15 resolutions for parents - some feedback please

[Upgrade Dave]

http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2011/01/04/1953604/15-resolutions-for-parents.html

0 comments Print Reprint or License Share Tool NameClose
tool goes here 15 resolutions for parents
Posted: Tuesday, Jan. 04, 2011
COLUMNISTS »
John Rosemond
John Rosemond, an N.C. author, writes on traditional parenting.
E-mail John Rosemond
Website
Given that this is the first column of a new year, I'm proposing a number of parenting New Year's Resolutions for my readers to consider. The list is by no means comprehensive. It's just a good beginning on what is probably a much-needed family revolution:

1. We will not throw expensive "event parties" for our children on their birthdays. Instead, we will confine all birthday celebrations to our family, including extended family. We will keep it uncomplicated: a special dinner of the birthday boy or girl's favorite food, a cake, the song, and a few simple gifts, mostly clothing or other useful things.

2. We will spend at least as much time helping our children develop good manners as we do helping them get good grades in school, which means we will cut back significantly on the time helping with the latter (in consideration of the fact that good manners, which are expressions of respect for others, will take one further in life than will good grades). Each week, we will work on one specific social courtesy, such as saying "excuse me" when you walk in front of someone. Taking two weeks off, that's 50 courtesies a year!

3. We will show our love for our neighbors by properly disciplining our children, insisting on proper behavior, and reprimanding immediately (even if that means in front of other people) when they behave otherwise, and on those occasions we will also insist they apologize appropriately.

4 . If we have not already done so, we will assign a routine of daily chores to each of our children (at least those who have reached their third birthdays) and we will insist that the chores be done, and done properly, before they engage in recreation or relaxation.

5. When our children ask us for cell phones, we will tell them that they may have cell phones when they are able to pay for them as well as the monthly bills.

6. When our children complain that they are the only kids who don't have cell phones (and do chores), we will tell them that learning how to be different is character-building.

7. Our children will not be able to order customized meals unless we take them to a restaurant. At home, they will eat what we are eating, and they will sit at the table until they are finished. We will do this so that when they are invited to eat at someone else's home, they will be the best of guests.

8. We will surely bond with our children, but we will not bond with them in the marital bed, nor will we bond with them in their beds.

9. In keeping with number 8, we will put our marriage first and our children second, for their sake as well as ours. They will revolve around us; thus, they will not grow up thinking the world revolves around them.

10. If I am a single parent, I will take good care of myself for my sake as well as my children's. I will have an active, adults only, social life. I will take plenty of personal time to simply relax and do those things I like to do. I will do all of that so that my children will not ever think the world revolves around them.

11. We/I will put our/my children to bed early so that we/I can end each day reconnecting as a couple or relaxing as a single.

12. We will eat as a family around our own table at least six nights a week.

13 . We will keep after-school activities to a minimum, and let them enroll only in activities that do not prevent us from delivering on number 11.

14. Instead of buying our children expensive things, we will help them develop hobbies and take them to museums and on trips.

15. We will do all of the above so that when they grow up, they will have wonderful memories of their childhoods and raise our grandchildren in a manner that honors us.

Family psychologist John Rosemond: www.rosemond.com.

 

[Mo-Better]

I agree with many of these but I totally disagree with number 5.

5. When our children ask us for cell phones, we will tell them that they may have cell phones when they are able to pay for them as well as the monthly bills.

A cell phone for a child today is somewhat of a necessity. There are no pay phones (maybe a few) but I don't think they need them until they are maybe in their teens. Besides as a parent you want to be able to reach your child when you need to.

Now when getting them that phone it is a parents duty to teach them the proper usage. If they abuse the phone then it must be taken away.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

All of my older kids have cell phones iwth rules in place for use. The rest of the list is ok, once again in optimal conditions. But thangs ai'nt always optimal now are they? Especially with a large family like mine.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

Never getting my kid a cell phone. When he can afford one, he can have one - one I have full access to so long as he lives in my house. By the time a kid is old enough to "need" a cell phone, he's old enough to work for it.
I didn't have one until a couple years ago and that's only because the job mandated it and I survived.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

All of my older kids have cell phones iwth rules in place for use. The rest of the list is ok, once again in optimal conditions. But thangs ai'nt always optimal now are they? Especially with a large family like mine.

