. But they fight so hard to keep the look of a life that they claim they don't even want!

And women are confused hyprocrites?



There is no problem with a casual look. But it's just that. A look. One of many. Men, BE DIVERSE.

How did we go from not tucking shirts in jeans to all this?

You don't tuck shirts in jeans any more than you wear dress shoes with them, IMO. JEANS ARE A RELAXED PIECE OF CLOTHING.

If you want me dressed up, say so. I have no problem putting on some nice PANTS and then tucking my shirt in.

 

[lilsexii]

For me, the specifics of an outfit aren't as important as the overall look - either you have style or you don't.

 

[kjxxxx]

I like your date. You sound like a laid back person. I could hang with you.

Ohh fun question: I have two scenarios 1)Going out date and 2) Home Date

My favorite going out date:
So I really love to go out early evening summer because I don't like heat, but summer nights are perfect. I wear halter tops a lot.I'm little so I do braless and backless ok. High heel strappy sandals. I don't wear a lot of dresses or skirts- shorts or pants.

I want to meet for sushi (love sushi) and then I like to go to an independent movie theater. I like foreign films- british comedy, french films, and Korean horror flicks and ofcourse martial arts movies and anime.

Then we go for dessert and tea. I like cookies and little mini cheesecakes for treats.We can talk or make moon eyes- whatever.

Then at the end of the night I get my back blown out. Well assuming its not a first date *sigh*
Perfect!

....

Ok- 2) Home Date

I really love a man that can cook or we can cook together. I buy groceries, but he plans the menu then we can cook together or if he really wants to win points let me relax and watch some cartoons while he cooks. We can talk while he cooks. Then we have dinner, convo, and because he cooked I'll clean up. Then we can watch a movie together. Mind you I always fall asleep if I watch a movie at home, but I wake up at the end. Then I really like to give a nice massage or acupressure session since he was such a good guy to cook for me.

....and then I get my back blown out.

The end.

 

[femmenoire]

How did we go from not tucking shirts in jeans to all this?

You don't tuck shirts in jeans any more than you wear dress shoes with them, IMO. JEANS ARE A RELAXED PIECE OF CLOTHING.

If you want me dressed up, say so. I have no problem putting on some nice PANTS and then tucking my shirt in.

I didn't say you should tuck your shirt in jeans hon.

 

[kjxxxx]

maybe in atlanta it is

I am in Atlanta area and the people I hang around with don't dress like she says. I guess she needs to get out of her circle.

I am however happy that she does run into enough of the people that she likes because she seems to have many good memories.

I wish some of the fellows would quit nit picking though. Some of the shit they going back and forth with is just semantics.
"Dress shirt is not a dress shirt ...." WTF? If you want to argue with it then go ahead. In the stores they are sold as dress shirt. In the fashion industry they are called dressed shirts.

Also folks lets try to keep threads on the topic that the creator wanted to learn about.

 

[femmenoire]

I am in Atlanta area and the people I hang around with don't dress like she says. I guess she needs to get out of her circle.

I am however happy that she does run into enough of them because she seems to have good memories.

She doesn't have a circle.

She is going by some personal accounts as well as the personal accounts of friends and co workers, not to mention what she's witnessed.

And the good memories she references are men who dress in the manner that she likes.

 

[Shadow]

I didn't say you should tuck your shirt in jeans hon.

it was directed at everyone, dear.

 

[xfactor]

So my question to you ladies, “What is your idea of a perfect date”?

From my experience, most women have no idea with the "perfect date" is until it is over with. They can fantasize about what they think it is but what are the chances of that happening unless they communicate it to the man that they are dating?

The best date is the one that leads to the next date.

It's very hard to find a black man who doesn't wear a ton of rocawear, enyce, ecko and some sort of timb boot or sneaker.

You gotta stop messing with those rappers

For a first date, i like to do something fun, like Laster Tag. Gets the blood pumping and i get to know how he handles winning/loosing. After that we can go for a walk, have lunch or dinner, talk some more then go to our respective homes.

