He's Not Intimidated By You: He Just Doesn't Like You...The Initimidation Doctrine

[JofromthaNO]

http://www.conversateisnotaword.com/?p=128

Kind of a long read, but here are the finer parts:

" When a woman is attractive, educated, financially independent and generally successful and STILL single, many of us start to believe that our success is part of the problem. When relationships don’t work out, we automatically go into the “well, he’s just intimidated by my success” routine. And its time for us to get real with ourselves. "

" Open your heart and your mind to whoever may come your way. Focus on what you both are bringing to each other’s lives. Its not a competition. Try being the type of person you are looking for. Recognize and appreciate what others have to offer and know that if you are the best person you can be, you cant lose.

By no means am I saying settle for less. Keep your standards high, go after the type of life and partner you want. Just make sure your high standards apply to you too."

Brothers, ever heard any sisters use that line before?

Sisters, ever used that line before yourself?

 

[mpthaking89]

Re: He's Not Intimidated By You: He Just Doesn't Like You...The Initimidation Doctrin

Ive heard bitter career women use that before....its just a power struggle usually....i want a woman thats gonna put me and kids first before career.

 

[followup]

Re: He's Not Intimidated By You: He Just Doesn't Like You...The Initimidation Doctrin

I have said it once before when my ex told me that he could never marry a woman who made more money than him.

In general, though I think there is a mixture when it comes to men. There are those who don't care if a woman is smarter/richer/older than him. And there are those who have a problem with it. Neither is better, but I hope that men will know their preference ahead of time and act accordingly. How fair is it when a guy knows everything about you, decides to get into a relationship with you, and then wants out because of something that he knew about in the beginning?

 

[JofromthaNO]

Re: He's Not Intimidated By You: He Just Doesn't Like You...The Initimidation Doctrin

I have said it once before when my ex told me that he could never marry a woman who made more money than him.

Interesting...I had an ex once tell me he wasn't going to marry a doctor , and how his "wife" would never be a doctor...

I realized he was using it as a lame excuse to get out the relationship. I don't think it really was about the potential earning power I had, as much as his inability to feel a certain way about himself.

How does a guy know anyway that a woman CAN'T have a career and still put the needs of her family, etc. at the same level, if not higher? Shucks, my mother, at times, worked longer hours than my father, and still came home to cook dinner, so he had NOTHING to complain about...

It's a stereotype to think a woman can't balance the two and provide for her family...but, I do hear what the writer is saying about women letting their success go "to their head," and thinking, simply by their social status or income, they deserve a "better" man...

 

[followup]

Re: He's Not Intimidated By You: He Just Doesn't Like You...The Initimidation Doctrin

Interesting...I had an ex once tell me he wasn't going to marry a doctor , and how his "wife" would never be a doctor...

I realized he was using it as a lame excuse to get out the relationship. I don't think it really was about the potential earning power I had, as much as his inability to feel a certain way about himself.

How does a guy know anyway that a woman CAN'T have a career and still put the needs of her family, etc. at the same level, if not higher? Shucks, my mother, at times, worked longer hours than my father, and still came home to cook dinner, so he had NOTHING to complain about...

It's a stereotype to think a woman can't balance the two and provide for her family...but, I do hear what the writer is saying about women letting their success go "to their head," and thinking, simply by their social status or income, they deserve a "better" man...

I think he is unsure of what his role will be in the family if he is not the top earner... which I can kinda understand. But he knows what your profession is from jump, so he should have stayed away... **maybe the pussy was too good**

 

[JofromthaNO]

Re: He's Not Intimidated By You: He Just Doesn't Like You...The Initimidation Doctrin

I think he is unsure of what his role will be in the family if he is not the top earner... which I can kinda understand. But he knows what your profession is from jump, so he should have stayed away... **maybe the pussy was too good**

No comment...

 

[mpthaking89]

Re: He's Not Intimidated By You: He Just Doesn't Like You...The Initimidation Doctrin

When a woman is attractive, educated, financially independent, generally successful and STILL single, it seems like the problem lies deeper than the woman's success and life credentials lol....usually it's a deeper issue with the woman.....her personality probably just sucks really bad.

