Dealing with death.

[Harlem's Angel]

I'm young. I've never lost anyone important to me. I don't know how this goes. So here's the story. My little brother's best friend jumped off a roof. Supposedly smoking weed. The hood thinks it was dust. We all know people dont USUALLY go thinking they can fly unless they on that grime. So we're all crying. We just saw him last night, not suicidal, yada yada, then we see his brother. Nothing. No emotion. Nothing. Then 6 hrs later we see him again. Nothing. His sisters in the morning were stoic in the afternoon they were drinkin in the park. My brother and his friends in the morning were crying angry and laying in the boys blood. In the afternoon, in the park playin ball.

I cannot stop thinking about the boy and I tried to sleep the day away and could not close my eyes without seeing him...

My question is, what is up with these people? Am I being too emotional about it? I don't quite know what is supposed to be happening at this point.

*insert crying emoticon here*

 

[Shadow]

Shouldn't be smoking that shit unless they know it's not laced. The only way to know that shit is to grow it yourself, unfortunately.

Sorry about your friend.

 

[SEXY_SCORPIO]

Sorry to hear about what happened. But people deal with death and trauma differently it doesnt mean it affects them any less. Some like to mourn alone or hold it inside. Some are in shock and they may not feel it for awhile.And the rest like you and I show our emotions in the open. Its about what they are comfortable with

 

[Iron]

Cosign Sexy scorpio.

 

[RAULDK]

I'm young. I've never lost anyone important to me. I don't know how this goes. So here's the story. My little brother's best friend jumped off a roof. Supposedly smoking weed. The hood thinks it was dust. We all know people dont USUALLY go thinking they can fly unless they on that grime. So we're all crying. We just saw him last night, not suicidal, yada yada, then we see his brother. Nothing. No emotion. Nothing. Then 6 hrs later we see him again. Nothing. His sisters in the morning were stoic in the afternoon they were drinkin in the park. My brother and his friends in the morning were crying angry and laying in the boys blood. In the afternoon, in the park playin ball.

I cannot stop thinking about the boy and I tried to sleep the day away and could not close my eyes without seeing him...

My question is, what is up with these people? Am I being too emotional about it? I don't quite know what is supposed to be happening at this point.

*insert crying emoticon here*

HEY ANGEL,

DID THAT HAPPEN HERE IN OUR AREA?

SOME PEOPLE KEEP IT IN AND INTERNALIZE IT TILL ON DAY THEY FLIP.
SOME PEOPLE USE DRUGS TO DULL THEMSELVES INTO A FUZZY STATE OF MIND.
SOME PEOPLE DEFLECT IT, SHAKE IT OFF LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED.
SOME PEOPLE LET ALL THEIR EMOTIONS COME TO THE SUFACE(THE KEEPING IT REAL ONES)
JUST BE THERE FOR SUPPORT I JUST SAY.
FOR SOME PEOPLE DRUGS PUSH THEM OVER THE EDGE. I CAN ALWAYS FEEL WHEN A PERSON IS AT THAT POINT.

RAULDK

 

[Harlem's Angel]

Shouldn't be smoking that shit unless they know it's not laced. The only way to know that shit is to grow it yourself, unfortunately.

Sorry about your friend.

They shouldn't be smoking period! 17 damn years old.

Sorry to hear about what happened. But people deal with death and trauma differently it doesnt mean it affects them any less. Some like to mourn alone or hold it inside. Some are in shock and they may not feel it for awhile.And the rest like you and I show our emotions in the open. Its about what they are comfortable with

Yeah. I guess. His fuckin blood is on the ground. STILL. Why are you drinking when your brother just died from smoking...Doesn't make sense to me...

 

[Harlem's Angel]

HEY ANGEL,

DID THAT HAPPEN HERE IN OUR AREA?

SOME PEOPLE KEEP IT IN AND INTERNALIZE IT TILL ON DAY THEY FLIP.
SOME PEOPLE USE DRUGS TO DULL THEMSELVES INTO A FUZZY STATE OF MIND.
SOME PEOPLE DEFLECT IT, SHAKE IT OFF LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED.
SOME PEOPLE LET ALL THEIR EMOTIONS COME TO THE SUFACE(THE KEEPING IT REAL ONES)
JUST BE THERE FOR SUPPORT I JUST SAY.
FOR SOME PEOPLE DRUGS PUSH THEM OVER THE EDGE. I CAN ALWAYS FEEL WHEN A PERSON IS AT THAT POINT.

