Ladies and Gents: PLEASE SHARE YOUR OPINION(Warning: Requires reading)

debrookcaturlyn

Potential Star
Registered
I also welcome my brothas opinions...and clowning...but it's probably too much reading,,,prove me wrong"

Background: This sista had an ad on Craigslist. She was asking for some direction on how to approach a dude in her nite school class. Here is the uncut version of my advise to her and the email exchange that followed over about a 5 day period. I AIN'T TRIPPIN over this shit!! Just curious....WTF happened? I thought I played it pretty cool???

ME: I'm sorry honey(not tryna b funny), but why not just slide your Craigslist ad to him in a note. Dude sits next to you everytime. It's not like you have assigned seating(like in elementary school). He's obviously making an effort 2 b near you. It's 2008, life is short, and if Barack don't get elected, we're all goin if 2 HELL....live life
like 2day is your last. In the meantime...in between timeIf you need someone to pass the time wit while you figure psyc class out...holla back...I'll be your temporary relief.....


HER: Well since you're all in the mix, I'll tell you how things went on Monday night. This time he sat behind me in class. He smelled so good and his voice made me want to melt. Anyway I kept thinking about how I was going to approach him (thanks to your email). I was thinking I would pull up the ad on my phone and show it to him after class but that seemed a little weird to me. Then I was thinking the ad itself wasn't a good idea. So while we waited for our test to be given back to us, I asked him if he had a minute talk after class. He said yes and waited for me to get my test and we went into the hall. We made small talk on how we did on the test. I said I was wondering if we could exchange numbers and asked if he was single. He said yes to both with a huge smile (of course I was smiling too). We talked about our goals with school/careers and gave brief background information about one another (how ironic he is from Chicago which is one of my favorite cities). He asked if we could study together sometimes and I said yes. He
stayed around for few more minutes until my next class and we said our good-nights. I'm always looking forward to his presence in class (because of his intelligence and he is so articulate). Now I'm looking forward to getting to know him.


ME: I can already hear the bed squeeking......


HER: Wow, you must be a man.


ME: Yes....with a sense of humor(wink)


HER: Figured...because a woman would not say that to another woman unless they were cool. Honestly though, I already know I would have sex with him. Now only time will tell when that will happen (I am not the one for casual sex). But you have me curious as to who you are so tell me about yourself...unless you want to remain anonymous (which is fine too).


ME: WOW...I'm impressed!! You are a VERY fast learner. I guess it's easier to flirt online than in person(smile). I like how you handled my responses. There is a side to you that is aching to come out. Why do you hold her back. I guess she has to be provoked(LOL). It's obvious that you would sleep with him....hell, WHY NOT?? Unless you're trying to keep your dick count under 5 before marriage(scratches head)! I am VERY new to this online/email/Im/ meeting/dating game, but I have found that a certain degree of anonymity is good. It allows folks to be VERY open because they don't know each other. For example, How many of your guy friends have you told that there is a guy in your class that you can't wait to sleep with(ok, not your exact words but, you get the picture). I know as a woman, you need to know some THANGS about a person you are conversing with......so to that I say.....ASK AWAY!! Whatever you want to know ask me and I will be the explicitly honest person that I am. Don't hold back....matter of fact....let that chick that's aching to come out ask the questions(LOL)!!


HER: I like flirting; even more so in person. I like intimacy. What can I say...I'm a bull. No there isn't anyone inside of me. I guess I'm a true example of lady in the streets, freak in the sheets. Most men look at women crazy if they acted out like how they wanted to. I'm very open. I just don't deal with everyone in every way. I had a long standing casual sex relationship with a good friend and I recently cut it off (the sex part). We still are friends and hangout when time permits. I would rather be in a relationship because it means more and you're not lusting after someone without feelings behind it. It's harder for him than me but I'm sure he has other females he has sex with.

About you...how old are you? how long have you been in atlanta? are you married/in a relationship? any kids? how many other people are you conversing with anonymously online? race? do you wear cologne? what type of voice do you have? what's your stats (height, weight, etc)? what do you think about anal? where is the most erogenous place on your body? what makes a woman sexy to you?

I'll have more questions but that's it for now. Ciao!

