Frustrations of being single/giving up on love

[Top_Bunk]

Love real talk is probably the safest thing on this planet when it's right. The people that disagree with it is probably because they got some fucked up love and are unwilling to let go or just cant realize it.

It is important to never turn your back on love because w/out it you dont really have shit else. You could have money, paper, benz, bitches, niggas, men women you can have all that. But if you dont have a foundation of love behind that one woman/man then you truly have no place to feel safe. You're going to need someone when you're older and cant walk around and get around like you used to.

I say this because a lot of guys on here clearly have given up on women or seem to at least. And if you give up on women you're giving up on love. Unless......

Now for the men out there as a man finding that good girl out there you're going to have it tough dog. Like i mean that cuz it's a lot of women pretending to be good. Then there are a lot of women out there that aint even pretending they just think that they good but really they aint shit. And they dont even know it. They think they have the qualities it takes to make a man happy yet they keep coming up with failed results.

And for you as a man you gotta be extra selective. You gotta take your time with it because as a man rather you want to be or not you're in a pos. to lead and you have to lead well and lead strong. And you need to make sure you can find a woman who is supportive of your leadership and that's difficult to do in a generation of women that are really more interested in having a pissing contest and who they are and yada yada yada.

Finding a woman's that's beautiful on the inside and out...that's hard to do.

A blackwoman's most precious gift she has is her love and

 

[onyxfemme]

I am confused by your tactics....lolol
Just kidding....No really....umm what??

Seriously-You spoke truth and I hope a lot of positivity comes from this post.

 

[BCAA2009]

After working on my own accountability, and focusing on my life goals, my wife entered my life. I didn't give up on love, I just put it all on hold while I worked on myself. I looked within and figured out what I didn't want and what I did want in a woman and made the proper adjustments in my life.

 

[onyxfemme]

Glad to see and read men talk like this!

 

[BCAA2009]

Glad to see and read men talk like this!

Glad to contribute Onyx. I'm surprised to see this thread isn't getting more traffic.........then again, no, I'm not surprised.

 

[JofromthaNO]

From my perspective, Stich, a lot of the posters on SOL have love in their life or haven't quite given up on it...not sure if you posted this on the main board, but I think it would be more fitting there...

Then again, there's too much negativity over there. It's in the right spot

 

[onyxfemme]

From my perspective, Stich, a lot of the posters on SOL have love in their life or haven't quite given up on it...not sure if you posted this on the main board, but I think it would be more fitting there...

Then again, there's too much negativity over there. It's in the right spot

 

[BCAA2009]

Many times, the people that give up on love are the ones that cant cope with the half assed decisions they made in their life. We all have slipped up at least once. You learn from your mistakes and properly adjust your life to avoid repeating that mistake. if a woman keeps dating thugs and keeps getting cheated on, well theres the problem. if a man wants to play flash gordon and be an attention and flash his wealth, he cant get mad when a female takes him for his income, it was HIS poor decision to broadcast his money.

 

[bootlegga]

I didn't give up on love, I just put it all on hold while I worked on myself.

i'm kind of on the same path...might be diffrent though....i just realised that women want a 'finished product', and i'm not close to being that finished product...

now down the line, i may become that finished product, and maybe that's when i'll be attractive to the women i find attractive...but until then..i might as well keep working on improving my situation in life.

 

[BCAA2009]

i'm kind of on the same path...might be diffrent though....i just realised that women want a 'finished product', and i'm not close to being that finished product...

now down the line, i may become that finished product, and maybe that's when i'll be attractive to the women i find attractive...but until then..i might as well keep working on improving my situation in life.

I can definitely feel you on that. there are many women who want a man thats already accomplished gaining his degrees, career, etc. what you may want to try is finding a like minded woman who is a work in progress herself, who can build and grow, and gain wisdom and conquer goals along with you. nothing like accomplishing your goals as one.

 

[bootlegga]

I can definitely feel you on that. there are many women who want a man thats already accomplished gaining his degrees, career, etc. what you may want to try is finding a like minded woman who is a work in progress herself, who can build and grow, and gain wisdom and conquer goals along with you. nothing like accomplishing your goals as one.

yeah, the last one put me in the friend zone, the one i'm working on now...50/50 she puts me there. i'll make my move, but *shrug* it is what it is.

