Fatherly conundrum.

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Here's the scenario.

John 33....Jackie 28....John and Jackie have been together for 10 years. 4 kids. Financial struggles. In February Jane left John with the kids, because...

Jackie's Reasoning "I've never had a life without you(John). I want to see what else is out there." "i'm tired of struggling, i want to do things on my own."

Kids are now living with Jackie's parents.

John works 3 jobs. 2 full time jobs, and a part time job. Jackie, in the entire 10 years, only worked side jobs. John(in MY view) Is not a perfect man.He's not what i consider a "good" man. But he is more decent than what a LOT of guys out there are. He's not selling drugs. He's home every night. He doesn't chase ass. He drinks alot of beer. But as far as i know he doesn't beat her. He wanted to save for a house. So in short, i don't really see the PROBLEM with John.

Jackie to ME.....is just a child. She's being a selfish selfish child. And John is damn near devastated. I feel very sorry for the guy because he's i mean....nobody deserves this stuff. And saying, 'it's part of the game'. To me diminishes people. It diminishes pain.

Fast Forward now, John finds out Jackie is seeing this new guy. John has sort of come to terms with Jackie not wanting to be with him. Because she said she wanted to be alone. She wanted to see what life without him was like. I don't think he really prepared his mind for knowing that she would be letting another dick inside her. And it's tearing him up even more.

John's current dilemma is he doesn't want the other guy around his children. When the kids visit Jackie, John doesn't want the guy around his kids.

(I am John's side on this.)

Jackie doesn't think anything is wrong with this. I think Jackie has lost her damn mind and i try to think of how my husband loved his children and what he thought of other men around them. I'm sort of disgusted by this. I'm trying to envision a scenario where the other guy WOULDN'T be found in a pig trough somewhere in Oklahoma.

I'm actually trying to convince John that murdering them isn't a good idea. So what is the idea on this?

It's only been a few months. She's seeing someone else. John doesn't want the somoene else around his kids. Because he works so much he can't take care of them at home. That was sort of her job.

The kids are with the grandparents. And Jackie is now living with her bestfriend 30 minutes away from the children. 30 minutes away from John.

For the record? I think this is foul. Trifling. And every other word for this type of behavior you can think of. I think Jackie has lost her damn mind and needs a seriously reality check. I can't really say anything to her because i have a very foul temper with neglectful mothers.

 

[BCAA2009]

sad thing is.........the men that this happens to never get any assistance with the court system.



Also, they get little to no recognition.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

sad thing is.........the men that this happens to never get any assistance with the court system.



Also, they get little to no recognition.

They lack recognition because there's so few of them.

 

[BCAA2009]

They lack recognition because there's so few of them.

And that's supposed to make it right?

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

And that's supposed to make it right?

Where was "right" discussed? There's a lot not RIGHT. I was saying why it wasn't recognized. If more MALES were MEN. And were stand up FATHERS. Their numbers would be recognizable. And then they'd be able to have enough of a presence to make it really be an issue.

 

[BCAA2009]

Where was "right" discussed? There's a lot not RIGHT. I was saying why it wasn't recognized. If more MALES were MEN. And were stand up FATHERS. Their numbers would be recognizable. And then they'd be able to have enough of a presence to make it really be an issue.

It can begin once women start fully understanding and knowing the type of man they are spreading their legs for.


Lil Goo Goo wit da grill and da homemade mixtape and be smokin da loud won't make a good father.

If more FEMALES would learn how to be a responsible WOMAN, and learn what it is to be a WIFE as opposed to just being a cum recepticle or a man's competition in life, this problem wouldn't be so epidemic and widespread throughout the nation.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

It can begin once women start fully understanding and knowing the type of man they are spreading their legs for.


Lil Goo Goo wit da grill and da homemade mixtape and be smokin da loud won't make a good father.

If more FEMALES would learn how to be a responsible WOMAN, and learn what it is to be a WIFE as opposed to just being a cum recepticle or a man's competition in life, this problem wouldn't be so epidemic and widespread throughout the nation.

It can begin when females have fathers to teach them what kind of male to be with in the first place. For a young lady to grow. So she can see the example she needs to be with.

We can go back and back and back and back. Bucks gotta stop somewhere Mr BCAA. Also got to start somewhere too. Being that men are the forfront and need to be leaders. I say it should start there.

