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I'm a Brother struggling: I saw a post saying money can't bring happiness (an update post)

A to Dah K said:
Running has helped me tremendously the discipline spills to other areas of ur life. Just run ur race and get to your goalZ
Ran an 18 mile race the other day.
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Never been a great runner, but ill give it a try.
Dannyblueyes said:
A few thoughts.

You have a home gym, but no workout partner. A scenic neighborhood, but no running club. A beautiful home theater, but no one to go to the movies with. Prestigious high paying job, but with a co-worker you can't stand.

Not a single description of a best friend, weekly poker game, church group, a secret crush on a barista, not even an arch nemesis.

IMO your severe depression sounds more like loneliness. Your beautiful house and luxury car has kept you cut off from the world so you ease your pain with convenience and accomplishment. It distracts you from the void, but it grows larger every morning becoming undeniable.

Instead of helping the poor or taking on a hobby, go through your phone contacts and call a buddy you haven't talked to in a while. Talk over old times, see how they've been. Go out for a beer or six.

You're published author, so call up a local independent bookstore to set up a reading/signing. Talk to the folks who changed their lives off your words.

Bad as things might seem, if you can go through your entire life and only consider suicide twice you're doing a hell of a lot better than the rest of us.

So can money buy happiness? Well, If you've almost got enough to retire, but still mad about a $250 shrink visit then it's not about the quarter grand
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Thank you for this detailed response
 
Stay up man. I know it's hard. Life is like war because there's no days off. Even on your days off aren't really days off. You come back from 2 weeks off at work to 1500 emails, like what the fuck.

Keep fighting. Reach out if you need to, to either one of us
 
Hold back the night

I was watching an episode of the show Bosch, Great show by the way, and one cop said this to another. I looked it up and the meaning is very poignant. I hope it helps.

I mean it. Any of y'all, though I don't know you personally can reach out if you feel like you've got nothing else. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. If I can help I will. I've known some of y'all jokers for 20 plus years
Screenshot-20251027-003638-Google.jpg
 
I deal with much of the same.
I'd suggest getting out into nature, even if its just going to stand in the woods for an hour.
Fish or hunt.

Also, travel abroad and meet the different people wherever you go, engage with them on the most basic levels, they will open up to you if you're genuine.

Lastly, journal and read some literature.
 
Thanks for sharing @Andros the magician

Often times internalizing struggles can exacerbate the issue. I believe a lot of us get caught up in perceived success. It's hard to hop off the hamster wheel and just relax. The more we make, the more we acquire, the more we add to our responsibility plates, which causes added stress. We, myself included need to work on understanding when enough is enough. I had an eye opening experience when I was in the Cayman Islands. The people I interacted with were so chill and not pressed to do anything expeditiously. The people had time to just talk, (seemly) nowhere to be, just enjoying life and good food.

Here we are trying to get the latest and greatest to impress others. Truth be told, that shiny new purchase dopamine rush is short lived. Understanding that busting your ass on things that doesn't give you joy comes at a cost. Time. We have a finite window to do all the living we can. Try to focus on maintaining and things that bring personal satisfaction.
 
Andros the magician said:
Never been a great runner, but ill give it a try.
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It definitely helps. I remember going for runs alot during the last 2 years of high school. I had games or practices on some weeknights, but the other ones I'd be sitting there doing homework mid- to late-evening. This is the mid-90s, so before the days of cellphones / the internet taking off. I'd usually have my headphones plugged into the nearby boombox playing some fave music on cassette or CD.

When I'd hit a wall or be lacking motivation, I'd say to my mom I was heading out for a run. Lived in a neighborhood that had alot of hills, so it was challenging. I'd be questioning myself mid-run sometimes like - "Wouldn't you be better off NOT procrastinating and just finishing the homework?"

But once I'd run, come home and quickly stretched and showered up ... I was more focused. Felt like I had accomplished something.

Plus, an additional workout a few times a week ... never hurt anyone. Helps clear your head.
 
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HellBoy said:
Thanks for sharing @Andros the magician

Often times internalizing struggles can exacerbate the issue. I believe a lot of us get caught up in perceived success. It's hard to hop off the hamster wheel and just relax. The more we make, the more we acquire, the more we add to our responsibility plates, which causes added stress. We, myself included need to work on understanding when enough is enough. I had an eye opening experience when I was in the Cayman Islands. The people I interacted with were so chill and not pressed to do anything expeditiously. The people had time to just talk, (seemly) nowhere to be, just enjoying life and good food.

Here we are trying to get the latest and greatest to impress others. Truth be told, that shiny new purchase dopamine rush is short lived. Understanding that busting your ass on things that doesn't give you joy comes at a cost. Time. We have a finite window to do all the living we can. Try to focus on maintaining and things that bring personal satisfaction.
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This is also exactly what I got from international travel. Seeing how these other cultures live really made me view American culture objectively and opened my eyes to "its never enough" and "it's not going to stop until I stop it".

