Make a Contribution to Remove NSFW Ads

Easter Dilemna

Andeyhollawho

Andeyhollawho

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
Ok so I went to my girl's church for Easter service and later went over to her folks house for a cookout. Me and her have been having a few problems but I have never had a problem with her family. I'm at church and I spot one of her cousins. It's been a few years since I seen her but she is 21 now, bad as hell and she definitely knows it.

She comes up to me and hugs me and just strikes up convo like she hasn't seen me in forever. I don't know her that well for the record. Anyway every time I run out of something to say she kind of comes up with something else to say. I mean I know flirting when I see it but it's obvious I came here with your cousin so I'm on gaurd. Girl comes over after about 10 minutes of awkward ass talking and that is that.

Later at the cookout her 21 year old cousin shows up again. More talking, more engagement, more flirting. She is fixing me food, trying to play cards with me, always directing convo my way and really just hanging around me. Again I don't know this girl and I'm trying not to let her push up on me out of respect for the family.

Ok here's the kicker. I've been avoiding this girl all day and when she gets ready to leave she is giving everybody the friendly hug and kiss right saying goodbye. Then when it comes to me she walks by me and I'm like whooooooo (relief). But when she walks by she gives me this REALLY seductive rub that starts on my shoulder and ends up with her holding my hand and she leans over and kind of half whispers in my ear "I had a great time. I hope you come to the next one." Giggles and walks off.

Everybody in the immediate area stops and starts giving me this shocked ass look INCLUDING the girl I came there with. Immediately after 21 year old walks off my girl has me in a corner asking all types of Columbo type of shit. I'm like "Did you not see this girl flirting with me all damn day???" According to her she didn't and she wants to know why the hell she looking at me and talking to me like that. She pissed, her family pissed, I'm confused...

Did I get set up? I mean seriously.
 
LoneStar29 said:
Yes

/Thread

:)
Click to expand...

:lol:

I'm saying...why is it that the girl I went with is all pissed off at me. I mean seriously pissed off. I'm like you got to be running game on me for real.

I fell for that shit too. I'm sitting there thinking what I could have done different and then I thought about it. :smh:
 
The reason your girl is mad at you is because even though her cousin was sweating you, and you did not initiate, nor reciprocate the flirting, your girl expected you to react in the following manner:

1. Vocally and/or loudly reproach the girl for coming towards you...
2. Immediately run to your girl to tell her how her cousin was approaching you (telling her how you rebuffed her)...
3. Clinging next to your girl the rest of the cookout like a scared child...

In other words, your girl wanted you to not act like a man who is capable of handling their own business in an adult situation and capable of being trusted out of eyesight and earshot... Also, your girl may have some confidence issues regarding herself and men ...

But seriously, perhaps this cousin is known to always act this way or has a "habit" of approaching other women's men with the intent of snatching the men away...
 
Noir I think it's obvoius that is the scandolous cuz:smh:

I think you're right about why Andey's girl got mad ... she probably wanted to see some sort of angry reaction from him ... she felt punked off and to her he did nothing ... that may lead her to believe he wasn't mad and would engage whatever with that female another time
 
LoneStar29 said:
Noir I think it's obvoius that is the scandolous cuz:smh:

I think you're right about why Andey's girl got mad ... she probably wanted to see some sort of angry reaction from him ... she felt punked off and to her he did nothing ... that may lead her to believe he wasn't mad and would engage whatever with that female another time
Click to expand...

Well, Lone, that was what he was supposed to do! Cousin came towards him and he did the right thing which was nothing.

Why do some women act this way? BTW, I think that Andey was set up. No one saw how cousin was approaching Andey all evening? Why was the rest of his girl's family involved and upset at him? None of them saw anything? Or worst, since they knew the way the cousin acts, no one saw it in their right mind to "alert" Andey as to the way the cousin acts?

Where was his girl all day? So, she can mingle about and leave him alone at the family barbecue, but he has to stay near her (within sight) like an obedient child?
 
Last edited:
I agree he was set up

But why would him saying something to show his woman he cares for her be a bad thing???

Ya'll act like we're just supposed to know these things ... in this day and age where people cheat as much as they change their drawers you need to show your woman how you feel ... letting the chick know straight up "I"m here with my lady back up" is far from being an obediant child
 
Noir said:
Well, Lone, that was what he was supposed to do! Cousin came towards him and he did the right thing which was nothing.

Why do some women act this way? BTW, I think that Andey was set up. No one saw how cousin was approaching Andey all evening? Why was the rest of his girl's family involved and upset at him? None of them saw anything? Or worst, since they knew the way the cousin acts, no one saw it in their right mind to "alert" Andey as to the way the cousin acts?

