Black Marriage Negotiations.....Why are Black Women single?

[followup]

1 reason black woman are single!

I noticed you completely ignored the part that came right after what you bolded. I don't mean the big expensive ceremony put on for others. I mean the fact that you make those vows & commitment to eachother in front of others (friends/family) and God. And because they attend your wedding and witness it, I feel they are obligated to do what they can to make sure you honor those vows. Could care less if it's in a court or the backyard. The piece of paper means absolutely nothing, especially considering African marriages have nothing to do with a paper & everything to do with the families accepting each other.

(I've said this many times on the board--nothing new)

 

[followup]

cuz it ain't their business!

a guest pastor at the church I go to on Clifton Springs rd. said last year.... "just 'cuz you know something don't make it your business".

Handle your business at home. If it was me and my homeboy and he didn't say shit......he would still be my potna after the divorce.

I bet Eddie Long said something similar and that's how he got away with HIS dirt

Oh that person definitely would not remain my friend if I found out they knew my husband was cheating. To me, my close friends are people I expect to tell me the truth and not hide things. Especially something like that. Keeping it from me is something an enemy would do.

 

[onyxfemme]

Please stop generalizing.......
This post alone is why I hate conversations like this. It isnt hard to say "some women" or even "for the most part". So why dont you?
Is it because you have only come across the women you have mentioned? If so then you may need to think about looking at yourself and why you attract a certain female.
But wait a minute arent you married and your wife is pregnant? Isnt she black????? So your statement isnt entirely true is it?

Some women LIKE MYSELF were raised in 2 parent homes and have that virtue of being a wife embedded in us. SOME women LIKE MYSELF love and want the chance to have a husband to grow old with, share dreams and goals with. Cook and clean for. Raise a family and such. SOME women like myself HAVE been married and although the marriage didnt work out are not bitter or discouraged by love. SOME WOMEN LIKE MYSELF could care less about a wedding, but would love to simply say I DO to the one they love.

Dayum..........................

Black women want the wedding and not the marriage. You all want to be a bride but not a wife.

You want the show, you want the attention. You consider the wedding "your day."


Continue going to those weddings as a guest in the pews and never at the altar. Statements like the one made by followup are the reason why so many of you shall remain single.

 

[BCAA2009]

Please stop generalizing.......
This post alone is why I hate conversations like this. It isnt hard to say "some women" or even "for the most part". So why dont you?
Is it because you have only come across the women you have mentioned? If so then you may need to think about looking at yourself and why you attract a certain female.
But wait a minute arent you married and your wife is pregnant? Isnt she black????? So your statement isnt entirely true is it?

Some women LIKE MYSELF were raised in 2 parent homes and have that virtue of being a wife embedded in us. SOME women LIKE MYSELF love and want the chance to have a husband to grow old with, share dreams and goals with. Cook and clean for. Raise a family and such. SOME women like myself HAVE been married and although the marriage didnt work out are not bitter or discouraged by love. SOME WOMEN LIKE MYSELF could care less about a wedding, but would love to simply say I DO to the one they love.

Dayum..........................

was your homegirl generalizing above about 7 or 8 posts ago?

Or was that a case of selective reading?

 

[followup]

I know you are not talking about me

 

[BCAA2009]

Please stop generalizing.......
This post alone is why I hate conversations like this. It isnt hard to say "some women" or even "for the most part". So why dont you?
Is it because you have only come across the women you have mentioned? If so then you may need to think about looking at yourself and why you attract a certain female.
But wait a minute arent you married and your wife is pregnant? Isnt she black????? So your statement isnt entirely true is it?

Some women LIKE MYSELF were raised in 2 parent homes and have that virtue of being a wife embedded in us. SOME women LIKE MYSELF love and want the chance to have a husband to grow old with, share dreams and goals with. Cook and clean for. Raise a family and such. SOME women like myself HAVE been married and although the marriage didnt work out are not bitter or discouraged by love. SOME WOMEN LIKE MYSELF could care less about a wedding, but would love to simply say I DO to the one they love.

Dayum..........................

Why are you responding to me anyway? I could have sworn you had me on ignore. As far as I'm concerned you can simply overlook my posts from this point on.

 

[BCAA2009]

I know you are not talking about me

No.

 

[onyxfemme]

Probably selective reading on my part...I wont lie, because I dont give a shit. I dont get complaints about my "homegirl" (not sure who you are referring to). I get complaints about you. Thus making me pay more attention to your B.S. posts.

I cant put you on ignore, I am a mod...But I can choose to ignore your ignorance until it pisses me the fuck off.