The only one that might be difficult for a large family with a lot of moving parts is eating dinner together 6 nights a week. The rest are very doable. Large families used to be the norm and they made it happen.

 

[Mo-Better]

Never getting my kid a cell phone. When he can afford one, he can have one - one I have full access to so long as he lives in my house. By the time a kid is old enough to "need" a cell phone, he's old enough to work for it.
I didn't have one until a couple years ago and that's only because the job mandated it and I survived.

Unfortunately we live in a world where the cell phone has become a necessity. As your kids become older they will at times need to make contact with others, maybe yourself. Emergencies happen and its not always something a child can control or avoid.

Today we have people breaking into schools shooting, killing teachers and students, gangs, accidents, fires, floods you name it. We no longer live in the 1970s. But if your child is hurt or killed you will have failed as a parent. All because you refused to provide them with a cell phone that could've alerted you or the police of the danger. You will have to live with that decision the rest of your life. Those scenarios maybe be extreme but they are happening all over this country. Think it can't happen? I once walked into the middle of a bank robbery. Shit happens!

 

[DragonXJC]

Nice pratical list, though I'm not a parent, I will definitely keep several of these in mind.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

Unfortunately we live in a world where the cell phone has become a necessity. As your kids become older they will at times need to make contact with others, maybe yourself. Emergencies happen and its not always something a child can control or avoid.

Emergencies didn't just start in 2005.

Today we have people breaking into schools shooting, killing teachers and students, gangs, accidents, fires, floods you name it. We no longer live in the 1970s. But if your child is hurt or killed you will have failed as a parent. All because you refused to provide them with a cell phone that could've alerted you or the police of the danger. You will have to live with that decision the rest of your life. Those scenarios maybe be extreme but they are happening all over this country. Think it can't happen? I once walked into the middle of a bank robbery. Shit happens!

They were shooting at my high school alma mater in the 70s and school shooting were the media rage during the 80s. Not one thing you mentioned is new or could be altered because my 13 yr old has a phone in his bag or pocket.
Did your phone stop that bank robbery? Shit does happen, always has. But even now when there's an accident, the authorities don't call you from your kid's phones.
It's far more likely that my kid will be on his phone at a time when he should be concentrating on something else and that will get him hurt.

 

[Mo-Better]

Emergencies didn't just start in 2005.


They were shooting at my high school alma mater in the 70s and school shooting were the media rage during the 80s. Not one thing you mentioned is new or could be altered because my 13 yr old has a phone in his bag or pocket.
Did your phone stop that bank robbery? Shit does happen, always has. But even now when there's an accident, the authorities don't call you from your kid's phones.
It's far more likely that my kid will be on his phone at a time when he should be concentrating on something else and that will get him hurt.

I know nothing I mentioned is new but there's no denying its a dangerous world. Its been that way for centuries.

Its your call and your family. I just presented my opinion, to each his own. I wish you and them well.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

I know nothing I mentioned is new but there's no denying its a dangerous world. Its been that way for centuries.

Its your call and your family. I just presented my opinion, to each his own. I wish you and them well.

Same to you.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

I've thought of this before, and yeah i'd rather them have it and not need it then to need it and not have it. My wife recently was in a very bad wreck and the person at the scene called me with her phone. And i was thinking if my oldest girl was in something like that i'd want the same thing to occur.

Yes, tragedies happened before cell phones. But then as parents, as people who love people who love PERIOD aren't we supposed to make our lives, our childrens lives a little bit safer?

 

[Upgrade Dave]

I've thought of this before, and yeah i'd rather them have it and not need it then to need it and not have it. My wife recently was in a very bad wreck and the person at the scene called me with her phone. And i was thinking if my oldest girl was in something like that i'd want the same thing to occur.

Yes, tragedies happened before cell phones. But then as parents, as people who love people who love PERIOD aren't we supposed to make our lives, our childrens lives a little bit safer?

Yep but the phone didn't make anyone safer in the example you gave, just got you the info quicker.
I'm a firm believer that if you think you were raised well, repeat. I'm also not a big fan of people feeling better or doing things to make themselves feel better but not actually being better.