Where was his girl all day? So, she can mingle about and leave him alone at the family barbecue, but he has to stay near her (within sight) like an obedient child?
Click to expand...


Depending on how long the relationship is, I'd say you hit it on the head, (not that I'd agree).


But yeah, Andey, you didn't make a scene which is why she mad. The fam not gonna be mad at the girl but they like to see you can stand up for your girl. I however find nothing wrong with what you did or didn't do.


Talk with ole girl. If it gets worse, (depending on how old he relationship is), :dunno:. I mean I've heard chicks say they want they man to yell, make a scene, yadda yadda- I guess some people might need that to confirm emotions.
 
melonpecan said:
I mean I've heard chicks say they want they man to yell, make a scene, yadda yadda- I guess some people might need that to confirm emotions.
Click to expand...

It doesn't need to go that far

But doing/saying nothing is not a good idea IMO expecially with a new relationship ... she probably takes his silence for wanting to fuck that other girl ... again what is wriong with him telling the bird to back the fuck up
 
LoneStar29 said:
I agree he was set up

But why would him saying something to show his woman he cares for her be a bad thing???

Ya'll act like we're just supposed to know these things ... in this day and age where people cheat as much as they change their drawers you need to show your woman how you feel ... letting the chick know straight up "I"m here with my lady back up" is far from being an obediant child
Click to expand...

Him saying something to the girl earlier would not have meant anything since his girl "claimed" that she did not know the cousin was acting that way all day. Also, would the cousin have paid any mind? His disinterest in her should have been clue enough he was not interested in what she was tossing at him.

Him saying something to the girl when she was saying goodbye would've caused more disruption than it would have been worth. The Cousin said, "I had a great time. I hope you come to the next one," Giggled and walked off. Was she perhaps tipsy at that point? But it doesn't sound like she broke him off a piece or something. They were at a barbecue, no one else apparently saw anything unusual.

LoneStar29 said:
It doesn't need to go that far

But doing/saying nothing is not a good idea IMO expecially with a new relationship ... she probably takes his silence for wanting to fuck that other girl ... again what is wriong with him telling the bird to back the fuck up
Click to expand...

We do not know what "stage" Andey and his girl are at, but if they have been together for some time, there is a level of trust involved (yes, I know all we men are dogs and can turn cheater at any moment), and they "know" each other a bit, she should know how Andey rebuffs advances - via his silence or disinterest instead of having to say something.

How do you ladies react? If you are involved with your S.O. and at a barbecue or other family event and someone approaches you, do you feel the need to "announce" that you are involved or just have polite conversation and not let the person "push up on you" since it is extended family?
 
LoneStar29 said:
It doesn't need to go that far

But doing/saying nothing is not a good idea IMO expecially with a new relationship ... she probably takes his silence for wanting to fuck that other girl ... again what is wriong with him telling the bird to back the fuck up[
Click to expand...

Nothing.

But then again, if the relationship is fairly new or if Andey don't know the fam that well, he could have been just trying to be polite. Now if it's been some years, then yeah that might have been a problem.
 
LoneStar29 said:
It doesn't need to go that far

But doing/saying nothing is not a good idea IMO expecially with a new relationship ... she probably takes his silence for wanting to fuck that other girl ... again what is wriong with him telling the bird to back the fuck up
Click to expand...


why the hell are some women so complicated?:lol:

take it for what it is. He did not fuck the girl or make any sexual advances on her so it's ignorant for her to get angry or to assume things. He does not have to verbally do anything unless she is aggressively throwing herself at him. He acted like a man, I'm sure if he wanted to do anything with her they would have done something right at that moment. Them panties need to be un-bunched
 
Her family got a cousin Faith, LOL


I think that no matter what you're going to end up as the bad guy. Even if you explain the situation, her family is always gonna be like "he was up in here flirting w/ cousin X" and that shit will linger for the rest of the relationship...

Were you set up? idk.. if the girl & the cousin aren't really close then I'd say no, she's just a scandalous ass cousin. Were you wrong? from what you say, no you weren't wrong-you didn't respond to her advances..
 
mpthaking89 said:
why the hell are some women so complicated?:lol:

take it for what it is. He did not fuck the girl or make any sexual advances on her so it's ignorant for her to get angry or to assume things. He does not have to verbally do anything unless she is aggressively throwing herself at him. He acted like a man, I'm sure if he wanted to do anything with her they would have done something right at that moment. Them panties need to be un-bunched
Click to expand...

