Right vs. Happy

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

A comedian brought up something my husband used to say all the time to his young compadres. Be happy, or right. You can't have both. You can't be right and happy in a relationship with a woman. Unless of course you and the woman agree on just about everything. But if you're in a relationship with a woman?

We're the givers of happiness. To you. We make your house a pleasant atmosphere. You come to bed, you'd rather be happy yes? Well earlier when you said i was wrong about something, or you had to make a point. You were invariably calling me a dumb bitch.

You can be RIGHT. But right won't get your dick sucked. I'm curious to see the responses.

 

[p5ych3]

why does the man being right about something have to mean the woman is a dumb bitch.
if she takes it that way then either she is dumb or there is a communication, emotional
break down somewhere.

 

[bootlegga]

A comedian brought up something my husband used to say all the time to his young compadres. Be happy, or right. You can't have both. You can't be right and happy in a relationship with a woman. Unless of course you and the woman agree on just about everything. But if you're in a relationship with a woman?

We're the givers of happiness. To you. We make your house a pleasant atmosphere. You come to bed, you'd rather be happy yes? Well earlier when you said i was wrong about something, or you had to make a point. You were invariably calling me a dumb bitch.

You can be RIGHT. But right won't get your dick sucked. I'm curious to see the responses.

if i let you think you're right, when i KNOW otherwise..

then i get to be right, and happy. win/win.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

why does the man being right about something have to mean the woman is a dumb bitch.
if she takes it that way then either she is dumb or there is a communication, emotional
break down somewhere.

If you're with an adult woman, you can be right and happy. If she's not like that, find one that is.



Wait a cotton picking minute......

I thought people were supposed to be honest in relationships? Having to choose between being right and being happy sounds like some truth is being left out just to make sure I get some head later.

 

[kwazdog]

Where is Sharia Law when you need it?

Just for this insolence Legacy, Im gonna eat your dog.

 

[Mo-Better]

Sometimes being happy just ain't worth it. If a woman is not bringing honesty and a spirit of cooperation to a relationship I have little need for her. A man shouldn't have to compromise his integrity just to get his dick sucked or anything else. OK So the dick don't get sucked today.

Who knows might meet someone new tomorrow. As you just stated "We're the givers of happiness." This is why we men don't have to compromise. There are so many others for us to choose from that won't put a man through unnecessary BS.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

And there is no happy man if he's expected to go along with whatever his woman thinks. So he's then neither right nor happy.

I'm not for battling just for the sake of battling but what kind of woman respects a man that just rolls over for her?

 

[KW13537]

A comedian brought up something my husband used to say all the time to his young compadres. Be happy, or right. You can't have both. You can't be right and happy in a relationship with a woman. Unless of course you and the woman agree on just about everything. But if you're in a relationship with a woman?

We're the givers of happiness. To you. We make your house a pleasant atmosphere. You come to bed, you'd rather be happy yes? Well earlier when you said i was wrong about something, or you had to make a point. You were invariably calling me a dumb bitch.

You can be RIGHT. But right won't get your dick sucked. I'm curious to see the responses.

This is only true when a woman can't accept being wrong. If I have to be wrong when I'm right just to get my dick sucked, then she's got to go.

 

[Lyricallye]

Sometimes being happy just ain't worth it. If a woman is not bringing honesty and a spirit of cooperation to a relationship I have little need for her. A man shouldn't have to compromise his integrity just to get his dick sucked or anything else. OK So the dick don't get sucked today.

Who knows might meet someone new tomorrow. As you just stated "We're the givers of happiness." This is why we men don't have to compromise. There are so many others for us to choose from that won't put a man through unnecessary BS.

You're talking about what should and should not happen. But the Op is right, women hold it against you when you correct them or don't agree fully (speaking as a woman who has dealt with other women in relationship).