ME: WHOA!!!! Ask and ye shall receive...I personally think some of these questions are better answered in conversation so at the end of my reply I will leave my # which I invite you to use. I have to question you lloving in person flirting because until the other day....you were not doing a good job of it with your classmate(HA!!). I will definately give you the intimacy/lady/freak thing because that IS the basic makeup/fiber of a woman. I will even give you more props because you have not had a problem mentioning your sexcapades, nor your intent or desire for future sexcapades. Bigup!! A MAN understands that across the board women are more intimate, sensual, sexual, freaky, openminded, as well as desire and require sex more than men. Any woman I have ever been with gets to "walk the runway"!! As for the casual sex....theres nothing wrong with it as long as it is serving a need and a time. It was good for the time it needed to be. I just would not have had it with a GOOD FRIEND....for all the reasons you stated and many more. Of course its harder for him....another conversation for another time. 31, 15, no, no thanks(happilly divorced), 2 boys(8&10), none...snailmail and IMing, are SO impersonal, so therefore I get bored real fast and over time lose interest. Did u really have 2 ask..GO OBAMA(i'm black), I own a gang of it(Valentino, Gucci, Dior,YSL, Polo Versace, Fendi, Dolce, etc)...NONE of them are even opened....I guess I don't really wear cologne, 404 678-%60&(anytime), 5'10" 185. That's a trick question!! Answering that question "incorrectly" will get you to the point of no return.... at the speed of light!! Ask me if you decide to call. Tounge in ear = instant WOODY. Her attitude towards life and people. I hate fake people and frontin azz women. If you are fine ass hell with a bad attitude....not interested. This is another question I'd rather expand on in a conversation. WHEW!!! Here is your questionaire...I replaced 5 of yours with 5 of mine.......
About you...how old are you? how long have you been in atlanta? are you looking for marriage/a relationship? any kids? how long since the last time you had sex? If you could have it whenever you want....how many times a week? on a freak-o-meter(1-10)...what are you? something sexually ...you have NOT done, but the thought has crossed your mind? what's your stats (height, weight, etc)? what do you think about anal? where is the most erogenous place on your body? what is great sex to you?


HER: About me...28, been back for 5 years (partially grew up here), not looking but hoping for marriage (lol), no kids, about 4 months ago, probably once a day during the week and as much as possible on the weekends, 9, maybe outside, 5'4/150 lbs/curvy yet athletic, anal is very pleasurable, the right side of my neck & the left side of my waist above my pelvic bone, an open partner/a little domination/strong thrusts

Ok, so you decided to evade some of the questions I asked...and yes I do like flirting the situation in class is a little different because I felt he was giving me mixed signals; so I approached with caution. I would rather have sex with a good friend rather than someone I don't know or know little about. He and I have a very deep connection as friends (unlike what I have with any of my other friends male & female). Not sure yet if I'll take you up on the phone call.



ME: WOW.....I sense you falling back?? No second wave of questions?? I only eluded the anal question. I've only done it twice. Both times it was her first time so I have yet to really do it with someone that, "i can go at it" with. It' odd because I have been with some stone cold freaks...but they were anti-anal. It not a must for me, but it is DEFINATELY a VERY welcomed addition to the bedroom. I truly was NOT judging you on how you approached the class situation or the sex with the friend situation. I was joking about one and sharing my "outside perspective" about the other. Goes back to why I don't like email and IM convos.....you just can't always accurately know a persons tone or temperment. Been back for 5 years from where? NINE!!! Maybe I should send you the freak-o-meter checklist(LOL). Have you ever been to a swingers club? I am planning on going this weekend. I don't have my
children this weekend so I get to be free to do me. What part of town do you stay? I'm in Decatur. Oral??? Giving or receiving? I know BOTH, but pick your fav. Have you had any other "outside perspectives" responses to your Craigslist ad? Any of them gotten as far or further than I have....LOL... Hope you rethink the phone thing....especially since I have a free weekend...just food for thought(wink wink)


HER: No second wave of questions. No I'm not falling back but I'm not trying to exchange a lot of sexually charged emails either. There is much more to converse about.


ME: Cool....I overstand....but with all due respect, this last email was pretty toned down and had some very generic questions. But hey, no pressure baby(not my style). If your last response is an indicator.....

HER: An indicator of what?? Ok...first let me say I am not upset or have any negative energy (so you know what my tone is in this email). I don't know if you were expecting anything to become of this but I was not. My post was not intended for you but I accepted your response anyway. Now I even took it to another level and entertained your questions and/or comments. I am not conversing with you to prove myself to you or to get to know you by any means...because I am not interested (the main reason I did not feel the need to call you). You seemed to be pretty cool initially and I enjoyed emailing you however I do not need to solely discuss sex...that was not the intention of my ad and I will not get caught up in that...that is simple-minded thinking sweetheart and the world is full of much more meaningful/important things to discuss. With that said, I hope you enjoy your weekend and it's been real. Take care.