How is that complicated:confused:

I never said she was right for getting mad

It seemed to me that he was engaging in alot of activities with her all day ... she may have initiated it but he went along with it no questions asked ... he mentioned how fine she was ... this may have made his girl feel a bit insecure ... instead of making her feel like shit about feeling a bit insecure why not just do something to make her feel secure like telling the other bitch to back the fuck up ... this whole he did the manly thing is bullshit ... ya'll know he didn't say nothing cuz she's fine and he may want to keep her in his good books to hit it another time ... I wouldn't put that past any man

When women would flirt with my ex in front of me he would feel no ways about telling them to stop cuz his woman is there ... that made me feel loved ... when did this become such a bad thing:confused: Oh yeah ... only simps love their women:rolleyes:
 
LoneStar29 said:
Noir I think it's obvoius that is the scandolous cuz:smh:

I think you're right about why Andey's girl got mad ... she probably wanted to see some sort of angry reaction from him ... she felt punked off and to her he did nothing ... that may lead her to believe he wasn't mad and would engage whatever with that female another time
Click to expand...

Given the setting though it's kind of hard to just tell the girl to piss off you know. I mean it's about 30 people there so I'm sure not everybody was paying attention but the people in my immediate area obviously knew what she was trying to do but no one was saying shit. So how can I say shit? :dunno: I mean the girl could just be flirty and think it's cute and friendly. Don't want to over react. :smh:

So she waited until the end when all eyes were on her to make her "move" so to speak. I mean before that just because she is talking to me and around me just looks like some ol' friendly type stuff. But when she threw in that little shoulder rub at the end that kind of rewound the whole day for everybody like ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
 
Noir said:
Well, Lone, that was what he was supposed to do! Cousin came towards him and he did the right thing which was nothing.

Why do some women act this way? BTW, I think that Andey was set up. No one saw how cousin was approaching Andey all evening? Why was the rest of his girl's family involved and upset at him? None of them saw anything? Or worst, since they knew the way the cousin acts, no one saw it in their right mind to "alert" Andey as to the way the cousin acts?

Where was his girl all day? So, she can mingle about and leave him alone at the family barbecue, but he has to stay near her (within sight) like an obedient child?
Click to expand...

LoneStar29 said:
I agree he was set up

But why would him saying something to show his woman he cares for her be a bad thing???

Ya'll act like we're just supposed to know these things ... in this day and age where people cheat as much as they change their drawers you need to show your woman how you feel ... letting the chick know straight up "I"m here with my lady back up" is far from being an obediant child
Click to expand...

See that's the thing she was just being friendly. But she was being friendly to ME when I didn't know her like that. I haven't been around this girl that much and when I was it was just in passing. Now all of a sudden she is my best friend. I mean she wasn't pushing up on me "per se" but the fact that she was giving me extra attention wasn't sitting well.

I couldn't just go off on her and be like leave me alone girl because then I'm being mean to her when she hasn't done anything wrong. Technically. But it's like everybody was waiting on confirmation that it was more than friendly and she gave it right at the end and left me with the bag so to speak.

Like Noir said somebody knew what she was up to but everybody was acting like I was the one doing everything. I was trying to avoid her just to be on the safe side.
 
melonpecan said:
Nothing.

But then again, if the relationship is fairly new or if Andey don't know the fam that well, he could have been just trying to be polite. Now if it's been some years, then yeah that might have been a problem.
Click to expand...

Aight here is the thing. It's been around three years of off and on relationship with her. Like I said we are having problems. Some on my part and some on hers. But I'm trying to not walk away from it and I thought this would make things a little easier. You know just a good drama free evening.

I just felt like my hands were tied. She wasn't pushing up on me all evening in a direct way. But a girl who I don't know and have never had any dealings with is all of a sudden going out of her way to be nice to me. I mean she's been away at college for most of the time me and my girl have been trying to be together. So I don't know her.

I knew what it was but what can I say? She's just being nice you know. Like I said she talking to me, trying to be around me, trying to partner up with me on spades, just generally being in the area of me...

To the outside eye it was just some ol' friendly day type shit. I had my worries though. So at the end she get all sexy and shit and everybody now remembers every damn thing I did and they are like WTF??? My thing is either you didn't see anything out of the ordinary going on or you saw where the things out of the ordinary was coming from. Either way that's not on me. I was trying to be nice to the girl and not cause a scene and look like a jackass for being mean to the girl.

So I don't know if the family put her up to it or it's some personal rivalry/vendetta shit that this girl has got with my girl.
 
