If you don't have a good relationship with your parents and they need help later in their lives will you step up?

[godofwine]

My dad was a combination of Ike Turner and Hitler. Or M.I.S.T.E.R Period

I I have talked to him a handful of times over the past few years and I haven't talked to him since February

Aside from watching him through my mother down the stairs, run behind her ass is tumbling and punch you in the mouth of the bottom of the stairs knocking out her front tooth

Aside from beating my brother and I whatever the fuck you felt like it and so much more

Aside from giving me so many behaviors I need to unlearn even ones I don't even realize I do

This motherfucker called me on February 20th and said he couldn't remember if my birthday was on the 6th or the 7th, because he remembers (my parents) anniversary being on one of those days

But he called me on either one of those days, but two weeks later

None of my siblings fuck with them and he could need a dollar to catch the bus and I wouldn't give it to him

I don't really fuck with my mom either, but my brother and my sister would take care of her if she needed it. And since my brother lives with her he's virtually taken care of her now even though she works a full-time job

***

But that's not the reason for this post. I have a friend of mine, the married chick I'm fucking ("Mary"), who is taking care of her mother and it's stressing her the fuck out

When she was growing up, her little sister was the favorite who could do no wrong and the eyes of her mother. Her mother treated her ("Mary") like shit and said that her (Mary) being born ruined her life

Fast forward 30+ years the mother is in poor health and the favorite daughter doesn't help OR contribute

I ain't going to be stressed over someone who treated me like shit growing up, I don't give a good goddamn if you are my mother

But I am built differently than most

If you have a bad relationship with your parents is it okay for you to let them "figure their own shit out" when they get old or will you step up and take care of them regardless of how they treated you growing up

 

[Flawless]

Nope, they need to figure out retirement just like everyone else.

 

[Don Coreleone]

It all depends on the situation. I got a call from my out of state brother that my daddy wanted to talk to me after the hurricane passed, power was off, heat was on. So I drive to his house and he tells me he can't take the heat and needs to get out of Louisiana. So the next day I drive him to my sisters house in Houston. A few weeks before this dude ran my blood pressure up where I had to go to the emergency room while I was in Houston he ran my sister whose blood pressure is usually normal up to stroke levels. One day this dude talks bad about my deceased brothers widow and than talks about men who have bastard kids(he has a child that he had at 50 who he said the woman tricked him) I proceed to jump in his shit about he's one to talk about people. Than he tells my siblings how long does he have to pay for the past and I'm like muthafucka you haven't learned from the past and you constantly try and rewrite the past to make it out like you're father of the year when basically you were little more than a sperm donor who was married.
I wanted to drop his ass off at the greyhound station but my brother and sister told me that I can't drop an 84 year old man off like that so I drove his ass back to New Orleans and basically didn't say one word to his ass the whole drive home. Sometimes you have to wash your hands of people even if they are your parents. Thank them for the egg and sperm that they donated to bring you here but after fuck em!!!

 

[Don Coreleone]

My dad was a combination of Ike Turner and Hitler. Or M.I.S.T.E.R Period

I I have talked to him a handful of times over the past few years and I haven't talked to him since February

Aside from watching him through my mother down the stairs, run behind her ass is tumbling and punch you in the mouth of the bottom of the stairs knocking out her front tooth

Aside from beating my brother and I whatever the fuck you felt like it and so much more

Aside from giving me so many behaviors I need to unlearn even ones I don't even realize I do

This motherfucker called me on February 20th and said he couldn't remember if my birthday was on the 6th or the 7th, because he remembers (my parents) anniversary being on one of those days

But he called me on either one of those days, but two weeks later

None of my siblings fuck with them and he could need a dollar to catch the bus and I wouldn't give it to him

I don't really fuck with my mom either, but my brother and my sister would take care of her if she needed it. And since my brother lives with her he's virtually taken care of her now even though she works a full-time job

***

But that's not the reason for this post. I have a friend of mine, the married chick I'm fucking ("Mary"), who is taking care of her mother and it's stressing her the fuck out