The second date could be in his or my home. Cooking together. Bumping into each other, teasing touches, glances... After dinner more talking, listening to music, petting. At the end either goes home.

3rd? If the chemistry is right

@ the 3 step screening process.

 

[DiamondDeuce]

LILSEXI,

I live in Atlanta also. I have been to all the places that you have mentioned. But I don't think I personally would do those as 1st dates (if I did not know the female already).

To me the 1st date is just trying to establish if you are compatible. All that exotic, fairytale stuff is not my style upfront. I don't mind having a good time. We can go to Dave & Busters in Gwinnett (not the hood one in Marietta), or to Startime in Alpharetta and play a little minature golf.

I am not big on spending a great deal of MONEY on 1st dates. Why invest money in something that you are still "unsure" about.

Plus I am looking to see if the woman BRINGS MONEY $$$ on the date. A woman that does not offer to pay for anything is a real turnoff. I am professional...and I only date women that are financially independent. I like when a woman is willing to MAKE AN EQUAL FINANCIAL INVESTMENT INTO GETING TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

A few good dates I've had (I live in the A):

One guy took me to a movie at Atlantic Station, then we had drinks (their raspberry mojito is on fire) and dessert at Strip, then we walked around and talked, and talked, and talked.

Another one, we went to the Wednesday wind down at Centennial Park, then we had dinner at McCormick & Schmidts then walked around the park, talked, held hands, made out a little...

Harlem Bar for dinner & drinks, then Centennial Park. This guy was visiting so he wanted to take some touristy pictures and then he asked me to model for him so I was posing out in the park at like 1AM. We were still a lil tipsy, but it was fun as hell.

Last one, guy I was dating took me to the Royal Peacock (Reggae spot) and we got all sweaty dancing and stayed really late, then we went to IHOP and back to the crib for "dessert"...very HOT after all that grindin'.

I've been on dates where guys spent more money, but these are notable for me because the convo was the main thing. If you have stuff to talk about and you enjoy each other's company, it doesn't matter where you go or how much you spend. Just make sure you do something that gives you the opportunity to kick back, chat and get to know each other. Unless the chick is a gold digger, she should be more impressed with your mind anyway...right?

Also, I like trying new things, new restaurants, etc. Chain restaurants like Applebee's, Chili's, etc. are a turn off for me, for a first date anyway - seems unimaginative. You could spend the same amount of money and have a really good dinner somewhere else.

 

[HoneyBerry]

LILSEXI,

I live in Atlanta also. I have been to all the places that you have mentioned. But I don't think I personally would do those as 1st dates (if I did not know the female already).

To me the 1st date is just trying to establish if you are compatible. All that exotic, fairytale stuff is not my style upfront. I don't mind having a good time. We can go to Dave & Busters in Gwinnett (not the hood one in Marietta), or to Startime in Alpharetta and play a little minature golf.

I am not big on spending a great deal of MONEY on 1st dates. Why invest money in something that you are still "unsure" about.

Plus I am looking to see if the woman BRINGS MONEY $$$ on the date. A woman that does not offer to pay for anything is a real turnoff. I am professional...and I only date women that are financially independent. I like when a woman is willing to MAKE AN EQUAL FINANCIAL INVESTMENT INTO GETING TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

Yeah. I don't like expensive dates either. I prefer to do things where I can actually talk to dude. Also I know how touchy it is for men to have to pay, but I still expect it and say "thank you" every time. Sometimes I'll offer to buy us dessert or drinks at the end of the date. Or if we go catch a movie after dinner, I usually offer to pay. I want a man who is a man all around. Paying for dates early on is not a gentlemanly thing to do, it's a manly thing to do. If you want me to be paying for dates in the beginning, then I'm going to be head of household too (not happening). Otherwise it's not happening until we have been going out for a while.

 

[DiamondDeuce]

SWEETIE I HEAR YOU AND UNDERSTAND.

