Do you feel like the feminist movement has hurt the “family?”

[Cinamiss]

I hate to shock everyone but the foundation of the family was destroyed when slavery was introduced to this society. There is no question that the Black family unit has deteriorated into something indescribable. The first entity of the family that was destroyed was the Black man. His place as head of the family was destroyed and it is still sabotaged today. I WILL NOT SAY the Black man is lost. Because a lot of them do handle their business. BUT, the economy tells us he can not support his family. Society says he is a violent criminal. The workplace locks him out, and the criminal justice system locks him up. The trickle down effect next stops on the head of the woman. From my perspective the black woman. She is the man, woman, cook, maid, chauffeur, and Santa Claus. The black woman has so many roles she has no clue of who she is and what she is supposed to be doing. The children are the final victims of this calculated destruction. Look at the children nowadays. They believe they are grown. They act grown,and even the physical maturity has escalated. These children have no guidance because Daddy is not there and mommy is working one of her 3 jobs. Please, give me a small break. I don't believe I have seen a healthy family structure in my entire family tree. So go on back to slavery and witness the source of this destruction.

 

[MTL]

I waited atleast a day before I replied, just so I could get a myriad of replies...so thanks for all the feedback.

This post was disturbing to me for a couple of reasons.
1. Though black women have been strong, it is a huge myth that they have been raising the black family alone. Not to mention most of the single family homes in our community come from children having children, so marriage really isn't an option if you are 14 or 15yrs of age when you become a parent. The lack of male role models took root in the 70's, coincidentally when the feminist movement had a lot of steam.
2. You contradicted your initial statemnt "I don't think that the feminist movement played any demise in the black family."

You asked about the "black family" and i can my opinion

and then state "On a global scale i think that the feminist movement fucked up the male/female relationship in positive and negative ways."

positive -women got more freedom, better pay...
negative- i think that men as a whole regardless of race were at a loss as to how to treat women now. e.g. opening doors for women and being thanked or being told "i can do it myself"

The tone of your reply lead me to ask: Could you trust a man to care for your well being?

I had to get divorced (part of the reason) before i realized that HE NEEDED to BE NEEDED. So to answer your question the answer was no i did not trust a man to care for my well being at that time. I also was not willing to pretend to be "hopeless and helpless" in order to boost his ego. That is why i made this statement "There are so many new rules for men that i think they are being emasculated, in some cases by women that are too independent." Now 5 years later i've learned a lesson, that like a tree, we all need to sway in our relationship. Being rigid will only cause pain.

 

[Harvard Blu]

well the proper way to raise a child is with both the father and the mother present in the same house. child support does not equal a father.

Yeah but the law doesn't protect the Father's rights when they want to see their child and the Mother is tripping. Now thats a different topic all together.

This thread was about the feminist mentality in this society that seems to be perpetuating the continued downfall of our family structure....you have stated two opposite opinions "Bi Girl" so I guess you were giving Bi-Answers...

Not trippin, just asking whats up?

 

[bigirl]

Yeah but the law doesn't protect the Father's rights when they want to see their child and the Mother is tripping. Now thats a different topic all together.

This thread was about the feminist mentality in this society that seems to be perpetuating the continued downfall of our family structure....you have stated two opposite opinions "Bi Girl" so I guess you were giving Bi-Answers...

Not trippin, just asking whats up?

I did not state 2 opposing opinions

 

[Harvard Blu]

I did not state 2 opposing opinions

You are right, my bad, you didn't state two opposing opinions. I misread.

Please address the rest of my original reply.

 

[HoneyBerry]

Yeah but the law doesn't protect the Father's rights when they want to see their child and the Mother is tripping. Now thats a different topic all together.

The law does protect the father's rights if said father is pursuing those rights. But you have to go to court and get the court order. Once that's in place if the mother violates it then her rights can be terminated. I've heard some men complain that they can't afford a lawyer to go through all of the proceedings, but really they don't need much money and can go to the library and do their research if they are motivated enough. If a man leaves it up to the mother of the child to determine his visitation rights, he leaves himself open to the whims of someone who may not have his or the child's best interests at heart

 

[Cinamiss]

Willie Lynch predicted and even laid out a map to ensure that the black family is destroyed, and will stay that way for centuries, problem is a lot of white people has been touched by this phenomenon as well. As centuries evolved after slavery, the chaos and pain that was inflicted on innocent Blacks began to infect the very race that applied such atrocities....... It will continue to infect and destroy. Our raggedy society today is a direct result of the breakdown of the family structure. There is little love and trust amongst citizens. Crime and violence are on the rise. Poverty and drugs infect every city across the nation. Most people are fighting as much chaos and turmoil at home as they do in the streets. The family was destroyed a long time ago.The Black family intentionally, and the white family by overlooked mistakes. Society will suffer from this tragedy for several generations to come

 

[LeroyDibiase]

The law does protect the father's rights if said father is pursuing those rights. But you have to go to court and get the court order. Once that's in place if the mother violates it then her rights can be terminated. I've heard some men complain that they can't afford a lawyer to go through all of the proceedings, but really they don't need much money and can go to the library and do their research if they are motivated enough. If a man leaves it up to the mother of the child to determine his visitation rights, he leaves himself open to the whims of someone who may not have his or the child's best interests at heart

The law does not. A standard child support order outlines payments and visitation scheduling. The state will work to enforce payments, but WILL not work to enforce visitation. They are prohibited by federal law because they use federal funds for the program. That means a father will have to hire a lawyer to enforce the court order that she is violating. Meanwhile, all she has to do is make a couple of calls for a couple of late payments and he's back in court for free. In addition, she can create reasons (family violence, allegations that are unfounded) to restrict his visitation or stymie it all together.

