Cheating Question for the Ladies

[Darrkman]

Ladies:

I'm having a convo about women and forgivness. So here is the set up. You are part of a tight group of girls. You all hang together and like each other. One of the girls ends up fucking your man behind your back. Do you:

1- kick her out of the group forever

or


2-forgive her after time, let her back into the group but make sure you never bring her around your man?

Funny enough my female friend says that #2 is the option most women would pick. You tell me.

 

[Andeyhollawho]

I'm not a lady but I will say before the ladies do that most women believe this shit would never happen if the girls are tight enough.

And if it did happen they always knew it was something off brand about that ho and she wasn't really in the click like that!

 

[JofromthaNO]

I choose invisible option #3:

You can't stop a woman from being friends with another woman. That's on some high school 'ish...

What I would do is recognize that she never understood my expectations as a true friend and drop her

Something similar happened to me when in college. My homegirl remained cool with the one who dissed me, and we just never hung out "as a unit" anymore. Which, to me, is fine...a large group of female friends = madness somewhere down the line

 

[Lady-Wiz]

I choose invisible option #3:

You can't stop a woman from being friends with another woman. That's on some high school 'ish...

What I would do is recognize that she never understood my expectations as a true friend and drop her

agreed

 

[kjxxxx]

Are you still friends with the guy?
Just wanted to know if you forgave him but not her when it took both of them.

Does it really matter that he slept with her as opposed to some other girl ?

I don't know what kind of friend she was and if there is still benefits to keeping her as a friend. If there are benefits then keep her otherwise it shouldn't be a big deal to drop her.

I would not worry about keeping her away from boyfriends. Boyfriends should be smart enough to keep themselves out of situations that fosters cheating. One of the best lesson from my Amway days was man never be alone with a woman who is not your partner. In the buniness setting if a man must be around a woman without the company or partner or someone else who can be a credible witness then he should be in a setting where one cannot be accused of anything improper.

 

[Mo-Better]

Too bad most of the ladies don't post here anymore this would've been a very interesting thread. But knowing how vindictive women can be the friendship would be over and the forgiveness thing.......forget about it.

 

[JofromthaNO]

Too bad most of the ladies don't post here anymore this would've been a very interesting thread. But knowing how vindictive women can be the friendship would be over and the forgiveness thing.......forget about it.

How is it vindictive? A good friend cheats with my man behind my back, and I'm just supposed to forgive that?!?

Would you forgive one of your boys if he slept with your girl behind your back, or just label her a hoe, dap him off for getting his, and move onto the next one...

 

[Upgrade Dave]

I choose invisible option #3:

You can't stop a woman from being friends with another woman. That's on some high school 'ish...

What I would do is recognize that she never understood my expectations as a true friend and drop her

Something similar happened to me when in college. My homegirl remained cool with the one who dissed me, and we just never hung out "as a unit" anymore. Which, to me, is fine...a large group of female friends = madness somewhere down the line

I like you. You can be friends with another person who is friends with someone you don't like. I always at women who don't get that.

 

[SuchATease]

What I would do is recognize that she never understood my expectations as a true friend and drop her

c/s I would drop her as well - if she's sneaky enough to sleep with my man, who know's what other things she would do to me.

 

[Cleopatra_J]

I choose invisible option #3:

You can't stop a woman from being friends with another woman. That's on some high school 'ish...

What I would do is recognize that she never understood my expectations as a true friend and drop her

Exactly! I'd drop that trick so quick .. But I would let my other friends make their own assumptions and opinions about her .. They are individuals who will have their own relationship with her.

Someone asked would you forgive the dude??

It depends on the context of the relationship. Sometimes women really can be on some ho-shit and really seduce you're man. Or he could have just been a ho as well and this bought it to the light. But her, being that she was my FRIEND, a term that is earned and supposed to be worth more than a boyfriend ... she's broken the code of conduct. She gots to go... he may or may not accompany her out the door.

 

[Izayoi]

I choose invisible option #3:

You can't stop a woman from being friends with another woman. That's on some high school 'ish...

What I would do is recognize that she never understood my expectations as a true friend and drop her

Something similar happened to me when in college. My homegirl remained cool with the one who dissed me, and we just never hung out "as a unit" anymore. Which, to me, is fine...a large group of female friends = madness somewhere down the line

c/s. Any group of women over 3 is drama waiting to happen. I have a cluster of female buddies, but they are all so different in their interests, I usually have to deal with no more than two at a time. I like it that way. Otherwise it's just too much emotional estrogen bs.

 

[Mo-Better]

How is it vindictive? A good friend cheats with my man behind my back, and I'm just supposed to forgive that?!?

Would you forgive one of your boys if he slept with your girl behind your back, or just label her a hoe, dap him off for getting his, and move onto the next one...

I'm not saying to ignore a good friend who cheats with your man and your just to forgive her. But why is the response always taken to another level?

Jo you know women are/can be vindictive when wronged by another woman. Few if any would not seek payback. What I'm saying is kicking her ass would not be enough many women. They would also seek to ruin her. They would call her man/hubby, her job, go to her church too, it just wouldn't end with a fight. Women hold onto hate. (Case and point that nonsense this past weekend which Onyx squashed)

Men don't just ignore being wronged but our hate doesn't usually consume us. We deal with a situation then its over.