Something to consider is that it works both ways tho. If you constantly emasculate that man by always needing to be right, you goin' to feel that shit..either now or later. And when you go to have a man with a strong opinion, you ain't got one.

but for beginners, its best to shut the fuck up so you can get some pussy later. Bruised ego = Dry Pussy

 

[Upgrade Dave]

You're talking about what should and should not happen. But the Op is right, women hold it against you when you correct them or don't agree fully (speaking as a woman who has dealt with other women in relationship).

Something to consider is that it works both ways tho. If you constantly emasculate that man by always needing to be right, you goin' to feel that shit..either now or later. And when you go to have a man with a strong opinion, you ain't got one.

but for beginners, its best to shut the fuck up so you can get some pussy later. Bruised ego = Dry Pussy

Yep.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

I like the way this is goin.

So Mr. Dave feels that the woman isn't grown if she can't accept being "wrong". Got that. Mr. Mo says he'd rather get another chick to be right and happy with. Hmmmm.

I like what Lyric says here. I think alot of guys think in those terms when it comes to things of this nature. They think in terms of what SHOULD be instead of what IS.

What's there to say about this?

 

[Mo-Better]

You're talking about what should and should not happen. But the Op is right, women hold it against you when you correct them or don't agree fully (speaking as a woman who has dealt with other women in relationship).

Something to consider is that it works both ways tho. If you constantly emasculate that man by always needing to be right, you goin' to feel that shit..either now or later. And when you go to have a man with a strong opinion, you ain't got one.

but for beginners, its best to shut the fuck up so you can get some pussy later. Bruised ego = Dry Pussy

So what if a women holds it against me if I correct her. I would rather correct her than have her thinking she right when that's not the case. She should want to know her view is correct rather than to misspeak to someone else. The truth can be painful but it is necessary. If you can't handle the truth, see ya!

What I'm saying is real men get tired of playing juvenile games. This has nothing to do with me (or any man) being right or wrong. Yeah I know this happens. In my youth yeah I would do anything to keep a woman happy. But as you mature you come to understand this crap shouldn't be happening. If the lady is sincere in regards to a relationship she's not saying, "either you agree with me or I'm not giving you any." She'll sit down discuss the situation.

The type of behavior the OP is discussing leads me to believe she's possibly used to having her way with most men. She was probability spoiled by her men. Possibly pussy whipped them and made them weak. A pussy whipped man is a sorry MF! He will do anything asked of him.

Real couples don't play games they will sit down to discuss and workout their problems. BTW a woman should NEVER USE HER PUSSY AS A LEVERAGE TOOL! Ultimatums don't always work out the way one plans. I don't bring any games to my relationships and I won't tolerate a woman who does. If were both up front then we have no problems.

 

[Izayoi]

You're talking about what should and should not happen. But the Op is right, women hold it against you when you correct them or don't agree fully (speaking as a woman who has dealt with other women in relationship).

Something to consider is that it works both ways tho. If you constantly emasculate that man by always needing to be right, you goin' to feel that shit..either now or later. And when you go to have a man with a strong opinion, you ain't got one.

but for beginners, its best to shut the fuck up so you can get some pussy later. Bruised ego = Dry Pussy

Mmmm Hmmm

 

[Upgrade Dave]

I like the way this is goin.

So Mr. Dave feels that the woman isn't grown if she can't accept being "wrong". Got that. Mr. Mo says he'd rather get another chick to be right and happy with. Hmmmm.
I like what Lyric says here. I think alot of guys think in those terms when it comes to things of this nature. They think in terms of what SHOULD be instead of what IS.

What's there to say about this?

I think the same way about men too but we're talking about women and I agree with Mo on just finding a better mate.

The type of behavior the OP is discussing leads me to believe she's possibly used to having her way with most men. She was probability spoiled by her men. Possibly pussy whipped them and made them weak. A pussy whipped man is a sorry MF! He will do anything asked of him.

I'm withholding my judgement of LI on this one. I want to see where she's coming from.
Amen on pussywhipped men. I hate them and all forms of "Go Along to Get Along" type people.

