3 Reasons A Man Is Not Your Financial Plan

[Mr. Met]

http://seekwisdomfindwealth.blogspot.com/2011/03/3-reasons-man-is-not-your-financial.html

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think reality shows like the Basketball Wives and even the Real Housewives franchises are getting a bad rap. . . Okay, well maybe not a bad rap, but far too much credit in creating what some may call "gold diggers."

I’ve heard several times recently that these shows are teaching young women that the only control they have over their financial destinies is keeping themselves attractive enough to trap, uh I mean, catch a baller. Yes, I’ve even been guilty of blaming 50 Cent for the hook, “Have a baby by me and be a millionaire,” when I speak to high school and college aged women across the country. But truthfully, way before rap artists and cable television, many women were taught in their homes first and foremost that their job, no matter how educated they became, was to find a suitable and stable man whom they could marry and live happily ever after with. Although times have changed, similar “advice” still runs rampant today.

Last year, after speaking at a university in Georgia, a college freshman e-mailed me to say, that although she understood my point, she is still faced with a mother and grandmother who tell her daily that a man is her golden ticket to a good life and financial independence. I feel safe in saying that granny didn’t get that type of advice from Nene Leakes! Instead of lawyers and doctors, young women today are being advised to scout out athletes and entertainers to be their retirement plans; assuming, of course, the men don’t squander their fortunes away.

To these young ladies I continue to offer the bumper sticker mantra, “A man is not a financial plan” and here are 3 reasons why:

1. A man won't always be around. We’ve all heard that divorce rates are high, so I don’t feel the need to go any further with that, but can we get some stats on just how high basic break up rates are? In my business, I coach women who have been left with thousands of dollars in debt by boyfriends! Yes, you read correctly, B-O-Y-F-R-I-E-N-D-S! And no matter, how mad folks get, I will stand firm on my belief that women must stop treating boyfriends like husbands! That in itself is one sure fire way to avoid financial ruin. From car notes to rental payments and mortgages they couldn’t afford, I’ve seen women who signed their name to the dotted line because their “man” told them he would take care of the payments if they just put it in their name. Oldest trick in the book, ladies. Did we learn nothing from Lisa Raye? Her former husband, the Prime Minister of Turks and Cacaos, supposedly worth $180 million at the time “gave” her a Rolls Royce Phantom as a gift while they were dating. Somehow though, it had a $6500 note on it which ended up in her name. Now inquiring minds would like to know, “Just how does that happen, Ms. Lisa?”. . .

Even if you’re in a fairytale relationship with the man of your dreams, the reality is that at some point your marriage/relationship could still end by death. Statistics continue to reveal that women live longer than men. If that ends up being the case for you, think about what could happen if your husband is the only one who knows anything about the financial footing of the family. At a time when widows should really be left to mourn, many are left scurrying about attempting to locate insurance policies that they aren’t even 100% certain exist. Nothing is worse than believing that everything is taken care of financially and then not realizing that quite the opposite is true after someones demise.

Whether or not a relationship ends in death or divorce, you should always have access to and an understanding of what's going on with your family's finances.

2. A man may not be good with money. It is fairly typical for me to meet a woman who jokingly declares that she is waiting to get married so that her future husband can take control of her finances. But mama always said, "There's truth in ALL jokes!" To this I say, ladies, let’s make sure that YOU bring something to the table. And by that, I don’t just mean your own money, but your own healthy mindset towards money. Why should some poor unsuspecting soul inherit your bad credit, bad habits and bad financial package? You may be fine, but not that fine! You should come ready to make a contribution to the family’s success and also have your knowledge together in case you don’t get your financially fit dream guy. What if your Prince Charming is worse with money than you are? Do you not marry the guy at all OR do you strap up your stilettos and get down to business? The days of men traditionally and predominantly handling finances are over. It’s time to assign one of your family’s most important tasks to whoever is better suited to take care of it efficiently. Remember when the money is funny so is your honey. So, get involved and be aware at all times of what your assets, debts and household expenses are no matter who handles the money on a daily basis.