The lady in this situation is an example. Fatherless. Where did he go? She never knew him. Why? He never made the effort to see her until she was 20. He could have been in her life. But chose not too. Instead he decided to run around set up franchise families in other cities.

This is far to common an occurance. Because this young woman didn't have a proper father, she's now crazy. Has a decent man and completely messed her family up.............for what?

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

If more FEMALES would learn how to be a responsible WOMAN, and learn what it is to be a WIFE as opposed to just being a cum recepticle or a man's competition in life, this problem wouldn't be so epidemic and widespread throughout the nation.

If more males would learn to wrap up their penis's when being with these females maybe we wouldn't have this epidemic occurring as well. Once again, lets let the males off the hook and put it entirely on the females shoulders shall we.

 

[BCAA2009]

If more males would learn to wrap up their penis's when being with these females maybe we wouldn't have this epidemic occurring as well. Once again, lets let the males off the hook and put it entirely on the females shoulders shall we.

Ok, she has her clothes off, he has his off. He opens her legs and she sees he has no condom on.


...........he comes inside of her.....she knew he had no condom on,
so all the responsibility is on him right?

She sees through his actions that he is completely irresponsible and unable to raise a family and be a good father. She fucks him anyway. All the responsibility is on him right?

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Ok, she has her clothes off, he has his off. He opens her legs and she sees he has no condom on.


...........he comes inside of her.....she knew he had no condom on,
so all the responsibility is on him right?

She sees through his actions that he is completely irresponsible and unable to raise a family and be a good father. She fucks him anyway. All the responsibility is on him right?

Nowhere in any of my posts did i allude to anything like this. If that is what you're trying to say. No. It's not ALL on him. It's 50% on him.

 

[BCAA2009]

Nowhere in any of my posts did i allude to anything like this. If that is what you're trying to say. No. It's not ALL on him. It's 50% on him.

So if she sees he has no condom on and she let's him fuck anyway, who's truly at fault?

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

I think i should post my original post on the mainboard.

But to you. My only point has ever been, why does he get a pass? Why does he get to walk away free? I've agreed that we women need to take responsibility for ourselves. Our bodies. Our lives.

Now lets delve into this more. This situation you set here doesn't USUALLY happen by 2 strangers.(USUALLY, i have seen it.) This kind of thing usually happens between 2 people who are "together". Women will choose to procreate with a male for MANY reasons i've seen. Foolish every single 1 of them in this day and age i believe with the choice of "man" that's out there. But they do. Now seei said women were foolish.

They want to believe the lies that they know are lies, because they're extremely hopeful(foolish) that, THIS guy loves me. And THIS guy will be the ONE. And she makes a decision based on her emotion, triggered by her biology.

The male does the same thing. He wants to procreate. And he doesn't care many times who it's with. He's making a dumb decision as well. So if they're both making dumb decisions Mr. BCAA. Why does she have to be 1 to carry all the blame? She's going to carry the burden. Most women are tied emotionally to their children. She's going to be stuck with raising that child. Feeding, caring. Clothing. But to you males, hey that's her fault. While you basically dap up the loser he told her he'd always be there, You know i love you baby. Ha haaaa dog you played that bitch!


Males aren't tied to their children like females are.(most aren't). So yes the male can drop a seed and dip out and off. No big deal. My issue is. In this society. In this "modern" society. Why is this allowed?

 

[SuchATease]

See this is exactly why I decided to live my life to the fullest and have kids later on in life. I'll be 30 in Sept. and I've done things that my friends with two and three kids, only dreamed of doing when they were in their 20's. I'm not saying either way is right or wrong but I think it was the best decision I ever made! Now I think that I'm in a better frame of mind not only mentally but financially.

I think if I was in John's position I would let her go, hard to say than do but I wouldn't have a choice. At this point she has made her decision to move on and be with someone else, all I can do is be a good father to my kids....

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

See this is exactly why I decided to live my life to the fullest and have kids later on in life. I'll be 30 in Sept. and I've done things that my friends with two and three kids, only dreamed of doing when they were in their 20's. I'm not saying either way is right or wrong but I think it was the best decision I ever made! Now I think that I'm in a better frame of mind not only mentally but financially.

I think if I was in John's position I would let her go, hard to say than do but I wouldn't have a choice. At this point she has made her decision to move on and be with someone else, all I can do is be a good father to my kids....