Andey your initial post seemed like you were more positive of her flirting with you ... there are things she did body language, eyes, words that she used to show you she was flirting ... you coulda done the same thing ... said or did something minor to show her who you were there with

For example after that whole shoulder thing I woulda said something like "oh did you say bye to my girl too?" or while she was talking to you you coulda maybe called your girl over to get in the convo to show her you aint there alone

You engaging her made shit worse ... and if you think people didn't notice that the whole time you're bring naive

Something ... anything ... I mean really am I asking for too much???

Anyways I still think your girl and her fam over reacted though ... have you spoken with her about it since???

Edit: Whenever I was with my ex and men flirted with me I would wrap my arms around him or kiss him so that people knew who I was there with ... I see nothing wrong with that
 
LoneStar29 said:
Andey your initial post seemed like you were more positive of her flirting with you ... there are things she did body language, eyes, words that she used to show you she was flirting ... you coulda done the same thing ... said or did something minor to show her who you were there with

For example after that whole shoulder thing I woulda said something like "oh did you say bye to my girl too?" or while she was talking to you you coulda maybe called your girl over to get in the convo to show her you aint there alone

You engaging her made shit worse ... and if you think people didn't notice that the whole time you're bring naive

Something ... anything ... I mean really am I asking for too much???

Anyways I still think your girl and her fam over reacted though ... have you spoken with her about it since???

Edit: Whenever I was with my ex and men flirted with me I would wrap my arms around him or kiss him so that people knew who I was there with ... I see nothing wrong with that
Click to expand...

I get what you are saying but what I am saying is that while she is attractive and she was "flirting" it seemed like it was something that was in her nature to do. I am telling this story with 20/20 hindsight right now but being in it was different.

It kind of caught me by surprise. She wasn't the only person I was talking to and I did spend a lot of time around my girl that day. Like I said at the church I came in with my girl, 21 year old spoke to me, my girl spoke to somebody else and so convo just carried on longer than I expected. My girl was the one who came back over to me. I made 21 year old fully aware at that time that I was with her cousin. It was small talk. I thought nothing of it.

I was trying to shorten the story up but the whole time the 21 year old was talking to me she was TALKING about my girl. She was the center of most of her conversation. "I can tell ya'll in love." and "Look at the love birds over there." type of stuff. I just felt uncomfortable that she was hanging around me. I mean she is attractive but if I am sitting there with two of her family members playing cards and she is my partner with people coming by commenting on the game you know...it's just that she was eager to be my partner. She was eager to make sure I knew she was going to fix my plate or that she was going to get a soda out of the cooler did I want one. There was nothing sexual about it until that shoulder rub at the end. So what could I honestly say or fight off?

It wasn't like we were alone. I mean family is sitting around each other but it seems like she is sitting next to me alot. Seems like if I'm talking to cousin Bud and cousin Johnny she got something to add to the convo. Seems like if I go to play horseshoes she doesn't want to be my partner anymore but she wants to be on the other team so she can stand next to me on that end of the court. She cracking jokes, having a good time, no problems until that rub on my shoulder and trying to hold my hand. :smh:

So like I said I was on gaurd but I wasn't looking for her advances. I mean there were other people like aunts, uncles, other cousins that I interacted with all the time that were just as nice. But she don't know me so it put me in a back against the wall perspective. She's just being nice. So if I said I'm uncomfortable around her then obviously the only reason I am is because she is attractive. :smh:

Sorry I'm being so long on all of this by the way ya'll. :smh:
 
sean69 said:
:lol:

Seriously though, your girl and her cousin are both wrong. Anything short of an apology via a 3some is unacceptable.
Click to expand...

I had to think about this line of thinking after the chat last night and sadly I had to come to the conclusion that THEY ARE COUSINS! :lol:

So that shit ain't happening Sean! :smh:
 
You did what you could.

With some women, you just can't win.

It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. When you around ya girl fam, you try to be easy, even that can backfire. She was friendly, and it sounds like you thought it was flirting, but wasn't sure about it. That happens. That touch on the end was all on the cousin, tell ya girl to speak to the cousin about it and don't participate in anymore arguments about it.
 
Quick update...

I just got finished talking to my girl briefly. She wanted to give me a chance to explain what was going on with her cousin calmly. So I told her pretty much what I have told everybody here. She was being nice. I felt like she was being nice for absolutely no good reason and that made me uncomfortable but seeing how it was her family function I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

She did let it slip out that she had told her cousin (another cousin) that we were having problems and I guess it got back to the 21 year old. She appologized for that because she felt like that fueled it a little. But she is still pissed because she doesn't believe that I don't want her cousin.