 

[owl]

Re: He's Not Intimidated By You: He Just Doesn't Like You...The Initimidation Doctrin

Sometimes as a man, you get caught up in the same insecure trap.

You start believing you aren't above a certain type of treatment.

i think most cats fall victim.

You start looking at the dude who walked away with the numeriks as a "thug" or you start looking at her as simply foolish for not choosing you.

And truth be told, she just wasn't feeling you. I'm cool with that synopsis. I just wish all brothers could accept that possibility and keep it moving...

 

[onyxfemme]

Re: He's Not Intimidated By You: He Just Doesn't Like You...The Initimidation Doctrin

Good read...I cant say I have never used that line before.

However I did date this one kat who told me he was a little insecure of me because of my mindset, job and house and that he wasnt used to dating a woman like me. He only dated the "gimmie gimmies" I asked him what he wanted out of life and did he want me to help him get there. He told me and started dropping $$$ figures.

I said I was only going to help you by motivating and pushing you. Looks like the "gimmie-gimmies: had spread to him.


This is good advice here:

Open your heart and your mind to whoever may come your way. Focus on what you both are bringing to each other’s lives. Its not a competition. Try being the type of person you are looking for. Recognize and appreciate what others have to offer and know that if you are the best person you can be, you cant lose.

I have seem men who are doing fairly well. Not as well as they claim but decent. And they only go after women they know w/ low self esteem, struggling, negative and have no lives. Only so they can look a certain way to them. Like they are kings or some shit. They throw little trinkets their way to make them feel "special". The dude in those situations are really insecure. Then they look at a successful woman and down her and claim she is "bou'gie"(sp)
but that is only because they cant muster up the manhood to get her attention and they result to childish tactics.
They are used to dealing w/ bottom feedersand some women are...


Deep topic...and a dayum good thread for SOL.

 

[JofromthaNO]

Re: He's Not Intimidated By You: He Just Doesn't Like You...The Initimidation Doctrin

Good read...I cant say I have never used that line before.

However I did date this one kat who told me he was a little insecure of me because of my mindset, job and house and that he wasnt used to dating a woman like me. He only dated the "gimmie gimmies" I asked him what he wanted out of life and did he want me to help him get there. He told me and started dropping $$$ figures.

I said I was only going to help you by motivating and pushing you. Looks like the "gimmie-gimmies: had spread to him.


This is good advice here:


I have seem men who are doing fairly well. Not as well as they claim but decent. And they only go after women they know w/ low self esteem, struggling, negative and have no lives. Only so they can look a certain way to them. Like they are kings or some shit. They throw little trinkets their way to make them feel "special". The dude in those situations are really insecure. Then they look at a successful woman and down her and claim she is "bou'gie"(sp)
but that is only because they cant muster up the manhood to get her attention and they result to childish tactics.
They are used to dealing w/ bottom feedersand some women are...


Deep topic...and a dayum good thread for SOL.

I've seen the bolded especially, Onyx, and I think it has to go back to men feeling in control when it comes to their relationships...

Money is just one way/tactic persons (male or female) can use to control a relationship. Sex is another... Either way, it's wrong

 

[sean69]

Re: He's Not Intimidated By You: He Just Doesn't Like You...The Initimidation Doctrin

Brothers, ever heard any sisters use that line before?

Of course. With sistas that fit the profile, ALL THE TIME. Which isn't that astonishing and actually quite understandable given the history of socioeconomic engineering, subtle or otherwaise. And before the SOL girl-power coalition goes in on me, I'm in no way suggesting this as an excuse for laziness.

Interesting...I had an ex once tell me he wasn't going to marry a doctor , and how his "wife" would never be a doctor...

I realized he was using it as a lame excuse to get out the relationship. I don't think it really was about the potential earning power I had, as much as his inability to feel a certain way about himself.