 

[GET YOU HOT]

15 resolutions, is a good guideline, for starters, add in, a good dose of discipline, on the part on the parent to follow thru...

 

[Upgrade Dave]

Don't want to be hung up on this one thing too long but

Don't let my anti cell phone philosophy be taken the wrong way. I think they encourage and feed into the self centered nature of Americans and impede people's ability to truly communicate with each other but when it comes to my kid, he can have all the phones he can afford when he can afford them. As a 16 or 17 yr old, he can work somewhere and pay for it himself. I'm just not buying him one or maintaining one for him.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

15 resolutions, is a good guideline, for starters, add in, a good dose of discipline, on the part on the parent to follow thru...

 

[Izayoi]

I heard an author on npr discuss having internet and cell phone "sabbaths" at their house at least one day a week to really get the family re-engaged and communicating with each other rather than in their own digital worlds.
He said his kids hated it at first, but now they are cool and some of the other parents in the neighborhood are doing it too.

He also said all the family members have only the most basic cell phones and are purposely avoiding the smart phones.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

1. We will not throw expensive "event parties" for our children on their birthdays. Instead, we will confine all birthday celebrations to our family, including extended family. We will keep it uncomplicated: a special dinner of the birthday boy or girl's favorite food, a cake, the song, and a few simple gifts, mostly clothing or other useful things.NOT spending money? Hell yeah. Easy.

2. We will spend at least as much time helping our children develop good manners as we do helping them get good grades in school, which means we will cut back significantly on the time helping with the latter (in consideration of the fact that good manners, which are expressions of respect for others, will take one further in life than will good grades). Each week, we will work on one specific social courtesy, such as saying "excuse me" when you walk in front of someone. Taking two weeks off, that's 50 courtesies a year!This has LONg been done. This is something that you start doing, shoulda started doing as soon as they could speak.

3. We will show our love for our neighbors by properly disciplining our children, insisting on proper behavior, and reprimanding immediately (even if that means in front of other people) when they behave otherwise, and on those occasions we will also insist they apologize appropriately.Man....i'm a black mother....i discipline my kids no matter who what where when how. ESPECIALLY in public cuz you ain't finna be embarrasin me out here! Easy 1

4 . If we have not already done so, we will assign a routine of daily chores to each of our children (at least those who have reached their third birthdays) and we will insist that the chores be done, and done properly, before they engage in recreation or relaxation.7 kids in this piece. Everything gets assigned and done. Once again, ez.

5. When our children ask us for cell phones, we will tell them that they may have cell phones when they are able to pay for them as well as the monthly bills.There were no cell phones in olden days, but i still see this as somewhat of a very good thing for older kids to have.

6. When our children complain that they are the only kids who don't have cell phones (and do chores), we will tell them that learning how to be different is character-building.White people shit.

7. Our children will not be able to order customized meals unless we take them to a restaurant. At home, they will eat what we are eating, and they will sit at the table until they are finished. We will do this so that when they are invited to eat at someone else's home, they will be the best of guests.Once again...black mom here. you'll eat what i TELL you to eat. Or you don't eat at all. WHEN i tell you to eat it. and HOW i tell yo black ass to eat it. White folks shit, for kids ot be getting differenthings and then gettin up without eating all your food and thrwing food away...iwishaniggawood

8. We will surely bond with our children, but we will not bond with them in the marital bed, nor will we bond with them in their beds.My kids aren't even allowed in my bedroom

9. In keeping with number 8, we will put our marriage first and our children second, for their sake as well as ours. They will revolve around us; thus, they will not grow up thinking the world revolves around them.THIS....i have no issue with in my relationship BUT i can definitely see this as a difficulty to a large family with both working parents in this day and age. While CAN be done, i don't think this is really a reasonable thing to....make a resolution to do

10. If I am a single parent, I will take good care of myself for my sake as well as my children's. I will have an active, adults only, social life. I will take plenty of personal time to simply relax and do those things I like to do. I will do all of that so that my children will not ever think the world revolves around them.eh....this is another 1 i don't think is so.....realistic

11. We/I will put our/my children to bed early so that we/I can end each day reconnecting as a couple or relaxing as a single.9:30pm Room Time. everybody to their bedrooms. No exceptions, no coming out. The kids have thier own areas and bathroom so that they never even come down to where we are in the kitchen and the offices. You don't have to be asleep but you gotta be in your bedroom.