Real couples don't play games they will sit down to discuss and workout their problems. BTW a woman should NEVER USE HER PUSSY AS A LEVERAGE TOOL! Ultimatums don't always work out the way one plans. I don't bring any games to my relationships and I won't tolerate a woman who does. If were both up front then we have no problems.

You have to take that weapon from them early. When she pulls that card, you go on a dick strike: my dick is not working again until working conditions improve.

 

[Izayoi]

You have to take that weapon from them early. When she pulls that card, you go on a dick strike: my dick is not working again until working conditions improve.

I hate that shit It's effective though.

 

[Mo-Better]

I hate that shit It's effective though.

Why is it necessary to run these type games? I'm shocked.

 

[Izayoi]

Why is it necessary to run these type games? I'm shocked.

Lol. Nobody's perfect. I think part of people's downfall in relationships is assuming the other person is always X or always y. People are fallible and vulnerable and just plain childish at times- men and women. Sometimes it takes being wrong to get right so to speak. It's tough to get people to take responsibility for their acting out without some sort of carrot/stick situation. You can do it with enough self reflection, but sometimes the Pavlovian approach is quick fast and to the point.

and sex is emotional as well as physical. I'm not going to lay there, get creamy, and crack a leg open when you have gotten on my last nerves. It's not about pussy being a prize (why do people always assume it's about that?), but it's not some foreign animal divorced from our thoughts and feelings either. Granted in that situation we are both losing because I'm not getting any dick either though. Not getting dick is a terrible thing for me, yes it is.

 

[Mo-Better]

I think the same way about men too but we're talking about women and I agree with Mo on just finding a better mate.


I'm withholding my judgement of LI on this one. I want to see where she's coming from.
Amen on pussywhipped men. I hate them and all forms of "Go Along to Get Along" type people.




You have to take that weapon from them early. When she pulls that card, you go on a dick strike: my dick is not working again until working conditions improve.

That's fine on you holding your judgment on LI but for whatever reason she seems used to having her way. I'm not sure she's met anyone strong enough to stand up to her, or was willing to stay with anyone who challenged her views. But I'm only guessing no malicious intent.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

The type of behavior the OP is discussing leads me to believe she's possibly used to having her way with most men. She was probability spoiled by her men. Possibly pussy whipped them and made them weak. A pussy whipped man is a sorry MF! He will do anything asked of him.

Leave me out of this. lol Ya'll always gotta make stuff personal. Did i mention anywhere in my post about this is how i do? Or i believe? Cmon Mr. Mo.

 

[Mo-Better]

Lol. Nobody's perfect. I think part of people's downfall in relationships is assuming the other person is always X or always y. People are fallible and vulnerable and just plain childish at times- men and women. Sometimes it takes being wrong to get right so to speak. It's tough to get people to take responsibility for their acting out without some sort of carrot/stick situation. You can do it with enough self reflection, but sometimes the Pavlovian approach is quick fast and to the point.

and sex is emotional as well as physical. I'm not going to lay there, get creamy, and crack a leg open when you have gotten on my last nerves. It's not about pussy being a prize (why do people always assume it's about that?), but it's not some foreign animal divorced from our thoughts and feelings either. Granted in that situation we are both losing because I'm not getting any dick either though. Not getting dick is a terrible thing for me, yes it is.

I'm not going to lay there, get creamy, and crack a leg open when you have gotten on my last nerves.

This is one of the funniest statements I've ever read here on SOL and I have to agree with you on that. I wouldn't expect you to but we men also have feelings. I'm not sure I would be in the mood either.

It's not about pussy being a prize (why do people always assume it's about that?), but it's not some foreign animal divorced from our thoughts and feelings either. Granted in that situation we are both losing because I'm not getting any dick either though. Not getting dick is a terrible thing for me, yes it is.

This is the bottom line there are no winners. So why take your relationship there? This leads to emotional scaring of your relationship. That is never good. I still feel its better to be up front and not have to engage is this type behavior.

 

[Izayoi]

This is the bottom line there are no winners. So why take your relationship there? This leads to emotional scaring of your relationship. That is never good. I still feel its better to be up front and not have to engage is this type behavior.