 

[japspec]

Yo honestly love will find you, with that said if a female dont want you then you cant force love. Niccas that get women with bragging about income, their crib, cars, and clothes dont have a personality and use that to get women. Men give up on love cause we look for the video vixens like asses, I have seen alot of pretty looking simple down to earth chicks but they are all taken and what we are left with are trash whore groupies. Love is out there just chill it will come.

 

[SoopamanLuva]

Yo honestly love will find you, with that said if a female dont want you then you cant force love. Niccas that get women with bragging about income, their crib, cars, and clothes dont have a personality and use that to get women. Men give up on love cause we look for the video vixens like asses, I have seen alot of pretty looking simple down to earth chicks but they are all taken and what we are left with are trash whore groupies. Love is out there just chill it will come.

Cosign. Love comes when you least expect it, when you aren't searching for it. You gotta have your guard down tho because love can come knocking and you to shut off and distracted to answer the door

 

[onyxfemme]

I tell sistas this all the dang time!
Hmmmmm........

Cosign. Love comes when you least expect it, when you aren't searching for it. You gotta have your guard down tho because love can come knocking and you to shut off and distracted to answer the door

 

[BCAA2009]

Niccas that get women with bragging about income, their crib, cars, and clothes dont have a personality and use that to get women.

The ones that do that are just as bad as the attention whores they attract. They know that without their material gains as a crutch, they have nothing else going for themselves. Amazingly enough the men that do that do most of their bragging towards OTHER MEN.

 

[onyxfemme]

TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The ones that do that are just as bad as the attention whores they attract. They know that without their material gains as a crutch, they have nothing else going for themselves. Amazingly enough the men that do that do most of their bragging towards OTHER MEN.

Yo honestly love will find you, with that said if a female dont want you then you cant force love. Niccas that get women with bragging about income, their crib, cars, and clothes dont have a personality and use that to get women. Men give up on love cause we look for the video vixens like asses, I have seen alot of pretty looking simple down to earth chicks but they are all taken and what we are left with are trash whore groupies. Love is out there just chill it will come.

 

[shywriter]

As one of the guys who has quote-unquote given up on love, let me be clear: Nobody wakes up one day and says, "Hey, I think I'll just say fuck it today!" Your opinions and ideals are shaped by what you've experienced, and if you experience dumb shit, then your tolerance for it becomes non-existent. And when that's all you know, the law of averages goes out the window and you find it pointless to keep trying when each and every woman acts the same way. Mi dos centavos.

 

[japspec]

The ones that do that are just as bad as the attention whores they attract. They know that without their material gains as a crutch, they have nothing else going for themselves. Amazingly enough the men that do that do most of their bragging towards OTHER MEN.

Oh i See so its almost like a unknown homo gene in their DNA so they can impress the same sex without taking a dick in the butt lmao.

 

[ArsenalCannon357]

Yo honestly love will find you, with that said if a female dont want you then you cant force love. Niccas that get women with bragging about income, their crib, cars, and clothes dont have a personality and use that to get women. Men give up on love cause we look for the video vixens like asses, I have seen alot of pretty looking simple down to earth chicks but they are all taken and what we are left with are trash whore groupies. Love is out there just chill it will come.

 

[melonpecan]

i'm kind of on the same path...might be diffrent though....i just realised that women want a 'finished product', and i'm not close to being that finished product...

now down the line, i may become that finished product, and maybe that's when i'll be attractive to the women i find attractive...but until then..i might as well keep working on improving my situation in life.

I was going to say something but -

I can definitely feel you on that. there are many women who want a man thats already accomplished gaining his degrees, career, etc. what you may want to try is finding a like minded woman who is a work in progress herself, who can build and grow, and gain wisdom and conquer goals along with you. nothing like accomplishing your goals as one.

That's pretty much it. You will find that some women that are about business like men that are 'complete' or 'finished' but I find that most of them are gold diggers. They can be college dropouts but they looking for a meal ticket, not a soul mate.

If a woman is willing to take the work in progress you it's because she can see the finished product and she likes what she sees NOW: the hard working, malleable, willing person that is becoming a better man. These are the people that make great fathers.








Shy we had this convo...don't trip now.

 

[dHustla]

Good thread.

You know what, though? I'm a little of both, a scared confirmed bachelor. Read on...

"...fear...the conventional roles that men play in the family; the husband, provider, father, protector role..."