BUT I AM LOOKING FOR A WOMAN THAT IS INTERESTED TO KNOW ME. I DON'T MIND PAYING FOR A DATE.............BUT I DON'T LIKE A WOMAN THAT EXPECTS/DEMANDS IT.

I LIKE FOR IT TO BE MY TREAT NOT MY DUTY.

PLUS I DO NOT DEFINE BY MANHOOD SPENDING MONEY ON A WOMAN

PLUS NO PROBLEM.......I HAVE NO PROBLEM 'PLAYING THE ROLE' OF SO CALLE D "MAN"....IF YOU ARE WILLING TO PLAY THE TRADITIONAL ROLE OF 'WOMAN'

WHICH MEANS THAT YOU HAVE CERTAIN DUTIES AND EXPECTATIONS AS WELL. TRADITIONALLY THAT MEANS THAT YOU:
DONT ARGUE WITH A MAN IN PUBLIC
WHAT THE MAN SAYS GOES
THE MAN HAS A HOT MEAL WAITING WHEN HE GETS HOME FROM WORK EVERYDAY.
WOMAN TAKES CARE OF THE DOMESTIC DUTIES IN THE HOUSE


IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE WOMAN ALWAYS SAY THAT THEY WANT A "MAN" THAT ACTS LIKE A "MAN" (TRADITIONAL)

BUT MOST OF THE WOMAN DO NOT WANT THE PERFORM THE WOMANLY DUTIES AND RESPONSIBLITIES THAT COME WITH THAT.

EVERYTHING HAS A PRICE

YOU WANT A NEGRO TO TREAT YOU LIKE THAT FROM DAY 1
THAN YOU NEED TO BE THE TRADITIONAL WOMAN FROM DAY 1

Yeah. I don't like expensive dates either. I prefer to do things where I can actually talk to dude. Also I know how touchy it is for men to have to pay, but I still expect it and say "thank you" every time. Sometimes I'll offer to buy us dessert or drinks at the end of the date. Or if we go catch a movie after dinner, I usually offer to pay. I want a man who is a man all around. Paying for dates early on is not a gentlemanly thing to do, it's a manly thing to do. If you want me to be paying for dates in the beginning, then I'm going to be head of household too (not happening). Otherwise it's not happening until we have been going out for a while.

 

[HoneyBerry]

SWEETIE I HEAR YOU AND UNDERSTAND.

BUT I AM LOOKING FOR A WOMAN THAT IS INTERESTED TO KNOW ME. I DON'T MIND PAYING FOR A DATE.............BUT I DON'T LIKE A WOMAN THAT EXPECTS/DEMANDS IT.

I LIKE FOR IT TO BE MY TREAT NOT MY DUTY.

PLUS I DO NOT DEFINE BY MANHOOD SPENDING MONEY ON A WOMAN

PLUS NO PROBLEM.......I HAVE NO PROBLEM 'PLAYING THE ROLE' OF SO CALLE D "MAN"....IF YOU ARE WILLING TO PLAY THE TRADITIONAL ROLE OF 'WOMAN'

WHICH MEANS THAT YOU HAVE CERTAIN DUTIES AND EXPECTATIONS AS WELL. TRADITIONALLY THAT MEANS THAT YOU:
DONT ARGUE WITH A MAN IN PUBLIC
WHAT THE MAN SAYS GOES
THE MAN HAS A HOT MEAL WAITING WHEN HE GETS HOME FROM WORK EVERYDAY.
WOMAN TAKES CARE OF THE DOMESTIC DUTIES IN THE HOUSE

IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE WOMAN ALWAYS SAY THAT THEY WANT A "MAN" THAT ACTS LIKE A "MAN" (TRADITIONAL)

BUT MOST OF THE WOMAN DO NOT WANT THE PERFORM THE WOMANLY DUTIES AND RESPONSIBLITIES THAT COME WITH THAT.