Answer my original questions from my post.
How can you say such things when your wife who is supposedly pregnant is black...Again thus making your statement NOT TRUE.

was your homegirl generalizing above about 7 or 8 posts ago?

Or was that a case of selective reading?

Why are you responding to me anyway? I could have sworn you had me on ignore. As far as I'm concerned you can simply overlook my posts from this point on.

 

[onyxfemme]

Black women want the wedding and not the marriage. You all want to be a bride but not a wife.

You want the show, you want the attention. You consider the wedding "your day."


Continue going to those weddings as a guest in the pews and never at the altar. Statements like the one made by followup are the reason why so many of you shall remain single. Alone. Unloved. And on an express train to self destruction.

I know you are not talking about me

No.

 

[BCAA2009]

Probably selective reading on my part...I wont lie, because I dont give a shit. I dont get complaints about my "homegirl" (not sure who you are referring to). I get complaints about you. Thus making me pay more attention to your B.S. posts.

I cant put you on ignore, I am a mod...But I can choose to ignore your ignorance until it pisses me the fuck off.

Answer my original questions from my post.
How can you say such things when your wife who is supposedly pregnant is black...Again thus making your statement NOT TRUE.

First off, you don't make any gotdamn demands toward me, mod or not.

I could care less who complains to you. It shows they don't have the fortitude to shoot me a PM and discuss whatever has ruffled their feathers. You wanna ban me? Go right ahead. We weren't renewing anyhow. We can both use a 15 day account and read posts. We can get what's here pretty much anywhere else. So do what you will. I'm not one of these kowtowing simps who kiss your hand and. E-flirt with you.

 

[BCAA2009]

was your homegirl generalizing above about 7 or 8 posts ago?

Or was that a case of selective reading?

I know you are not talking about me

No.

 

[onyxfemme]

Awwwwww you mad???
You havent done anything for me to ban you for....But it is obvious you cant back up or defend your own posts. TWICE in this thread you have conflicted your own posts...Dude you made my night I can now go to bed, I have been entertained

(((((((((((((((((HUGZ)))))))))))))))

First off, you don't make any gotdamn demands toward me, mod or not.

I could care less who complains to you. It shows they don't have the fortitude to shoot me a PM and discuss whatever has ruffled their feathers. You wanna ban me? Go right ahead. We weren't renewing anyhow. We can both use a 15 day account and read posts. We can get what's here pretty much anywhere else. So do what you will. I'm not one of these kowtowing simps who kiss your hand and. E-flirt with you.

 

[followup]

awwwww I;m still up...either way, we've digressed...I assume since nobody is talking about the video posted, everybody agrees with the people's comments? Except for the one lady, I liked what everybody had to say and I like the intimate setting. the one chick had her thick legs all out trying to catch a man...

 

[BCAA2009]

Awwwwww you mad???
You havent done anything for me to ban you for....But it is obvious you cant back up or defend your own posts. TWICE in this thread you have conflicted your own posts...Dude you made my night I can now go to bed, I have been entertained

(((((((((((((((((HUGZ)))))))))))))))

It's not that I CANT back it up. It's that I choose NOT to. To you. Not when you TELL me. Delude yourself if you want.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

awwwww I;m still up...either way, we've digressed...I assume since nobody is talking about the video posted, everybody agrees with the people's comments? Except for the one lady, I liked what everybody had to say and I like the intimate setting. the one chick had her thick legs all out trying to catch a man...

I didn't watch the video. I don't know why. I think i was irritated by the concept and the title. It's 1 that i find rather disturbing, vexing. There seems to be a constant attack against women of some sort. People see all of this stuff, going on in the media lately as shedding "light". I don't see it that way.

I guess i'll watch it tomorrow.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

I noticed you completely ignored the part that came right after what you bolded. I don't mean the big expensive ceremony put on for others. I mean the fact that you make those vows & commitment to eachother in front of others (friends/family) and God. And because they attend your wedding and witness it, I feel they are obligated to do what they can to make sure you honor those vows. Could care less if it's in a court or the backyard. The piece of paper means absolutely nothing, especially considering African marriages have nothing to do with a paper & everything to do with the families accepting each other.

(I've said this many times on the board--nothing new)

OMG Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwesome! Someone else finally gets it!

 

[followup]

I didn't watch the video. I don't know why. I think i was irritated by the concept and the title. It's 1 that i find rather disturbing, vexing. There seems to be a constant attack against women of some sort. People see all of this stuff, going on in the media lately as shedding "light". I don't see it that way.

