Ultimatums - Who has issued one? Did you regret it afterwards?

[Mo-Better]

Ultimatums who has issued one? Did you regret it afterwards? I have experienced two neither worked. Do ultimatums work?

An ex issued me an ultimatum a few years ago. Told me there was someone else interested and that he had already given her the ring. Said she hadn't made a decision yet but told me she would give me a few months to think about it. I'm thinking "a ring." So I said so you've had sex with this guy and she claimed no. I'm like yeah yeah sure sure, OK! But I also told her no one buys a car without a test drive. She insisted they hadn't done anything so at that point I let it slide because I no longer cared. Call it hurt management.

Well I did think about it an hour later I told her to go ahead and marry him. That was 2 years ago. Well she was in town this weekend and she's still trying to get with me. She came here with a plan even knowing I'm seeing someone. Her plan didn't work an now she is upset with me because we had no vibe.

I know when she issued that ultimatum I felt betrayed, angry and then I became emotionally and mentally detached. Do people think about the other person prior to making these decisions?

 

[onyxfemme]

Nope....They are only thinking of what they want and getting the other person to give in to their demands

 

[geist]

I don't think they work either. It's a cop out way of doing something you already wanted to do. You know the person is going to do what you just said not to do...eventually.

One time I was dating this chick and she always used to compare me to her ex. One day, I said "If you compare me to him one more time, it's a wrap." She was good for a couple of days. As soon as she did it, I was out! But I already knew it was a wrap, so it was only a matter of time.

 

[Mo-Better]

Nope....They are only thinking of what they want and getting the other person to give in to their demands

Thanks Onyx that's exactly how I felt in both cases. There was something very sinister about this one. Trying to buy me with job offers, vacation trips and of course her. Maintaining a friendship wasn't good enough for her so the end result is she also lost me as a friend.

 

[onyxfemme]

And that is much worse..When you have a real friend...Never let it go. She sounds too selfish and immature for you...Good riddance!

Thanks Onyx that's exactly how I felt in both cases. There was something very sinister about this one. Trying to buy me with job offers, vacation trips and of course her. Maintaining a friendship wasn't good enough for her so the end result is she also lost me as a friend.

 

[Mo-Better]

And that is much worse..When you have a real friend...Never let it go. She sounds too selfish and immature for you...Good riddance!

Selfish and immature seems to be the correct assessment. Which is sad because she really has other great qualities. But its hard to ignore the selfishness and immaturity. It was those two flaws I found too difficult to deal with in the past. Then the ultimatum was the icing on the cake. Thanks for the feedback.

 

[dwnsouth]

I had one that I agreed to. My ex told me that if we lived together we had to be engaged after 3 years...... needless to say we only made 1.5 years. Still friends today, might even try to make something happen now that we are older and wiser.

 

[Mo-Better]

I had one that I agreed to. My ex told me that if we lived together we had to be engaged after 3 years...... needless to say we only made 1.5 years. Still friends today, might even try to make something happen now that we are older and wiser.

This one seems a little different. There was a plan for the future. You 2 were probably young, needed money and wanted to be together. You were trying to make a go of it.

I my case the plan was to change my lifestyle immediately! An again total disrespect and consideration for my present lifestyle and those within it.

It's good however you two are still friends. Good luck.