When she was growing up, her little sister was the favorite who could do no wrong and the eyes of her mother. Her mother treated her ("Mary") like shit and said that her (Mary) being born ruined her life

Fast forward 30+ years the mother is in poor health and the favorite daughter doesn't help OR contribute

I ain't going to be stressed over someone who treated me like shit growing up, I don't give a good goddamn if you are my mother

But I am built differently than most

If you have a bad relationship with your parents is it okay for you to let them "figure their own shit out" when they get old or will you step up and take care of them regardless of how they treated you growing up

That stress will kill the person providing care and their parents will still be here stressing somebody else out.

 

[Non-StopJFK2TAB]

I hope my mother doesn’t get vaccinated and I want the virus to have its way with her.

Infer whatever you want.

 

[godofwine]

I hope my mother doesn’t get vaccinated and I want the virus to have its way with her.

Infer whatever you want.

Listen man. I don't judge. We all got our traumas. We are all trying to make our way out of the fucked up ways that they made for us

Mothers so often get a pass. In the minds of so many people it's totally fine to hate your father, but you can't hate your mother. There's something wrong with you if you hate your mother she gave birth to you

There are some bad mothers oh, and there are some absolutely horrible mothers. My mother was not nice to me growing up so I really don't fuck with her now

I call her on Christmas on her birthday and Mother's Day. And I haven't seen her since 2019 and I don't feel bad about that at all

 

[bgbtylvr]

If the relationship was truly bad, I was left in a dumpster or they straight fucked me out of money or something, I could be okay with turning my back much quicker. So many of us only new OF our fathers so when mine died I had no emotion. It was whatever for me.

 

[Helico-pterFunk]

On good terms with both parents respectively. They divorced in the mid-90s, but prob' could have done so in the 80s when we were kids.

Growing up wasn't fun ... on eggshells with pops being an alcoholic. Runs in the family - several family members (grandpa, cousins, aunts & uncles, etc).

He's taken sobriety seriously though - been sober 25 years and lives just over 10 mins away. Pre-covid, he was attending AA weekly & looking out for his peers there.

Had some ups & downs with mom over the years, but all's well. She has bounced around the past 20 years (moving 8 or 9 times), but is stable now and in a good relationship.

Pops is in a better place financially though, so I'll probably have to help out mom in the future. He's been frugal since day 1, whereas she's a spender & has travelled the world.

 

[ballscout1]

Depends on why you don't have a good relationship...

Was it you or them ?

 

[keone]

will help

 

[scullydog]

Man, this some tough shit. From my point of view, you have to learn to forgive. Now, I am speaking from my experience. Me and my pops was like oil and water. Dude was a crackhead and still thought his shit didn't stink. I was glad I was grown. Now it has taken me over 20 years to get to this point. I will help him no matter what. I had to come to this realization. One day, my ass is gonna need help too. Hopefully, someone will see fit to come and look in on me, even think enough of me to come when it is time for me to die. As a human being, I think all of us deserve that type of humanity, even if we were fucked up. So, I put the past behind me and I will do my best to be equitable and fair to my father. Even though that shit wasn't offered to me. Just think of what some of our parents went through. You don't know what type of trauma a motherfucker went through to make them the shitty person they are. Really, it don't take much either.

 

[illdog]

Firm believer in forgiveness, especially for family...because, when it comes down to it..that's family and we're prolly not that perfect either.

 

[4 Dimensional]

I hope my mother doesn’t get vaccinated and I want the virus to have its way with her.

Infer whatever you want.

gaaah damn

 

[godofwine]

Depends on why you don't have a good relationship...

Was it you or them ?

It was definitely them, but now I don't have enough of the connection to give a fuck.

For my mother she has my brother and sister. He's always act funky toward me anyway so...

