Changing because she said so.

[Dannyblueyes]

I'm still shaking my head about something my ex told me the other day. She said what annoyed her the most about me is that I worked too hard to make the changes that she mentioned. She said "It was like I'd suggest something and the next day it would happen."

She brought up the time I was having trouble doing a particular exercise in class. She said to me "maybe if you actually paid attention during the lectures you'd understand what was going on". I paid rapt attention in every class onward.

I didn't heed her words because she was my girlfriend. I heeded because she was right. In the end I had less trouble in that class and passed it with a B+.

She said it made me seem more like a machine or a pet than a real man. I disagree. To me it takes a bigger man to admit when he's wrong, swallow his pride and change.

Am I wrong for this? Is making these kinds of changes really that much of a turnoff? If so how do I respond when the next woman suggests something? Cuss her out? Purposely fail to prove a point? Make the change gradually and squeak by with a C?

I'm really lost on this one. Does anyone else care to throw in?

 

[NinjaspiT]

If u change for any broad that quick,you will never get respect.Women will not respect you.You will be become omega.

 

[Dannyblueyes]

even if it's a change that's necessary and beneficial?

 

[Mo-Better]

It's OK to make subtle changes if she suggest them "if it doesn't compromise who you are." Like changes in your food selections, wearing a different style of clothes. But you should never try to totally change who you are. You can only be you. You had certain qualities she liked when you met. That should be enough.

The truth is she should've been honored you were willing to try an make the change happen. It should not have been a turnoff. Are you sure there's not something she's not telling you? Also remember there are women who are never satisfied.

 

[sean69]

If u change for any broad that quick,you will never get respect.Women will not respect you.You will be become omega.

C'est finit

 

[Dannyblueyes]

So any kind of immediate change, no matter how positive or beneficial is considered a bad thing as far as women are concerned. They prefer a man who keeps on making the same mistakes time and time again.

well, I need to finish school, make money and take care of my kids so I'm better off staying single then. Thanks for the help.

 

[DeSiRe]

ok so shes upset cause u actually take her advice and improve yourself...and shes upset because you improve too quickly?

dumb bitch doesnt know what she wants

if that isnt the most ignant bullshit ive heard in a min

 

[sean69]

"... She said it made me seem more like a machine or a pet than a real man..."

The fact that you allowed the relationship to get to the point where she saw it fit to say that to you makes you a ...

No offense.

 

[LEs Stroud]

she wasnt that into you

 

[jucurious]

hmmmm somethin doesn't seem right....something's missing


either:

a) she's immature as hell

b) your not telling us some part of the story that would validate her point

c) she's bullshittin u


but to play devil's advocate

if gave a suggestion to a dude every day or every other day and he changed every time to fit my suggestion i would be like hmmmm. r u a follower or a leader? i mean i give good advice n suggestions at time but DAMN! think on ur own, think for urself



so maybe it was the frequency and ease that bothered her

 

[sean69]

hmmmm somethin doesn't seem right....something's missing


either:

a) she's immature as hell

b) your not telling us some part of the story that would validate her point

c) she's bullshittin u


but to play devil's advocate

if gave a suggestion to a dude every day or every other day and he changed every time to fit my suggestion i would be like hmmmm. r u a follower or a leader? i mean i give good advice n suggestions at time but DAMN! think on ur own, think for urself so maybe it was the frequency and ease that bothered her

 

[ladyscorpio]

positive change is never a bad thing. however if you are changing everything about who YOU are then there lies an issue.
A woman should NEVER expect a man to change who he is inherently.
I would think that any woman would prefer a man who even when he makes mistakes learns and grows from them.



Peace

So any kind of immediate change, no matter how positive or beneficial is considered a bad thing as far as women are concerned. They prefer a man who keeps on making the same mistakes time and time again.

well, I need to finish school, make money and take care of my kids so I'm better off staying single then. Thanks for the help.