This lifestyle will run you in the ground, if you let it.

I experienced a small amount of peace, and wanted more, but didn't know how to pursue it. I'm still learning. I just know that peace isn't in material possessions as much as it is in experiences like traveling abroad, freedom of time, enjoying time with good people, great food, spending time in nature, etc.
 
dHustla said:
I deal with much of the same.
I'd suggest getting out into nature, even if its just going to stand in the woods for an hour.
Fish or hunt.

Also, travel abroad and meet the different people wherever you go, engage with them on the most basic levels, they will open up to you if you're genuine.

Lastly, journal and read some literature.
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This literally just happened to me. I went to my happy place, Sapporo II in Frederick Maryland.

Afterward, I went to H Mart, an Asian Grocery store, And I met a woman from Sierra Leone. She saw My friend and I looking at some vegetables

While another African woman was speaking with us, she came over and told my friend that she likes her hair. We were asking about a particular vegetable and how to cook it. She said I just made some of that yesterday You can come to my house and get some.

She invited us to her house and before we pulled up my friend and I jokingly said, I hope we don't get kidnapped.

Far from it. The house was huge, like mansion. We went into the house and she made us a delicious dish. Her mother was on the side bottling palm oil to sell and we ate. She sent us home with an extra bowl of whatever she was cooking and rice and said whenever I'm in town just to call and we're free to come over

That was on some complete humble, she read our energy type thing. You just got to be open to good people. My friend and I left there stuffed and happy

 
Helico-pterFunk said:
Yo the education of the Lon chicka Lonnie Lynn
Began, began with time
Being my bloodline is one with the divine
In time brother, you will discover the light
Some say that God is Black and the Devil's White
Well, the Devil is wrong and God is what's right
I fight, with myself in the ring of doubt and fear
The rain ain't gone, but I can still see clear
As a child, given religion with no answer to why
Just told believe in Jesus 'cause for me he did die
Curiosity killed the catechism
Understanding and wisdom became the rhythm that I played to
And became a slave to master self
A rich man is one with knowledge, happiness and his health
My mind had dealt with the books of Zen, Tao the lessons
Koran and the Bible, to me they all vital
And got truth within 'em, gotta read them boys
You just can't skim 'em, different branches of belief
But one root that stem 'em, but people of the venom try to trim 'em
And use religion as an emblem
When it should be a natural way of life
Who am I or they to say to whom you pray ain't right
That's who got you doing right and got you this far
Whether you say "in Jesus name" or Hum do Allah
Long as you know it's a bein' that's supreme to you
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Like Water for Chocolate?
 
You have get spiritually grounded holistically and/or go to church (Its therapeutic) that energy in the building is uplifting !!!!! Working out is good to get those endorphins to kick in!!! A strong support group. (Family..Friends group...Professional counseling) just like you took the time to inform us of your situation..put it to pen and paper that way it comes out and before you know it that cerebral dark cloud is gone.Do something recreational out the norm (Vacation).There are tons of youtube videos...and pay attention to what you put in your body..and what you're listening too musically.I love hip hop but it can have you move a certain way if you're not mindful!!!








I posted this sometime ago....

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Love is the key...Love conquers all !!!!!
 
Andros the magician said:
For those who remember me, I was out of work, wrote a first-time self-help book(some of you bought it, thank you), and posted a few other things here on this forum. I'm not sure why I'm posting this, maybe as a rant, so perhaps someone can see my thoughts.

A younger friend of mine posted on social media that money can't buy happiness. Is he right?

When I was younger, I always felt that was a lie. As I've seen so many people change their lives for the better with money. Well, as I've lived it, I now agree with that statement. Before I go any further, I'd like to stress that this is from the perspective of a black man diagnosed with severe depression and moderate anxiety.

I'm not happy.

My mental health issues won't let me be happy. I want to think I should be. I've been able to bounce back pretty hard in a positive direction on my career path over the years. Currently, I sit at the top of my career as a CIO. That means I lead a large technology department for a company. A position that I thought I'd never get, and for once, the only way I can move up is financially to another challenge. I make good money; clearly, I can always make better, but I do pretty well and have no financial concerns. My woman is a social worker, but doesn't have to work. We live in a 500k house, which I feel proud of, and I constantly remind myself that I live here. Even after being here for 3 years. We both have luxury cars. I'm always getting questions and compliments when I'm out and about. All my bills are on autopay, with some paid way in advance. It's a good feeling to remember when I was younger, stressing about paying the electric or phone bill. I can order out, DoorDash, or eat at a nice restaurant for lunch or dinner on a whim. No planning needed. I've been able to fund my mom's living arrangement and give my daughter a couple of thousand dollars as needed. She is married and doing her own bit of trying to find herself. Thanks to this forum, I am a rated veteran and get a nice monthly pension. Overall, I feel like I should be celebrating my place in life as I've accomplished a lot. Sometimes I find myself comparing myself to others who always tried to one-up me or made me feel inferior, while they are all in a lower situation than I am now.