EVERYTHING HAS A PRICE

YOU WANT A NEGRO TO TREAT YOU LIKE THAT FROM DAY 1
THAN YOU NEED TO BE THE TRADITIONAL WOMAN FROM DAY 1

I am very traditional when it comes to the roles of a man and a woman, even though I have my own career and am independent and strong. That's how I was raised and so many other black women. But I notice the opinions of men on BGOL and I wonder if that is what the majority of black men think about black women. That we only want "ballers", "players", etc. All these negative stereotypes might be keeping the good black men away from the good black women, hence a lot of the good women say "there are no good black men". My reality is that none of the women I know want a player, anybody who is too flashy or materialistic, or somebody into easy money. But we're looking for stable men who share the same values

 

[lilsexii]

LILSEXI,

I live in Atlanta also. I have been to all the places that you have mentioned. But I don't think I personally would do those as 1st dates (if I did not know the female already).

To me the 1st date is just trying to establish if you are compatible. All that exotic, fairytale stuff is not my style upfront. I don't mind having a good time. We can go to Dave & Busters in Gwinnett (not the hood one in Marietta), or to Startime in Alpharetta and play a little minature golf.

I am not big on spending a great deal of MONEY on 1st dates. Why invest money in something that you are still "unsure" about.

Plus I am looking to see if the woman BRINGS MONEY $$$ on the date. A woman that does not offer to pay for anything is a real turnoff. I am professional...and I only date women that are financially independent. I like when a woman is willing to MAKE AN EQUAL FINANCIAL INVESTMENT INTO GETING TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

I see what you're saying, but really the only expensive one I listed was McCormick & Schmidt's. The others probably cost as much as going to D&B...by the time you drink, eat and play games, it can get a lil pricey. I think who pays also depends on how you met. If you met online and you've been chatting for a while, then it's more like a meet and greet and dutch seems fair to me. But if its someone you met in person first and it's an old fashioned "will you go out with me or let me take you out, it will be fun" kind of thing, I don't think it's so outrageous for the guy to pay the first time. But if it works out and you continue to date, its only fair that you balance it out by going dutch or the female picking up the tab sometimes.

 

[DiamondDeuce]

HB,

NO DOUBT!!! I FEEL YOU.

BUT THE SUBJECT OF BALLERS/PLAYERS IS NOT WHAT I AM DESCRIBING.

I AM SAYING IT IS ONLY FAIR.........IF YOU SEEK A TRADITIONAL MAN.........THAN YOU SHOULD BE A TRADITIONAL WOMAN RIGHT?

SO IF YOU EXPECT A TRADITIONAL MAN FROM DAY ONE.............THAN SHOULDN'T YOU BE A TRADITIONAL WOMAN FROM DAY ONE?

SO THAT MEANS THAT YOU ALREADY PERFORM ALL THE DUTIES/RESPONSIBILITIES OF ALL THE ELDER WOMEN IN CHURCH RIGHT?

SO YOU WILL HAVE A HOT MEAL READY FOR A MAN EVERYDAY AFTER HE GETS OFF FROM WORK?

YOU BELIEVE THAT THE MAN IS THE HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD.......AND THE WOMAN SHALL FOLLOW HIS LEAD?

A WOMAN IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL OF THE INHOUSE DOMESTIC DUTIES...WHILE THE MAN TENDS THE YARD/EXTERIOR?

WHEN THE MAN SPEAKS.......HE HAS SPOKEN?

DO YOU BELIEVE ALL OF THAT........AND CURRENTLY DISPLAY THOSE CHARACTERISTICS?

I am very traditional when it comes to the roles of a man and a woman, even though I have my own career and am independent and strong. That's how I was raised and so many other black women. But I notice the opinions of men on BGOL and I wonder if that is what the majority of black men think about black women. That we only want "ballers", "players", etc. All these negative stereotypes might be keeping the good black men away from the good black women, hence a lot of the good women say "there are no good black men". My reality is that none of the women I know want a player, anybody who is too flashy or materialistic, or somebody into easy money. But we're looking for stable men who share the same values

 

[DiamondDeuce]

I UNDERSTAND....TRUST ME. BUT WHY HAVE ALL OF THESE SCENARIOS AND QUALIFICATIONS?