My thing to her is if I really wanted your cousin and she wanted me then why would she stand up in front of everybody and "profess" this love for me when she knew what would go down? What is her motivation for putting me on blast like that? And why is it that we were at this party always in crowds yet nobody is coming forward and saying nothing inappropriate went down between us. Not even whispering or trying to be alone?

So I told her that I think her cousin did this to break us up or make her mad and she said bullshit and hung up. :smh:

I really don't know what to think at this point.
 
Andeyhollawho said:
Quick update...

I just got finished talking to my girl briefly. She wanted to give me a chance to explain what was going on with her cousin calmly. So I told her pretty much what I have told everybody here. She was being nice. I felt like she was being nice for absolutely no good reason and that made me uncomfortable but seeing how it was her family function I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

She did let it slip out that she had told her cousin (another cousin) that we were having problems and I guess it got back to the 21 year old. She appologized for that because she felt like that fueled it a little. But she is still pissed because she doesn't believe that I don't want her cousin.

My thing to her is if I really wanted your cousin and she wanted me then why would she stand up in front of everybody and "profess" this love for me when she knew what would go down? What is her motivation for putting me on blast like that? And why is it that we were at this party always in crowds yet nobody is coming forward and saying nothing inappropriate went down between us. Not even whispering or trying to be alone?

So I told her that I think her cousin did this to break us up or make her mad and she said bullshit and hung up. :smh:

I really don't know what to think at this point.
Click to expand...

DING-DING-DING-DING-DING-DING!

Round 1 goes to Cousin. . .

Unfortunately, if your girl is "finding problems" with you already, you two need to have a serious talk about your relationship. If she thinks you are OPENLY stepping out on her with her cousin, at a family-filled event, what happens when she sees you discussing work with a female co-worker, or heaven forbid you have to work late, or work on a school project with a female who can be considered attractive?
 
Noir said:
DING-DING-DING-DING-DING-DING!

Round 1 goes to Cousin. . .

Unfortunately, if your girl is "finding problems" with you already, you two need to have a serious talk about your relationship. If she thinks you are OPENLY stepping out on her with her cousin, at a family-filled event, what happens when she sees you discussing work with a female co-worker, or heaven forbid you have to work late, or work on a school project with a female who can be considered attractive?
Click to expand...

Exactly. I think she thinks I want to step on her anyway. That's partly my fault because I'm having problems controlling my ex. She's pushing up on me hard and she know about it but she is pretty convinced that I don't want her. Because she thinks she looks better than my ex. :smh: In reality she does.

But since her cousin is on the level or a step above her she is willing to believe anything about me and her. So she feels like she wouldn't be coming on to me if I didn't come on to her first. She says I'm charming and have a way with words. Maybe I do but I'm also respectful. It's a family damn barbeque with HER family standing around everywhere! That's the shit that's got me pissed off. :smh:
 
Damn your girl sounds hella insecure

It's much worse than I initially thought

I don't know what to tell you to do Andey

I mean I'm the kind of person that would just get annoyed by all the insecurity and jealousy and bounce
 
Andeyhollawho said:
Quick update...

I just got finished talking to my girl briefly. She wanted to give me a chance to explain what was going on with her cousin calmly. So I told her pretty much what I have told everybody here. She was being nice. I felt like she was being nice for absolutely no good reason and that made me uncomfortable but seeing how it was her family function I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

She did let it slip out that she had told her cousin (another cousin) that we were having problems and I guess it got back to the 21 year old. She appologized for that because she felt like that fueled it a little. But she is still pissed because she doesn't believe that I don't want her cousin.

My thing to her is if I really wanted your cousin and she wanted me then why would she stand up in front of everybody and "profess" this love for me when she knew what would go down? What is her motivation for putting me on blast like that? And why is it that we were at this party always in crowds yet nobody is coming forward and saying nothing inappropriate went down between us. Not even whispering or trying to be alone?

So I told her that I think her cousin did this to break us up or make her mad and she said bullshit and hung up. :smh:

I really don't know what to think at this point.
Click to expand...
I think you should be glad all this happened. You now know the actual state of your relationship with your lady. She does not trust you. It doesn't sound like there's anything you can say or do (within your nature) to make her trust you. Maybe that's justified; maybe not. It seems that she has a distrustful nature. You both have your own different ways of looking at life and solving life's problems. Sometimes, certain personality types just don't mesh. Maybe now is a good time to decide whether this is the type of relationship that either of you wants for the long haul. If not, well, you know...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top