Getting a divorce. How do I pick a good lawyer?

[Drayonis]

First of all, how old are you, nigga, I'm 32, and my girlfriend is pushing for me to get married with her..........my question is why did you get married with her?

You need to figure out why she's pushing you to get married. Sounds like you girl is interested in "getting married" but not "being married". Like so many of us find out on here that many women just want the status of "being married". As soon as they get in and they find out it's hard work they want to bail out.
The nagging begins, the lack of intimacy, the control factor (for some not all).

Here's some things you need to know.

"marriage doesn't make you LOVE each other any more".

"marriage is very hard work, you don't LOVE or even LIKE each other all the time"

"money will be an issue at some point"

"We ain't getting any younger" is not a reason to get married.

Even though I'm divorced myself, I'm about to get re-married. And the only reason I believe in marriage is because I want children and I don't want a baby momma. (I'm not paying child support to any broad!) I believe in raising kids with a mother and father at home. If kids wasn't a desire of mine I wouldn't even consider marriage again.

 

[Dannyblueyes]

You need to figure out why she's pushing you to get married. Sounds like you girl is interested in "getting married" but not "being married". Like so many of us find out on here that many women just want the status of "being married". As soon as they get in and they find out it's hard work they want to bail out.
The nagging begins, the lack of intimacy, the control factor (for some not all).

Here's some things you need to know.

"marriage doesn't make you LOVE each other any more".

"marriage is very hard work, you don't LOVE or even LIKE each other all the time"

"money will be an issue at some point"

"We ain't getting any younger" is not a reason to get married.

Even though I'm divorced myself, I'm about to get re-married. And the only reason I believe in marriage is because I want children and I don't want a baby momma. (I'm not paying child support to any broad!) I believe in raising kids with a mother and father at home. If kids wasn't a desire of mine I wouldn't even consider marriage again.

Dray, I know that your a Christian and getting married might seem to be the right thing to do for the kid's sake, but why do you want to sign a contract that puts you in that kind of risk without any real benefit? As far as I'm concerned there's nothing wrong with raising kids in a committed common law relationship so long as you both abide by the same moral standards that a marriage entitles.

If you still consider that wrong why not have a full out wedding in the church with a minister, but replace the wedding certificate with a change of name certificate? That way you're married in the eyes of the Lord, the community, you share the same surname, but you don't have any of the legal extras (check with a lawyer about that one though). They don't even have to know you're not official.

I mean if Adam and Eve didn't have to sign a paper why should you?

 

[dlow]

The title says it all. My wife and I have been living in separate houses for 2 years now. She has a new boyfriend, another kid and so forth so a divorce is inevitable anyway. Recently I got offered a good job about 3,000 miles away. I'd like to settle my shit now before I go.

I've already talked to a couple of lawyers that I was less than impressed with. So now I want to figure out how to pick a good one. What's the best way to go about it?

Don't get a one price lawyer. Get one by the hour. Pay a lawyer one set price and that's all you will get. Go to a fathers rights website to find one that is recommended. If there isn't one not living close find the slosest and ask for a recommendation. If you have no kids get her to let you handle it yourself and move on. Self divorce usually cost about $500.

 

[bromack1]

And the only reason I believe in marriage is because I want children and I don't want a baby momma. (I'm not paying child support to any broad!)

I believe in raising kids with a mother and father at home. If kids wasn't a desire of mine I wouldn't even consider marriage again.

Co-sign on these points and glad to hear you say that...I've thought for years I was one of a few..

We're both on the same page....

One of the primary reasons we have laws that support marriage is to protect the welfare of our children. If a two parent family isn't involved, then in a lot of instances, children become "wards" of the state.



Anything else... is just plain ol foolishness.

Keep one thing in mind... its far more difficult to get a drivers license, than it is to have "1" kid. If you really think about it, thats kinda "ass backwards."

 

[bromack1]

Dray, I know that your a Christian and getting married might seem to be the right thing to do for the kid's sake, but why do you want to sign a contract that puts you in that kind of risk without any real benefit? As far as I'm concerned there's nothing wrong with raising kids in a committed common law relationship so long as you both abide by the same moral standards that a marriage entitles.

If you still consider that wrong why not have a full out wedding in the church with a minister, but replace the wedding certificate with a change of name certificate? That way you're married in the eyes of the Lord, the community, you share the same surname, but you don't have any of the legal extras (check with a lawyer about that one though). They don't even have to know you're not official.

I mean if Adam and Eve didn't have to sign a paper why should you?

Whether or not it means something to you personally ( doing things for self)....it does mean something to your kids (don't know anything about you, but kids feel a certain status knowing they come from a home that had both married mommy and daddy).



Sometimes people think about the "big picture" and the legacy of there future progeny. Its an old fashioned concept but at the same time, its because people in years past made that type of comittment (whether it was "easy" for them to do it or not) and kept their word...., thats why you're here today. People from old times did it on there own...its called being responsible.

 

[DLateshow]

Sounds to me the wife wants it done also with minimum cash out. If this is the case just divy out your joint assets and do the paper work yourself. The payout is minimum if both parties are in agreement. I would think that if you have been apart for 2 years and moved on with your lives the assets have already been separted out. Your case seems pretty simple to me from what information you have given. A gunslinger lawyer with huge fees is not needed if both of you are on the same page.

Dlateshow

 

[Drayonis]

Dray, I know that your a Christian and getting married might seem to be the right thing to do for the kid's sake, but why do you want to sign a contract that puts you in that kind of risk without any real benefit?

Again tell me what my risks are? I got divorced the first time and I kept my house and didn't lose a dime. My current fiance' is not like 99% of the woman I dated. So TRUST ME when I say this. I don't see divorce in her eyes like I saw in my ex. My ex wanted a divorce for every little thing that went on. You can get a divorce and keep your wealth...you just have to know how to play it right. I OWN my home...my name is on the deed. So IF divorce were to happen I wouldn't have to give up my home or property. I had my business before I met her...what? If we have kids then the game will change..if we don't....HA HA I'll e staying put with my money in the bank....

 

[Dannyblueyes]

Again tell me what my risks are? I got divorced the first time and I kept my house and didn't lose a dime. My current fiance' is not like 99% of the woman I dated. So TRUST ME when I say this. I don't see divorce in her eyes like I saw in my ex. My ex wanted a divorce for every little thing that went on. You can get a divorce and keep your wealth...you just have to know how to play it right. I OWN my home...my name is on the deed. So IF divorce were to happen I wouldn't have to give up my home or property. I had my business before I met her...what? If we have kids then the game will change..if we don't....HA HA I'll e staying put with my money in the bank....

Let me see if I understand. On one hand you're telling me that marriage won't give you any serious risks unless you have children. On the other hand you're saying that having children is the main reason you want to get married in the first place. Wouldn't that mean you're directly courting a serious risk?

IMHO the other risk of a marriage goes well beyond just divorce. Marriage can also drain a man's wealth in other ways too. For example, in my case, one problem I had was that my ex-wife was bad at keeping jobs. We would split up the family expenses according to income I would pay my share, but when it came time for her to pay she was like "I just got fired I don't have any money." I would end up paying for her end too and be flat broke when all was said and done (she always had enough to keep her hair done and go to the club but that's another story.) When we had a second child I couldn't make enough to support the whole lot so I went into serious debt. We ended up living in the projects at a time when we should have been looking for a house.

Basically, a wife is either an asset or a liability. The problem is that in her case she has less to lose and more to gain if she's a liability.