RAULDK

In the Bronx. I live in the Bronx now.

 

[femmenoire]

I am so sorry to hear that.

I hate to hear of a child's death and this case makes it all the more upsetting.

RIP.

 

[CT's Finest]

Sorry to hear about what happened. But people deal with death and trauma differently it doesnt mean it affects them any less. Some like to mourn alone or hold it inside. Some are in shock and they may not feel it for awhile.And the rest like you and I show our emotions in the open. Its about what they are comfortable with

CO-SIGN!!!

People deal with tragedy differently. In my opinion as long as it's done constructively very individual should be allowed to grieve in their own way...

 

[shanebp1978]

Sorry for your loss.

Depression and human pain is usually a long slow road in, and a long slow road out.

This is why mourning, and depression can take years.

Be patient, and take care of your own emotions.

Peace an love.

 

[JofromthaNO]

Some people won't show emotion until a later when it sets in...that could be the day of the death, the day of the funeral when they see their loved one laying in the casket, or even afterwards when they are beginning to notice the actual lost when they are trying to complete an activity during the day...

When I lost my dad back in February, I showed no emotion to anyone (publicly, at least) until the day of the funeral. My mother, sister and I actually did some of the same usual activities we would do anyways: shopping (grocery and clothing), eating out, etc. You'll do anything, at the time of a date, to feel that sense of normalcy and to block out what has just occurred.

The other thought is you're not sure how someone is suffering internally at a time like this. Just because tears are not a part of their grieving process doesn't mean that he or she isn't hurting, but people can internalize the hurt or pain they're feeling...

 

[Mo-Better]

Damn strange day for a post like this. My aunt that lived with me died this afternoon. Death is never easy to deal with. But its particularly difficult when you watch someone die like I did today.

 

[Chefboyrgee]

we all handle things different I know I lost my blood brother in 06 he was 33 and I cry everyday while my sister never sheds a tear but I know it affected her the same way!!!

 

[INVICTUS3RD]

MY CONDOLENCES FOR THE BERIEVEMENT YOU ARE GOING THRU...WHEN I HEAR OF PEOPLE DEALING WITH EMOTIONS OVER DEATH OR NOT DEALING WITH IT...I ALWAYS THINK OF THIS CLIP...THE MOST POWERFUL EPISODE THEY EVER DID...AGAIN, I AM SORRY FOR THE LOST.

YOU AND THE FAMILY HAVE MY PRAYERS.

[FLASH]http://www.youtube.com/watch/v/xKUwcCp7LPE[/FLASH]

 

[OnSlaught]

HA, they call it the grieving PROCESS for a reason...people process it differently.

Your brother and the boy's sister are still probably in shock, but don't know how to effectively process it.

Believe me too, there are effective and non-effective ways. Many people take the route of not facing it head on.

I've lost a lot of people in my young age, and come close to loosing a lot more.

Try seeing your best friend shot to death...not a fun sight. It didn't fully surface in me until 6 yrs later in college, when a whole lot of other serious shit was popping off.

So I leave you with this to think about...

Don't judge your brother, the boy's friends or his family, just console them in their process of grieving and try to imagine the pain that they feel...

 

[ladyscorpio]

HA, they call it the grieving PROCESS for a reason...people process it differently.

Your brother and the boy's sister are still probably in shock, but don't know how to effectively process it.

Believe me too, there are effective and non-effective ways. Many people take the route of not facing it head on.

I've lost a lot of people in my young age, and come close to loosing a lot more.

Try seeing your best friend shot to death...not a fun sight. It didn't fully surface in me until 6 yrs later in college, when a whole lot of other serious shit was popping off.

So I leave you with this to think about...

Don't judge your brother, the boy's friends or his family, just console them in their process of grieving and try to imagine the pain that they feel...

