Is Your Black Professor White? A Pop Quiz

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Is Your Black Professor White? A Pop Quiz


1. This custom emerged when enslaved Africans were forbidden from marriage and became a tradition at African-American wedding monies
A.
The Chicken Dance
B. Jumping the broom
C. The Electric Slide
D. Running out of Crown Royal.

2. Where are “your people” from?
A.
The hood
B. A small town called “fresh off a niggas ass”
C. Africa
D. Down South

3. Which Black historical figure’s assassination caused the most sorrow in Black America?
A.
The assassination of Martin Luther King
B. When Ricky got shot
C. James Evans’ automobile accident
D: The police killing in “Children’s Story”

4. Which one of these HBCU programs is the most exclusive?
A.
Mission College’s Gamma Ray Training Program
B. The Dr. Umar School of Overstanding
C. The Dora Milaje College of Wishing a Motherfucker Would
D. Hillman College’s Dwayne Wayne School of Engineering

5. Rank these traditional African-American gatherings in order of importance
A.
Cookout
B. Pastor’s anniversary
C. A repast
D. An HBCU Homecoming

6. Which Ph.D. thesis was nominated for a Nobel Prize?
A
. A Punishment-Based Model for Time Travel: The Quantum Physics of Getting Slapped into Next Week
B. Who All Gon Be There: A Cost-Benefit Analysis of Social Excursions
C. I told Y’all Motherfuckers Not to Play With Me: Retrospective Doubt and Perception
D. Knuck if You Buck: The Social and Physical Ramifications of “That Smoke”

7. Which one of these historic locations deserves the most respect?
A.
Your grandmother’s house
B. Any place where it’s thundering and lightning
C. The church grounds
D. Where Pookie got shot

8. What is the definition of “grease?”
A
. An oil used for frying chicken or fish
B. A hair product
C. A byproduct of fried bacon typically saved in a coffee can by the stove
D. To win a fight or a contest by a decisive margin

9. In the Black community, which one of these most valuable?
A. The Big Joker
B. A plate from an event you did not attend
C. The anointing
D. The white man’s ice

10. Which one of these historical figures is generally held in low regard?
A.
Carolyn Bryant Donham
B. Bull Connor
C. Boo Boo the fool
D. Becky with the good hair

11. Which one of these legal cases has not been settled by the Black Supreme Court?
A.
Barbara vs. Shirley
B. Sugar vs. salt on grits
C. Who in the hell left the Gate open?
D. Who let the dogs out?

12. There is no need to verify the authenticity of a claim if a person swears...
A.
on their grandmama’s grave
B. fo’ God
C. on everything they love
D. on Jesus and three more white folks

13. Finish these historical quotes:
A.
“Until you do right by me_____”
B. “I don’t know karate but_____”
C. “We didn’t land on Plymouth Rock, _____”
D. “God is good all the time and ______”

14. Which one of these historical events engendered the most pride?
A.
The election of Barack Obama
B. A fresh shapeup
C. Running a Boston
D. Your nephew getting all As and Bs on their report card

15. Historically, which of these events is responsible for the most residual historical trauma?
A.
Picking out your own switch
B. Jim Crow
C. Being called the n-word
D. Being in the presence of a police officer

16. Which is the most frowned upon historically Black acting method:
A.
Like you don’t know nobody
B. Like your goddamned daddy
C. Like your mama is one of your lil’ friends
D. Like you ain’t got no home training

17. Which one of these assumed historical “facts” is not correct?
A.
Harriet Tubman freed a thousand slaves
B. Jesus was white
C. America has “liberty and justice for all”
D. White people know what Martin Luther King would have wanted

18. In 50 words or less, explain how to make macaroni

19. How many times have you called the police on someone
A.
Never
B. Once. But my life was in danger
C. People do that?
D. Including this time?

20. Are you white?
A.
Hell no!
B. Is your mammy white?
C. Step outside and I’ll show your ass who’s white
D. Aight, you got me.

Answer Key:
If you’re reading this, you’re white.
 
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