Is this just an excuse?!?

[JofromthaNO]

So, yesterday, after the game, my boyfriend and I are talking...we've been doing this long distance thing for a while, and I asked him a question about how long can we really keep things up like this. Personally, it is just a drain and, financially, its crazy always shelling out money to fly and see each other at least once a month.

His response was why would I bring such a thing up at a time like this (it was about an hour after the superbowl game, he's in NY, and he had previously finished saying goodbye to his boys he had invited over)...my gut feeling is that he may be trying to avoid talking about it because he is confused. However, is "this is bad timing" really a viable excuse?

For more details about it, I feel he, overall, avoids discussing long term plans for us... but, I try to "back off of him" and not nag him about it too often.

 

[LeroyDibiase]

So, yesterday, after the game, my boyfriend and I are talking...we've been doing this long distance thing for a while, and I asked him a question about how long can we really keep things up like this. Personally, it is just a drain and, financially, its crazy always shelling out money to fly and see each other at least once a month.

His response was why would I bring such a thing up at a time like this (it was about an hour after the superbowl game, he's in NY, and he had previously finished saying goodbye to his boys he had invited over)...my gut feeling is that he may be trying to avoid talking about it because he is confused. However, is "this is bad timing" really a viable excuse?

For more details about it, I feel he, overall, avoids discussing long term plans for us... but, I try to "back off of him" and not nag him about it too often.

Kinda fucked up you brought this up after the Super Bowl, even moreso because NY WON and I know he was happy. Man, it was bad timing. Honestly, you couldn't have waited til bedtime. Maybe temper the question with some Head Sanford???

 

[AlexandMorgan]

So, yesterday, after the game, my boyfriend and I are talking...we've been doing this long distance thing for a while, and I asked him a question about how long can we really keep things up like this. Personally, it is just a drain and, financially, its crazy always shelling out money to fly and see each other at least once a month.

His response was why would I bring such a thing up at a time like this (it was about an hour after the superbowl game, he's in NY, and he had previously finished saying goodbye to his boys he had invited over)...my gut feeling is that he may be trying to avoid talking about it because he is confused. However, is "this is bad timing" really a viable excuse?

For more details about it, I feel he, overall, avoids discussing long term plans for us... but, I try to "back off of him" and not nag him about it too often.

Sound like you have a long distance booty call. Maybe you could have waited until another time instead of after the game but you and him need to discuss a future for the two of you if you are unhappy.

IS either one of you pursuing an education or an a work project? Do either of you plan on relocating to each other's state and getting married or moving in together eventually? Do you have a preexisting relationship before the other person moved to another state?

Sit down and discuss where the relationship is going face to face so that you can see the other person's body language as this will give u a better read into their actual feelings. Also you need to ask yourself is the other person putting in as much into the relationship or making the same effort as you to keep it going?

Just my thoughts after i read your question.

 

[lawlessoutlaw]

So, yesterday, after the game, my boyfriend and I are talking...we've been doing this long distance thing for a while, and I asked him a question about how long can we really keep things up like this. Personally, it is just a drain and, financially, its crazy always shelling out money to fly and see each other at least once a month.

His response was why would I bring such a thing up at a time like this (it was about an hour after the superbowl game, he's in NY, and he had previously finished saying goodbye to his boys he had invited over)...my gut feeling is that he may be trying to avoid talking about it because he is confused. However, is "this is bad timing" really a viable excuse?

For more details about it, I feel he, overall, avoids discussing long term plans for us... but, I try to "back off of him" and not nag him about it too often.

if your nigga has any realness about him then he's fucking other bitches......you should find somebody in your district.

 

[Noir]

So, yesterday, after the game, my boyfriend and I are talking...we've been doing this long distance thing for a while, and I asked him a question about how long can we really keep things up like this. Personally, it is just a drain and, financially, its crazy always shelling out money to fly and see each other at least once a month.

His response was why would I bring such a thing up at a time like this (it was about an hour after the superbowl game, he's in NY, and he had previously finished saying goodbye to his boys he had invited over)...my gut feeling is that he may be trying to avoid talking about it because he is confused. However, is "this is bad timing" really a viable excuse?

For more details about it, I feel he, overall, avoids discussing long term plans for us... but, I try to "back off of him" and not nag him about it too often.

If you are starting to feel that you are "nagging" him about it, then your instincts are starting to tell you that you have second thoughts about the whole relationship. Yes, talking about it after the Super bowl may have been bad timing on your part, but the situation about your relationship remains hanging in the air.

