I just couldn't see myself in one of these for six hours, wondering how I'm going to die if anything goes wrong. I'll have to take a sleeping pill to sleep away at least three of those hours because I can imagine it being claustrophobic and cramped.
This is your captain speaking and we appear to be having some technical difficulties involving rapid loss of balloon pressure.
We may or may not be experiencing rapid detention followed by tossing and tumbling around.
Please buckle up and if the oxygen mask is deployed please follow the instructions that were given to you at the start of the trip. More information will be given to you as they are presented to me. Have a good day and thank you for choosing death balloons for your method of dying.