Well said Onslaught. HA Onslaught gave you great direction here sis.




@ Mo Better I give you my heartfelt condolences on your loss. I know that feeling all too well although my method of managing will no doubt differ greatly from yours know that I am here if you need someone to talk to.




Peace and love

 

[Digital Angel]

My least favorite part of being a nurse is death and dying. It never is easy for me to know what to do when my patients and family are going through this. The last patient that expired on me I felt I'd done everything wrong. But after the fact the family came in to thank me for being so kind and considerate. My advice is for you to make yourself available but not to push the grieving process on anyone. When someone young dies suddenly there is a "stun" effect for those close to them. And the fact that it was something that everyone knows could have been avoided makes it worse. This is very unfortunate and I can only hope those being affected by this incident can see how acting irresponsibly can be truly fatal.

Funny but noone makes emoticons to fit this situation.

 

[Digital Angel]

Damn strange day for a post like this. My aunt that lived with me died this afternoon. Death is never easy to deal with. But its particularly difficult when you watch someone die like I did today.

Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. But I'm happy to hear you seem to be holding on quite well. And your right it does seem strange for Harlem's post to fall on a day when you were going through the same thing but God works in mysterious ways.

 

[Mo-Better]

Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. But I'm happy to hear you seem to be holding on quite well.

Thanks luv this loss is very personal. For now yes I'm holding on, we'll see.

Thanks again.

 

[Mo-Better]

I'm young. I've never lost anyone important to me. I don't know how this goes. So here's the story. My little brother's best friend jumped off a roof. Supposedly smoking weed. The hood thinks it was dust. We all know people dont USUALLY go thinking they can fly unless they on that grime. So we're all crying. We just saw him last night, not suicidal, yada yada, then we see his brother. Nothing. No emotion. Nothing. Then 6 hrs later we see him again. Nothing. His sisters in the morning were stoic in the afternoon they were drinkin in the park. My brother and his friends in the morning were crying angry and laying in the boys blood. In the afternoon, in the park playin ball.

I cannot stop thinking about the boy and I tried to sleep the day away and could not close my eyes without seeing him...

My question is, what is up with these people? Am I being too emotional about it? I don't quite know what is supposed to be happening at this point.

*insert crying emoticon here*

No your not being too emotional. I apologize for my earlier input on your thread. I couldn't believe your thread title was the first thread I saw when when I checked in yesterday. I'm very sorry for your loss. Especially the way your loss occured. It's always sad when the young die so needlessly.

Again I apologize and I wish you the best.

 

[OnSlaught]

Damn strange day for a post like this. My aunt that lived with me died this afternoon. Death is never easy to deal with. But its particularly difficult when you watch someone die like I did today.

I know the feeling you have Mo...my condolences brotha to you and yours.

Take care and may she journey well...

 

[HoneyDip]

Everyone deals with death differently. I just lost BOTH of my grandparents AT THE SAME TIME. It hit me the hardest when I actually saw their bodies for the first time.

 

[OnSlaught]

Everyone deals with death differently. I just lost BOTH of my grandparents AT THE SAME TIME. It hit me the hardest when I actually saw their bodies for the first time.

Sorry to hear that Honey, my condolences go out to you and your family. Like I said to Mo, may your grandparents journey well....

 

[SuperGenius]

HA, they call it the grieving PROCESS for a reason...people process it differently.

Your brother and the boy's sister are still probably in shock, but don't know how to effectively process it.

Believe me too, there are effective and non-effective ways. Many people take the route of not facing it head on.

I've lost a lot of people in my young age, and come close to loosing a lot more.

Try seeing your best friend shot to death...not a fun sight. It didn't fully surface in me until 6 yrs later in college, when a whole lot of other serious shit was popping off.

So I leave you with this to think about...

Don't judge your brother, the boy's friends or his family, just console them in their process of grieving and try to imagine the pain that they feel...

c/s fam...

I had to deal with losing a lot of loved ones from both my father and mother's side of the family and some friends since I was young. From classmates, to my older brother, to all 4 of my grandparents. Since last august I lost 3 uncles, 3 cousins, and my aunt who died last month, and now my older cousin is in the hospital now and it's not looking good for her. Just goes to show how precious life is. Got to make the best of it today as if it's your last, cause none of us are promised to see tomorrow.

