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How to walk away from an Argument

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onyxfemme

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Everyone has arguments. Whether it is with a friend, partner, family member, or stranger, arguments are a part of life. Every single person is unique with different beliefs and backgrounds, so arguments are inevitable. Unfortunately, once you get into an argument, it is extremely hard to get out of it. both parties want to be right. They will do whatever it takes in order to prove their point, even if the argument turns ugly. This seems to happen quite often and when it does, its best to just walk away.


1-Take deep breaths and count to ten. Ignore what is being said and just give yourself a second to calm down. You must be able to keep a cool head in order to be able to walk away from the situation.


2-Ask yourself if you're getting anywhere. Obviously there is a difference in opinions. Decide if you are wasting your time trying to prove your point, or if there is a chance that the other person will change their mind.

3-(I have NEVER seen a brother or sister do this-It would take heart though)Explain that you do not want to argue. Admit that the discussion has gotten out of hand and that this was not your intention. This should calm down the other person a little bit.

4-Be the bigger person. Its hard to give up on an argument when you are so adamant about your beliefs. Realize that you are not giving up, you are just keeping things civil. Understand that if you do not calm down and step away from the situation, then neither one of you will, and it will only get worse.

5-Walk away. This is the most important part. You must follow through with walking away, even if the other person continues to argue. This is the only way to keep things from escalating further and turning into something you do not want. (The online version of this would be to LOG OFF or simply LEAVE the thread)



**Discuss I have to change hats and do my 9-5**


-Onyx
 
Good points (who REALLY wrote this, I know you didn't :hmm::lol:)

It all seems like common sense, but in the heat of discussion, all of that goes out of the window. People now a days take things so personally and the egos involved refuse to let them admit fault and tell them to continually argue and/or lie to defend their position, no matter what.
 
good....

but how many fellas have tried these tactics and they were to no avail?

alot of women regardless of skin color for some reason just have to continue something on and on to the point of blocking your exit if you choose to walk away. grab, etc., etc.,
 
I'm guilty of blowing up when I'm wounded up and also whether someone doesn't understand what I'm saying to them.

But I'm can and have showned humility when I've found to be wrong during an argument.
 
anger really is one of the most poorly handled emotions :smh:

if people learned how to recognize and address them early on in life it prolly would cut down on the severity of arguments

damn I wish people knew how to talk to each other better

hmm i wonder if they still teach life skills and how can communication be incorporated into school curriculum hmmmm
 
jucurious said:
anger really is one of the most poorly handled emotions :smh:

if people learned how to recognize and address them early on in life it prolly would cut down on the severity of arguments

damn I wish people knew how to talk to each other better

hmm i wonder if they still teach life skills and how can communication be incorporated into school curriculum hmmmm
Click to expand...

nope. it's all about teaching them to past the test.
 
Da Don said:
nope. it's all about teaching them to past the test.
Click to expand...

that's wack

school sucks now...training robots :smh:

well i might get placed in a school this upcoming year so imma see what i can do :)

hmmm i have materials on anger management but i would have to type it up :(


who knows i might post some of the stuff or find it somewhere else online.
- body language
- how to fight fair
- being assertive (without being mean/unrealistic)
- common words/phrases that "dead" conversation before it even starts
 
jucurious said:
hmm i wonder if they still teach life skills and how can communication be incorporated into school curriculum hmmmm
Click to expand...

That shit should be taught (or modelled) at home, not in school. Kids take after their parents in this regard.
 
Blunt said:
That shit should be taught (or modelled) at home, not in school. Kids take after their parents in this regard.
Click to expand...

it should be taught at home (like a lot of things) but in some homes it's not.


If they can teach people life skills like cooking and sewing, they can talk about how to communicate with others.
 
4 couples- A few things a pastor once told me, 1. Never argue in the bedroom, that's supposed to be a place where good things happen( make babies, make love, sleep, etc.). 2. Never argue in the standing position, it could lead to fighting, since you 2 are already standing. 3. Decide who goes first, says their thoughts uninterupted, then goes the next person. 4. Never try to settle and argument right after the heat is on, wait, calm down first, then try to handle the problem..............................
Now i have tried these things, but it takes two to make it work. Sometimes one party does not want to listen, they just want to run off at the mouth and ends up pissing the other off, and gets no where. Then they are :cool: but the other that was just willing to talk with sense, is now PISSED TO THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF PISSTIVITY!:happymad:
 
p.ledet said:
4 couples- A few things a pastor once told me, 1. Never argue in the bedroom, that's supposed to be a place where good things happen( make babies, make love, sleep, etc.). 2. Never argue in the standing position, it could lead to fighting, since you 2 are already standing. 3. Decide who goes first, says their thoughts uninterupted, then goes the next person. 4. Never try to settle and argument right after the heat is on, wait, calm down first, then try to handle the problem..............................
Now i have tried these things, but it takes two to make it work. Sometimes one party does not want to listen, they just want to run off at the mouth and ends up pissing the other off, and gets no where. Then they are :cool: but the other that was just willing to talk with sense, is now PISSED TO THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF PISSTIVITY!:happymad:
Click to expand...