Agreed about her. I dogged her out so bad to him. I feel bad about it now. But let me ask you this, what about the chlidren? What do you do there? Do you think John has a right to not want another guy around his kids?

 

[SuchATease]

My issue is. In this society. In this "modern" society. Why is this allowed?

It's allowed because we allow it to be...We aren't holding each other accountable for our actions and are so quick to point fingers instead of working as a unit to solve the problem. It's like we have accepted the "single household" as the norm and in my opinion it shouldn't be, it takes 2 people to make a baby for a reason; so why shouldn't both be held accountable for the care of that child?

 

[BCAA2009]

. My issue is. In this society. In this "modern" society. Why is this allowed?

It's allowed because women have preached this "don't need a man" so much that millions of females have started believing it. That explains the wonton sexual deprivation that goes on these days. Women give it up easily. Too easy. A man can get 5 women and fuck em in 2 days before he gets 5 job interviews. Why do they do this?

Simple explanation. They have a surrogate father named Uncle Sam.

Food stamps, child support (a CORRUPT system),TANF,Section 8 housing,WIC. A woman can let a man skeet his seed in her and if he doesn't stick around? No problem, she'll get him with child support. She won't bother about asking him to emotionally support the child, just as long as the check keeps coming. Until women start respecting themselves and stop giving it up to every tom,dick, and roscoe, this will continue.

 

[SuchATease]

Agreed about her. I dogged her out so bad to him. I feel bad about it now. But let me ask you this, what about the chlidren? What do you do there? Do you think John has a right to not want another guy around his kids?

I think John has a right to not want this new man around his kids; it's only been a couple of months. As a woman with no children I don't know how long the waiting period is for your mate to be introduced to your kids but I would assume it would be more than a few months.

I feel bad for the kids cause I'm sure this has affected them. It's like one day Mom and Dad are together and then they aren't anymore, they could think that they may be seperated...

 

[SuchATease]

It's allowed because women have preached this "don't need a man" so much that millions of females have started believing it. That explains the wonton sexual deprivation that goes on these days. Women give it up easily. Too easy. A man can get 5 women and fuck em in 2 days before he gets 5 job interviews. Why do they do this?

Simple explanation. They have a surrogate father named Uncle Sam.

Food stamps, child support (a CORRUPT system),TANF,Section 8 housing,WIC. A woman can let a man skeet his seed in her and if he doesn't stick around? No problem, she'll get him with child support. She won't bother about asking him to emotionally support the child, just as long as the check keeps coming. Until women start respecting themselves and stop giving it up to every tom,dick, and roscoe, this will continue.

I'm going to have to strongly disagree with this! I know first hand associates who have tried to create a loving atmopshere between their childs father and the child. And from those situations I've seen the father either
A. Say they will get them and never show up
B. Show up for a few months then disappear because now he has another child on the way and lastly
C. Feel that the child is a bother and don't do anything at all....

It takes 2 people to make a baby why are putting all the blame on the woman? Just as well as that woman can ask for some form of protection so can the man. That's the problem now, we stay finger pointing and not putting the blame on both parties involved.

So to use some of your words....
"Until men start respecting themselves and stop giving it up to every big booty chick, hoodrat chick etc. "we" will see this continue.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

It's allowed because we allow it to be...We aren't holding each other accountable for our actions and are so quick to point fingers instead of working as a unit to solve the problem. It's like we have accepted the "single household" as the norm and in my opinion it shouldn't be, it takes 2 people to make a baby for a reason; so why shouldn't both be held accountable for the care of that child?

My sis i've been wondering the same thing for awhile now. And i agree with you 100 percent.

 

[BCAA2009]

I see where this is going. And why it was posted here.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

It's allowed because women have preached this "don't need a man" so much that millions of females have started believing it. That explains the wonton sexual deprivation that goes on these days. Women give it up easily. Too easy. A man can get 5 women and fuck em in 2 days before he gets 5 job interviews. Why do they do this?

Why doesn't the man focus on getting a job instead of getting women?

Simple explanation. They have a surrogate father named Uncle Sam.

Which, once again. Wouldn't be needed if there were REAL FATHERS around to begin with.

Food stamps, child support (a CORRUPT system),TANF,Section 8 housing,WIC. A woman can let a man skeet his seed in her and if he doesn't stick around? No problem, she'll get him with child support. She won't bother about asking him to emotionally support the child, just as long as the check keeps coming. Until women start respecting themselves and stop giving it up to every tom,dick, and roscoe, this will continue.