WHY NOT JUST HAVE THE 1ST DATE DUTCH?
THAT WAY IT IS FAIR FROM THE START................ EVERYONE HAS INVESTED EQUALLY INTO GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

COME ON ANSWER ME THIS TRUTHFULLY:
A "TRADITIONAL DATE".......DINNER AND A MOVIE FOR 2 WILL RUN YOU ABOUT $70.

HOW MANY GUYS HAVE YOU GONE OUT WITH...............WOULD YOU HAVE GONE OUT WITH IF YOU KNEW FROM THE START THAT YOU WERE SHELLING OUT THE $70?


YET YOU EXPECT MEN TO FORK OUT MONEY ON A 1ST DATE........THAT DON'T EVEN REALLY KNOW YOU?

SO WHY NOT JUST MAKE IT EASY AND FAIR AND JUST GO DUTCH?


IS IT SO WRONG TO BE FAIR AND EQUITABLE TO BOTH PARTIES?

If you met online and you've been chatting for a while, then it's more like a meet and greet and dutch seems fair to me. But if its someone you met in person first and it's an old fashioned "will you go out with me or let me take you out, it will be fun" kind of thing, I don't think it's so outrageous for the guy to pay the first time. But if it works out and you continue to date, its only fair that you balance it out by going dutch or the female picking up the tab sometimes.

 

[lilsexii]

I am very traditional when it comes to the roles of a man and a woman, even though I have my own career and am independent and strong. That's how I was raised and so many other black women. But I notice the opinions of men on BGOL and I wonder if that is what the majority of black men think about black women. That we only want "ballers", "players", etc. All these negative stereotypes might be keeping the good black men away from the good black women, hence a lot of the good women say "there are no good black men". My reality is that none of the women I know want a player, anybody who is too flashy or materialistic, or somebody into easy money. But we're looking for stable men who share the same values

Co-sign.

In any case, do what you feel and let the person see who you are up front. If you're traditional, be traditional. If you're not, do what you do. Whether your date likes it or not, it's cool because you represented who you really are from jumpstreet - no surprises 4 or 5 dates down the road. Bad business to wait and flip the script later once you start feeling comfortable (that goes for men and women).

 

[DiamondDeuce]

HB,

THE HIGHLIGHTED SECTION IS A CONTRADICTION TO THE ROLES OF A TRADITIONAL WOMAN.

IT IS INTERESTING THAT [BLACK] WOMEN SEEM TO WANT TO BE "TRADITIONAL" ONLY WHEN IT BENEFITS YOU.............BUT INDEPENDENT THE REST OF THE TIME.

YOU WANT IT BOTH WAYS
LIFE DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY

IF YOU WANT A TRADITIONAL MAN .... THEN THEIR ARE CERTAIN DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES THAT COME WITH THAT AS A WOMAN. PERIOD.

SO YOU STILL HAVE NOT ANSWERED MY QUESTION:

ARE YOU WILLING FROM DAY ONE TO DO ALL OF THE TRADITIONAL WOMANLY DUTIES? IE. LIKE THE LIL OLD ELDERLY WOMEN AT THE CHURCH DO FOR THEIR HUSBANDS?

I am very traditional when it comes to the roles of a man and a woman, even though I have my own career and am independent and strong. That's how I was raised and so many other black women.

 

[HoneyBerry]

HB,

NO DOUBT!!! I FEEL YOU.

BUT THE SUBJECT OF BALLERS/PLAYERS IS NOT WHAT I AM DESCRIBING.

I AM SAYING IT IS ONLY FAIR.........IF YOU SEEK A TRADITIONAL MAN.........THAN YOU SHOULD BE A TRADITIONAL WOMAN RIGHT?