I haven't seen her since 2019 and I can't say I miss her all that much

I really wrote this post for my friend because she's really stressed out and her mother is at least one of the catalyst

 

[yureeka9]

This is an easy one for me. Treatment of parents in old age is like buying insurance or investing when you're young. My mother invested well and had a top notch insurance policy where her children were concerned. Until she died in 2012 there was nothing I wouldn't do to make her happy and no expense was too great. If she needed I'd give up my own home and live in a card board box so she could be comfortable. My father on the other hand did minimal investing and had practically no insurance for old age. Now he's 80 and basically bed ridden. I'm willing to do the bare minimum. I call him for birthday, father's day and Xmas. I'm fully prepared to get a call that he's gone and I'll just saw "oh well". Its all about front end investments in your children. You get out what you put in.

 

[REDLINE]

If we had a bad relationship because of them when they were doing well, don’t expect a good one from me when they’re doing bad.

That’s all people.

Parents are people, they can be good people or bad people. If they weren’t good to you then you have no responsibility to be good to them.

 

[REDLINE]

Firm believer in forgiveness, especially for family...because, when it comes down to it..that's family and we're prolly not that perfect either.

My Dad always says “That nobody will fuck you like your family”

Take the good with the bad, but there’s limits to forgiveness.

 

[zuluking]

I won't speak ill of the elders, but I understand why we or some just wanna burn nuke Bridges with them but do right for them even when they don't deserve for your own peace of mind as you don't want to regret that you should have done more when they was alive.

 

[killagram]

Wish I could push her over the edge....piece of shit...brah

 

[godofwine]

I won't speak ill of the elders, but I understand why we or some just wanna burn nuke Bridges with them but do right for them even when they don't deserve for your own peace of mind as you don't want to regret that you should have done more when they was alive.

I just do the minimum as someone said earlier. I call for birthday, Christmas and mother's day

I called my father for his birthday but have not made any attempts since. I don't even know if he's still here to tell you the truth

My mom dying whenever that may be is gonna destroy my sister and brother. My brother more particularly since my sister does her best to be a damned Vulcan with her feelings

When my neighbor who was like a brother to me died last year I cried a lot, and even on the anniversary of his death on August 21 I got in the car and the first song on the radio was:

Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone
Suzanne the plans they made put an end to you
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song
I just can't remember who to send it to
I've seen fire and I've Seen Rain...

I was in the car bawling. It's hard to tell now, but I have no idea what kind of reaction I'll have and my family passes away at least my immediate family. As how I'm feeling right now I don't think I'll be that broken up

 

[godofwine]

Bump

 

[arlow pear]

Great question….I know a young lady whose Mom put her out@18. Her Mom is now@ an age where she needs some help w/some things. My friend told her “absolutely not.” I don’t think she’s wrong for that. An eye for an eye!

 

[Andros the magician]

I love my mom and dad.


Mom drives me nuts, but I am here for her no matter what.

Dad I feel the same, however we currently are not talking. No idea why mostly. Earlier this year he became mad at me and was avoiding my calls, talking about me bad to my mom, and just harsh to me when we did speak. I tried to figure out why but all I got was, "I’m so mad at you".

Then back in June, I had spinal surgery almost had a heart attack during the 13-hour session and my dad never called. My mom informed him and nothing.

As a kid, my mom and dad got divorced when I was young. I worshipped my dad. He was in the army at the time. I remember he would come around and take me to the arcade and give me a few dollars. I love that. Then he would disappear at times. I remember riding my bike on base trying to find where his barracks was at one Saturday. Some soldiers decided to help me, and it became this huge thing. Lots of people were trying to help me find them, since I had been going barracks to barracks.

When I found him, he was a little upset with me but glad to see me.

That was our relationship for most of my life. Me pursing him and him doing barely little. It was like I had to nudge him to be in my life 90% of the time. I was ok with that. In my mind, he was my dad and I loved him. No gifts for holidays? I forgave him because he was my dad. Couldn't ever help me out for anything? I forgave him because he was my dad.

So, when this happened with nothing from me being in surgery. . I decided to drop contact. I have been forgiving him and looking past any problems all my life and he does it and acts like I am this terrible son. It is insane.

I say all of this to say, that if he needs me later or anytime in the immediate future. I will ignore my anger and help. He is my dad.

