i asked an ex what a "snapper" was
and he said "i dunno you tell me"
now...i wouldnt consider myself a snapper...but i do have control down there
maybe they are refering to what we call kegals

Your joking right? Are you trying to say that a woman who doesn't move much is as sexually exciting in bed as one who is active? Someone that's lazy is just that LAZY! As for a lazy woman flexing her "PC muscles" most lazy women don't even know they have a PC muscle and trust me few if any will be flexing.
I'm not saying the woman has to be a Naomi Bankxxx (but it would be nice) but she needs to be as sweaty as I am when we finish. Sex is an act where both participants need to take active roles. Not one where one lays there to be serviced like a Chevy in a repair shop.
As you stated "sex is normally more than penetration." Your right its about each person giving of themselves. Lastly in a meaningful relationship sex is not just about the orgasm. Its an act that anchors your relationship. So for me the effort must be there from both. Flexing your PC is not enough.

There's just too many women that think once they spread their legs, job over. Then there's too many guys that think that's enough or are satified to be having sex in the first place, they just accept it. Just like women want good sex, men do too.