Maybe. If every Tom Dick and Roscoe were of quality and had some virtue to them this wouldn't have to continue.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

I see where this is going. And why it was posted here.

Well my original intent was that i was angry about the situation. And i was thinking/hoping that some others had some words to say. Some maybe, something positive. Some kind of good advice. I don't know. I posted it here because i felt if i did it on the main board all i'd get is 40 guys saying what a simp John is. I really do want constructive feedback.

Or maybe there's someone who's gone through the same thing.

 

[BCAA2009]

Why doesn't the man focus on getting a job instead of getting women?

It was used as a comparison to show how simple it is to get sex from a female.






Maybe. If every Tom Dick and Roscoe were of quality and had some virtue to them this wouldn't have to continue.

If he weren't "quality", then why did she open her legs to him?

Like I said, I see where this headed, and I'm out...

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Who knows. It's not something i advocate. I don't advocate women getting with guys who aren't about anything. I don't advocate them getting with guys....pretty much at ALL. Not until their 30's. But the reality IS. It happens. So why is the finger JUST being pointed at the females? Still asking this.

 

[LoneStar29]

I see where this is going. And why it was posted here.

She may have chosen not to post it over there so it doesn't turn into what YOU made it about in here

She is asking for advice for the guy and you are ranting about what??? Like for real smh

ANYWAYS

OP to answer your question ... sorry to say that he has no control over who she brings around the kids ... I know she is foul as fuck and I know it is burning him ... this is normal though cuz most couples who split up and have kids have this issue with the new person being around the kids ... he just has to not think about it cuz it is going to happen either way, he cant control it ... he needs to take that time he has alone to do his thing and take care of himself and build himself and his kids back up ... that girl is foul as fuck, he needs to not give her anymore of his mind ... what she did is extremely cowardly and I dont respect that ... you dont just abandon your family like that ... I GUARANTEE that she will get her karma and when she tries to crawl back to him on her hands and knees he needs to slam the door in her face ... he is better off without her ... he seems like a very decent guy and I think things will turn out well for him if he focuses his energy on himself and his kids and throws her in the garbage metaphorically

Edit:

So why is the finger JUST being pointed at the females? Still asking this.

Girl I have been asking this same question since Dec 26, 2007 You're not gonna get a reasonable answer

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Thanks Lone. She is foul. And it just hurts my heart that she did this. It's rare i believe when a guy just really does WANT a family let alone works 3 jobs! Most guys can't keep ONE. he's had like 3 jobs for as long as i've known him! Always had at least 2. ALWAYS. And her reason for leaving was just SUUUUCH bullcrap. What kind of childish immature scatter brained crap is that? I mean really.

 

[LoneStar29]

Thanks Lone. She is foul. And it just hurts my heart that she did this. It's rare i believe when a guy just really does WANT a family let alone works 3 jobs! Most guys can't keep ONE. he's had like 3 jobs for as long as i've known him! Always had at least 2. ALWAYS. And her reason for leaving was just SUUUUCH bullcrap. What kind of childish immature scatter brained crap is that? I mean really.

He may have not had some super great paying job but sounds to me like homie tried hard as hell to take care of his fam ... some heffas dont appreciate shit She's the kind of hoe that makes all these guys here hate all women ... you should slap her on behalf of good black women everywhere LOL I'm serious though

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

I haven't said anything to her. Because i'm so angry at her. I have extremely low tolerance for females like this. I don't understand it. I don't understand what goes on in their minds to make them say you know what? I'm going to just go....and leave my family behind. And do me. That's male thinking. And it seriously disappoints me whenever a woman does it. LIke i said i find it disgusting, and i want to say something to her soooooo bad. I want to just take her and shake her and be like WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!?!

I lost my husband this year and i miss him every single day. Every DAY. He was the BEST. And i love him like nothing else. He was absolutely everything i could have hoped for. And i'll be honest, i don't think much of men. They let you down all the time. They're downright degenerate most of the time. Weak, cowardly. But to me a guy who gets up works his tail off. Tries to keep a roof over his kids heads. And wants nothing more than to make a life for them? I don't put that much blame on the guy.

JohnBoy is hurting right now. I wish there was something i could tell him to ease his pain. I do agree with him about the other guy. He said he feels like she just went and callously replaced him. I don't see ever replacing my husband. That's impossible.