True. I side with Dave on this one though that maybe it's something you get in check early so that kind of tug of war doesn't get habitual. I think in general in a new relationship (sometimes an old one) there's still that element of pushing buttons (unintentionally sometimes) and the other person having to establish a boundary. Everybody needs boundaries or like Lyri posted partners lose respect for each other and that's totally not sexy. Having boundaries is less about being right and more about letting the other person there are some lines that can't be crossed and some behaviors that won't be tolerated. You can talk about that (ideal situation) , argue about
( non-ideal situation) , or play the carrot/stick game (juvenile but sometimes effective situation).

 

[Mo-Better]

True. I side with Dave on this one though that maybe it's something you get in check early so that kind of tug of war doesn't get habitual. I think in general in a new relationship (sometimes an old one) there's still that element of pushing buttons (unintentionally sometimes) and the other person having to establish a boundary. Everybody needs boundaries or like Lyri posted partners lose respect for each other and that's totally not sexy. Having boundaries is less about being right and more about letting the other person there are some lines that can't be crossed and some behaviors that won't be tolerated. You can talk about that (ideal situation) , argue about
( non-ideal situation) , or play the carrot/stick game (juvenile but sometimes effective situation).

I see we understand each other. I'm up front because I've found its better that way. There's nothing wrong with people having their own views or differences. But when someone wants to put limitations and stipulations on a relationship that relationship is doomed to failure. Once the trust has been lessened the relationship can never be what it once was.

When I lose respect for a woman its time for me to go. I would expect no less from a lady if I should cross that line with her.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

You have to take that weapon from them early. When she pulls that card, you go on a dick strike: my dick is not working again until working conditions improve.

Isn't this the same thing as what she's doing? And didn't you just say that it's a childish game to play?

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

and sex is emotional as well as physical. I'm not going to lay there, get creamy, and crack a leg open when you have gotten on my last nerves. It's not about pussy being a prize (why do people always assume it's about that?), but it's not some foreign animal divorced from our thoughts and feelings either. Granted in that situation we are both losing because I'm not getting any dick either though. Not getting dick is a terrible thing for me, yes it is.

It seems that males tend to think this way. "Hey i know we've been fighting all day but.....can i still poke? Why don't you want too? Awww you suck. I'm going to go fuck Betsy Lou."

No? yes?

Overall though your statement there is what i think the heart of all of this is about.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

I hate that shit It's effective though.

I know.

Lol. Nobody's perfect. I think part of people's downfall in relationships is assuming the other person is always X or always y. People are fallible and vulnerable and just plain childish at times- men and women. Sometimes it takes being wrong to get right so to speak. It's tough to get people to take responsibility for their acting out without some sort of carrot/stick situation. You can do it with enough self reflection, but sometimes the Pavlovian approach is quick fast and to the point.

and sex is emotional as well as physical. I'm not going to lay there, get creamy, and crack a leg open when you have gotten on my last nerves. It's not about pussy being a prize (why do people always assume it's about that?), but it's not some foreign animal divorced from our thoughts and feelings either. Granted in that situation we are both losing because I'm not getting any dick either though. Not getting dick is a terrible thing for me, yes it is.

That's my point. It doesn't matter how we (the couple) should be behaving, this is where we are.

continued after next quote...

True. I side with Dave on this one though that maybe it's something you get in check early so that kind of tug of war doesn't get habitual. I think in general in a new relationship (sometimes an old one) there's still that element of pushing buttons (unintentionally sometimes) and the other person having to establish a boundary. Everybody needs boundaries or like Lyri posted partners lose respect for each other and that's totally not sexy. Having boundaries is less about being right and more about letting the other person there are some lines that can't be crossed and some behaviors that won't be tolerated. You can talk about that (ideal situation) , argue about
( non-ideal situation) , or play the carrot/stick game (juvenile but sometimes effective situation).

