Shit is insanely real. My depression was centered around my failing marriage. The last three years have been some of the most stressful times for myself period. I had a wife who really didn't want to be one after a couple of years of marriage. She refused to lift a finger to help in any way, and didn't want counseling, just a divorce. Man I'll admit I was weak ass fuck almost to the point of begging her to stay. Took some time off work and really just thought about the situation, what I do, and what life would be like afterwards and came the the realization that I literally do and handle everything. I shield her ass from a lot of things she never had to deal with, therefore she never felt responsible even for her own shit. I spoiled the fuck out of this woman to the point shes admitting no one can do for her like I do period at every level.
What made the depression even worse was the fact we have kids that are very young. I didn't get married to raise kids in a broken ass home. I found that I value family tremendously were she doesn't give a fuck about her family and is a loner, which I feel made her decision initially easier. I throw the suggestion that she should leave and find a place to stay, putting real separation between us since this is what she wanted and she paid no bills at all, she should be good for it Also told her if she had no place at all, then stay. She storms out while lashing out. I'm now at the point like fuck it, I don't want anyone here in this house that doesn't want to be here, period. Some time goes by and I'm realizing how peaceful it is to come home now without her in the house. How I'm no longer emotionally held hostage in my own house. I'm also realizing how much money I'm now saving not carrying her ass, which was upwards of $1000 a month. Went from my account being over drafted from time to time, to actual fucking savings
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I realized ultimately I was so much happier without her, and I was already doing everything anyway. Now I can continue to do what I do and know that I'm moving in the right direction. Man I've got so many toys right now from guitars, guns, working on my car LOL.
We agreed to share custody of the kids and it works out good because we work opposite days and shifts of each other. The hand off at first was hard, but especially on her. The kids are very much attached to me. They know dad handles everything and it shows. My kids were highly upset to leave my house and go with their mother to the point she had a break down, and had to go cry in the car. She would later call me and tell me shes jealous of my relationship with the kids. I told her you cannot fake a relationship with children, and you have to put in time and work (Sidebar she never had her father in her life). After some months the kids are fully adjusted, and with this pandemic going on have been with me 85% of the time for a few reasons. While we were together my wife worked part time. With us now being apart she had to find a full time gig, and even then shes just barely making ends meet living with a friend. I was self quarantined for a couple weeks early but the boys quarantined with me as a result of when we found out. She ends up catching the virus we believe in April, but can't get tested. She is exposed again in may to some coworkers who are positive, and has to self quarantine herself again. I've been laid off since the third week of March, will not be back to work until August 1st.
This down time has shown me that as much as I'm there for my kids, they saved me in a major way. I'm motivated to be the best father I can be, and show them the best life that I can. I also want to show them what a healthy relationship could and should look like. The unfortunate truth is their mother is not the type of woman I should have ever settled down with, because shes not about building shit, and is so selfish shes toxic in her own words. I will not make that mistake again. Everyone is not built for longevity, and that is exactly what I'm striving for in my next serious relationship.
I realized that life even in these crazy ass time isn't bad, and I'm in a great position to capitalize.