SO IF YOU EXPECT A TRADITIONAL MAN FROM DAY ONE.............THAN SHOULDN'T YOU BE A TRADITIONAL WOMAN FROM DAY ONE?

SO THAT MEANS THAT YOU ALREADY PERFORM ALL THE DUTIES/RESPONSIBILITIES OF ALL THE ELDER WOMEN IN CHURCH RIGHT?

SO YOU WILL HAVE A HOT MEAL READY FOR A MAN EVERYDAY AFTER HE GETS OFF FROM WORK?

YOU BELIEVE THAT THE MAN IS THE HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD.......AND THE WOMAN SHALL FOLLOW HIS LEAD?

A WOMAN IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL OF THE INHOUSE DOMESTIC DUTIES...WHILE THE MAN TENDS THE YARD/EXTERIOR?

WHEN THE MAN SPEAKS.......HE HAS SPOKEN?

DO YOU BELIEVE ALL OF THAT........AND CURRENTLY DISPLAY THOSE CHARACTERISTICS?

I am very traditional in my beliefs about the man and the woman in the relationship. But unless I become a full time housewife and mother, you can't expect me to do everything. There are only 24 hours in a day. I'll only speak for myself and what I expect from my husband.

We discuss everything. He has to be older than me and have gone through enough in life that he can give guidance and advice for how our home will be run. If I marry a man, that is because I know he has my best interest at heart and so whatever he decides is hopefully unselfish. At the same time, I'm a woman with my own thoughts and ideas. So just because you're the head of household it doesn't discount my opinion or make me less of a partner.

Your specific questions: In my church, there are no "elder" women. People of all ages are as active as they want to be. I cook every Sunday for the week ahead to take my lunch everyday and have meals at night. If I don't cook enough for the week, if I run out of food early, or if I'm too tired to cook after I get home, then I will buy healthy food outside of my home. Since I will be working full time too, cooking is a responsibility I expect to share with my husband unless he gives me the go ahead that he will make enough for me to retire. As for indoor/outdoor housework, I will take care of all of that if my husband gives me the go ahead to retire. And yes, once the man speaks he has spoken. But since I'm a grown woman, when I speak I have spoken too. So...... Do you make enough money for me to be a fulltime stay at home traditional woman?

 

[DiamondDeuce]

HB

I AM ENJOYING THE DISCUSSION.

PERSONALLY I DO NOT WANT A "TRADITIONAL WOMAN".........BECAUSE I'M NOT A TRADITIONAL TYPE OF DUDE.

DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS

ALL I AM SAYING THAT IF A WOMAN WANTS A MAN TO BEHAVE IN A TRADITIONAL MANNER FROM DAY ONE...............THEN SHE SHOULD EXPECT TO BEHAVE LIKE A TRADITIONAL WOMAN FROM DAY ONE. FEW WOMEN REALLY........WANT TO DO THAT.

WOMEN WANT TO DICTATE WHAT A MAN'S DUTIES ARE..........BUT RARELY CAN LIST AND ADHERE TO A LIST OF WOMANLY DUTIES THAT ARE OF AS MUCH WEIGHT....AS THEY EXPECT OUT OF THE MAN.

I am very traditional in my beliefs about the man and the woman in the relationship. But unless I become a full time housewife and mother, you can't expect me to do everything. There are only 24 hours in a day. I'll only speak for myself and what I expect from my husband.

We discuss everything. He has to be older than me and have gone through enough in life that he can give guidance and advice for how our home will be run. If I marry a man, that is because I know he has my best interest at heart and so whatever he decides is hopefully unselfish. At the same time, I'm a woman with my own thoughts and ideas. So just because you're the head of household it doesn't discount my opinion or make me less of a partner.