 

[Harvard Blu]

The law does protect the father's rights if said father is pursuing those rights. But you have to go to court and get the court order. Once that's in place if the mother violates it then her rights can be terminated. I've heard some men complain that they can't afford a lawyer to go through all of the proceedings, but really they don't need much money and can go to the library and do their research if they are motivated enough. If a man leaves it up to the mother of the child to determine his visitation rights, he leaves himself open to the whims of someone who may not have his or the child's best interests at heart

Please see LeroyDibiase's reply...he beat me to it. But I'll add that a lot of the Fathers are not even earning a decent wage since they became Father's before or right after graduating high school. Government resources are subsidized/allowed to the Mother, not the Father of the child.

 

[LeroyDibiase]

Please see LeroyDibiase's reply...he beat me to it. But I'll add that a lot of the Fathers are not even earning a decent wage since they became Father's before or right after graduating high school. Government resources are subsidized/allowed to the Mother, not the Father of the child.

Not to mention the tremendous tax break she gets for having the child. The male doesn't get to deduct support from his taxes, so he's paying taxes for 20-35% of his income that he doesn't touch. SHE gets those child credits which can garner a hell of a lot of money. Did you know the top 80 percent in income in the U.S. pay over 110% of the taxes? Yes...that means the bottom 20% get back MORE than what they put in.

 

[bigirl]

None of this has ever made any sense to me at all. To me, the cost of raising a child both financially and time wise is far greater than the amount you could ever get from child support, WIC and tax refunds combined. At least the way I would want to raise my child.
I just don't get it. Never will.

 

[LeroyDibiase]

None of this has ever made any sense to me at all. To me, the cost of raising a child both financially and time wise is far greater than the amount you could ever get from child support, WIC and tax refunds combined. At least the way I would want to raise my child.
I just don't get it. Never will.

Well, if you look at it purely financially. You have four children with let's say 3 daddies. Your housing is paid (not the slums either, I'm talking 4 bedroom homes in white neighborhoods), utilities are no more than 50 dollars a month, WIC for 4 kids is gonna be 500 a month and you have Medicaid. So you have no expenses. Even with NO job, your income will be at least the 250-300 you get from TANF/Welfare, plus the child support you get, PLUS the money you get from selling off the excess WIC money you recieve. Then when it is tax time, you get back 5K for the kids. No expenses, lather, rinse, repeat. I have no kids, a great job, and some of these women live better than me with no job and a lot of disposable income.

That is not to let the fathers off the hook because I deal with trifling fathers everyday of the week. It's time to be solution-oriented and stop trying to point fingers at each other.

 

[xfactor]

your quote changing is highly immature
if fathers were doing what the fuck they supposed to then it wouldn't be any problem at all if a woman works or not. BTW I do not associate with people who collect government stipends.

If women would stop letting men hit it RAW (when they know they aren't on birth control) then that "spreading the seed" problem you speak of would be fixed.

well the proper way to raise a child is with both the father and the mother present in the same house. child support does not equal a father.

True but it takes a lot more than the father and mother being under the same roof. A kid can have both parents and still might not develop properly because his or her parents aren't making the sacrifices needed. Once you become a parent, your child is your first priority.

 

[xfactor]

I had to get divorced (part of the reason) before i realized that HE NEEDED to BE NEEDED. So to answer your question the answer was no i did not trust a man to care for my well being at that time. I also was not willing to pretend to be "hopeless and helpless" in order to boost his ego. That is why i made this statement "There are so many new rules for men that i think they are being emasculated, in some cases by women that are too independent." Now 5 years later i've learned a lesson, that like a tree, we all need to sway in our relationship. Being rigid will only cause pain.

What are these new rules that you speak of that are emasculating men?

I'm interested to hear what they are.

 

[xfactor]

This is certainly true, and xfactor made a similar point.
A lot of women will say, "I'm a single parent," and they leave out the most important part – "by choice."
Not because they weren't in a relationship that developed, where both people decided to begin a family. And not because the guy was physically abusive, though they have no moral hesitations about claiming that he was, to gain favor with the person they are dating now. But, because when it came to compromising, and the things that xfactor was talking about,




they didn’t stick with that. And the vowels, "For better or worse” and “in good times and bad," and I’d like to add the word “financially” at the end of those vowels, they didn’t stick with those either. And so, I mention that juxtaposed to the statistics that people like to quote to say, “look at all these single mothers.” And they quote them with a blind eye to the statistics for how often the courts award custody to the mothers, regardless of whether the father could support them.

And so, I still believe that the women, who think that being a feminist is a license to be an inconsiderate, quick-tempered, individual who doesn’t care who all she leaves in her wake, as she does what she wants to do, those women, have it wrong. Those things have nothing to do with equal opportunities, or personally deciding to attempt fields where men dominate.

Yeah, people in general today are selfish and despite what is being said, it's doing a disservice to the child if women are having them and cannot take care of them.

It's a sick cycle that keeps repeating itself and it's sad to see men get blamed for it. Are men at fault when they aren't in the child's life? Absolutely.

But why do women decide they want to get pregnant but don't let the man know. Do they have the right to get mad if he bounces after finding out?

It all goes back to a lot of people these days lacking in morals and the way the young brothas are getting caught up in the system, it's making relationships between young black females worse because of what I mentioned earlier in the thread.