You need to talk to him calmly and ask him to set a time when the two of you could talk about the relationship and where it is going. The main thing is to not talk about it over the phone, but in person, together, without any other distractions. If he hedges and hesitates, then let him know he is doing that and it doesn't inspire confidence about his committment to the relationship. Unfortunately, at that point you'll have to seriously consider if this person is for you.

 

[LoneStar29]

if your nigga has any realness about him then he's fucking other bitches......you should find somebody in your district.

That was so raw yet so real at the same time

I think asking him that question after the SuperBowl was bad timing cuz he was probably still on a football high(you know how boys are about sports and shit) ... like Noir said I think you should talk to him about this in person ... let him know how you feel about him avoiding the subject and that you just wanna plan the future and know what's up ... if he still avoids the subject then you might already have your answer right there ... actions do speak louder than words ... BTW ... more power to you girl ... I don't know if I could ever seriously do the long distance thing ... there's gotta be alot of love there

 

[bigreg2007]

Kinda fucked up you brought this up after the Super Bowl, even moreso because NY WON and I know he was happy. Man, it was bad timing. Honestly, you couldn't have waited til bedtime. Maybe temper the question with some Head Sanford???

No shit. Right after the fucking Super Bowl? Do you have no shame?

 

[gonzo8402]

No shit. Right after the fucking Super Bowl? Do you have no shame?

Damn shame

Poor guy couldn't even enjoy it

 

[DaleMabry]

Yeah I would have been tight about that too.

Sometimes I wonder if women do stuff like that on purpose. A dude will be riding high off whatever--won money, free weed, team got the Lombardi, promotion, found a hundo on the ground, won a Heineken contest...



...and his lady's all---"Ahem can we talk about our future together? Whats your plan?"

-->

Almost like that burst of happiness is resented--"Well I'm not happy like you are so we need to talk."

Dunno man I dont get it.

 

[Buttnaked]

So, yesterday, after the game, my boyfriend and I are talking...we've been doing this long distance thing for a while, and I asked him a question about how long can we really keep things up like this. Personally, it is just a drain and, financially, its crazy always shelling out money to fly and see each other at least once a month.

His response was why would I bring such a thing up at a time like this (it was about an hour after the superbowl game, he's in NY, and he had previously finished saying goodbye to his boys he had invited over)...my gut feeling is that he may be trying to avoid talking about it because he is confused. However, is "this is bad timing" really a viable excuse?

For more details about it, I feel he, overall, avoids discussing long term plans for us... but, I try to "back off of him" and not nag him about it too often.

1. you obviously have no regard for the sanctity of a highly charged sports event viewing.

if your man has any interest in NFL football at all, this was indeed bad timing. he just finished watching an extremely charged, exciting down to the last few seconds Super Bowl. factually the most popular Super Bowl ever televised. he's probably in a positively charged mood if he's been loungin' w/his bo's watching the game. why in the hell would you get instantly serious at a time like that? NOT A GOOD IDEA!

2. you would seem to have a different view, approach, and goals for your relationship.

next time one of you flies to the other, you need to have a serious conversation about the state of your relationship in terms of the above stated apparent differences. somebody is fucking up, and it could likely be you...get your shit together and be prepared to not like what the other person might have to say. make it known with maximum clarity that this is to be the focal point of most if not all conversation for the particular visit. don't bullshit. don't harass, but don't bullshit either. emotions and attachments are not to be taken lightly or fucked around with. again, get your shit toghether...

3. if you are aware enough to use "nag" and "too often," chances are it's too late.

if dude isn't on the same page, show him what page you're on. if he doesn't like the content of the text, it's time for both of y'all to hit the books. head back to the stacks. find a new subscription. buy another paper, whatever, you get the metaphor. it may be time to move on due to individual growth or lack thereof. again, get your shit together...

don't approach a relationship by what you think it ought to be. that usually leads to shit getting misinterpreted and fucked up. approach it the way it is and learn it. appreciate the good shit. tolerate the shit that can be. and, most important of all, recognize the differences that clearly cannot be tolerated. do not think that you can change anyone. people only change, actually grow is a better word, if they desire to do so. it is a rare thing when someone intentionally makes a drastic personality change for the benefit of another person.

extremely rare...

 

[Mo-Better]

At the comments above. Sorry but I have to agree.

But seriously a long distance relationship is the most difficult of all. Although the question is important, your timing was terrible. (The Giants don't win Super Bowls very often) So if you still feel the need to ask this question try again tonight or tomorrow.

If the relationship is to last it will take dedicated efforts from you both. Its possible his avoiding long term plan discussions is a thing of timing. There could be a number of reasons. Having had a relationship of this type it always seems hardest of the woman.