 

[godofwine]

I love my mom and dad.


Mom drives me nuts, but I am here for her no matter what.

Dad I feel the same, however we currently are not talking. No idea why mostly. Earlier this year he became mad at me and was avoiding my calls, talking about me bad to my mom, and just harsh to me when we did speak. I tried to figure out why but all I got was, "I’m so mad at you".

Then back in June, I had spinal surgery almost had a heart attack during the 13-hour session and my dad never called. My mom informed him and nothing.

As a kid, my mom and dad got divorced when I was young. I worshipped my dad. He was in the army at the time. I remember he would come around and take me to the arcade and give me a few dollars. I love that. Then he would disappear at times. I remember riding my bike on base trying to find where his barracks was at one Saturday. Some soldiers decided to help me, and it became this huge thing. Lots of people were trying to help me find them, since I had been going barracks to barracks.

When I found him, he was a little upset with me but glad to see me.

That was our relationship for most of my life. Me pursing him and him doing barely little. It was like I had to nudge him to be in my life 90% of the time. I was ok with that. In my mind, he was my dad and I loved him. No gifts for holidays? I forgave him because he was my dad. Couldn't ever help me out for anything? I forgave him because he was my dad.

So, when this happened with nothing from me being in surgery. . I decided to drop contact. I have been forgiving him and looking past any problems all my life and he does it and acts like I am this terrible son. It is insane.

I say all of this to say, that if he needs me later or anytime in the immediate future. I will ignore my anger and help. He is my dad.

I was going to say that you're a bigger man than I, but that is inaccurate. It's just different.

Everyone reacts different and neither one is right or wrong.

@arlow pear said he knows a young lady whose mother put her out at 18 and now that her mother needs her that lady is like

I don't blame her.

Life is a quest for peace, and if someone offers nothing but a disturbance of your peace I don't give a damn who they are, no one is worth me having a heart attack

I have heard of people who word sold for drugs the drug dealers by their mothers and still have a functional relationship with their mother years later

I didn't have it that bad, but that wouldn't be me

I've never liked being around fake people and my mother is the epitome of fake. I don't like being around her. I live in a 4 bedroom home, and if she were homeless I still wouldn't allow her to live with me

I believe my feelings toward my parents are legitimate. I know there are some people who have beef with their parent because of something pretty (you didn't get me those FuBu Jean's in the 90s. I'm cutting you off mom)

Mine is deeper than that, but she ain't disturbing my peace in my home

 

[KunningLinguist]

My dad was a combination of Ike Turner and Hitler. Or M.I.S.T.E.R Period

I I have talked to him a handful of times over the past few years and I haven't talked to him since February

Aside from watching him through my mother down the stairs, run behind her ass is tumbling and punch you in the mouth of the bottom of the stairs knocking out her front tooth

Aside from beating my brother and I whatever the fuck you felt like it and so much more

Aside from giving me so many behaviors I need to unlearn even ones I don't even realize I do

This motherfucker called me on February 20th and said he couldn't remember if my birthday was on the 6th or the 7th, because he remembers (my parents) anniversary being on one of those days

But he called me on either one of those days, but two weeks later

None of my siblings fuck with them and he could need a dollar to catch the bus and I wouldn't give it to him

I don't really fuck with my mom either, but my brother and my sister would take care of her if she needed it. And since my brother lives with her he's virtually taken care of her now even though she works a full-time job

***

But that's not the reason for this post. I have a friend of mine, the married chick I'm fucking ("Mary"), who is taking care of her mother and it's stressing her the fuck out

When she was growing up, her little sister was the favorite who could do no wrong and the eyes of her mother. Her mother treated her ("Mary") like shit and said that her (Mary) being born ruined her life

Fast forward 30+ years the mother is in poor health and the favorite daughter doesn't help OR contribute

I ain't going to be stressed over someone who treated me like shit growing up, I don't give a good goddamn if you are my mother

But I am built differently than most

If you have a bad relationship with your parents is it okay for you to let them "figure their own shit out" when they get old or will you step up and take care of them regardless of how they treated you growing up

Breh

You need therapy.