12. We will eat as a family around our own table at least six nights a week.We're in the same area...Kitchen...dining area.

13 . We will keep after-school activities to a minimum, and let them enroll only in activities that do not prevent us from delivering on number 11. Disagree with this, once again with a large family....things are different now than back in the day. I got ballet, i got band practice, football practice, spring football practice, basketball practice, then there's community service. Chores at the house, playing around in the neighborhood, kids need play. This is 1 of the reasons why we believe so strongly in home schooling. Our kids didn't go to school till 2 years ago. And the little ones are still home now. Husband never liked the education system and always believed he could teach teh kids better than any white people could. And also he felt the school system wasn't conducive to learning either.

14. Instead of buying our children expensive things, we will help them develop hobbies and take them to museums and on trips.This.

Yeah so i listed my opines.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Yep but the phone didn't make anyone safer in the example you gave, just got you the info quicker.
I'm a firm believer that if you think you were raised well, repeat. I'm also not a big fan of people feeling better or doing things to make themselves feel better but not actually being better.

It's not about making it safer. It's about being able to respond and or be notified, it's about having access to my kid maybe in places that i wouldn't have access to them before. If she's at debate she can call me with her celly and tell me they're staying longer. If she's on her way to a friends house afterwarsds since there's no damn PAY PHONES anywhere anymore (really don't understand this), she can inform me. I can even activate her chip and it keeps a gps on where she is. My homeboy took a celly and put it under her car so he could use the gps to see where she is at all times. I'm just saying it's a useful tool. Just like all of our other tools we have to use right now.

It's not prevention, even tho it CAN be used for prevention dude. saying that it didn't in those situations is like saying it can't be.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

I've thought of this before, and yeah i'd rather them have it and not need it then to need it and not have it. My wife recently was in a very bad wreck and the person at the scene called me with her phone. And i was thinking if my oldest girl was in something like that i'd want the same thing to occur.

Yes, tragedies happened before cell phones. But then as parents, as people who love people who love PERIOD aren't we supposed to make our lives, our childrens lives a little bit safer?

It's not about making it safer.

Either it is or it isn't.

Gotcha.

It's about being able to respond and or be notified, it's about having access to my kid maybe in places that i wouldn't have access to them before. If she's at debate she can call me with her celly and tell me they're staying longer. If she's on her way to a friends house afterwarsds since there's no damn PAY PHONES anywhere anymore (really don't understand this), she can inform me. I can even activate her chip and it keeps a gps on where she is. My homeboy took a celly and put it under her car so he could use the gps to see where she is at all times. I'm just saying it's a useful tool. Just like all of our other tools we have to use right now.

It's not prevention, even tho it CAN be used for prevention dude. saying that it didn't in those situations is like saying it can't be.

I understand this, just don't agree. Where does a 13, 14, even 15 yr old go that you don't know about? They're either at a school function or with a member of family or responsible adult, at least they should be.
At 16, 17, they can work and pay for their own phone.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

13 . We will keep after-school activities to a minimum, and let them enroll only in activities that do not prevent us from delivering on number 11. - Disagree with this, once again with a large family....things are different now than back in the day. I got ballet, i got band practice, football practice, spring football practice, basketball practice, then there's community service. Chores at the house, playing around in the neighborhood, kids need play. This is 1 of the reasons why we believe so strongly in home schooling. Our kids didn't go to school till 2 years ago. And the little ones are still home now. Husband never liked the education system and always believed he could teach teh kids better than any white people could. And also he felt the school system wasn't conducive to learning either.

Nonsense. Prioritize and drop the least important ones. The ones that interfere with adult time or family time have to go. Got nothing to do with the time period at all.

 

[followup]

LOVE Love love the rules!!!!