I guess i'll watch it tomorrow.

This is the first one I've seen where the people are not bashing black women. It's actually a mellow discussion and both genders place some blame on BOTH GENDERS. unfortunately, BGOL is male predominated. And many of them have childlike minds (call people names when they respectfully disagree, threaten to harm or kill eachother for no reason, say they want to 'wife' a woman just because she is pretty, etc). So when you try to have a discussion about something important like this, it turns into whining & finger pointing at black women. But when a woman tries to present her opinion/perspective on the situation, the men are so offended like they are perfect and faultless in this issue. Notice I did not call it a problem. A lot of black people are in committed relationships that work just fine for them. I recommend you look at the video and see if you agree with any of the men or women

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Watched the video. Yeah they certainly put down some sensible things. From discussing this with all of the black women i've come into contact with and discussed in other places. My own experience with my husband was very different. He was a different type of black man, i never had the issues with him alot of other black women have had with their black men. I didn't have the babymama drama, i didn't have the abuse drama, or the cheating drama, when we had problems with money we worked on them together. We fought it out together. We tangled with our problems together.

I've watched alot of my friends marry, divorce, remarry so many times i think the most centralized problem with black relationships seems to be that we're just not made to be together in this society anymore under these same rules. So basically i think we need new rules.

My husband and i did it out OWN way. OUR WAY.

 

[onyxfemme]

My husband and i did it out OWN way. OUR WAY.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

The only exception to this rule is cheating in my opinion.

That applies. I think any reason a couple wants to divorce is valid because they're the ones who have to live with the consequences either way but many, many couples hurt their marriage by going in with the wrong outlook.

Guess not...anyway, everybody does not believe in marriage. And marriage just won't work for some. The paper is not as important as the ceremony to me. In front of witnesses. That's why I don't get how someone attends your wedding and then does not say anything if they catch your husband cheating. Oh well...marriage/monogamy can be good, but in a lot of cases it's for the birds.

I gotcha (though I had to read it twice because I was misunderstanding like some other people) but I'm not a fan of people going back and telling anything. As a person on the outside of the relationship, you don't know what's going on with the couple and you end up putting yourself in it.

I noticed you completely ignored the part that came right after what you bolded. I don't mean the big expensive ceremony put on for others. I mean the fact that you make those vows & commitment to eachother in front of others (friends/family) and God. And because they attend your wedding and witness it, I feel they are obligated to do what they can to make sure you honor those vows. Could care less if it's in a court or the backyard. The piece of paper means absolutely nothing, especially considering African marriages have nothing to do with a paper & everything to do with the families accepting each other.
(I've said this many times on the board--nothing new)

OMG Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwesome! Someone else finally gets it!

Not really. We don't have African marriages, we have American marriages. We're not Africans. We have more in common with the White man at the job than any African on the continent. Here in America, the paper is the difference between being a wife and girlfriend, a husband or a boyfriend.

Watched the video. Yeah they certainly put down some sensible things. From discussing this with all of the black women i've come into contact with and discussed in other places. My own experience with my husband was very different. He was a different type of black man, i never had the issues with him alot of other black women have had with their black men. I didn't have the babymama drama, i didn't have the abuse drama, or the cheating drama, when we had problems with money we worked on them together. We fought it out together. We tangled with our problems together.

I've watched alot of my friends marry, divorce, remarry so many times i think the most centralized problem with black relationships seems to be that we're just not made to be together in this society anymore under these same rules. So basically i think we need new rules.

My husband and i did it out OWN way. OUR WAY.

New rules like what?

 

[dHustla]

I gotcha (though I had to read it twice because I was misunderstanding like some other people) but I'm not a fan of people going back and telling anything. As a person on the outside of the relationship, you don't know what's going on with the couple and you end up putting yourself in it.

Tell 'em again!! People need to mind they own damn business!

This/that shit ain't got nothin to do with you.....BITCH

Not really. We don't have African marriages, we have American marriages. We're not Africans. We have more in common with the White man at the job than any African on the continent. Here in America, the paper is the difference between being a wife and girlfriend, a husband or a boyfriend

I'm not a boy, so I can't be a boyfriend, but I guess I'm cool with being her "ol' man"

 

[SuchATease]

Ummm, I feel some type of way that I didn't make the roll call :rollseyes:

 

[mailboxpimp]