All this hate and drama you holding onto let it go.

As far as the question. Do what your conscience tells you.

 

[roots69]

Hmm, this is a good thinking thread @godofwine !!!

This is one of those things a person has to deal with and carry on their own!!

 

[jimmiewine]

My dad was a combination of Ike Turner and Hitler. Or M.I.S.T.E.R Period

I I have talked to him a handful of times over the past few years and I haven't talked to him since February

Aside from watching him through my mother down the stairs, run behind her ass is tumbling and punch you in the mouth of the bottom of the stairs knocking out her front tooth

Aside from beating my brother and I whatever the fuck you felt like it and so much more

Aside from giving me so many behaviors I need to unlearn even ones I don't even realize I do

This motherfucker called me on February 20th and said he couldn't remember if my birthday was on the 6th or the 7th, because he remembers (my parents) anniversary being on one of those days

But he called me on either one of those days, but two weeks later

None of my siblings fuck with them and he could need a dollar to catch the bus and I wouldn't give it to him

I don't really fuck with my mom either, but my brother and my sister would take care of her if she needed it. And since my brother lives with her he's virtually taken care of her now even though she works a full-time job

***

But that's not the reason for this post. I have a friend of mine, the married chick I'm fucking ("Mary"), who is taking care of her mother and it's stressing her the fuck out

When she was growing up, her little sister was the favorite who could do no wrong and the eyes of her mother. Her mother treated her ("Mary") like shit and said that her (Mary) being born ruined her life

Fast forward 30+ years the mother is in poor health and the favorite daughter doesn't help OR contribute

I ain't going to be stressed over someone who treated me like shit growing up, I don't give a good goddamn if you are my mother

But I am built differently than most

If you have a bad relationship with your parents is it okay for you to let them "figure their own shit out" when they get old or will you step up and take care of them regardless of how they treated you growing up

Wow. This touched my heart.

I’m 46. I kid you not, but last week I had a talk with my mom about the abuse I endured as a child. I have spent my adult life trying to deal with the mental, emotional, and physical abuse that my parents put me through. I was finally able to say “You hurt me. Why?” Believe it or not, she admitted her wrong and we cried together. She was like “I had no idea that I hurt you like that.” For years, I didn’t want ANYTHING to do with her! NOTHING! It’s only because I moved to another city and I was telling her goodbye that we had the talk. And I am glad we did. I can heal now.

We are all just grown children trying to get over childhood.

 

[godofwine]

Breh

You need therapy.

All this hate and drama you holding onto let it go.

As far as the question. Do what your conscience tells you.

I agree with the therapy part, I just don't fuck with them.

My conscience tells me to save myself

My mom's got my sister and brother. My dad doesn't have anyone that I know of

This whole thing made me call my father just now. We talked for 50 minutes. Talked about his birth father and the man who adopted him and his 2 sisters that he calls his father

I told him about my novels and their concepts. He asked why haven't I been published.

He recognized the title of one of my novels (I borrowed it from Finding Forrester).

Good conversation

 

[jam hunk]

Of course, life is too short to hang on to emotional baggage. I would step up. Mine were not model parents but I would never say no to them. I wouldn't be here talking shit with y'all if if weren't for them. Oh and neither would you.

 

[Helico-pterFunk]

This whole thing made me call my father just now. We talked for 50 minutes. Talked about his birth father and the man who adopted him and his 2 sisters that he calls his father

I told him about my novels and their concepts. He asked why haven't I been published.

He recognized the title of one of my novels (I borrowed it from Finding Forrester).

Good conversation

Good to hear, G. Nice to get more of his back story.

In regards to maintaining communication too ... my mom prefers to text & a phone call every few weeks. My dad's a big phone call person with his friends & family. Not my speed as much. He doesn't have a cellphone, and doesn't text. Our big form of communication is often email. Lots of emails with links to articles worth reading, and/or Youtube concert & interview clips. He tends to send a bunch of separate emails - so I'll usually wait until late and send him a "General" email back with my replies. Gonna help him with some yardwork a week this Sunday. Needs help cleaning up some ivy, and some trees making a mess over / above & around his garage.