Well I can't speak on your specific situation but some guys just anticipate the hectic schedule of women in certain careers, like MD's for example, as being prohibitive to [the effectiveness] of their "homemaking" propensity? (... and vice versa)
I'm saying, everyone is entitled to their requirements. :dunno:

When a woman is attractive, educated, financially independent, generally successful and STILL single, it seems like the problem lies deeper than the woman's success and life credentials lol....usually it's a deeper issue with the woman.....her personality probably just sucks really bad.

Bingo!

 

[destrehan]

Re: He's Not Intimidated By You: He Just Doesn't Like You...The Initimidation Doctrin

I have seem men who are doing fairly well. Not as well as they claim but decent. And they only go after women they know w/ low self esteem, struggling, negative and have no lives. Only so they can look a certain way to them. Like they are kings or some shit. They throw little trinkets their way to make them feel "special". The dude in those situations are really insecure. Then they look at a successful woman and down her and claim she is "bou'gie"(sp)
but that is only because they cant muster up the manhood to get her attention and they result to childish tactics.
They are used to dealing w/ bottom feedersand some women are...


Deep topic...and a dayum good thread for SOL.

this goes both ways. look how the average successful woman treats most men, like they are beneath her. they only seem to open up to men they perceive to be above them. men hate women who's only sense of worth is their occupation or their pussy.

 

[onyxfemme]

Re: He's Not Intimidated By You: He Just Doesn't Like You...The Initimidation Doctrin

True....

I've seen the bolded especially, Onyx, and I think it has to go back to men feeling in control when it comes to their relationships...

Money is just one way/tactic persons (male or female) can use to control a relationship. Sex is another... Either way, it's wrong

And truth

this goes both ways. look how the average successful woman treats most men, like they are beneath her. they only seem to open up to men they perceive to be above them. men hate women who's only sense of worth is their occupation or their pussy.

 

[LeroyDibiase]

Re: He's Not Intimidated By You: He Just Doesn't Like You...The Initimidation Doctrin

Cognitive dissonance.

 

[Andeyhollawho]

Re: He's Not Intimidated By You: He Just Doesn't Like You...The Initimidation Doctrin

Gotta cope somehow I guess huh?

 

[Mo-Better]

Re: He's Not Intimidated By You: He Just Doesn't Like You...The Initimidation Doctrin

http://www.conversateisnotaword.com/?p=128

Kind of a long read, but here are the finer parts:

" When a woman is attractive, educated, financially independent and generally successful and STILL single, many of us start to believe that our success is part of the problem. When relationships don’t work out, we automatically go into the “well, he’s just intimidated by my success” routine. And its time for us to get real with ourselves. "

" Open your heart and your mind to whoever may come your way. Focus on what you both are bringing to each other’s lives. Its not a competition. Try being the type of person you are looking for. Recognize and appreciate what others have to offer and know that if you are the best person you can be, you cant lose.

By no means am I saying settle for less. Keep your standards high, go after the type of life and partner you want. Just make sure your high standards apply to you too."

Brothers, ever heard any sisters use that line before?

Sisters, ever used that line before yourself?

The biggest problem I've seen is women who flaunt their educational and financial superiority. I don't like people like that myself. You can be rich even well educated and still not be worth a damn.

No I'm not pointing fingers! But flaunting your beauty, your education or worth won't make you attractive. Not to the guy who's out for a nice evening. Most likely he would rather not be bothered.

So yeah Jo, I think your on target with this posting. Women scream there's no good men out there. But these same women unwittingly place themselves into a category where many men would rather not be bothered.

BTW I'm a firm believer that one should never lower their standards. Especially for a relationship. But my belief isn't just limited to this subject matter. It's how I deal with people in every aspect of my life.

 

[mpthaking89]

Re: He's Not Intimidated By You: He Just Doesn't Like You...The Initimidation Doctrin

The biggest problem I've seen is women who flaunt their educational and financial superiority. I don't like people like that myself. You can be rich even well educated and still not be worth a damn.

No I'm not pointing fingers! But flaunting your beauty, your education or worth won't make you attractive. Not to the guy who's out for a nice evening. Most likely he would rather not be bothered.

So yeah Jo, I think your on target with this posting. Women scream there's no good men out there. But these same women unwittingly place themselves into a category where many men would rather not be bothered.