This is so true for me, but for so many different reasons. I don't fear a family, that's what I eventually want, but I do fear being a husband to a woman that is not a lady and not finding out until I'm over 35, have given this bitch the best years of my life (yeah, I know, too many romantic comedies), and have given her my all in order to be the best husband I can. I fear being a provider to a 'person' that possesses the power to undermine everything that I stand for and that I have built for my family and myself. I fear fathering a child or children with a woman that may very well be a wonderful bitch, but an awful mother, and a vindictive lover.
I stand to lose more than I stand to gain.

"...desire to have a hands on physicality with women while having a hands off emotional mentality..."

Can you blame us? It's safer. I can only speak for myself (trying to avoid the broad sweeping statements that BGOL is known for and that dissolve threads into sparring matches), but a woman can't hurt me physically if I don't allow her to. She can hurt me emotionally, though, even if I don't want to give her the power to. Y'all, women, really don't know the power y'all possess. And, yes, since some have abused this power then the all must suffer for the wrongs done by a few.

man, fuck love!


yah, that's right.


I'MA LOVE HATER

 

[SuchATease]

Love sucks! and that's all I'm going to say about that right now :rollseyes:

 

[dHustla]

love don't love nobody

 

[OnSlaught]

After working on my own accountability, and focusing on my life goals, my wife entered my life. I didn't give up on love, I just put it all on hold while I worked on myself. I looked within and figured out what I didn't want and what I did want in a woman and made the proper adjustments in my life.

Good post BCAA...

I'm currently doing this myself. It's kinda rough though, you either think about past people you loved/cared about from time to time or you start to lust after random cute/fine women you see and know.

I've become a hermit and am just studyin'/gettin' my money together.

Still trying to work on inner peace, focus, discipline, and being able to control my inner strength.

I miss the old days of SOL 'cause there would be more people to discuss these type of things.

Anyway, journey well everyone.

Oh, and Onyx, if I didn't mention to you before I apologize babygirl. My condolences on your loss. May he and you have peace of mind and journey well always...

 

[OnSlaught]

As one of the guys who has quote-unquote given up on love, let me be clear: Nobody wakes up one day and says, "Hey, I think I'll just say fuck it today!" Your opinions and ideals are shaped by what you've experienced, and if you experience dumb shit, then your tolerance for it becomes non-existent. And when that's all you know, the law of averages goes out the window and you find it pointless to keep trying when each and every woman acts the same way. Mi dos centavos.

Oh how I feel you brotha.

I was going to say something but -



That's pretty much it. You will find that some women that are about business like men that are 'complete' or 'finished' but I find that most of them are gold diggers. They can be college dropouts but they looking for a meal ticket, not a soul mate.

If a woman is willing to take the work in progress you it's because she can see the finished product and she likes what she sees NOW: the hard working, malleable, willing person that is becoming a better man. These are the people that make great fathers.








Shy we had this convo...don't trip now.

Pecan, you can't blame Shy for that though. I definitely understand where he's comin' from. There was a girl I really cared about that I was with for 2 yrs and recently gave me some bullshit 'cause she couldn't deal with the distance. Matter of fact she comes back here to Pittsburgh this week... I'm supposed to pick her up from the airport.

I've decided to work on myself, but it's some sad shit when the woman you thought had your back and accepted you as that "work in progress" decides to give up for reasons that you have no control over.

So Shy you ain't alone. I'm just gonna focus on me and not even think about women for a while...

 

[GodBody]

Don't Waste Your Time HOMIE

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

I've always wondered about this "love" thing and the desire for a mate or whatever from american men when they don't have their "stuff" together. Not just monetarily. Mentally and internal energy wise as well. You're not 'WELL'. If you bring that unwellness to a relationship you're just going to poison that. And you dont want that.

I agree with the above poster. Alot of males ....*sigh* I might catch flack for this, but seriously. No guy should be bothering with a woman until he's past 30. Or more. My husband had this thing he called 'walkabout'. He believed men in this country in this day and age don't go 'walkabout'. They don't get their explorer on. Don't go from HS to college and be girlfriended up and be in a relationship. You don't know who you are. You havent' DISCOVERED. And dare i say, you don't know how to be a MAN yet.

You havent' discovered what it is to be comfortable with YOU. You haven't grown into you. Go climb a mountain. Go to Venezuela to Angel Falls. Go expeirence LIFE. Before you get down with a woman. And wanna be in love. Go do all those things in life that you haven't done. That you might want to do. This feeling of lonliness in males i don't really get. Tell me how lonely you are at 40. Then i'll be like, eh...ok. Yeah i feel that. At 25? Boy take your ass ON somewhere. Go race a car. Sky Dive. Something. Don't be all trying to find love. Love can wait. Go discover what you're made of.

