im starting to make vids in the spirit of my sidehustle helper threads...
wow.. thanks...
I lost my mother unexpectedly in 2012 and I can't say it has depressed me but it has been like a dull ache that just won't go away. Her absence hangs over me like a dark cloud most days but it doesn't affect my mood or performance. I can say the one upside to losing the person you're closest to is that you become confident that you can handle virtually any loss after that.
Naah I KNOW Im depressed.
I hit the wall yesterday on some dumb shit that aint even me like that...
So now I gotta fix it. It just made me aware of a lot of things that I wasn't willing to admit to myself. NOTHING is the same for me & it never will be again. Im on my own! & the unconditional love & support provided by your parents or parent.... sometimes financial, that you might have taken for granted or just never thought would come to an end ceases to exist you end up slipping in another area of life.
Well put. especially that last part. I tell other people, it's a pain you do NOT want to experience. remember, you have all of her goodness inside of you (Depending on how you were raised)...I always remind myself of that as well.
Praying for you.
A close friend of mine almost died too..... she was in the hospital for almost 2 months with no diagnosis & fucked up...
maaaaaaan music ... fucks me up sometimes. songs that remind me of different times & pictures... I dont even fuk wit the photos... I got a few I can look at but i dnt do so for too long. I keep it pushin! we have painted portraits on the wall so... smh its good & bad.
A close friend of mine almost died too..... she was in the hospital for almost 2 months with no diagnosis & fucked up...
maaaaaaan music ... fucks me up sometimes. songs that remind me of different times & pictures... I dont even fuk wit the photos... I got a few I can look at but i dnt do so for too long. I keep it pushin! we have painted portraits on the wall so... smh its good & bad.
Thank you.
hang in there man. i know its tough. BGOL , and brothers in general, need more support threads like this.
A close friend of mine almost died too..... she was in the hospital for almost 2 months with no diagnosis & fucked up...
maaaaaaan music ... fucks me up sometimes. songs that remind me of different times & pictures... I dont even fuk wit the photos... I got a few I can look at but i dnt do so for too long. I keep it pushin! we have painted portraits on the wall so... smh its good & bad.
the crazy part is I was feeling like that but wasnt too sure until I hit that wall yesterday. I havent had the desire to do what I was doing before anymore. Shit is crazy.
yea............ that dull pain hurts like a toothache but in ya heart. for 6 months Id leave the house & expect her to be here when I got back.
Id be like maaaaaaaaaaaaan wtf is wrong w/ you. Id gets mad she wasnt here physically but I could still feel her...energy
shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit I can hit play & hear whole conversations I been recoding on my phone over the last few years.... I started doing it in preparation for her departure. Family history... just us arguing, her telling me lies about shit & being difficult, & about how good of a mother she was... she's alive in the recording.
Thank Covid for it...despite what i posted above, i never felt depressed. that is just grief. But with Covid, being in your house everyday (i'm single) and looking at the walls everyday by yourself can start to fuck with you.
that's kind of where i was going with that comment. I don't ever want to forget my mother's voice. hell, she used to blow up my phone trying to get me to answer (i think all moms swear you have nothing better to do then sit by the phone lol)..anyways she would leave me messages. after her death, i kept her messages - just felt some comfort in her voice. Her FB account is still active too.
in the supermarket while Im shopping.... 
I cant help it... I be mad as fuck about it too ... people be lookin @ me like wtf
I keep shopping wit no fuks given & get it together. I had to call my big homie & tell him what was happening from the bathroom stall He has it rough too... his moms forget where she is, who he is, & the whole 9. So he totally understands where Im coming from. I couldnt imagine what he goes thru.... his moms is a piece of work. She's 1 of those that fucked her own son over & now he's taking care of her...