 

[Harlem's Angel]

Bring that shit up whenever u wanna bring it up! If he's serious about the relationship he'll answer you and be willing to talk no matter what just happened. HE DIDNT WIN THE SUPERBOWL!! HIS ASS IN ON THE COUCH WITH HIS FRIENDS! If he's been doing this for awhile its just an excuse and you need to move on.

 

[DaleMabry]

Bring that shit up whenever u wanna bring it up! If he's serious about the relationship he'll answer you and be willing to talk no matter what just happened. HE DIDNT WIN THE SUPERBOWL!! HIS ASS IN ON THE COUCH WITH HIS FRIENDS! If he's been doing this for awhile its just an excuse and you need to move on.

You got nice tits and all but your attitude sucks. Advice like this keeps entire circles of women single.

 

[Shadow]

Bring that shit up whenever u wanna bring it up! If he's serious about the relationship he'll answer you and be willing to talk no matter what just happened. HE DIDNT WIN THE SUPERBOWL!! HIS ASS IN ON THE COUCH WITH HIS FRIENDS! If he's been doing this for awhile its just an excuse and you need to move on.

You're out of your fucking mind.

Interrupting the superbowl for some shit like this is like having a new boyfriend tell you he's got crabs on the first dinner with your parents.

She should have waited until bedtime, or at least until they were alone and he was not trying to enjoy that time together.

I would be suprised if she doesn't get cut off by him, let alone her moving on her own accord.


Women really got to learn their man, and learn how to work the relationship with said man.

 

[bigreg2007]

You got nice tits and all but your attitude sucks. Advice like this keeps entire circles of women single.

Thats for saving me the time Mr. Mabry.

 

[bigreg2007]

You're out of your fucking mind.

Interrupting the superbowl for some shit like this is like having a new boyfriend tell you he's got crabs on the first dinner with your parents.

She should have waited until bedtime, or at least until they were alone and he was not trying to enjoy that time together.

I would be suprised if she doesn't get cut off by him, let alone her moving on her own accord.


Women really got to learn their man, and learn how to work the relationship with said man.

You know, its not fucking rocket science though sometimes females act like it is sometimes...LEAVE A NIGGA ALONE WHEN HE IS WATCHING A MAJOR SPORTING EVENT!!! What, was he not going to be able to speak the day after or something.

 

[Eva Hornae]

don't approach a relationship by what you think it ought to be. that usually leads to shit getting misinterpreted and fucked up. approach it the way it is and learn it. appreciate the good shit. tolerate the shit that can be. and, most important of all, recognize the differences that clearly cannot be tolerated. do not think that you can change anyone. people only change, actually grow is a better word, if they desire to do so. it is a rare thing when someone intentionally makes a drastic personality change for the benefit of another person.

extremely rare...

thanks for this advice.

 

[Eva Hornae]

You know, its not fucking rocket science though sometimes females act like it is sometimes...LEAVE A NIGGA ALONE WHEN HE IS WATCHING A MAJOR SPORTING EVENT!!! What, was he not going to be able to speak the day after or something.

Ouch!

 

[Buttnaked]

Bring that shit up whenever u wanna bring it up! If he's serious about the relationship he'll answer you and be willing to talk no matter what just happened. HE DIDNT WIN THE SUPERBOWL!! HIS ASS IN ON THE COUCH WITH HIS FRIENDS! If he's been doing this for awhile its just an excuse and you need to move on.

it's attitudes and approaches like this that lead to fucked up interactions between 2 adults trying to find a balance between each other.

this is totally inconsiderate of what the other person my have going on with their personal energy at the time of your inquisition...

NOT SMART!

 

[Harlem's Angel]

You got nice tits and all but your attitude sucks. Advice like this keeps entire circles of women single.

Thats funny....it earned me an engagement ring. I may have come off harse but you should be able to talk to your bf whenever you feel the need to. You shouldn't have to hold your tongue because he's watching football. That's ridiculous!

 

[JofromthaNO]

First off, it WAS after the superbowl game (at least an HOUR after the shit), so it wasn't like it was on at the time. He was alone, and so was I. He is NOT into sports like most guys, but was in the spirit cause his boys were in the spirit.

I do agree with the other posters when they say we need to talk about it in person, and not over the phone. I'm flying to him next weekend, so I, myself, said that's probably a good time to discuss things. I was not trying to be inconsiderate, and, please, he would NOT cut me off over something like this. If a man cuts a three-year long relationship over me asking a question "at a bad time," I wouldn't need to be with him anyway...