Your specific questions: In my church, there are no "elder" women. People of all ages are as active as they want to be. I cook every Sunday for the week ahead to take my lunch everyday and have meals at night. If I don't cook enough for the week, if I run out of food early, or if I'm too tired to cook after I get home, then I will buy healthy food outside of my home. Since I will be working full time too, cooking is a responsibility I expect to share with my husband unless he gives me the go ahead that he will make enough for me to retire. As for indoor/outdoor housework, I will take care of all of that if my husband gives me the go ahead to retire. And yes, once the man speaks he has spoken. But since I'm a grown woman, when I speak I have spoken too. So...... Do you make enough money for me to be a fulltime stay at home traditional woman?

 

[HoneyBerry]

HB

I AM ENJOYING THE DISCUSSION.

PERSONALLY I DO NOT WANT A "TRADITIONAL WOMAN".........BECAUSE I'M NOT A TRADITIONAL TYPE OF DUDE.

DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS

ALL I AM SAYING THAT IF A WOMAN WANTS A MAN TO BEHAVE IN A TRADITIONAL MANNER FROM DAY ONE...............THEN SHE SHOULD EXPECT TO BEHAVE LIKE A TRADITIONAL WOMAN FROM DAY ONE. FEW WOMEN REALLY........WANT TO DO THAT.

WOMEN WANT TO DICTATE WHAT A MAN'S DUTIES ARE..........BUT RARELY CAN LIST AND ADHERE TO A LIST OF WOMANLY DUTIES THAT ARE OF AS MUCH WEIGHT....AS THEY EXPECT OUT OF THE MAN.

Awwww man. I was hoping you would be the first man to respond "Yes, I make enough for you to give up your career, stay at home and be a traditional wife." No man has ever said that and I would not want to give up my career, but I just want someone to say yes for once... O.K. I'll take a break now

 

[lilsexii]

I UNDERSTAND....TRUST ME. BUT WHY HAVE ALL OF THESE SCENARIOS AND QUALIFICATIONS?

WHY NOT JUST HAVE THE 1ST DATE DUTCH?
THAT WAY IT IS FAIR FROM THE START................ EVERYONE HAS INVESTED EQUALLY INTO GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

COME ON ANSWER ME THIS TRUTHFULLY:
A "TRADITIONAL DATE".......DINNER AND A MOVIE FOR 2 WILL RUN YOU ABOUT $70.

HOW MANY GUYS HAVE YOU GONE OUT WITH...............WOULD YOU HAVE GONE OUT WITH IF YOU KNEW FROM THE START THAT YOU WERE SHELLING OUT THE $70?


YET YOU EXPECT MEN TO FORK OUT MONEY ON A 1ST DATE........THAT DON'T EVEN REALLY KNOW YOU?

SO WHY NOT JUST MAKE IT EASY AND FAIR AND JUST GO DUTCH?


IS IT SO WRONG TO BE FAIR AND EQUITABLE TO BOTH PARTIES?

There are plenty of guys out there who wouldn't hear of letting a woman pay on the first date. If you're not one of them, it's cool. There are people who have a modern mentality with a traditional backbone. Certain things don't change, other things are modified. I'm sure there's some women out there who share your sentiments on the subject. So, it really depends on the two people who are going out together and what's appropriate for them. I don't think we should worry so much about traditional dating rules - everybody's doing their own thing anyway.

BTW, I can't say that I've ever asked a guy out on a serious date like that, but if I did, I would expect to pay the first time. Yes, I've paid on subsequent dates, gone dutch or covered the tip on several occasions. I've also offered to pay and the guy insisted that he cover it on more than one occasion.

Also, I would always be prepared to pay, I wouldn't go out broke.

 

[DiamondDeuce]

LOL!!

WELL SEEMS THAT YOU PUT A LOT OF "QUALIFICATIONS" ON SOMETHING........AND TRY TO USE THE GUISE OF "TRADITION" TO JUSTIFY YOUR CONVIENCE.

DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS I GUESS..........EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO DO AS THEY PLEASE.

I JUST LIKE STARTING THINGS OUT EQUALLY.