3. Your personal finance is your personal responsibility. To be very short and sweet, your personal finances are primarily your responsibility. If you’re grown, it’s not your parent’s obligation anymore nor is it merely on the partner you choose. At each stage in life, you must take ownership for your own money. The minute you depend exclusively on anyone else to handle your finances, you hand over the control of your financial destiny and your life goes wherever they want to take it. When you are not in control of your money, you are forever at the mercy of others; mechanically asking “How high?” every time they say, “Jump!”

There are far too many resources available to women to help them manage their money wisely. There is no need to depend solely on a man to make and manage the money without your input. You must be ready, willing, and able to manage your finances at all times. When you are, you have equal power and are just as much in control as the man is. You call the shots together and you also have the ability to make decisions as a team. There’s nothing worse than tolerating a person or a situation only because you have allowed yourself to become 100% dependent on them financially.

A man is a partner, a companion, someone to share your life with. He is not and should not be your financial plan. Together, you can, however, build a beautiful life financially with honesty, transparency and equal participation.

Until Next Time,




Seek Wisdom, Find Wealth & Be Blessed!

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Then what's the point of having a man?

 

[onyxfemme]

Fuckin 5 star post

 

[followup]

seems like common sense, but it's not...the thing is, when you get married, it's a different ball game. Most people do not sign prenuptial agreements and many would be offended by even bringing the subject up.

 

[mo_snitching]

You should really...we* should really stop giving women insight and advice that will allow them to make informed decisions. Because you get one of two type of responses on here. 1)they end up reading something that isn't there and start to make an counter arguement off of a statement that you never said then turn around and say they were baited into the thread and will no longer respond to stuff like that. Or 2)they will assume that you are taking your anger and frustrations out on women and somehow insulting them on the low (even though we all know men tend to be the more blunt and direct of both genders). We really should stop. If there ever was a gender that had just a lil harder time taking in and evaluating constructive criticism it's women. And that's what this is. Constructive criticism. Women can't handle it (allow me to say men to before someone jumps up and screams bloody murder). But if a woman tries to say otherwise, that men have a harded time handling it just make a mental note to yourself that a woman will give men constructive critism about:smell, hygiene'habbits before they tell a woman her breath stank. So just stop. Plus this is the wrong place. A lot of women, esp. black women; are taught to be part of a matriarchy. So really they aren't trying to get with a man that makes more money then them. They are taught as a black man you are going to abuse her, get that trifflin bitch across the street pregnant, gamble the money away and kick her out the million dollar mansion on some diary of a mad black woman shit. A lot of them think like that (depend of what you consider a lot) so they don't rely on a man to be dependent on. They are strong independent black women remember.

 

[mo_snitching]

Allow me to add this. If you are doing this to insult women (which is a terrible way to insult someone by giving them constructive critcism they do *OR* don't need) then you really need to mature up. But there is no need to encourage women on how to get a life partner. Some know this (like the person above said seems like common sense) and the ones that don't know it will not read this and go 'you know what maybe I should stop being so dependent'. That's never ever going to happen. I thought it would too but soon found out otherwise. Think of it like this. Earlier in school and early twenties there were men that got passed up. They didn't have what women wanted. And we were mad and upset and got pissed women women said why they passed us up. And we did one of two things. Got what women liked, sat and bitched or became bad boys and got sucess. The EXACT same thing happens to women when they get older. We pass up women for marriage and try to tell them (hey this is why some of us pass you up) and they sit and bitch and moan. It's like 'killed for being the messenger' Let those single women stay single. Remember when men couldn't get or attract women they were considered lames. But women a woman can't keep or attract a man us men are still the lame ones. There are plenty of good women out here to be trying to be hopeful that you can get through to the bad ones. They don't have a man and won't have a man and can't keep one for a reason.