My least favorite part of being a nurse is death and dying. It never is easy for me to know what to do when my patients and family are going through this. The last patient that expired on me I felt I'd done everything wrong. But after the fact the family came in to thank me for being so kind and considerate.

I have a cousin who is a nurse that works in ER and she tells me how stressful it can be, so I commend u for what u do.

Damn strange day for a post like this. My aunt that lived with me died this afternoon. Death is never easy to deal with. But its particularly difficult when you watch someone die like I did today.

Sorry for your loss Mo....may your aunt RIP.

Everyone deals with death differently. I just lost BOTH of my grandparents AT THE SAME TIME. It hit me the hardest when I actually saw their bodies for the first time.

At the same time, Damn....may both of them RIP.

 

[Harlem's Angel]

Thanks for everyone's kind words and advice.
Death is really new to me. I have no clue how to handle these things. BTW, I wasn't judging I just wanted to understand.

MO and Honey sorry for your losses.

Update. He didn't jump he fell. Investigation turned up new evidence. One word makes a hell of a difference.

*still waiting for new emoticon*

 

[Noir]

There is really nothing more to add to what others have already posted . . . I just wish to give my condolences to HA and to others who have lost a loved one. While everyone processes and deals with grief differently, just be there for your brother if and when the time comes he needs someone.

 

[LoneStar29]

Sorry to hear about what happened. But people deal with death and trauma differently it doesnt mean it affects them any less. Some like to mourn alone or hold it inside. Some are in shock and they may not feel it for awhile.And the rest like you and I show our emotions in the open. Its about what they are comfortable with

C/S ... my condolences HA

 

[absolutvodka]

if you're black and don't know of 5 murder victims then you ain't real.

 

[Eva Hornae]

if you're black and don't know of 5 murder victims then you ain't real.

huh?





my condolences to your loss!

death fears NO man, woman or child!

Just grieve and get it outta ur system one day at a time!


I have 2 friends that lost someone throughout this year, just yesterday my sistren was telling me that she hadn't grieved over her grand-aunt's death and it's eating her out right now! Hang in there sister and be strong, even though it's easier said than done, but just know that everything happens for a reason and life still goes on!


As someone stated previously, everyone grieves differently in their own individual way, some may take a month or two while others grieve longer! Whichever one fits you, just know that you can always count on your BGOL/SOL fam to cheer your spirits up!

 

[SinaminDelite]

My condolences a well hun. Like everyone has said already, death affects everyone differently. I lost my grandpa last month. Outwardly it seemed as if it didn't touch me much, but I spent every night in tears. My mom still has yet to come to terms with her dad being gone. My bro and grandma were in mourning as soon as the doctors gave us word. Your brother and his friends might not be grieving the same way you are, but it doesn't mean that they miss him any less.

 

[greygoose]

if you're black and don't know of 5 murder victims then you ain't real.

im actuallly going to my first funeral this friday.


i dont even know how to dress for the occassion.


your opinion is fucked.


anyway, what ya'll wear to a funeral.?
2 of my closest friends their sister died. i've met the sister a few times casually. do i have to wear a tie?

by the way, Harlem Angel, my condolences

 

[Harlem's Angel]

im actuallly going to my first funeral this friday.


i dont even know how to dress for the occassion.


your opinion is fucked.


anyway, what ya'll wear to a funeral.?
2 of my closest friends their sister died. i've met the sister a few times casually. do i have to wear a tie?

by the way, Harlem Angel, my condolences

Thats also something I'm struggling with. I think I'm gonna wear a knee length dress but my finace is wearing black pants white shirt and a tie. i think the wake is more casual and the funeral is more formal.

 

[DaleMabry]

My condolences HA--I take death really hard, I cant imagine your pain right now.

 

[HoneyDip]

I hope all the pieces to the story fall in place. It might make dealing with it easier for you and ur family and friends

 

[Harlem's Angel]

Just came from the wake. Looked nothing like him. New nose. New lips. Bad makeup. Swollen left side of face. I dont wanna have to do this again for a long time.