ME: "With that said, I hope you enjoy your weekend and it's been real. Take care."........Thank you, you too.

]
 
Wow...

I do think the exchange of the # was early..

but for someone who wasn't looking for sexually charged conversations she did ask a lot of them. I guess she didn't expect for you to ask so many back. Maybe she got turned off by the fact that you were 31, divorced with 2 kids.... that's (no offense) a lot of baggage for someone who's never been married with no kids...
 
First off...I am a MAN....so some men do read!! Cleopatra did a great job of not saying...."THE BITCH WAS TRIPPIN". Disclaimer: Remember this is a brothas perspective.

1)The bitch posted on CRAIGSLIST!! HELLOOO...do you know what a sesspool that is....so she was lookin for some shit..or some shit to get into.
2)Once dude answered her ad....NO response from her was even needed. So she WAS fishing.
3)As Cleo stated...she baited him in with a sexually charged email. And I think he handled and responded tastefully.
4)Again I agree with Cleo...maybe his hand(divorced, 2 children, yada, yada)was more than she bargained for..BUT, I'm sure she carrying around some bullshit(she ain't squeeky clean)too!! If she ain't looking for a husband or boyfriend...WTF diff do it make....ESPECIALLY if bro man is handlin his bizness.
5)Lastly...just a prime example of how flighty, unsure, and of the moment women can be. What I mean is that women are creatures of their mood and the moment, If you happen to be there when those 2 planets line up(window of opportunity)...you still GOTTA push ALL the right buttons(say ALL the right things). I don't think you did anything wrong.... Bitch was trippin
 
She did seem to want the sexually charged questions until after you revealed more about you. Like Cleo she probably got turned off by it and instead of saying that decided to side step things. I mean she started the explicit questioning.

I think the advice you did give was sound. It made enough of an impact on her to not only take the step towards the guy but enough for her to become quite curious about you.









Anyways did you tell Damian M that I need to holla at him...eh hem :eek::eek::cool: :D






Peace
 
Aren't you originally from NYC?? Brooklyn would not be proud. Did she send you a pic? If she didn't, then that would be the first sign.
 
(IM A MALE)

I mean really its not THAT serious on both parts...its like pickin up people online. I used to be into it but that shit is 5% communication. I believe communication is 5% words, its more tonality, diction, pronunciation, eye contact, body language. And on top of that playa you dont know what this girl looks like.

And like the female above said, maybe she was turned off by ur stats about ur kids n divorce etc etc. However there are billions of females in the world and I would recommend meeting people in the streets. U didnt do anything wrong just was being urself I hope. And she was lame for posting somethin like that on Craigslist. And what was you doin lookin on craigslist in the personals anyway.
 
You came off as only wanting sex. She already put it out there to you that she was sexual. She asked you question to get an opinion from a males perspective. This was one of those situations where you should have kept your mouth closed. There was no need to continue the conversation about sex. She had already opened the door. Instead of closing the deal you talked your way past the close.

Women love sex just as much as men but they don't want to be just fucked. Women need romance and intimacy to really get off during sex. The reasoning behind wanting a relationship was because of the intimacy that is involved. Women don't cum every time during sex so they need the intimacy and romance to really enjoy sex. That does not mean she is looking for a soul mate or her knight in shining armor either.

She even gave you a hint when she said "Honestly though, I already know I would have sex with him. Now only time will tell when that will happen (I am not the one for casual sex).

Casual sex to a woman is sex with out intimacy. That is when you call up a person in the middle of the night and have sex with no foreplay and no communication until the next episode. She can't bust s nut every time so she needs more then just sex.

The 2nd hint was when she asked about if you and what you liked sexually and information about you. All you had to do is focus on YOU. Your reply to her sexual comment should have been short and open ended. All you had to say was "My spot is my neck. I am a sucker for that. I feel like I am losing control when a woman does that to me ...blah blah. But it would really be nice if I could have sex and the person feel like they are my best friend. I enjoy sex but I also enjoy the companionship and conversation also blah blah." Anything similar to that you were in the game.
 
Women are conflicted with what they want. Even the women that know what they want aren't always sure how to get it.

My thoughts....

She did pull the "what do you think about anal?" out of thin air.
That question didn't go w/ anything that had been discussed up until that point, and it also didn't go with her line of questioning.

She did seem to "fall back" a little. I think it had something to do with your statements on her recently ended casual relations with a close friend and your (continued) opinion on her classmate crush situation. Neither one had anything to do w/ your agenda of getting to know her further, in fact, it may have been the crushing 1-2 combo that made her "lean back". Pun intended (see Fat Joe-Lean Back remix)
 
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