that is great advice from that pastor :yes:
 
mail
 
jucurious said:
it should be taught at home (like a lot of things) but in some homes it's not.
Click to expand...

It's not "taught." It's observed.

If they can teach people life skills like cooking and sewing, they can talk about how to communicate with others.
Click to expand...

There's a difference between teaching home economics and getting through to the psyche of kids whose HOME experience is unrelatable to the pacifism taught in school. Schools can (and do) teach and promote temperate behavior, but they can't go home with the kid where daddy is beating mommy every night. That experience trumps anything taught in school.
 
Hmmmmmm very good advice indeed from a pastor-
Is it wrong that the fact that you mentioned it was from a pastor made me clench my thighs together?

p.ledet said:
4 couples- A few things a pastor once told me, 1. Never argue in the bedroom, that's supposed to be a place where good things happen( make babies, make love, sleep, etc.). 2. Never argue in the standing position, it could lead to fighting, since you 2 are already standing. 3. Decide who goes first, says their thoughts uninterupted, then goes the next person. 4. Never try to settle and argument right after the heat is on, wait, calm down first, then try to handle the problem..............................
Now i have tried these things, but it takes two to make it work. Sometimes one party does not want to listen, they just want to run off at the mouth and ends up pissing the other off, and gets no where. Then they are :cool: but the other that was just willing to talk with sense, is now PISSED TO THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF PISSTIVITY!:happymad:
Click to expand...


Anywho-I love intelligent conversation and posts...I hate when people cosign and and just post smilies and shit during real discussions. It shows you actually have a thought process and some sort of brain.

Someone said it should be taught at home and someone said why not at school-I say both. I remember a class that I had called Looking My Best...I think back how it taught "lady like manners" dressing for success, body language in interviews and such..We even had business apparral fashions shows....
That was the early 90's when I was in high school...
And we had a debate team that basically taught how to debate and win..Yeah I mastered it.
But now a days............:smh:
 
OnyxFemme said:
Hmmmmmm very good advice indeed from a pastor-
Is it wrong that the fact that you mentioned it was from a pastor made me clench my thighs together?

^^I'm not one of those supper religious types, but i do understand how u feel. We have to live our lives, and we can't be angels all the time.;):cool::D


Anywho-I love intelligent conversation and posts...I hate when people cosign and and just post smilies and shit during real discussions. It shows you actually have a thought process and some sort of brain.

Someone said it should be taught at home and someone said why not at school-I say both. I remember a class that I had called Looking My Best...I think back how it taught "lady like manners" dressing for success, body language in interviews and such..We even had business apparral fashions shows....
That was the early 90's when I was in high school...
And we had a debate team that basically taught how to debate and win..Yeah I mastered it.
But now a days............:smh:
Click to expand...
:yes:there should be more of this, but like many say, it should start at home also.:)
 
Blunt said:
It's not "taught." It's observed.

There's a difference between teaching home economics and getting through to the psyche of kids whose HOME experience is unrelatable to the pacifism taught in school. Schools can (and do) teach and promote temperate behavior, but they can't go home with the kid where daddy is beating mommy every night. That experience trumps anything taught in school.
Click to expand...

actually school experiences can have a significant affect on children being that they spend a lot more time there and with their peer group. Yes an unhealthy home environment can make it harder to learn certain concepts in school but not impossible

also, observation is a form of learning and those modeling are teaching which means it can be taught. If the child sees it at home, good now it will be reinforced in school, if they do not, good now they will be introduced to something OTHER than what is taught at home...some children just need to see that there are other options besides what they see in their home life.
 
I have tried all of these, some work and some don't. I normally end up doing #4 and 5 during an arguement, because if I don't I will keep it going.
 