 

[Heavenlywings77]

Nopppe

 

[Dannyblueyes]

I'm close with both of my parents, but even if I wasn't they each have contingency plans for this sort of thing.

That said, I NEVER want my children to stop everything they're doing to look after me and my final years.

I want them to travel the world chasing their dreams falling in love and having fun. Not spend the best years of their life dressing, bathing, and changing the adult diapers of a dying old man. I don't want them to have to experience the trauma of watching somebody they love deteriorate and die right in front of them before they're even 30. My wife did it for her mom and 4 years later I was doing it for her. Wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy let alone family.

Beyond that I don't want to spend my final days sick and helpless. Unable to walk, speak coherently, DJ parties, have sex, or even think straight. Knowing that everyday is going to be worse than the last. That's why I do what I can to take care of my health and preserve my useful years as long as possible. Once they leave me it's time to go along with them.

 

[Deezz]

Nope! Not my father anyway.

I hope he meets the devil.

 

[gene cisco]

My dad was a combination of Ike Turner and Hitler. Or M.I.S.T.E.R Period

I I have talked to him a handful of times over the past few years and I haven't talked to him since February

Aside from watching him through my mother down the stairs, run behind her ass is tumbling and punch you in the mouth of the bottom of the stairs knocking out her front tooth

Aside from beating my brother and I whatever the fuck you felt like it and so much more

Aside from giving me so many behaviors I need to unlearn even ones I don't even realize I do

This motherfucker called me on February 20th and said he couldn't remember if my birthday was on the 6th or the 7th, because he remembers (my parents) anniversary being on one of those days

But he called me on either one of those days, but two weeks later

None of my siblings fuck with them and he could need a dollar to catch the bus and I wouldn't give it to him

I don't really fuck with my mom either, but my brother and my sister would take care of her if she needed it. And since my brother lives with her he's virtually taken care of her now even though she works a full-time job

***

But that's not the reason for this post. I have a friend of mine, the married chick I'm fucking ("Mary"), who is taking care of her mother and it's stressing her the fuck out

When she was growing up, her little sister was the favorite who could do no wrong and the eyes of her mother. Her mother treated her ("Mary") like shit and said that her (Mary) being born ruined her life

Fast forward 30+ years the mother is in poor health and the favorite daughter doesn't help OR contribute

I ain't going to be stressed over someone who treated me like shit growing up, I don't give a good goddamn if you are my mother

But I am built differently than most

If you have a bad relationship with your parents is it okay for you to let them "figure their own shit out" when they get old or will you step up and take care of them regardless of how they treated you growing up

Damn.

 

[phanatic]

It all depends on the situation. I got a call from my out of state brother that my daddy wanted to talk to me after the hurricane passed, power was off, heat was on. So I drive to his house and he tells me he can't take the heat and needs to get out of Louisiana. So the next day I drive him to my sisters house in Houston. A few weeks before this dude ran my blood pressure up where I had to go to the emergency room while I was in Houston he ran my sister whose blood pressure is usually normal up to stroke levels. One day this dude talks bad about my deceased brothers widow and than talks about men who have bastard kids(he has a child that he had at 50 who he said the woman tricked him) I proceed to jump in his shit about he's one to talk about people. Than he tells my siblings how long does he have to pay for the past and I'm like muthafucka you haven't learned from the past and you constantly try and rewrite the past to make it out like you're father of the year when basically you were little more than a sperm donor who was married.
I wanted to drop his ass off at the greyhound station but my brother and sister told me that I can't drop an 84 year old man off like that so I drove his ass back to New Orleans and basically didn't say one word to his ass the whole drive home. Sometimes you have to wash your hands of people even if they are your parents. Thank them for the egg and sperm that they donated to bring you here but after fuck em!!!

Damn bruv, I hope you find some healing. That's some bullshit to have to deal with. I appreciate you sharing that here.