PS:
THE HIGHLIGHTED SECTION...SENSING YOUR CHOICE OF WORDS..... MEANS THAT YOU HAVE CERTAIN STANDARD SET OF RULES THAT YOU WOULD LIKE MEN TO FOLLOW...........BUT YOU DON'T EXPECT TO ADHERE TO ANY OF THE RULES THAT GO ALONG WITH THAT YOURSELF.

There are plenty of guys out there who wouldn't hear of letting a woman pay on the first date. If you're not one of them, it's cool. There are people who have a modern mentality with a traditional backbone. Certain things don't change, other things are modified. I'm sure there's some women out there who share your sentiments on the subject. So, it really depends on the two people who are going out together and what's appropriate for them. I don't think we should worry so much about traditional dating rules - everybody's doing their own thing anyway.

BTW, I can't say that I've ever asked a guy out on a serious date like that, but if I did, I would expect to pay the first time. Yes, I've paid on subsequent dates, gone dutch or covered the tip on several occasions. I've also offered to pay and the guy insisted that he cover it on more than one occasion.

Also, I would always be prepared to pay, I wouldn't go out broke.

 

[SuperGenius]

Very entertaining thread

 

[HoneyBerry]

What would you like leading up to the date or after the date?

Just looked at the OP again. What I expect: If a man sees me out shopping or getting groceries and feels like he wants to meet me, I expect him to be courteous, not stare at my tits or my hips, and be direct about what you want. If you ask for my number, respect me if I say I'm not interested or if I say I'd rather take your number. Don't flip the script or say something silly: "Can I call you just as a friend? Are you satisfied with your relationship? I don't see a stop sign on your finger"

If you pass go and get my number, then give me a call within 1 day. None of that BS your boys tell you about waiting however much time. If you are interested, you better let me know because I'll move on. If we hit it off with our first conversation I would love to hear from you every couple of days or so until the first time you ask me out. A text is O.K. too

After you have asked me out, I still want to hear from you every couple of days, but it is very courteous to call the night before the date and confirm everything and say what type of clothes I should wear for wherever we will be going. If we have a great date I always call the next day to say I had a great time. It's also sweet if you are not dropping me at my place that you give me a call to make sure I got home O.K. And if you are still interested, I should keep hearing from you every couple of days and we should start going out more often. Hope that helps.

Edit: Don't want it to seem like I don't call a man. If I'm interested, I also call during the week

 

[lilsexii]

LOL!!

WELL SEEMS THAT YOU PUT A LOT OF "QUALIFICATIONS" ON SOMETHING........AND TRY TO USE THE GUISE OF "TRADITION" TO JUSTIFY YOUR CONVIENCE.

DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS I GUESS..........EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO DO AS THEY PLEASE.

I JUST LIKE STARTING THINGS OUT EQUALLY.

PS:
THE HIGHLIGHTED SECTION...SENSING YOUR CHOICE OF WORDS..... MEANS THAT YOU HAVE CERTAIN STANDARD SET OF RULES THAT YOU WOULD LIKE MEN TO FOLLOW...........BUT YOU DON'T EXPECT TO ADHERE TO ANY OF THE RULES THAT GO ALONG WITH THAT YOURSELF.

Qualification is necessary - I don't think you can live life and view relationships in black and white when it's really gray at best. I personally believe that in a marriage, someone has to take the lead, I think that should be the man and that man should be able to lead the family in the best way he knows how without exploiting his wife or taking advantage of his position. Traditional as you described it means that if woman subscribes to any traditional value at all means that she must also be willing to be subservient and that's not true. You can absolutely honor your husband as head of the household without being his servant or doormat, even sharing household duties, bread winning and child rearing, etc. - and there are men and women both who feel that way. So, no, I'm not making up random rules that I want to make someone comply with, I'd prefer to get with someone who already shares the same beliefs. That's why I also said that there are probably women out there who feel the same way you do. There's somebody for everybody.