BTW I'm a firm believer that one should never lower their standards. Especially for a relationship. But my belief isn't just limited to this subject matter. It's how I deal with people in every aspect of my life.

Very well said.

 

[JofromthaNO]

Re: He's Not Intimidated By You: He Just Doesn't Like You...The Initimidation Doctrin

Women scream there's no good men out there. But these same women unwittingly place themselves into a category where many men would rather not be bothered.

BTW I'm a firm believer that one should never lower their standards. Especially for a relationship. But my belief isn't just limited to this subject matter. It's how I deal with people in every aspect of my life.

Mmm...I like your thoughts here...

Do you think some men, particularly black men, do the same (i.e., get a little money, a lil education and it all goes to their head?)

 

[Mo-Better]

Re: He's Not Intimidated By You: He Just Doesn't Like You...The Initimidation Doctrin

Mmm...I like your thoughts here...

Do you think some men, particularly black men, do the same (i.e., get a little money, a lil education and it all goes to their head?)

On education I've known guys who thought their education level made them better than others. Even tried to intimidate. One guy even had the nerve to fix the bosses memo. So yeah it goes to their heads.

But I don't think most men's intent is necessarily to intimidate women but possibly to intimidate other men. Call it the alpha male syndrome. (Of course my response doesn't apply to all with higher educations.)

But men have different reasons for what they do. Men do it to get noticed. Men know many women are attracted to power and money. Especially those in the public eye. So what do men do? Well Shaq bought a Ford F650. Overkill? Probably.

Here's a question for you. Why do successful celebrities divorce once they become rich? Most do it, the only recent exceptions I can think of being Denzel Washington and Will Smith.

 

[JofromthaNO]

Re: He's Not Intimidated By You: He Just Doesn't Like You...The Initimidation Doctrin

On education I've known guys who thought their education level made them better than others. Even tried to intimidate. One guy even had the nerve to fix the bosses memo. So yeah it goes to their heads.

But I don't think most men's intent is necessarily to intimidate women but possibly to intimidate other men. Call it the alpha male syndrome. (Of course my response doesn't apply to all with higher educations.)

But men have different reasons for what they do. Men do it to get noticed. Men know many women are attracted to power and money. Especially those in the public eye. So what do men do? Well Shaq bought a Ford F650. Overkill? Probably.

Here's a question for you. Why do successful celebrities divorce once they become rich? Most do it, the only recent exceptions I can think of being Denzel Washington and Will Smith.

Because they recognize that their dating pool has widened up?

I'm not sure cause I'm not rich, and I'm not a celebrity either AND I've never been divorced...

But, once can assume a lot about why their relationships don't work out...

However, in my experience with "marginally successful" black men (i.e., the man holding down a job, has his own place, car, etc.), they sometimes like to flaunt their "success." There is a certain arrogance that I can pick up from them. Yes, success is "sexy," and knowing that you worked hard to success in your goals is "sexy," but the arrogance has to die, seriously.

Maybe it's a phenomenon on both our parts in the African American community where we get a lil taste of success, and it goes to our heads

 

[MrMotivator]

Re: He's Not Intimidated By You: He Just Doesn't Like You...The Initimidation Doctrin

Because they recognize that their dating pool has widened up?

I'm not sure cause I'm not rich, and I'm not a celebrity either AND I've never been divorced...

But, once can assume a lot about why their relationships don't work out...

However, in my experience with "marginally successful" black men (i.e., the man holding down a job, has his own place, car, etc.), they sometimes like to flaunt their "success." There is a certain arrogance that I can pick up from them. Yes, success is "sexy," and knowing that you worked hard to success in your goals is "sexy," but the arrogance has to die, seriously.

Maybe it's a phenomenon on both our parts in the African American community where we get a lil taste of success, and it goes to our heads

You know whats funny, when guys did it women hated it but it still worked when women do it guys hate it and it doesn't work matter of fact its like spraying man be gone all over yourself

 

[Mo-Better]

Re: He's Not Intimidated By You: He Just Doesn't Like You...The Initimidation Doctrin

Because they recognize that their dating pool has widened up?