I agree with what Godbody posted. Get Money. Get money because with it you can do what you WANT to do. My husband always told me that. The acquistion of funds is not to have them to feel secure it should be used to be able to do what you want to do. What you feel you need to do. Use it wisely. Use it to make more. Be comfortable and secure so you can make a good mate, have your stuff together. So you will attract a woman who will be able to focus on you, instead of having to worry about stupid silly 'get in the way' issues.

If you're secure in yourself. Secure in your life, that type of feeling will be felt by a woman.

And yes i still blame today's type of thinking and mentality on the lack of fathers in the home.

 

[BCAA2009]

And yes i still blame today's type of thinking and mentality on the lack of fathers in the home.

And the wonton whorish behavior displayed by these females can be blamed on the lack of real motherhood, correct?

Too many women are trying to their daughter's FRIEND, not their MOTHER.

 

[Izayoi]

Oh how I feel you brotha.




Pecan, you can't blame Shy for that though. I definitely understand where he's comin' from. There was a girl I really cared about that I was with for 2 yrs and recently gave me some bullshit 'cause she couldn't deal with the distance. Matter of fact she comes back here to Pittsburgh this week... I'm supposed to pick her up from the airport.

I've decided to work on myself, but it's some sad shit when the woman you thought had your back and accepted you as that "work in progress" decides to give up for reasons that you have no control over.

So Shy you ain't alone. I'm just gonna focus on me and not even think about women for a while...

She's a work in progress too Ons. Something like that you probably wouldn't know and def can't control. That's probably the hardest part about loving somebody- you can love em but you can't really claim to know them to the core and predict their behavior. Sometimes I look at Mr.Iz like ninja what??? But then I have to step back and realize that it's his life and his journey and I don't get to run that.Sometimes shit is a leap of faith for real.smh

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

And the wonton whorish behavior displayed by these females can be blamed on the lack of real motherhood, correct?

Too many women are trying to their daughter's FRIEND, not their MOTHER.

This is probably something we'll never see either eye on. Cuz see i'm 1 of those new school old school type women. In my view? Men are the leaders. They are the progenitors and they are trailblazers. Just because i(as a woman) CAN doesn't mean i SHOULD. Our communities problems begin and end with the MEN. Without our MEN we will not survive. As a people. We need MEN to stand up and take charge. Lead. If a man leads. A woman should follow.

The whorish behaviour displayed by these females is enacted by whom? If there were more MEN in our homes. At home. With their families. Raising their families. Raising their daughters, giving them proper guidance and showing them their proper worth. They wouldn't be out in the streets ho'in about. I've worked with alot of them, a LOT of them and i promise you, damn near every story starts with, "my daddy wasn't there." Or something of a cousin to that effect.

As a woman i'm not supposed to raise a child alone. Not in this society. Our human societies weren't made to be that way in order to maintain structure. This whole everything is broken, because WE HAVE NO MEN.

So no, i still put this squarely on the shoulders of the men. They have broad shoulders. They're supposed to be able to carry this sort of thing. All these guys raised by single mothers, Lets ALWAYS blame the female. And never look to where the father is? Why do males get a pass? What kind of world, society, culture do we live in where males just...get a pass?

It's just supposed to be accepted that the male isn't supposed to stick around.

 

[BCAA2009]

This is probably something we'll never see either eye on. Cuz see i'm 1 of those new school old school type women. In my view? Men are the leaders. They are the progenitors and they are trailblazers. Just because i(as a woman) CAN doesn't mean i SHOULD. Our communities problems begin and end with the MEN. Without our MEN we will not survive. As a people. We need MEN to stand up and take charge. Lead. If a man leads. A woman should follow.

The whorish behaviour displayed by these females is enacted by whom? If there were more MEN in our homes. At home. With their families. Raising their families. Raising their daughters, giving them proper guidance and showing them their proper worth. They wouldn't be out in the streets ho'in about. I've worked with alot of them, a LOT of them and i promise you, damn near every story starts with, "my daddy wasn't there." Or something of a cousin to that effect.

As a woman i'm not supposed to raise a child alone. Not in this society. Our human societies weren't made to be that way in order to maintain structure. This whole everything is broken, because WE HAVE NO MEN.