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

13 . We will keep after-school activities to a minimum, and let them enroll only in activities that do not prevent us from delivering on number 11. - Disagree with this, once again with a large family....things are different now than back in the day. I got ballet, i got band practice, football practice, spring football practice, basketball practice, then there's community service. Chores at the house, playing around in the neighborhood, kids need play. This is 1 of the reasons why we believe so strongly in home schooling. Our kids didn't go to school till 2 years ago. And the little ones are still home now. Husband never liked the education system and always believed he could teach teh kids better than any white people could. And also he felt the school system wasn't conducive to learning either.

Nonsense. Prioritize and drop the least important ones. The ones that interfere with adult time or family time have to go. Got nothing to do with the time period at all.

Sure under optimal conditions this would be done. But life isn't that way. Things you want for your children don't fit into neat little boxes and categories either.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Either it is or it isn't.

Gotcha.



I understand this, just don't agree. Where does a 13, 14, even 15 yr old go that you don't know about? They're either at a school function or with a member of family or responsible adult, at least they should be.
At 16, 17, they can work and pay for their own phone.

We just disagree. I see things entirely different in the dynamics of larger families in this day and age.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

Sure under optimal conditions this would be done. But life isn't that way. Things you want for your children don't fit into neat little boxes and categories either.

You keep going back to this. LI, either you control your life and your family or you're a victim of circumstance all the time. If you want your children to be in the house and out of you and your partner's face by 9:30 every night, you make it happen or you come up with a thousand reasons not to when the truth is you don't want to.

 

[playahaitian]

I hope we dont argue over cell phones, soccer practice and lose the fact the these rules are SUGGESTIONS and really all the same rule...

be responsible and honest with your children and by improving the family dynamic each member will be better and hopefully create a legacy of love, respect and honor.

We all agree that the list is the ideal and may not be TOTALLY realistic but we can aspire to be the best and TRY to follow what we can.

Trust just following 3 of these consistantly would make the world and the especially the black community better.

peace fam

 

[Upgrade Dave]

I hope we dont argue over cell phones, soccer practice and lose the fact the these rules are SUGGESTIONS and really all the same rule...

be responsible and honest with your children and by improving the family dynamic each member will be better and hopefully create a legacy of love, respect and honor.

We all agree that the list is the ideal and may not be TOTALLY realistic but we can aspire to be the best and TRY to follow what we can.
Trust just following 3 of these consistantly would make the world and the especially the black community better.

peace fam

It's completely realistic, it just takes hard, consistent work and a lot of parents don't want to invest in that anymore and for the life of me, I don't know why. Not talking about anyone here but the many, many examples I continue to see day in and day out.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

You keep going back to this. LI, either you control your life and your family or you're a victim of circumstance all the time. If you want your children to be in the house and out of you and your partner's face by 9:30 every night, you make it happen or you come up with a thousand reasons not to when the truth is you don't want to.

I see now. I think we have a misinterpretation. The bedtime thing is stuck too. What i don't find realistic with a large family is the cutting back on activities, things that the kids should learn. Not the bedtime. Kids need activities to bolster knowledge. To find their niche.

That other thing about the you getting together with spouse and spending time. I'm not talking about MY household. But i do know others with large families and they really do just wind up too tired to do anything by the end of the night. That's what i'm saying is unrealistic.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

I see now. I think we have a misinterpretation. The bedtime thing is stuck too. What i don't find realistic with a large family is the cutting back on activities, things that the kids should learn. Not the bedtime. Kids need activities to bolster knowledge. To find their niche.

Thank you. I had no idea how you liked number 11 but disagreed with 13. I was really scratching my head on that one.
Kids do need activities but not so many they end up not participating in the family fully.

That other thing about the you getting together with spouse and spending time. I'm not talking about MY household. But i do know others with large families and they really do just wind up too tired to do anything by the end of the night. That's what i'm saying is unrealistic.

Then they're doing something wrong if it's a regular occurrence. Every family, no matter it's size, is going to have those days of the adults being too tired but if it's 5,6, 7 nights a week, you need to restructure your life because you're clearly putting things ahead of your (should be) number one priority: your family, more pointedly, your relationship.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Either it is or it isn't.

Gotcha.



I understand this, just don't agree. Where does a 13, 14, even 15 yr old go that you don't know about? They're either at a school function or with a member of family or responsible adult, at least they should be.
At 16, 17, they can work and pay for their own phone.