I'm not sure cause I'm not rich, and I'm not a celebrity either AND I've never been divorced...

But, one can assume a lot about why their relationships don't work out...

However, in my experience with "marginally successful" black men (i.e., the man holding down a job, has his own place, car, etc.), they sometimes like to flaunt their "success." There is a certain arrogance that I can pick up from them. Yes, success is "sexy," and knowing that you worked hard to success in your goals is "sexy," but the arrogance has to die, seriously.

Maybe it's a phenomenon on both our parts in the African American community where we get a lil taste of success, and it goes to our heads

Jo, relationships today don't work because so many don't approach them with any intent in to make them succeed. The bottom line with dating today is most are just out for themselves, get what they can get. This generation is selfish, materialistic and in some cases looking to put up good number totals on how many they've slept with.

I've sensed similar frustrations myself just trying to find someone that's grounded, not stuck on themselves and or materialistic.

Few date today looking to establish a meaningful relationship. People today are fucking before they know the other persons last name. People have lost their way.

Getting back to the "marginally successful" what you see them doing today is nothing new not for our people. We will by jewelry knowing the phone might get cut off. We worry too much about image instead of taking care of business and the problem started at home. An having a job, a home and car is today a necessity. It's nothing to brag about IMO.

Moms buying $200 sneakers and designer jeans for the kids. But refuses to put a nourishing meal on the table. Our priorities are all screwed up. What matters most shouldn't matter at all.

The major problem is these issue transcend almost every aspect of our lives.

 

[BrownTurd]

Re: He's Not Intimidated By You: He Just Doesn't Like You...The Initimidation Doctrin

what these women have in education, drive, career and Financial success...they greatly lack in relationship building. These women typically have unrealistic expectations. They use the line "i can't find anyone on my level" The issue has more to do with how these women think mentally. They create an environment that is not conducive to building a relationship.

Men are simple and will always take the simple and most logical route. If a man can find a woman to produce a child and take care of him emotionally and be their for the family and a great manager he will choose her over the beautiful educated,career minded woman.

 

[JofromthaNO]

Re: He's Not Intimidated By You: He Just Doesn't Like You...The Initimidation Doctrin

Men are simple and will always take the simple and most logical route. If a man can find a woman to produce a child and take care of him emotionally and be their for the family and a great manager he will choose her over the beautiful educated,career minded woman.

I do believe this...

A man, I believe, could care less about a sister's occupation, bankroll, etc. as long as she takes care of him emotionally...

I believe this is often the reason less educated and less successful career-minded women seem to find relationships and marriage before the opposite. HOWEVER, please believe there are sisters handling their business in BOTH ways

 

[sean69]

Re: He's Not Intimidated By You: He Just Doesn't Like You...The Initimidation Doctrin

However, in my experience with "marginally successful" black men (i.e., the man holding down a job, has his own place, car, etc.), they sometimes like to flaunt their "success." There is a certain arrogance that I can pick up from them. Yes, success is "sexy," and knowing that you worked hard to success in your goals is "sexy," but the arrogance has to die, seriously.

Jo, seriously, where do you get this BS from?

Actually, scratch that.

It's interesting you say "marginally successful". I'm curious of what you think happens when they achieve "complete success"? *yahoo IM chin rubbing smiley face*

Maybe it's a phenomenon on both our parts in the African American community where we get a lil taste of success, and it goes to our heads

Yeah, maybe.

 

[JofromthaNO]

Re: He's Not Intimidated By You: He Just Doesn't Like You...The Initimidation Doctrin

Jo, seriously, where do you get this BS from?

Actually, scratch that.

It's interesting you say "marginally successful". I'm curious of what you think happens when they achieve "complete success"? *yahoo IM chin rubbing smiley face*

Sean, I'm referring to men (and women) who are just "getting by." They're able to pay their bills, and thinks it makes them a woman/man. It's, like, c'mon!

It's like all these other stupid songs you hear about independent women and "5 star chicks." They're independent because they pay their bills on time and always keep their hair done