Behind all that, I'm just not happy. I've considered suicide twice in my life. I don't have the courage to do it now, and I realize the wave effect would have a significant impact on those close to me, so I can't see myself doing it. Almost everything that brings me joy is gone—gaming, watching fight sports, hanging out, movies in my theatre room, etc. None of them pulls me in anymore. I find myself in a constant struggle, trying to survive the day or the weekend. My desire for sex has dropped almost to zero. It's weird, I still admire a good-looking woman, but physically, I don't have the motivation anymore. Speaking of motivation, I don't have the desire to work out despite having a home gym and a nice neighborhood to go walking around. My motivation is tied to this invisible feeling that I call the "dread" feeling, constantly tugging at me to do the opposite when I want to do something that might help me. I work in a good place. Sadly, I have to deal with one co-worker who always tries to cause me grief, but that's about it. I find myself acting most of the time to be happy, motivated, and in good spirits. It's a moment-by-moment struggle to motivate myself to do the following task, start the next project, or move forward. I'm burned out of dealing with racism. Every day racism, online racism, racism at work, just hate everyone. It's hard to look at the news out of earshot of seeing our people doing something stupid or some coon talking bad about his own people.

I dream of retiring or getting into a situation where I could retire right now with zero impact on my home life and become a super resluse.

But then I think, why? Again, I'm not sure why I'm posting this. Maybe to put my thoughts into words and shoot them out to the void. So at least I know that perhaps someone read them. I often wonder, if I came into a lot of money and could stop working, would that really matter to me? I'd imagine it would to those around me, but to me, secretly. No, I'd still struggle. This internal conflict would still be present. I'd still be unhappy.

Before I end this, again, I'm not expecting anything from this post. Just sharing my thoughts. I was seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist, but once I lost my job late last year, I could only continue that for about 3 months afterwards. Then I had to fire my psychiatrist when I tried to reschedule an appointment, a week in advance. Due to a job interview, but she still wants me to pay the $250 fee per visit, I wasn't going to pay her for that missed appointment that didn't occur. I had to beg my primary doctor to refill my mental health prescriptions once I stopped going to her, since she refused. Lucky, I just found out last week that I can get my prescriptions refilled through the VA and resume counseling through a civilian doctor via them. So there's that.

Thank you for reading this. If there is anything to gain, giving up is not something I've allowed myself to do. It has allowed me to be successful, if that's what I am, and I hope that anyone going through something similar will not give up and keep moving forward with my hopes that one day you'll wake up and remember what it was like to struggle with mental health challenges.

I still think of suicide. Daily, multiple times a day, but I won't do it. If you feel the same as I, I hope you don't either. Money can't buy happiness, but I'd like to think that it should make things easier, but in my case, it doesn't.

If you read all of this, thank you.
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Do me a favor? Watch the Matrix trilogy again..... if you have...watch it again!!! And watch some good stand up comedy old and new whatever floats !!! Laughter is good medicine!!!! Caroline's Comedy club was my spot ..but due to Covid it closed.but I found other options...Live..Love and Laugh!!!!

Richard Pryor knew...Dave Chappelle and many others!!!! Sometimes a change of environment is needed

Walk in a park...barefooted...hug a tree...get spiritually grounded!!!! Get close to nature..travel to a beach resort.etc etc


 
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I've heard someone once say "money can't buy happiness - but it can rent something damn CLOSE to it."
 
sounds to me like our brother is going thru some mid life crisis coupled with some unresolved issues from the past. what can be said that all these other brothers havent already said. i don't know why i just stumbled upon your post but i hope you have adopted some of the solutions discussed here, mostly starting with therapy and working your way into other things. i have been there too and i also did some things that kinda softened the blows for me.
1. therapy - just a few sessions for me were enough. you may need more or less. depends on how you respond. by all means address the root cause and all the unresolved issues and trauma from your past.
2. meditation (vipassana) - you may start out 5 minutes at a time and work your way up
3. walking meditation - get away into nature, parks and just be by yourself. You will be amazed
4. new hobbies - i just started judo. find something too. it's okay if you start something and don't like it. just try something else.
5. medication - you stated that you have depression and moderate anxiety - are you taking any meds? maybe it is time. check your ego at the door and see your doctor. low T could very well also be the culprit here.
6. lastly, this is just my own subjective piece of philosophical advice - it is okay to not want to do the things that you used to enjoy when you were younger but don't think of this as a bad thing. it's just a thing. Embrace the impermanence of change. This is just the way life is. And the less you resist it, the better you will feel.

hope this helps
 
Hope it gets better bro! I do understand. I’ve been there. Man I was so broke I was homeless for about 7 months.

I know I’m in the minority but to be honest and real though a good piece of pussy and a blow job does a lot for your self esteem too. Makes you feel like you still got it. And I’m serious. Be feeling like new money.
 
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