I had to give it further thought. And yeah it could be a life saver. That's the point to having a phone. When they go someplace they call me and let me know. My kids don't really go anywhere. My eldest does. Especially over this last summer.

How do you things do in this day and age? I'm curious to know. What do you think they're supposed to do?

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Thank you. I had no idea how you liked number 11 but disagreed with 13. I was really scratching my head on that one.
Kids do need activities but not so many they end up not participating in the family fully.



Then they're doing something wrong if it's a regular occurrence. Every family, no matter it's size, is going to have those days of the adults being too tired but if it's 5,6, 7 nights a week, you need to restructure your life because you're clearly putting things ahead of your (should be) number one priority: your family, more pointedly, your relationship.

I think with this, i was taking into consideration what you had said about how things were...back in the olden times. I don't think people went out dating and such back in those days lol. I don't recall too much 'bonding' time. Just saying. I don't recall all this our relationship talk from our parents. I'm going to ask the older women of my family if this went on. AS a matter of fact this is going to be a good blog topic for my older lady friends to tell me about.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

I had to give it further thought. And yeah it could be a life saver. That's the point to having a phone. When they go someplace they call me and let me know. My kids don't really go anywhere. My eldest does. Especially over this last summer.

How do you things do in this day and age? I'm curious to know. What do you think they're supposed to do?

My 13 yr old does all the regular early teenager crap but it always involves an adult. It has to since neither he nor any of his friends are old enough to drive. If he stays after school, he tells me in advance so I'm not looking for him to get off the bus. If he didn't tell me, he can't stay. That forces him to tell me what he's doing and reminds him to plan ahead.
When he gets older and wants to spread his wings even further and he may actually need a phone, that will be the sign that he needs a job. That's my whole point in a nutshell: he can be hip deep in phones as long as he can pay for them.

I think with this, i was taking into consideration what you had said about how things were...back in the olden times. I don't think people went out dating and such back in those days lol. I don't recall too much 'bonding' time. Just saying. I don't recall all this our relationship talk from our parents. I'm going to ask the older women of my family if this went on. AS a matter of fact this is going to be a good blog topic for my older lady friends to tell me about.

That's what I'm here for LI: to give you blog topics.

They didn't have to talk about it because it was expected. Now people are more willing to put the ultimate effort into their careers and put that and their kids before their relationship and then they wonder why the relationship didn't work out.

 

[dHustla]

Sure under optimal conditions this would be done. But life isn't that way. Things you want for your children don't fit into neat little boxes and categories either.

Life is how you make it.

 

[dHustla]

My 13 yr old does all the regular early teenager crap but it always involves an adult. It has to since neither he nor any of his friends are old enough to drive. If he stays after school, he tells me in advance so I'm not looking for him to get off the bus. If he didn't tell me, he can't stay. That forces him to tell me what he's doing and reminds him to plan ahead.
When he gets older and wants to spread his wings even further and he may actually need a phone, that will be the sign that he needs a job. That's my whole point in a nutshell: he can be hip deep in phones as long as he can pay for them.




That's what I'm here for LI: to give you blog topics.

They didn't have to talk about it because it was expected. Now people are more willing to put the ultimate effort into their careers and put that and their kids before their relationship and then they wonder why the relationship didn't work out.

So you don't young lad no slack to get himself a piece o' pussy?
He 13... let him get his dick wet.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

My 13 yr old does all the regular early teenager crap but it always involves an adult. It has to since neither he nor any of his friends are old enough to drive. If he stays after school, he tells me in advance so I'm not looking for him to get off the bus. If he didn't tell me, he can't stay. That forces him to tell me what he's doing and reminds him to plan ahead.
When he gets older and wants to spread his wings even further and he may actually need a phone, that will be the sign that he needs a job. That's my whole point in a nutshell: he can be hip deep in phones as long as he can pay for them.




That's what I'm here for LI: to give you blog topics.

They didn't have to talk about it because it was expected. Now people are more willing to put the ultimate effort into their careers and put that and their kids before their relationship and then they wonder why the relationship didn't work out.

We believe differently.

Eh so far from who i've asked this is not coming out to be what you're saying. I'll have to ask them now was it just expected.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Life is how you make it.

That's a great philospohy to have in make believe world. But in real world it's a different story.