 

[Shadow]

First off, it WAS after the superbowl game (at least an HOUR after the shit), so it wasn't like it was on at the time. He was alone, and so was I. He is NOT into sports like most guys, but was in the spirit cause his boys were in the spirit.

I do agree with the other posters when they say we need to talk about it in person, and not over the phone. I'm flying to him next weekend, so I, myself, said that's probably a good time to discuss things. I was not trying to be inconsiderate, and, please, he would NOT cut me off over something like this. If a man cuts a three-year long relationship over me asking a question "at a bad time," I wouldn't need to be with him anyway...

No disrespect, but did you try to style on him in front of his boys?

Ouch.

 

[ljinsane]

Thats funny....it earned me an engagement ring. I may have come off harse but you should be able to talk to your bf whenever you feel the need to. You shouldn't have to hold your tongue because he's watching football. That's ridiculous!

'engaged' dont mean shit....holla at us when you actually get married.....my woman's sister been engaged 3 times...never married.....it means nothing

 

[peterpiper1978]

if your nigga has any realness about him then he's fucking other bitches......you should find somebody in your district.

true

 

[JofromthaNO]

No disrespect, but did you try to style on him in front of his boys?

Ouch.

No, his boys were not over. They left previous to this discussion even starting between he and I...

 

[DaleMabry]

Thats funny....it earned me an engagement ring. I may have come off harse but you should be able to talk to your bf whenever you feel the need to. You shouldn't have to hold your tongue because he's watching football. That's ridiculous!

I guarantee you you would not be engaged if you barked on your man like you tried to bark up in his thread over the plain damn truth--

--your squad just made NFL history and you're buzzing and your boys just left and you're hype, and your fiancee Ms. H.Angel roll up talkin bout some...

"Do you value this relationship or the Giants? YOU ON THE COUCH NIGGA YOU AINT PLAY THE GAME! Talk to me!" clickin off the TV and shit...

NO red-blooded American male (shit ANY male) is trying to hear that shit at that time.

You can roll your neck and flash your engagement ring all you want, wont change a thing.

Non. Starter. Hell, just look at the replies in this thread alone.

I stand by what I said. You give your girls advice like that, you're setting them up for a breakup.

 

[Harlem's Angel]

'engaged' dont mean shit....holla at us when you actually get married.....my woman's sister been engaged 3 times...never married.....it means nothing

Well no disrespect to your sister but thats her not me! I take engagement a lil more seriously than that.

Oh and i'll let you know when we get married... I'll post some pics

I guarantee you you would not be engaged if you barked on your man like you tried to bark up in his thread over the plain damn truth--

--your squad just made NFL history and you're buzzing and your boys just left and you're hype, and your fiancee Ms. H.Angel roll up talkin bout some...

"Do you value this relationship or the Giants? YOU ON THE COUCH NIGGA YOU AINT PLAY THE GAME! Talk to me!" clickin off the TV and shit...

NO red-blooded American male (shit ANY male) is trying to hear that shit at that time.

You can roll your neck and flash your engagement ring all you want, wont change a thing.

Non. Starter. Hell, just look at the replies in this thread alone.

I stand by what I said. You give your girls advice like that, you're setting them up for a breakup.

First of all, flashing my ring and rolling my neck?? Wow.

Secondly, you never approach the situation like that. you don't say those things too him! Then of course he won't respond. It takes a lil more finesse than that.

Third, SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO FIGHT TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION WITH HER MAN. I've done long distance while we were in college. When I wanted to talk to my man we talked. We may fight about timing or whatever but whats important is settling down from the fight and being able to talk afterwards. I could understand if he were still with his friends but she waited for him to be alone. She did her part.

And by the way, my friends are all in serious relationships with children... AND THEY LOVE MY ADVICE....

 

[Harbinger]

LOL!

I am continually amazed at how little women know about men. Damn y'all, we ain't that complicated.

Oh yeah, one more thing, QUIT ASKING YOUR GIRLFRIENDS FOR ADVICE ABOUT MEN. THEY DON'T KNOW SHIT EITHER.

 

[DaleMabry]

First of all, flashing my ring and rolling my neck?? Wow.

Angel, you're the one who posted in all caps. You got loud, I called it like I read it.

 

[Kratos]

Your gut feeling is correct.

The super bowl timing just gave him an excuse to dead the conversation.

If it's really important to you to get this issue on the table then pursue it. At least get an outline of where each of you stand in regard to the matter. From there can decisions be made.