 

[jucurious]

hate will get u nowhere in life negro

 

[blaquechylde]

Ain't nothin wrong with what you did in that instance because it ended with a positive result. Now what would have happened if you would have done the opposite of what she said and failed you class? If the two of you had those kind of issues in your relationship count yourself lucky, cause it sounds like homegirl is a drama queen that was expecting you to act like an immature male that her friends are dating and that ain't you homeboy! Naw son you don't need to feel about changin for a female as long as it benefits you first then your relationship.
Damn I feel like Doctor Phil in this Muthafucka!

 

[sean69]

hate will get u nowhere in life negro

It will get me to juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!

Get it?

 

[jjUSTAZZ]

Its like this...People come and go from your life all the time. Some people are placed in your life for seasons. Once you have grown as a person from the lessons they bring it's time for them or you to move on. You said the things you changed about yourself had postive effects on your life. If that is truly the case then don't have any regrets and don't trip about her leaving the relationship now. Maybe she was only supposed to be there long enough to show you a better way. Now that you have that better way, you are on the path to meet the person that will be your life partner and not just a season.

 

[jucurious]

It will get me to juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!

Get it?

bwahahahahahaha






u asshole



a plague on ur stouffers

 

[Chaise]

Some people make suggestions but never really expect or want you to take them . . . some people don't like to see you doing better than what you are currently doing . . . maybe she liked you more when you were failing so she could seem superior to you . . . it may seem far fetched but hey . . . it's not everyday we ask our man to change and he actually does it . . . I think you were doing too much . . . I can see taking her advice with the school thing but one should never change who they are for another . . . it's one thing to grow and get better but to ask one to change means you never liked who they were to began with . . .

 

[dHustla]

I'm still shaking my head about something my ex told me the other day. She said what annoyed her the most about me is that I worked too hard to make the changes that she mentioned. She said "It was like I'd suggest something and the next day it would happen."

She brought up the time I was having trouble doing a particular exercise in class. She said to me "maybe if you actually paid attention during the lectures you'd understand what was going on". I paid rapt attention in every class onward.

I didn't heed her words because she was my girlfriend. I heeded because she was right. In the end I had less trouble in that class and passed it with a B+.

She said it made me seem more like a machine or a pet than a real man. I disagree. To me it takes a bigger man to admit when he's wrong, swallow his pride and change.

Am I wrong for this? Is making these kinds of changes really that much of a turnoff? If so how do I respond when the next woman suggests something? Cuss her out? Purposely fail to prove a point? Make the change gradually and squeak by with a C?

I'm really lost on this one. Does anyone else care to throw in?

For you sake, I'm glad you outgrew her.

You did right, using your better judgment in an effort to evaluate what's best for you.

Not because it came out of her mouth, but, like you said, because it was right.

Be thankful she's an "ex" and keep progressing, bruh

 

[dHustla]

What kills me about this kinda thing is other people policing my/your progress.

Trying to clip a nigga's wings and shit. Gauging my pump. Measuring my meter. They wanna inch my foot. Index my index. Control my Quality (quality control)

Who is anyone to say you/I change too fast or too slow.

It sounds like you made an assessment then made the necessary change(s)

 

[melonpecan]

Hmmm...if you felt such suggestions were in good faith and you changed for the better then perhaps she is jealous of your ability to adapt for the better while she remains stuck on comfortable. Just because she can suggest a change doesn't mean she can execute it herself.

 

[kjxxxx]

...
Who is anyone to say you/I change too fast or too slow.

It sounds like you made an assessment then made the necessary change(s)

Bro that's the key there. You made the assessment and saw that it was beneficial and executed it immediately thus improving immediately.

Bro that is one freaking good quality and I wish I was more like you instead of so freaking stubborn. That kind of quality would piss off your hater because they would say something that should put you down and instead you take it and use it to better yourself immediately and so the next time they see you or hear of you they are doing better.

 

[dHustla]

Some people make suggestions but never really expect or want you to take them . . . some people don't like to see you doing better than what you are currently doing . . . maybe she liked you more when you were failing so she could seem superior to you

So true, and very disheartening when those close to you don't mean you well.
Or maybe it's not so much that their insecurities are enabled by your being stagnant as it is that their insecurities and shortcomings will be amplified by your progression, forcing them to the surface and making that person have to deal with their issues when they don't want to.