It shouldn't be habitual. It's normal early in a relationship and may need a booster shot every few years but if it's an ongoing concern, you're in the wrong relationship.

Isn't this the same thing as what she's doing? And didn't you just say that it's a childish game to play?

It is but I'm one of those people that thinks trying to be the "bigger person" all the time sets you up for ending up a doormat, especially if you're with person who doesn't appreciate that you are playing that role.

It seems that males tend to think this way. "Hey i know we've been fighting all day but.....can i still poke? Why don't you want too? Awww you suck. I'm going to go fuck Betsy Lou."

No? yes?

Overall though your statement there is what i think the heart of all of this is about.

I've been guilty of this and I'm married to a woman who's been very guilty of this. She just knows that when she's ready to kiss and makeup and fuck, we're supposed to do it. Hello ma'am, I'm still pissed.
Of course, I can only maintain that level of pissivity for a few days then it's off to the races.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

I think in general that tactic can only work for so long Mr. Upgrade. Women are notoriously known for outlasting males when it comes to acting on the desire for sex.

That doesn't seem like a very good tactic is all i'm saying. I haven't seen much good come from it.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

I think in general that tactic can only work for so long Mr. Upgrade. Women are notoriously known for outlasting males when it comes to acting on the desire for sex.

That doesn't seem like a very good tactic is all i'm saying. I haven't seen much good come from it.

I never break first. I've just misjudged a slight thaw for a full fledged meltdown and gotten my feelings hurt.

It's a great tactic if used as a retaliation. Withholding sex is a power play. You can either stand your ground and render that tactic useless or submit and expect it to be whipped out whenever convenient.
I would never advise anyone to withhold sex as a means to any end BUT when one party decides they're going to do it, the worst thing you can do is give in to it. It's just bedroom bullying, to dumb it down, and everyone knows you don't give in to the bully.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

I never break first. I've just misjudged a slight thaw for a full fledged meltdown and gotten my feelings hurt.

It's a great tactic if used as a retaliation. Withholding sex is a power play. You can either stand your ground and render that tactic useless or submit and expect it to be whipped out whenever convenient.
I would never advise anyone to withhold sex as a means to any end BUT when one party decides they're going to do it, the worst thing you can do is give in to it. It's just bedroom bullying, to dumb it down, and everyone knows you don't give in to the bully.

I don't advise it but the truth is it happens. I don't like talking about optimal conditions, i don't like talking about what SHOULD. The truth of the matter is, and what i always took from this tactic is that, Hell i even use it, I let my wife/gf be right. I sit right there and let them be right, because is it worth it? That's my stance. Pick my battles. Is it worth it arguing with her about this silly thing here? And having discord?

Guys like to talk real good games about how they do this and do that, and they'll go and do this and that. But if you're with a woman odds are............ODDS ARE...........(maybe not for you lol) Odds are you want that woman happy. You want her content. You want her whistling while she twerks.

Maybe not you lol. My husband did. He loved us being happy. We're happy, he's happy. If we're sitting there happy and singing and cooking and laughing, he's happy. If he does anything to piss us off? Insult us in some way. Some way we feel slighted or upset. Is he going to be happy? Odds are no.

You guys often seem like you'd often like things to be under optimal conditions for you. Everything to work perfect in synchronicity and that's the only way life goes. I dont believe this to be true. Life has taught me something different. In my view of things, life is emotional. It's full of emotion and feelings, and carlessness. And sometimes in that carelessness a persons feelings get hurt. And then because not everything is optimal or flows the way you want it to flow.

It's during those times where i see the logic of, be right or be happy. Hell i employ it myself. The wifey is in a delicate state right now, we were just discussing something that had to do with her mother. I'm right, of course i'm right. She's wrong. But...i don't want to upset her, so i let it go. Because ultimately..........does it matter? I chose being happy over being right. Now i could've pressed the issue, upset her and we're all sitting here not talking to each other not watching Paula Dean make diabetes look good.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

Pick my battles. Is it worth it arguing with her about this silly thing here? And having discord?