So no, i still put this squarely on the shoulders of the men. They have broad shoulders. They're supposed to be able to carry this sort of thing. All these guys raised by single mothers, Lets ALWAYS blame the female. And never look to where the father is? Why do males get a pass? What kind of world, society, culture do we live in where males just...get a pass?

It's just supposed to be accepted that the male isn't supposed to stick around.

What about the thousands upon thousands of fathers, who by the way NEVER get any recognition, who attempt to be a part of their childrens' lives, are denied so by the females who birthed them, who in a completely selfish display, uses the children as a weapon against the father.


Trust me, males do not get a pass....the marriage/divorce laws and child support laws are ALL in the favor of the woman. This is a society where a man can be hit with child support just by being nice to a child that isn't his for 6 months and he get's hit with a de facto parenting lawsuit.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

What about the thousands upon thousands of fathers, who by the way NEVER get any recognition, who attempt to be a part of their childrens' lives, are denied so by the females who birthed them, who in a completely selfish display, uses the children as a weapon against the father.

I'm so hardline with this. lol. I hear what you're saying, i do. But seriously bro. I feel like this. This is just how i feel about it. If you're a real man? You handle it. And you MAKE it work. You bend that shit to YOUR will. You make that heffa HEEL to your will. Because there's nothing more powerful than YOU. That's how my husband was. Nothing was stronger than him. Nothing was bigger. Nothing could defeat him. Realistically of course it could. But the belief. His BELIEF in himself. In what he could do. Is what i believe black men have. They just don't use properly. All the excuses in the world you could bring up to me. And i'll be like, so. You're the black man. Descended from gods. There should be nothing you cannot do. You are the black man. The original being that created all around you. And no bullcrap baby mama stuff should stop you from fulfilling YOUR duty. Be stronger, be smarter, be better. They can. They just are weak and choose not too. And we as a people ALLOW them to do so. We as a people will accept that shit. Due to a number of factors. "excuses"

Trust me, males do not get a pass....the marriage/divorce laws and child support laws are ALL in the favor of the woman. This is a society where a man can be hit with child support just by being nice to a child that isn't his for 6 months and he get's hit with a de facto parenting lawsuit.

They're in favor of the woman because of all the males who were abandoning their children. Because many males would invariably just drop kids all over the place without ANY repercussions. Once again i think you guys in general would be upright and as upstanding as you may be. And that's just not true.

 

[OnSlaught]

In case you missed it in the other thread...

She's a work in progress too Ons. Something like that you probably wouldn't know and def can't control. That's probably the hardest part about loving somebody- you can love em but you can't really claim to know them to the core and predict their behavior. Sometimes I look at Mr.Iz like ninja what??? But then I have to step back and realize that it's his life and his journey and I don't get to run that.Sometimes shit is a leap of faith for real.smh

My dharma brother I don't know about you but the times I thought I had my shit together were usually when I was being the most delusional. I'll say from personal experience it's tough being a sex freak and yet wanting/desiring/questing to have an equilibrium that transcends the flesh. It can create a big and painful division between what you say you want and what you end up getting.

There's something called the Maltz hierarchy of sexual interaction and while it's particulars are a bit bizarre and romantic, I try to embrace the idea it proposes that sexual energy is neither negative or positive. It's a ground zero state and how you engage it makes it something more or less beneficial. That helped me a lot because I was I really conflicted- like pathologically conflicted.

Chilling is good. Re-evaluating is good. Liking a certain type of woman or man is neither good nor bad, it just IS. How you engage that person is probably what makes the difference.

You're going to be fine.

Funny you mention smell though since smell directly impacts the limbic system. *scratches head*

Thanks Kyoshi. I miss our convos...I learned a lot. I'll definitely contemplate on what you expressed here. It's funny Sean and I were having a discussion about my condition and he asked me if it had an adverse impact on my relationships or personality.

I told him that sometimes I have to try harder to empathize with people by using the senses of sight, sound, and touch a lot more keenly...my mom taught me this when I was very younger so I could compensate sometimes for being kinda shut off from other's emotions. We were recounting all the things that have been impacted by my loss of smell like memory, hunger, emotions, sleep cycles...this got me feeling kind of weird about who I am but it surely makes me unique. I went to sleep and in a dream I could hear this guitar riff playing in it and it woke me up...

I'm trying to understand what significance this has to me...I understand some of it but if y'all can help, especially with what I've said in this and the other thread it would be greatly appreciated. I couldn't help but feel a sense of levity when I woke up this morning...

Here is the song:


Beautiful song and beautiful woman...