. . . it may seem far fetched but hey . . . it's not everyday we ask our man to change and he actually does it . . . I think you were doing too much . . . I can see taking her advice with the school thing but one should never change who they are for another . . . it's one thing to grow and get better but to ask one to change means you never liked who they were to began with . . .

This isn't true. Not if the person doing the asking really means well and wants the best for them.

I call my friends on them changing all the time...not based on what I think they be doing, but based off of what they have expressed to me that they want.
It's called holding people accountable.

 

[dHustla]

Hmmm...if you felt such suggestions were in good faith and you changed for the better then perhaps she is jealous of your ability to adapt for the better while she remains stuck on comfortable. Just because she can suggest a change doesn't mean she can execute it herself.

we have a winner!


This is really disgusting behavior to me.

 

[dHustla]

Bro that's the key there. You made the assessment and saw that it was beneficial and executed it immediately thus improving immediately.

Bro that is one freaking good quality and I wish I was more like you instead of so freaking stubborn. That kind of quality would piss off your hater because they would say something that should put you down and instead you take it and use it to better yourself immediately and so the next time they see you or hear of you they are doing better.

Exactly. This requires a certain level of humility, and having one's ego in check.

 

[melonpecan]

we have a winner!


This is really disgusting behavior to me.

After growing up and seeing how my mother is, (God knows I love her but every person got flaws), I realized I can't ask of someone else what I can't do myself. This game we play called relationships people HAVE to grow to make it last or it will fail. Make mistakes if you have to but you got to learn from it. Chick don't want to learn, she sound like she want to do what she want and what she want is for everyone around her to be just like that.


Now that I think about it my cousin got divorced over some shit like this...I think. Hopefully chick has applied her lesson with her new relationship...otherwise we might hear this story again in a future post of "Angry Black Woman Rant" on the main board.

Exactly. This requires a certain level of humility, and having one's ego in check.

Now I know some people that got some big egos but can be humble.

Kjxxxx, you can be stubborn but my question is if you get advice, do you even hear it? Sometimes words of wisdom aren't to be taken right then and there...they gotta marinate. Depends on how you operate. What gets me is the stubborn people who get told the word, agree to it, and don't do nothing about it. You can sit on it and assess but just don't let that trait stop you from actively listening.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

OP please never speak to this retarded ass woman again.

 

[dHustla]

OP please never speak to this retarded ass woman again.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

I'm still shaking my head about something my ex told me the other day. She said what annoyed her the most about me is that I worked too hard to make the changes that she mentioned. She said "It was like I'd suggest something and the next day it would happen."

She brought up the time I was having trouble doing a particular exercise in class. She said to me "maybe if you actually paid attention during the lectures you'd understand what was going on". I paid rapt attention in every class onward.

I didn't heed her words because she was my girlfriend. I heeded because she was right. In the end I had less trouble in that class and passed it with a B+.

She said it made me seem more like a machine or a pet than a real man. I disagree. To me it takes a bigger man to admit when he's wrong, swallow his pride and change.

Am I wrong for this? Is making these kinds of changes really that much of a turnoff? If so how do I respond when the next woman suggests something? Cuss her out? Purposely fail to prove a point? Make the change gradually and squeak by with a C?

I'm really lost on this one. Does anyone else care to throw in?

You won by letting that one go.

If u change for any broad that quick,you will never get respect.Women will not respect you.You will be become omega.

True but this one sounds stupid. She needs her a hardrock that ignores the shit out of her.
The best thing you can do in a real relationship is respect your woman's opinions. That doesn't mean agree or take up every suggestion but at least give her your ear and if she gives you a good one, take it.

 

[Marylandboatman]

Dude don't sweat her when she gets run thru enough she will wish to have you back. Go back but only as a booty call, never take her to heart again. She is just a body. Believe me she will call, I had it happen to me. Ex girl friend cal after I had been married 27 years to a great wife. I know what she wants and it is me. she had her chance keep it moving, those targets are hard to hit.

 

[doggish_098]

this should sum it up for you

 

[spanishharlem]

this should sum it up for you

"Words To Live By"​