That's cool and that's the right way to handle most situations in a relationship.

Guys like to talk real good games about how they do this and do that, and they'll go and do this and that. But if you're with a woman odds are............ODDS ARE...........(maybe not for you lol) Odds are you want that woman happy. You want her content. You want her whistling while she twerks.

Maybe not you lol. My husband did. He loved us being happy. We're happy, he's happy. If we're sitting there happy and singing and cooking and laughing, he's happy. If he does anything to piss us off? Insult us in some way. Some way we feel slighted or upset. Is he going to be happy? Odds are no.

Of course I want my woman happy but no one is happy if we're doing something wrong or now we're going in the wrong direction just so she could feel good for the moment. That's little stuff. Your enjoyment of life is predicated on you having to win every difference of opinion and me just sucking it up? That kind of woman can miss me because that's straight silly season.

You guys often seem like you'd often like things to be under optimal conditions for you. Everything to work perfect in synchronicity and that's the only way life goes. I dont believe this to be true. Life has taught me something different. In my view of things, life is emotional. It's full of emotion and feelings, and carlessness. And sometimes in that carelessness a persons feelings get hurt. And then because not everything is optimal or flows the way you want it to flow.

Sister, I am the last person basing anything off optimal conditions. Me and the wife have been through too much for me to live in some fantastic storybook. I'm going by what is and if being wrong will upset my woman, she's going to have to learn what that feels like, just like me. I, personally, can't be in a relationship where one of us is the adult and the other is the woman. Sometimes you gotta take a "L" and be gracious enough to accept it. I know I can. And if you can give that part of yourself up, then your partner will too or at least they should. If they don't, that's another discussion and it may be time to reevaluate.

It's during those times where i see the logic of, be right or be happy. Hell i employ it myself. The wifey is in a delicate state right now, we were just discussing something that had to do with her mother. I'm right, of course i'm right. She's wrong. But...i don't want to upset her, so i let it go. Because ultimately..........does it matter? I chose being happy over being right. Now i could've pressed the issue, upset her and we're all sitting here not talking to each other not watching Paula Dean make diabetes look good.

Letting it go is not making the choice between being right or happy. That's just letting it go. Any husband worth being called one knows how to do that just as he should know when he should stand his ground.

 

[CT's Finest]

It's the ego that makes us want to be right. Our higher selves want us to be at peace. This is something I just heard and understood from an audio book called Manifest Your Destiny...

Wayne dyer pack. Contains:

101 ways to transform your life
manifesting your destiny
the power of intention(seems to be a seminar on the book.. good shit reguadless)
Being in Balance
Your Erroneous zones

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=8NHD2J2D


Dude drops serious Knowledge. Non Religious and inspirational. Catch his Pbs specials.

This is a good spot i found for E-Books, Audio books, and some other things:

http://avaxhome.org/ebooks

...^^^ The link is in the above quote. Use that link for all the books mentioned in the quote. I now understand that one of the keys to being happy/peaceful is to check the ego. We've got to know how to control that thing, and prevent it from running/ruining our lives. So, between being right or happy in a relationship or in life period, I'll choose happiness/peace. My ego will no longer stop me from getting what is meant for me...

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Hmmm wondering what the response will be to this.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

Nothing to respond to. CT didn't say anything.

Tell me how that operates in the context of a relationship.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

He did say something. It's right there in the post. That's saying something. You responding like you did is 1 of the things i was curious about how people would respond.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

He did say something. It's right there in the post. That's saying something. You responding like you did is 1 of the things i was curious about how people would respond.

Typing words doesn't equate saying something.
I can't respond or form a response to nothing. Tell me how you use this philosophy in life.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

That seems kind of rude. lol. He said what he thought

I now understand that one of the keys to being happy/peaceful is to check the ego. We've got to know how to control that thing, and prevent it from running/ruining our lives. So, between being right or happy in a relationship or in life period, I'll choose happiness/peace. My ego will no longer stop me from getting what is meant for me...

This is what he thinks and feels about the topic. Dang man.