I REALLY WANT TO GET MARRIED.... I'VE DELAYED HAVING CHILDREN UNTIL I DO SO..... IM LOOKING FORWARD TO SHARING MY HOME HEART & SOME OF MY $$$$ WITH A WOMAN THAT IS AS MUCH OF A FRIEND AS A LOVER & MOTHER OF MY CHILDREN.... MY MOMS GOT MARRIED YOUNG & DIVORCED & WASNT MARRIED TO MY FATHER .... SO I WANT THAT TYPE OF HOME LIFE FOR MY CHILDREN

 

[BCAA2009]

I REALLY WANT TO GET MARRIED.... I'VE DELAYED HAVING CHILDREN UNTIL I DO SO..... IM LOOKING FORWARD TO SHARING MY HOME HEART & SOME OF MY $$$$ WITH A WOMAN THAT IS AS MUCH OF A FRIEND AS A LOVER & MOTHER OF MY CHILDREN.... MY MOMS GOT MARRIED YOUNG & DIVORCED & WASNT MARRIED TO MY FATHER .... SO I WANT THAT TYPE OF HOME LIFE FOR MY CHILDREN

You'd best look outside of the U.S.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

Tell 'em again!! People need to mind they own damn business!

This/that shit ain't got nothin to do with you.....BITCH





I'm not a boy, so I can't be a boyfriend, but I guess I'm cool with being her "ol' man"

I REALLY WANT TO GET MARRIED.... I'VE DELAYED HAVING CHILDREN UNTIL I DO SO..... IM LOOKING FORWARD TO SHARING MY HOME HEART & SOME OF MY $$$$ WITH A WOMAN THAT IS AS MUCH OF A FRIEND AS A LOVER & MOTHER OF MY CHILDREN.... MY MOMS GOT MARRIED YOUNG & DIVORCED & WASNT MARRIED TO MY FATHER .... SO I WANT THAT TYPE OF HOME LIFE FOR MY CHILDREN

You'd best look outside of the U.S.

If you can't find one here, where women outnumber men, you won't find one somewhere else.

 

[BCAA2009]

If you can't find one here, where women outnumber men, you won't find one somewhere else.

I did. My wife is Afro Cuban. I'm sure the females on this side will just LOVE your response but fact of the matter is that the U.S. doesn't hold the patent on good women. I took it upon myself to find a woman who was raised to be a man's companion, not his competitor.

 

[followup]

If you can't find one here, where women outnumber men, you won't find one somewhere else.

Let me also add that if you have reached 40 and still talking about you can't find a good woman, it's time to look inside and see that YOU are the problem. LOL @ going to another country because of your inability to maintain a relationship. Only a certain type of man would do that.

 

[BCAA2009]

Only a certain type of man would do that.

You're right, a man that knows what he wants and does what he needs to do to get it. (Without giving a damn what anyone else thinks)

 

[dagoon121]

me and my girl are happily married ...we dont fall under the stereo type of the typical black couple
our marriage is built on so many components....that it keeps us on the same page

 

[Upgrade Dave]

I did. My wife is Afro Cuban. I'm sure the females on this side will just LOVE your response but fact of the matter is that the U.S. doesn't hold the patent on good women. I took it upon myself to find a woman who was raised to be a man's companion, not his competitor.

Congratulations on that, B. But I don't post things for e-applause but because I think it's correct. There are too many women in these 50 states to make the blanket statement that a man has to leave the country to find a suitable wife. I didn't and most men didn't, aren't, and won't.

Let me also add that if you have reached 40 and still talking about you can't find a good woman, it's time to look inside and see that YOU are the problem.

Yep.
That applies to both sexes.

me and my girl are happily married ...we dont fall under the stereo type of the typical black coupleour marriage is built on so many components....that it keeps us on the same page

Enlighten me, what is that?

 

[dagoon121]

Enlighten me, what is that?

a typical black couple dont get married...they just make babies

 

[Upgrade Dave]

a typical black couple dont get married...they just make babies

Oh, okay.
'Preciate it.

 

[mailboxpimp]

If you can't find one here, where women outnumber men, you won't find one somewhere else.

You'd best look outside of the U.S.

im from the west indies & costa rico............. i almost married an american black woman! fts!

no more yankee wwomen!!!! she gotta come from an island somewhere or her family has too.....ie her moms / pops.....

 

[dHustla]

Ummm, I feel some type of way that I didn't make the roll call :rollseyes:

You was on my mind, baby I just couldn't quite remember your handle..

 

[dHustla]

Let me also add that if you have reached 40 and still talking about you can't find a good woman, it's time to look inside and see that YOU are the problem. LOL @ going to another country because of your inability to maintain a relationship. Only a certain type of man would do that.

Don't do that