 

[thetruth]

i dont know the details of their particular relationship. but from the outskirts there is nothing wrong with this per se. whats wrong is the timing of it all. overall they were both too young to be meddling in adult affairs. i think we all become blinded by our youth and then you wake up and say i dont wanna live like this. in a sense you cant see past it. your right it is the worst time to figure this out with a good dude and four kids but its just bad timing in terms of jumping into a ten year relationship producing 4 kids in the process. i dont think either one of them was aware of the life they got into probably just going thru the motions esp on jackies end. i'd chalk this up as a youthful mistake that grew into unhappines because she grew up and changed.
now onto the kids being around other men. it sucks but those are her kids too. he could take it up with the courts but i never understood women or men dragging their families to court to try and enofrce or reason with someone that couldnt be bothered. in a sense you make yourself look stupid because you (he/she) chose that person. id say to him to be the best father he can possibly be and the error of her ways will show when those kids grow up. they will see their mother for who she is. on top of that i would advise him to never say one bad thing in front of them about the mother. let those kids come to that realization because kids are smart and very perceptive. you have to chalk it up as a really bad YOUTHFUL decision.

 

[thetruth]

I haven't said anything to her. Because i'm so angry at her. I have extremely low tolerance for females like this. I don't understand it. I don't understand what goes on in their minds to make them say you know what? I'm going to just go....and leave my family behind. And do me. That's male thinking. And it seriously disappoints me whenever a woman does it. LIke i said i find it disgusting, and i want to say something to her soooooo bad. I want to just take her and shake her and be like WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!?!

I lost my husband this year and i miss him every single day. Every DAY. He was the BEST. And i love him like nothing else. He was absolutely everything i could have hoped for. And i'll be honest, i don't think much of men. They let you down all the time. They're downright degenerate most of the time. Weak, cowardly. But to me a guy who gets up works his tail off. Tries to keep a roof over his kids heads. And wants nothing more than to make a life for them? I don't put that much blame on the guy.

JohnBoy is hurting right now. I wish there was something i could tell him to ease his pain. I do agree with him about the other guy. He said he feels like she just went and callously replaced him. I don't see ever replacing my husband. That's impossible.

and i think you def see his pain and anguish but it sounds like you kind of fused your pain with his. you say you had a great man and you cant understand why a woman who has a great man up and leave him, because you wouldnt do that knowing that good men do not come a dime a dozen. but jackie after getting dogged out and used will wake up one day and feel the sting of realizing what she left behind. because she is out of her fucking skull if a dude nowadays is gonna take you with four kids. that bitch is delusional. grass always looks greener on the otherside. what people need to do is tend to their own gardens before looking somewhere else.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

and i think you def see his pain and anguish but it sounds like you kind of fused your pain with his. you say you had a great man and you cant understand why a woman who has a great man up and leave him, because you wouldnt do that knowing that good men do not come a dime a dozen. but jackie after getting dogged out and used will wake up one day and feel the sting of realizing what she left behind. because she is out of her fucking skull if a dude nowadays is gonna take you with four kids. that bitch is delusional. grass always looks greener on the otherside. what people need to do is tend to their own gardens before looking somewhere else.

You know what? This is a very good post. Thank you for writing this to me. And you're absolutely right. Absolutely. I put my own anger and pain along with his and just intensified it all. And You know that's been Jackie's problem the whole time. She always thinks the grass will be greener.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

now onto the kids being around other men. it sucks but those are her kids too. he could take it up with the courts but i never understood women or men dragging their families to court to try and enofrce or reason with someone that couldnt be bothered. in a sense you make yourself look stupid because you (he/she) chose that person. id say to him to be the best father he can possibly be and the error of her ways will show when those kids grow up. they will see their mother for who she is. on top of that i would advise him to never say one bad thing in front of them about the mother. let those kids come to that realization because kids are smart and very perceptive. you have to chalk it up as a really bad YOUTHFUL decision.

Wise words Mr. Truth. I told him the same thing. Don't bad talk her. They're going to see what she was when they grow up. Just bide your time. She's going to be the 1 to suffer through this. You stay being a GOOD FATHER. You spend as much time with them as you can. You always make sure they have money when they need it. You drap some of that machismo crap and hug your kids and kiss them every chance you get. They'll remember that over anything else.