 

[JofromthaNO]

I'm not saying to ignore a good friend who cheats with your man and your just to forgive her. But why is the response always taken to another level?

Jo you know women are/can be vindictive when wronged by another woman. Few if any would not seek payback. What I'm saying is kicking her ass would not be enough many women. They would also seek to ruin her. They would call her man/hubby, her job, go to her church too, it just wouldn't end with a fight. Women hold onto hate. (Case and point that nonsense this past weekend which Onyx squashed)

Men don't just ignore being wronged but our hate doesn't usually consume us. We deal with a situation then its over.

That's stereotyping women to say that most of us/can be vindictive. AND, it's also a stereotype to say that men don't hold onto hate/anger...if men didn't hold onto anger/hate, we'd see far fewer murder suicides of men who kill their partner/spouse and then themselves...

I don't think it's always taken to the next level by either parties. Again, that's immature behavior to try and ruin other other spears of another person's life just because they've done you wrong. You bring much more drama and unnecessary turmoil to you trying to fuck over someone else rather than just doing something that will, conversely, bring joy to your life...

AND, yes, we know people do us wrong...but, how much energy do you want to use towards the ruin of someone's life rather that using that energy to better yourself...

 

[Mo-Better]

That's stereotyping women to say that most of us/can be vindictive. AND, it's also a stereotype to say that men don't hold onto hate/anger...if men didn't hold onto anger/hate, we'd see far fewer murder suicides of men who kill their partner/spouse and then themselves...

I don't think it's always taken to the next level by either parties. Again, that's immature behavior to try and ruin other other spears of another person's life just because they've done you wrong. You bring much more drama and unnecessary turmoil to you trying to fuck over someone else rather than just doing something that will, conversely, bring joy to your life...

AND, yes, we know people do us wrong...but, how much energy do you want to use towards the ruin of someone's life rather that using that energy to better yourself...

You may call my comments stereotyping but truly how many responsible adults do you really know? Just look at this board and what's happened to it. A few bad apples can spoil a bunch.

I concur with you on on immature behavior but I never associate immature behavior with responsible adults, they just don't exist in the same body.

I once worked a job where most of my staff was women. Every week snide remarks, the clicks, this one won't speak to that one, that one said this, on and on, day after day, year after year. We even had terminations due to the petty nonsense. So when I speak on women being vindictive its from my personal past observations. An this was on Wall St. So stereotyping really had nothing to do with my views, they were based on 30+ years of observations.

I try not to generalize but what I'm speaking about is a reflection on a large portion of today's society. An I do agree with you that young men today tend to be act similar and are vengeful.

 

[JofromthaNO]

You may call my comments stereotyping but truly how many responsible adults do you really know? Just look at this board and what's happened to it. A few bad apples can spoil a bunch.

I concur with you on on immature behavior but I never associate immature behavior with responsible adults, they just don't exist in the same body.

I once worked a job where most of my staff was women. Every week snide remarks, the clicks, this one won't speak to that one, that one said this, on and on, day after day, year after year. We even had terminations due to the petty nonsense. So when I speak on women being vindictive its from my personal past observations. An this was on Wall St. So stereotyping really had nothing to do with my views, they were based on 30+ years of observations.

I try not to generalize but what I'm speaking about is a reflection on a large portion of today's society. An I do agree with you that young men today tend to be act similar and are vengeful.

Does love make people irresponsible sometimes? Sure, it does...

But, I think there is a difference when a man is involved versus a work situation with a bunch of women (when a man is not involved). Forgiveness is a truly hard thing for men and women to do...it takes humility and empathy, two concepts many humans don't seem to understand (and, quite frankly, have to be taught). Unfortunately, a majority of the time, teaching that it is IMPORTANT to forgive doesn't happen until some foul shit either happens to them or they do some foul shit to someone else

 

[dHustla]

You may call my comments stereotyping but truly how many responsible adults do you really know? Just look at this board and what's happened to it. A few bad apples can spoil a bunch.

I concur with you on on immature behavior but I never associate immature behavior with responsible adults, they just don't exist in the same body.

I once worked a job where most of my staff was women. Every week snide remarks, the clicks, this one won't speak to that one, that one said this, on and on, day after day, year after year. We even had terminations due to the petty nonsense. So when I speak on women being vindictive its from my personal past observations. An this was on Wall St. So stereotyping really had nothing to do with my views, they were based on 30+ years of observations.

I try not to generalize but what I'm speaking about is a reflection on a large portion of today's society. An I do agree with you that young men today tend to be act similar and are vengeful.

Wall St. Atlanta?

Downtown by Five Pernts?

 

[Dannyblueyes]

How is it vindictive? A good friend cheats with my man behind my back, and I'm just supposed to forgive that?!?

Would you forgive one of your boys if he slept with your girl behind your back, or just label her a hoe, dap him off for getting his, and move onto the next one...

It depends. Most girlfriends you date, fuck, and show off. When things fall apart you mope for a week and get on with life. As much as heartbreak sucks in the end it usually doesn't cost you anything. So in those cases I could eventually forgive my friend and have a laugh about it, but there are some unforgivable exceptions.

If he runs his mouth over it, unforgivable. If he flaunts it, unforgivable. Or, if my girl and I have built a foundation (i.e. shared money, home, kids etc) then he's completely cut off with the exception of a likely ass kicking.