 

[LeroyDibiase]

Bring that shit up whenever u wanna bring it up! If he's serious about the relationship he'll answer you and be willing to talk no matter what just happened. HE DIDNT WIN THE SUPERBOWL!! HIS ASS IN ON THE COUCH WITH HIS FRIENDS! If he's been doing this for awhile its just an excuse and you need to move on.

The absolute wrong attitude to have.

FINISH THE LYRICS
Diamonds all shinin, lookin all fine
Pretty little face, get a little high
Young girl stugglin, tryin to survive
Mother of the Earth, she made you and I
Just tired of playin the same ol' games
Messin with my mind, emotional thangs
And there goes... _ / _ _ _ _ _ / _ _ _ _ / _ _ _ _

 

[Noir]

First off, it WAS after the superbowl game (at least an HOUR after the shit), so it wasn't like it was on at the time. He was alone, and so was I. He is NOT into sports like most guys, but was in the spirit cause his boys were in the spirit.

I do agree with the other posters when they say we need to talk about it in person, and not over the phone. I'm flying to him next weekend, so I, myself, said that's probably a good time to discuss things. I was not trying to be inconsiderate, and, please, he would NOT cut me off over something like this. If a man cuts a three-year long relationship over me asking a question "at a bad time," I wouldn't need to be with him anyway...

If you are flying to see him next weekend, then you need to CALL HIM NOW, and tell him that when you get out there, the two of you seriously need to talk:

1) It will give him plenty of time to prepare for your arrival and take care of things -- there should be no distractions or anything he needs to do because he knew ahead of time.

2) It will be a good gauge of things to come:

A) If things are cool, Hell he may meet you at the airport with a ring.

B) If he still makes excuses or hesitates, then you may have your answer already and save yourself a trip.

 

[Harlem's Angel]

If you are flying to see him next weekend, then you need to CALL HIM NOW, and tell him that when you get out there, the two of you seriously need to talk:

1) It will give him plenty of time to prepare for your arrival and take care of things -- there should be no distractions or anything he needs to do because he knew ahead of time.

2) It will be a good gauge of things to come:

A) If things are cool, Hell he may meet you at the airport with a ring.

B) If he still makes excuses or hesitates, then you may have your answer already and save yourself a trip.

agreed ... wow on the ring lol

 

[Mt. Yukon]

Alright, first off, shit like that gets talked about in person not over the phone and for damn sure not after the Superbowl. You need to talk in person because you cant really read people over the phone that well. After a big ass game like the Superbowl where he was probably hootin and hollerin the whole night, a question like that puts you in a bad place and yes Im sure someone has said it... But the man has probably started seein someone else. Not such thing as strong relationships, and a long distance one has little chance of working for the longterm because theyre too much hassle and not enough rewards of dealing with it. On the real ask yourself why are you goin through all this??? for who??? Him or you??? You say your from Charlotte, simply put NY aint like VA or SC where you can drive every other week, and once a month??? In NYC??? Yeah babygirl hes atleast got his eye on someone, no he wont tell you, cause theres no need to fuck up something you dont have to. The next time you see him if he doesnt want to talk about it, then you have your answer, just be adult enough to accept it. Often times we ask questions for confirmation, but we already know what the answer is deep down... Its been said over and over again that long distance relationships dont work, you need to be with that person enough, and talkin on the phone doesnt count, you need that persons presence otherwise WTF is the point of it all. Im havin a bad day I need my baby to rub my waves and tell me we'll get through it or some sappy shit, that'll make me feel better, thats why you need a GF for shit like that, and if your not there then why bother right??? How can you as a women deal with him not being there???... But on another note, wwhat part of Charlotte do you live in???

 

[Mt. Yukon]

Bring that shit up whenever u wanna bring it up! If he's serious about the relationship he'll answer you and be willing to talk no matter what just happened. HE DIDNT WIN THE SUPERBOWL!! HIS ASS IN ON THE COUCH WITH HIS FRIENDS! If he's been doing this for awhile its just an excuse and you need to move on.

I really hope your a female, cause the shit you just said no straight guy who likes sports is gonna tolerate your ass. It aint just a fuckin game, ITS THE SUPERBOWL!!! This shit right here is why we go to so and sos house to watch the game, cause some of yall dont know when to STFU and play your position, you wanna talk, cool... AFTER THE GAME if you dont like it, bounce!!!! Too many chicks are gettin into sports nowadays and if you cant respect the fact that we want to watch something in peace no matter what it is, then you need to get a gay ass lame that'll give you your way and do anything to avoid you throwin a temper tantrum... Boy I tell the nerve of some of these women.