I agree w/ this Ju-
I guess the answer is 75/25
75% at home 25% at school:confused:
jucurious said:
actually school experiences can have a significant affect on children being that they spend a lot more time there and with their peer group. Yes an unhealthy home environment can make it harder to learn certain concepts in school but not impossible

also, observation is a form of learning and those modeling are teaching which means it can be taught. If the child sees it at home, good now it will be reinforced in school, if they do not, good now they will be introduced to something OTHER than what is taught at home...some children just need to see that there are other options besides what they see in their home life.
Click to expand...
 
OnyxFemme said:
Everyone has arguments. Whether it is with a friend, partner, family member, or stranger, arguments are a part of life. Every single person is unique with different beliefs and backgrounds, so arguments are inevitable. Unfortunately, once you get into an argument, it is extremely hard to get out of it. both parties want to be right. They will do whatever it takes in order to prove their point, even if the argument turns ugly. This seems to happen quite often and when it does, its best to just walk away.


1-Take deep breaths and count to ten. Ignore what is being said and just give yourself a second to calm down. You must be able to keep a cool head in order to be able to walk away from the situation.


2-Ask yourself if you're getting anywhere. Obviously there is a difference in opinions. Decide if you are wasting your time trying to prove your point, or if there is a chance that the other person will change their mind.

3-(I have NEVER seen a brother or sister do this-It would take heart though)Explain that you do not want to argue. Admit that the discussion has gotten out of hand and that this was not your intention. This should calm down the other person a little bit.

4-Be the bigger person. Its hard to give up on an argument when you are so adamant about your beliefs. Realize that you are not giving up, you are just keeping things civil. Understand that if you do not calm down and step away from the situation, then neither one of you will, and it will only get worse.

5-Walk away. This is the most important part. You must follow through with walking away, even if the other person continues to argue. This is the only way to keep things from escalating further and turning into something you do not want. (The online version of this would be to LOG OFF or simply LEAVE the thread)



**Discuss I have to change hats and do my 9-5**


-Onyx
Click to expand...

Didn't want to quote your whole post but you made some damn good points.

I have walked away from some sticky situations in my time but you sometimes run across a situation where what could have been a normal civil conversation because one or both parties have personal axes to grind and consequently, see no reason to backdown.

In other words, they reach a deadlock.

It's at this point that one of two things happen,

(1) They both realize that they both have valid points that warrant further discussion and appreciation or..

(2) They choose to both act out and begin to engage in name calling and character assassination that can in some cases, result in a complete breakdown in communication with all the negativity that usually follows this.

I'm as human as anyone else and from time to time slip up but I try to learn from my mistakes and keep it moving accordingly.

On other occasions, I choose to embrace the beast within and straight desecrate an enemy before cocking a leg to piss on their steaming carcass.

It all depends on what mood I'm in at the time.
 
Good advice Puma...

I've used most of these during various arguments over the years. I think 3 and 4 have been the most effective for me.
 
I'm definately practicing #4 right now ... some mothafuckas are just crazy and not even worth it:smh::dunno:

#3 Is easier sad than done though ... if you try to calm down a person who is adamant on being "right" that person will take that as a sign of you backing down and they will start acting even stupider
 
^^true true.....What about the other person following u around the house to argue. If you go in the other room and close the door and they stand outside the door running their mouth, trying to piss u off more, what do u do then. Leave the house? Then they call your cell 1000 times and when u stop answering they start paging u 1000 times putting your job's number as the call back. :smh: You tried to walk away, but some people don't handle things right.
 
Open the door and just look at them....I swear my dude has this look that he gives me when I am doing some dumb shit...Kind of a combination between :eek: and :hmm:...lolol
Trust me it works....

Or-Get your keys and leave. Go to a movie or shopping or something. Give it a few hours and come back like:) do you want to talk or argue?
She says argue, say ok...Turn back around and leave again.:yes:
p.ledet said:
^^true true.....What about the other person following u around the house to argue. If you go in the other room and close the door and they stand outside the door running their mouth, trying to piss u off more, what do u do then. Leave the house? Then they call your cell 1000 times and when u stop answering they start paging u 1000 times putting your job's number as the call back. :smh: You tried to walk away, but some people don't handle things right.
Click to expand...
 
OnyxFemme said:
Open the door and just look at them....I swear my dude has this look that he gives me when I am doing some dumb shit...Kind of a combination between :eek: and :hmm:...lolol
Trust me it works....

Or-Get your keys and leave. Go to a movie or shopping or something. Give it a few hours and come back like:) do you want to talk or argue?
She says argue, say ok...Turn back around and leave again.:yes:
Click to expand...
:happymad: Turn into the hulk, but without the smash?
 

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